SPOTTED! SPECIAL EDITION: new year’s eve, kinshasa
CHASING THAT FAME, HE STAYED THE SAME
may you live in interesting times. proximity to the equator results in warmer temperatures, and let’s just say the program DELIVERED this new year’s eve. should it be described as starting off with a bang? there was…a LOT of discussion and conduction of sexual activity. the only thing that surprised me was the lack of a menagé a trois this time. i suppose 2023 is the year of getting cuffed - with only a single pair of handcuffs. vanilla readers, beware. ahead lies all the naughty and nice the world’s elite got up to last night… it’s a long one babes, strap in for some sex, drugs and rock’n’roll bc the only resolutions this group can keep are the ones they don’t make xoxo 💋
ALL OF ME CHANGED LIKE MIDNIGHT
🌐 the headlines.
🚺 2023 Biel Political Agenda: Charity for Women 🚺
inspired by all star feminist hafiz, biel very charitably kissed gwen
furthermore, he and ex-fiancé effie are in discussion for collaboration on 🍆 👉a charitable joint venture 👌🍑
👱 European Blondes vs. Westerosi Lannisters: Spot the Difference!👱
can we blame ari for getting it on with her ex-fiancé bash (blue eyed blonde blue balled by blue eyed blonde, say that five times fast fanni) instead of her boo beau? no.
can we blame her for watching biel and copying him? ew, yes.
can we blame barbie for also watching him? ALSO, yes.
so we already know effie doesn’t mind leaving doors unlocked, but it must run in the family because older sister catherine enjoys the same exhibitionist thrill in cars
💥 Top Fails of NYE 💥
nominee #1…hafiz! our favorite hottie with a body baby had a rough night. friendship break up with fumiko 💔relationship break up with baby daddy?? all we know is that she spent most of the night as biel’s charity case, and midnight kissing miguel!
nominee #2….araya! there was no reason she needed to be BLINDED by those portuguese-scottish pasty asses bumping uglies rip to ur eyes queen 👁️👁️also maybe lost her bf unclear
nominee #3….gwen! after her pity kiss with biel, gwen turned to age old cure of bitching with bitches, whining with wine 🍷 just one problem. her bestie effie-fuckin-stuart just had her back blown out by biel 😩
and the winner is….aurel! after accidentally pushing his totally-casual-this-doesn’t-mean-anything-i-swear-my-broseph gf araya, bestie silje dumped aurel publicly by announcing it to the whole party. at least detention was served by certified milf (thnx to robbie) wiebke. who’s been a bad boy? 🐶
💄 gossip girl grades.
💯 Best Dressed 💯
alexander has women THROWING THEMSELVES at him?? what is it?? big dick?? known pussy eater?? man isn’t even 6’ tf
- manon claimed to be engaged to him, ofc he thought she was a rabid fan
- marisol kissed HIM instead of the fiancé she’d been doing lines with (click for live footage of her and arthur)
- levente literally offered fanni’s hand in marriage plus a DOWRY 🐐🐐🐐 did the countdown take us back to 1723??
who doesn’t find round 3174374 of mwezi vs zulu hot (especially when minnie is wearing that dress) but we’re still waiting for their karaoke video 🎤🎤🎤
nadya romanova’s shoes and meixu’s dress. this is what i imagine was going thru uriah’s brain
no wonder jelani ended up with sol at midnight who wouldn’t want to unwrap that present 🎁
👙 Best Undressed 👙
my respect for the whore’s revenge dress
according to the norwegian princess, hans has some. very tasteful noods on his phone. uhhhh when will pax aeterna start wikileaking royal phones 🤤 these are the real issues!!
ok but also remember when silje wasn’t dressed as a nun
who else spent five minutes trying to figure out if sylvie’s underwear was visible or if it was just the design of the dress
honorable mentions:🦶ireti and ilija only need people to take their shoes off to get them horny 🦶 & andrew smartly suggesting skinny dipping to save outfits
⛔ Worst Dressed ⛔
lowkey one of barbie’s more blah looks, just bc ur married doesn’t mean u need to dress like ur sex life is over
dianna, i’m not mad. just disappointed. we both know you can do better.
yes, yes, i’m a slut for jelani 🙄 but! he’s RIGHT and he should say it! 👏👏👏 showing up in actual chains and s&m references was a bit too much klaus 😬
📈 2023 trends.
💊 MDMA >>> Weed 🌿
✨gwen and ana maria were really feelin it ✨
apparently it takes HARD DRUGS to get a family reunion with the jins. wish lixue had been wearing black like xiuying & meixu for an addams-family-esque reunion
sergi and an intoxicated matilde are open minded af and arnauld thought he could benefit from a fresh, young perspective…but the man is a fossil 🦴🦴🦴 the audacity to think matilde would open her legs for him 💀she has self respect
a very wet fanni 💦 ended up in a very wet arnauld’s bedroom after her happy pill. lmfao. honestly can’t tell who i pity more, the drunk has-been who can’t get pussy unless they’re high, or the attention-seeking coquette who’s willing to suffer through limp dick 🥒for the sake of validation 😇
we’ll get to levente in a moment
😇 Good Girls Going Bad 😈
yk what they say about church girls….let’s continue to keep up with the cröys real quick:
- ines was exposed for the needy fuckhole she is (her husband’s words not mine 🙊) in front of experienced bad girls verona and catherine
- olimpia and jelani got cozy….but he ultimately chose kebab pizza(??) and with her fiancé still mia, she chose to “rub elbows” with a different italian.
an early 00’s classic: the usa president’s daughter got wasted on shots, too bad bodyguards #1 and #2 weren’t around to help…omg there’s even one left over for ionie
did anyone get a final count of how many people éloa kissed in the first minute past midnight?
👠 DOMME MOMS 🥵 ( george & zhaohui ur time has come )
verona (olimpia’s milf-in-law if u forgot) has confirmed her domme instincts: she’s into cucking. to those of us who recall marcello crawling on the floor, this comes as no surprise 💅
sugar mommy!lixue 💸 made her sugar baby dress less provocative….but somehow that’s what got lixun going. so ig silje has herself a dom daddy too lol bets on whether silje finds ines’ kinks relatable?? 😛kristoffer seemed pretty pleased with the results, maybe he should consider submitting to lixue too ⛓️
klaus should be into this but…helena is not a milf technically oops should have gone w ana maria (thick thighs save lives 🫦 js she deserves a throne 👅)
🕊️MALEWIVES #simps4lyfe 💍
is max just like…super into preggo ladies? uh…thore should probably keep his plans for tekla on the DL for now 😶
speaking of whom, fucking finally! getting w the program! he should ask his dad if he knows anything about ‘ happy wife happy life ’
layla knows what i mean am i right 🍆
ronan obvs simps for maite, a++ for calling out nikolai for simping too
atm daisuke for hafiz, lmao - maybe they took a tip from verona re: cucking 😛
rip to freja who may be the only one losing a malewife, ig lucien feels things have gone a cock fuck suck cuck too far
anniversary tips from leobela: in a successful marriage the wife forgets to get a present and the groom buys expensive jewelry 🤑
the fact that the czar even showed up to this party! we assume credit goes to anneli’s tits 🍒being at eye level 👀the entire time
ennio will BECOME a malewife this year. manifesting for nat 🔮💍 👰
❌ Return of the Exes ❌
current count: biel/effie, ari/bash, farnauld
bets on gimi breaking up AGAIN since he p much told arnauld she’s his fwb…maybe barbie girl should take inspiration from irl barbie and take advantage of a norwegian-ken-doll or her western transdanubian serenader
omari is around…..but is checking out fumiko 👀
reggie/yasmin when?? manifesting for 2023 🔮like to charge, comment to cast
LET’S SEE... home field advantage seems to be reversed, judging by the current state of *ahem* AFFAIRS !! @lcvcntc, 1 - @inescroy, nil ( levi is leading the spurious scoreboard ).🤰🏻
SPEAKING of spain, the spanish sun is heating up 🔥🔥 and @aurcls and @arayamahidol are skating on paper thin ice... which can only mean one thing !! 🥵 i, for one, am itching to see if they’ll swim or SINK.
third is a couple that’s already very familiar with 💦💦 WATERWORKS... @arturcii and @mariisolss. babygirl has been here a total month and we’ve seen her show more emotion than @ziclovs has... EXCEPT when he’s with @aromancva.
in a very different sense of waterworks, both my eyes are definitely on dear @tvkla and @thcrc. we don’t kink shame here !!!! and as a CHEEKY 🍑 bonus... since we’re on the topic of KINKS, @vcrcnc has gotten @mvrcellc on all fours. need i say more ??? 👁👄👁
Big Dick Kris needs to fuck I’m tiered of his potential being wasted - top 3 that should be on his list?
- Jo on anon cause miray deserves better than to be associated with this 😌
first of all, i would like to see @jinlixue dominate that man down to the last 🍆 INCH 🍆 of his life. also doesn't @atienacavalcante ✨ look like she could teach him a thing or two? or since @anastazyas is making headway with @rcginald maybe she could let lil sis @beatrixsobieska keep kris' bed warm 🔥
i’m convinced @mvrcellc could teach @anastazyas what else goes into the mouth other than silver spoons 🍆🍆🍆 i just don’t know if our italian hunk is as troubled as our mexican prince 🤔😫😥 i don’t know about the vibes but it’s time for bdk ( @krstoffcrs ) to do some community service ! @tywysoges-g will turn into the sahara desert if she doesn’t get some soon 💦
how long do you think it will take for ireti and sten to rekindle their romance ? what will it take and how long will they last ?
as a self-proclaimed clairvoyant, i’ll tell you now — it won’t take much!! two, three interactions and her ass is already coming out of his mouth. one shot too many and i’m sure @iretiolowu will have her ass in his mouth 🍑🍑👅
ass— whoops! AS for how long they’ll last... thirty seconds?? it’s hard to say but @princesten doesn’t seem like he’d have her athlete’s stamina. 💦
you wanna know what i think? 😌 i think the ice princess @iretiolowu still likes sten, but @princesten should get with mother hen @loladebelgique, who definitely still has some ✨ UNRESOLVED FEELINGS ✨ for scat connoisseur @georgetstuart, and i don't know who the hell george likes anymore... @lconor, perhaps?
who knows!! what i do know is who george doesn't like, and that's sten! just picture the angst !!! 🥵🥵🥵
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