Im Trying Here!!! @howyoufeeln - Tumblr Blog

Life update: life is OK. Not currently talking to anyone deleted my dating websites. It’s been about five maybe about four months since I’ve been on the dating websites. Just been chilling, man.

Alright that’s over

Been dating someone new since January and I’m honestly feeling good about it. It’s still early, but there’s something about her that feels different in the best way. She’s got this natural sweetness to her, and being around her feels easy—light, but not surface-level. Like we can joke, chill, eat, talk… and the time just flows.

She has these big, expressive eyes that lock in on me like she really sees me, and it does something to me every time. I don’t feel like I have to chase her or play games. I’ve been intentional about how I move with her—taking my time, making sure I’m balanced, but still leaning in when it feels right.

We’ve got something planned for the weekend for the first weekend in May just us, no distractions— she’s gonna spend the entire weekend with me Friday through Sunday and when and when I talk to her later this week, I might tell her to just pack her work clothes and go to work, cause it’s closer to my home. I’m honestly excited in a way I haven’t been in a long time… for the connection, the intimacy, the chance to really be in each other’s space with intention. She’s not mine (yet), but I feel good about where it’s headed.

Trying not to overthink. Just staying present, staying grounded, and letting things unfold. I’ve given myself a tentative six month mark. She should know if she wants to be my girlfriend by then because I already know I want her to be my girlfriend now.

Last time I updated y’all, my heart was in shambles—six months deep in trying to process what I thought was gonna be. And while I won’t sit here and act like I’m fully healed, I will say—I’m moving. I’ve been learning, feeling, trying, and realizing what I want and what I don’t.

Some moments, I miss what was. Other moments, I appreciate what is. And in between all of that, I’ve been outside a little. I’ve reconnected with some people, gotten closer to others, and kept a few options open.

There’s someone I’ve been hanging out with who brings a fun, competitive energy—slow and steady, but I’m letting it be what it is. Another person and I have plans for a little movie night soon—nothing set in stone beyond that, but we always have a good time together. Then there was someone else who made some choices that had me take a step back. That’s all I’ll say on that.

And then there’s the one that still lingers. The one I haven’t fully let go of, even though I probably should. But I know I can’t keep rereading the same chapter, so I’m figuring that out in my own time.

What I do know is that I still believe in love, but more importantly, I believe in love that chooses me. I don’t want to fight for something that should be flowing. I don’t want to settle for what’s easy just because it’s there. I want something real, something intentional, something that doesn’t leave me questioning where I stand.

I’m here. Still here.

Life update: things have been OK.

I’m here. I’m still here. Just be looking and not posting.

Heart is in shambles for the last six , but I’ll make it. Just gotta get over what I thought was gonna be. It will take time but I’m alive, which means I still have another opportunity for love. for love that also wants me too.

howyoufeeln

Tuesday 4/6/2021 330am

One day I’m gonna look back at this post and I’ll be happy and in love.

I don’t know how long from now and hopefully it doesn’t take too long. One day I’m gonna look back at this post. I’m not gonna be sad anymore. I’m not gonna be lonely. And the woman of my dreams is going to be next to me. She’s going to really like me. She’s going to really love me. I don’t know who she is yet. Or maybe I do but I just don’t know if that makes any sense. But we’re gonna be in love. Well be going on baecations. Really cool date nights. And I’m gonna cook her dinner. we’re going to keep each other motivated. Hold one another accountable. Communication is going to be a priority. She’s going to be smarter than me. lol probably better educated.

I’m really sad right now. And I’m really lonely. Friends and family can’t fill this void. I’m tired of living by myself. And I really want to cry. But I am not.

Somebody’s going to get this love. I have so much to give. She’s going to be happy. We’re going to be happy.

I’m OK.

skinoutqueen

There’s not a single person, nor single heartbreak strong enough to ever make me feel like the possibility of finding love will never happen again. In true hopeless romantic fashion, everybody will love me.

We had our first kiss.

On Tuesday night. In my hallway. I hope more comes of this.

I’ve been working so hard. I’m very proud of myself. I still have to work out some stuff but everything that I want will be mine soon enough.

I could really use a win right now.

It’s gonna happen. I just know it. We’re gonna have a good talk soon.

It’s gonna be a much needed conversation. It will bring us even closer together. Our communication skills are too good for it not too workout.

She wouldn’t leave me hanging like that. She just needs time to think. To process it.

I cannot wait till Valentine’s Day.

I’ve never had sex on a Sunday. I’ve always wanted Sunday sex.

So now she thinks I have a girlfriend… suddenly she wants me? I refuse to believe this shit she’s too good of a person for that.

What y’all wanna know?

I’m good. I have two jobs now. No time for nothing.

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