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i thought i’m planting a garden

full of lilies at my own skies

the soil breaks from the heat

the streams drought from its wall

the water come from my tears

so the garden won’t surviving

i already packed to leave

but the baggage too heavy to carry

and there’s no car at my garage

just a pen and some sheets

i don’t write, so i’ll hang up

either the dreams, the love,

or my live

9.25 PM

May 16th, 2026

aku tidak suka berdesak-desakan dengan waktu

di dalam karung goni yang sedang digendong keluar dari pikiranku

berisi debu-debu dan buku-buku

satu-satu ada kutu, entah dari rambutku

atau dari buku-bukuku

aku ingin meniriskan tangisan anak nelayan

yang berlayar memecut bintang di lautan

berlian tak payah didapat ketika langit surut akibat air mataku jatuh bedebam jutaan tahun

masa lalu terlalu lama bagiku

tidak bagi bintang-bintang di langit

menggenapi pagi tak urungnya menabur tanah di atas malam; mengubur mimpi

gelas siapa yang akan kosong terlebih dahulu

kemudian jatuh berkelontangan sebelum mati dicecar jarak dari atas kepalamu

kemudian hinggap di bahuku yang membiru

10.26 PM

April 20th, 2026

we love it when rain

starts to pour

they’re knocking on my window

glistening from your eyes

but it’s already midnight here

and i just want to see the fireflies

take off their nest

or their grounds beneath the cold air

but the rain keeps pouring

and i just want to see my firefly

April 5th, 2026

7.39 PM

my fists are nest

to my emotional belonging

i keep showing up white-knuckles

but only i never threw it to someone

so my hands are shakened-weak

it sends blur to my eyes

only i know i can

be violent to myself

January 19th, 2026.

4.22 PM.

havingapoemwithyou

January by Charles Simic

i admire the color of your face

when it slightly burn

under the sun

i left my baggage of words

right on your porch

too heavy and loaded

to carry on my shoulder

i need you to come out

because i’ve been knocking

for a decade

no turning back of what

i’ve always wanted to tell you

but the rains are pouring hard

i bring no umbrellas

the step too steep

i don’t bring my shoes

just bare-footed on your slippery grass

the words almost crumbled down

the bags cannot contain it anymore

but i’m expert at pushing down

my last uttered word

untill i see your face

at the frame of your door

and it would be the day

i let out the strings of my bag

set loose and flooded

your cold-abandoned house

January 10th, 2026

11.05 AM

immortality is a pain

everything dies but you

everything passed but you

but i’ll be begging death to

stay away

untill i see your soul

and find we can never

put the swords together

as the life journey ends

cause i see no ending

of my life

of your life

just two slaughtered heart

because even when this life

promise me immortality

so what’s the point of

not giving me your hand

to have

and to hold

long life is a pain-dying

torture

i’m not wanting one

if my pages don’t write

your name

January 8th, 2026

4.58 PM

i love you in many different version of crimson, scarlet, burgundy, merlot, claret, oxblood, and auburn

you don’t know which is which

but damn i’m not good at telling color

since i saw your heart glimmering mad with your eyes

so many war we’ve been through,

not a shed of blood written down in my vocabulary

of telling you about red

maybe the next day another color will

reappear from behind your mahogany doors

or your slanted floors

the kind that brought up

your ring bell doors detached

cause you never see me coming

bluffing my whole way

down to your

empty bedroom

but finding my string of soul

left with so much marks

written in your blood

oh i found my vocabulary

December 30th, 2025

10.39 PM

there’s nothing i offer

at this war-place

you brought set of guns

i only bring my heart

ever since the clock ticking

the radio on my head bursting

a pain-sirene

a match stroked down thousand times

above the gunpowder

no land burning

but the flames already consumed my heart

i surrender to my own grave

December 27th, 2025

9.46 PM

i wanna write

a love letter to you

when i’m dreaming about

a house

a lake-view

an ocean breeze

the hours flipped

and i just wanna be home

with you

December 26th, 2025

10.02 PM

i wanna hold you

while dancing to forest melody

of wind,

of stone,

of trees,

of birds,

of the river stream

and the sun grows dim

the rain is not heavy enough

to break our tangled heart

my ground is steady this time

my eyes closed

and all i can hear tonight

is your breath

upon my head

and suddenly the forest is

having their time

slowest orchestra

nobody is listening us

not even the tiniest bug

holding into you

maybe the strangest play

on this winter parade

i hope the cold

never ends

December 21st, 2025

4.05 PM

left the little sweetness here

in the jar

the least i can reach

far by the hand

closed by the open door

the lid is wide open

unbothered by

the breeze of

cold winter

dark summer

“don’t forget to

give me the change”

because that

was the last jar

of my heart

December 20th, 2025

2.34 AM

at the doctor

they told me my mother’s heart is broken

but it still keeps her alive

meanwhile

they told me about my father

god

his bones are gone

and left the spines only

to just supporting his other organs

to function

oh and the doctor said

they give it to me

my heart is whole and warm

my bones unbreakable

nothing

nothing can hurt them

as pretty

stubborn

and sorrowfull as me

December 18th, 2025

2.08 AM

night gown

blue sky

dark eyes

red lips

your heart

the sanctuary

the sun isn’t disappearing

you taught me it’s magic

cause then the moon shines after

the sea ain’t sleeping

you taught me it’s magic

cause the wave brought me in

to you shore

you thought it is magic

cause even when i’m disappearing

into the night

you are forget that i’m staying

in the corner

of your dusty heart

December 15th, 2025.

6.14 PM

i have not finished reading my book

and suddenly the wind blows through my window

its breeze tear the pages down to my backyard

scratching my unborn flowers, the

greasy face of yours staying still on the walls

giving nails to no hope; stuck in

and bruise of my collapsed mind keeping tracks

where the concrete back to ashes

from the tears of my lullaby

the paper stained dark

my backyard snuck back

to the shore

to the sea

to the deep end

to vanished

and reappeared

with no shape

but seemingly understood

to stay

still

and hold back

but hold on

the lightning strikes again

December 9th, 2025

11.18 AM

if everyday is a fragment of cinema

of the capturing sadness, madness

i would write down your longing emotions

all the details up to your deepest crinkles

and find glitters hidden beneath your smile

i swear i’ll keep it glistening

but by the end of the day

i’ll kiss you gently for a remorse of

having a sharp mind; it ain’t cuts

abundance of memories

i got through experiencing your heart

for an assumption kept being assumptions

untill i touch the softest white skies

with my bare hand and find

your misery up above our heads

getting out from horizons

as long as i keep you safe on my embrace

that somehow in our greatest vocabulary

we’ll finally let go of things

and we find each other on the same page again

with the word unspoken to

death do us part

November 29th, 2025

11.28 PM

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eloise