I'd rather be in outer space šø

@theartofmadeline
occasionally subtle

ē„ę„ / Permanent Vacation
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
Misplaced Lens Cap

Andulka
šŖ¼
Sweet Seals For You, Always
DEAR READER
taylor price

izzy's playlists!
Today's Document
Claire Keane
Jules of Nature

oozey mess
RMH
tumblr dot com
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
Game of Thrones Daily
seen from United States

seen from United States
seen from Nepal

seen from Malaysia

seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United Kingdom

seen from United States

seen from United States

seen from Mexico
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States

seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from Italy
seen from Italy
seen from United States
@howling--intothenight
Loen Stryn, Snog og Fjordane, Norway
by [Anele]
you havenāt appreciated blue jays until youāve seen pictures of them up close with wings outstretched
x
Make me admit stuff?
1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? 2. You talked to an ex today, correct? 3. Have you taken someones virginity? 4. Is trust a big issue for you? 5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently? 6. What are you excited for? 7. What happened tonight? 8. Do you think itās disgusting when girls get really wasted? 9. Is confidence cute? 10. What is the last beverage you had? 11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? 12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? 13. What are you gonna do Saturday night? 14. What are you going to spend money on next? 15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed? 16. Do you think youāll change in the next 3 months? 17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? 18. The last time you felt broken? 19. Have you had sex today? 20. Are you starting to realize anything? 21. Are you in a good mood? 22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks? 23. Are your eyes the same color as your dadās? 24. What do you want right this second? 25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? 26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color? 27. Would you be able to date someone who doesnāt make you laugh? 28. What was the last thing that made you laugh? 29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now? 30. Does everyone deserve a second chance? 31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to? 32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do? 33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? 34. Listening to? 35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore? 36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is? 37. Do you believe in love at first sight? 38. Who did you last call? 39. Who was the last person you danced with? 40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? 41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? 42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today? 43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? 44. Do you tan in the nude? 45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss? 46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? 47. Who was the last person to call you? 48. Do you sing in the shower? 49. Do you dance in the car? 50. Ever used a bow and arrow? 51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? 52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? 53. Is Christmas stressful? 54. Ever eat a pierogi? 55. Favorite type of fruit pie? 56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? 57. Do you believe in ghosts? 58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? 59. Take a vitamin daily? 60. Wear slippers? 61. Wear a bath robe? 62. What do you wear to bed? 63. First concert? 64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? 65. Nike or Adidas? 66. Cheetos Or Fritos? 67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? 68. Favorite Taylor Swift song? 69. Ever take dance lessons? 70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? 71. Can you curl your tongue? 72. Ever won a spelling bee? 73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? 74. What is your favorite book? 75. Do you study better with or without music? 76. Regularly burn incense? 77. Ever been in love? 78. Who would you like to see in concert? 79. What was the last concert you saw? 80. Hot tea or cold tea? 81. Tea or coffee? 82. Favorite type of cookie? 83. Can you swim well? 84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? 85. Are you patient? 86. DJ or band, at a wedding? 87. Ever won a contest? 88. Ever have plastic surgery? 89. Which are better black or green olives? 90. Opinions on sex before marriage? 91. Best room for a fireplace? 92. Do you want to get married?
1. It was my boss. Hell no.
2. Iād have the worst panic attack if that were the case, so thankfully no.
3. No
4. Iām a cautious person despite seeming quite open. Essentially, honesty isnāt an issue for me and that can make it hard to see just how closely I can hold my cards to my chest.
5. Awkward demi questions aye? Nah, unless weāre talking platonic, then yes. I have the privilege of working with great people.
6. Tbh, nothing. Thatās probably why my mood and stress levels have been pretty fucked.
7. I located the wig Iām wearing tomorrow as Santaās helper at work and then had a little cry because I havenāt been okay.
8. Not disgusted but worried about them in the moment. Everyone makes their own choices and Iād rather be there for someone than judge them. Negative energy sucks enough directed at myself? Iād rather show kindness to others even if I have trouble showing the same kindness to myself.
9. Yes. Overconfidence however? Know your strengths and own them, but also be aware of where you can grow and youāll be better for it.
10. Mango Tango (Boost) juice from Woolies
11. Probably none. Conditioned fear and distrust.
12. Yes. Which reminds me that I need to find them for work.
13. Clean and sleep, or nap and clean. Probably the latter after working 8 hours.
14. Bills, food or fish. Bills if itās a automatic transfer, food because food, fish if I donāt buy anything until my next pay check.
15. Nope. Iād rather hang.
-
Iāll do the rest of these later. Need to sleep.
I think the saddest thing about why I feel I canāt talk to people about how I feel or why I canāt vent in detail to others is the knowledge that judgment often comes from what I let out and backstabbing/gossip is also a very real possibility/reality in life.
Iām overwhelmed and want it to stop. I want to just give up.
But I also want to move past this.
Hopefully without a major breakdown.
Milk and honey, Rupi Kaur.
1. Post a picture of u?
2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?
3. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?
4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?
5. Can you commit to one person?
6. How do you look right now?
7. What exactly are you wearing right now?
8. How often do you listen to music?
9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?
10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2015?
11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?
12. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?
13. Are you good at hiding your feelings?
14. Can you drive a stick shift?
15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?
16. Are you going out of town soon?
17. When was the last time you cried?
18. Have you ever liked someone you didnāt expect to?
19. If you could change your eye color, would you?
20. Name something you have to do tomorrow?
21. Name something you dislike about the day youāre having.
22. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?
23. Are you nice to everyone?
24. What are you sitting on right now?
25. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?
26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldnāt have?
27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?
28. Do you get a lot of colds?
29. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?
30. Does anyone hate you?
31. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?
32. Do you like watching scary movies?
33. Are you a jealous person?
34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?
35. Did you have a dream last night?
36. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?
37. Do you think youāll be married in 5 years?
38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?
39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
40. Did you have a good day yesterday?
41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?
42. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?
43. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?
44. Whatās the best part about school?
45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?
46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?
47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?
48. Were you single over the last summer?
49. What are you supposed to be doing right now?
50. Donāt tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?
SEND ME NUMBERS AND I WILL ANSWER.
Iām just going to answer these because Iām bored/tired/not ready to go to bed juuuust yet.
1.
2. 99% sure that I definitely wouldnāt at this point.
3. Gender doesnāt really phase me as long as you donāt look at me like Iām a burden? I do have trouble showing affection to men, however, due to trauma and conditioned fear.
4. I do it for work. Doesnāt mean itās always a genuine smile from the inside.
5. I should say that I need to commit to myself but at this point in time, my unhealthy way of dealing with my self loathing is by focusing my attention and commitment to anything is through spoiling my pets and friends. Romantically speaking, Iām not interested nor do I feel comfortable with the idea of a relationship.
6. Incredibly tired apparently. Or at least my dark circles are on another level tonight.
7. Iām wearing pjs that say HUG ME. Please donāt?
8. The store radio is always on when Iām at work, but I tend to always have something running in the background at home unless I specifically have trouble concentrating or want silence.
9. Insulated jeggings mostly if Iām not in my work pants.
10. Uh. I was a recovering agoraphobic hermit back then that started a makeup class and then recovered from a lot of my anxiety about being out of the house, so I guess it did change quite a bit. As for the present and perhaps 2020. If things go my way? I hope I donāt hate my job and that Iāll be well into my vet nursing work experience.
11. Depends. Iām introverted?
12. āDo you think they like you back? ;)ā
13. Yes. I just choose not to as much anymore because it just represses my emotions in a way that could become catastrophic for my psyche and overall health.
14. Iām a 26yo without a license. MY BAD. Livingā the e-bike & Uber life.
15. Unless they are trying to sabotage me in some underhanded way that can affect my financial stability, no. I really couldnāt give two shits about what someone says about me behind my back. Toxicity go bye bye~~
16. Nope. Xmas period is way too busy to even contemplate a little holiday beyond the days off I get from work.
17. Uh. The day before yesterday I think.
18. Hard to answer being a demi. Mostly Iām just disinterested in real life people from a romantic perspective. I can sometimes form a very basic crush that fizzles out just as quickly as it forms once thereās some kind of bond.
19. Iād hope for blue
20. The story of my life: CLEAN
21. Coworkers who complain but choose to basically ignore all your advice and do the same shit they were before while making shit inconvenient for everyone else on the team.
22. Probably - refer to 18.
23. I hope I am - unless Iām dealing with an unruly customer, then itās blunt honesty with no real care for their level of comfort; in the polite sense of things for the sake of not getting any customer complaints that could get me into trouble.
24. ~Muh bed~
25. Cheating is fucked up. Polyamory is metal af and goals when it comes to trust and respect in a healthy relationship.
26. *insert fictional characters here for snuggles*
27. A friend I had met at work who I wish I could still see at work almost everyday :(
28. I once went three years without a cold, but this past year? Iām currently still recovering from my fifth.
29. Not all the way, but after having to pull my pants up around a hundred times today alone? Iām seriously considering suspenders.
30. Probably? Anyone who says no one could possibly hate them is in denial or incredibly ignorant of how and what others can view as their faults.
31. I did, but we grew apart.
32. Unless itās Supernatural, I spook easier than a cat and have a very reactive and overactive imagination.
33. No point unless weāre talking about being jealous of the financial independence the baby boomers had in their youth compared to millenials.
34. Every moment, good and bad, made me who I am. If anything, in place of potentially deleting trauma and pain from my life, Iād rather give myself easier access to the help I discovered using way too much time.
35. Yes. I donāt remember the details. Something about work and being incompetent for one thing or another. Very subconscious stuff that my psyche is trying to cycle past.
36. No.
37. I actually laughed at this question. Yeah nah. Iām good thanks.
38. I would not have a clue but this question makes me feel really uncomfortable and sorry for whoever could potentially have a crush? I just canāt.
39. ???????? Maybe? I hope not? I actually shrunk down in my seat at this.
40. I wanted to cease to exist yesterday, so thankfully no. Hopefully itāll be the same case tomorrow for this question. Up and up, please.
41. Nope. Happily.
42. Thankfully not. I was unemployed for one and distraught over never being considered for the positions I applied for. My health was also quite bad. Still not the best, but Iām still a lot healthier than I had been.
43. Iām actually quite content with being completely alone right now. If we were talking about fictional characters right now though? I wouldnāt mind snuggling with that someone.
44. Iām too tired to be coherent about how I would answer this question, but essentially, the ability to learn without huge consequences when it comes to not knowing your shit like when you work in retail. Not to mention a pet store.
45. Yup. Donāt post often though. Iām actually quite private despite how candid I may seem sometimes.
46. Heh.
47. Oh yes. Flashbacks are a thing that I would like to fuck off when Iām trying to get over trauma or bad experiences. More good memory playbacks thank you very much.
48. Happily.
49. SLEEPING BEFORE MY SHIFT TOMORROW!
50. I have trouble discerning what attractive is, so I donāt think so? Like I know heās considered attractive by others, but Iām still just here like āhe looks human?????ā
ā-
Now thatās done. BEDTIME. Iāll probably still be a zombie tomorrow, but thatās a 10hr shift for you.
Mt Rainier
growing by Anya Via Flickr: whoevercomes.tumblr.com/
I havenāt updated in a good year and a half.
I feel like now is probably as good a time as any to get back to tumblr. If not for the mindless scrolling through my feed, then for the thoughts given words in a space where I donāt care if strangers see.
A few things have changed in my life since I last updated; positive things - but I feel that for all the positive change to my life, Iām still stuck in a place where I can spiral down fairly easily.
My mental state is a reflection of the stressors in my life and I wish it wasnāt so damn hard to get out of the poor mindset. I donāt want to be here most days even if I force myself to power through. I just donāt feel like I can really talk to anybody about my emotions anymore.
Itās not that my friends donāt care, itās just that I donāt want to keep going to them to talk about the same things and imagine the frustrations they could be feeling at my incompetence.
I know that sounds like a harsh criticism of myself, but Iāve seen way too many people come and go in my life to risk giving myself another reason to hurt.
I donāt want to be here, but ultimately, I donāt want to give up yet.
I just need an outlet.