summary: you go with your bf to a hockey game; he is unaware of your history with one of the players (please read warnings!)
warnings: abusive bf, violence, strong and derogatory language, angst, a few uses of y/n
word count: 3k
you felt like you hadn’t been able to breathe properly in hours, sitting rigid like a stone next to mike, who’s mood has only deteriorated as the night went on. mike was a diehard coyotes fan, and had brought you to the game with him last minute when his friend had cancelled last minute.
“are you sure none of your other friends would want to go? they would probably have more fun than i would,” you had offered, desperately trying to get out of going.
“they’re all busy,” he replied. “i know you hate hockey, but can you try to have a good time, for me?” he asked sweetly, pulling you into his arms. you weren’t fooled by his tone; you would go and you would enjoy it, you didn’t have a choice.
“okay,” you smiled, and he kissed you softly before going to your shared room to get ready. you sighed, trying to figure out how you were going to make it through this game. you didn’t hate hockey - you used to love it actually, but when you started dating mike you chose to keep that part of your life a secret. it seemed silly at face value, but there was a bigger secret you were hiding from him, and you asked the universe why it had to be the panthers that arizona was playing tonight.
a little less than two years ago, you had dated their star player, matthew tkachuk for almost a year, before the travel and hectic schedule got to be too much for you, and you both decided to take a break. the relationship had been kept pretty quiet thankfully, no traces of it online except for one or two group photos from when you were together still floating around instagram; though you had done all you could to erase any evidence.
if mike found out, you honestly weren’t sure how he would react; but you knew it wouldn’t be good. you had met mike a few months after you and matthew broke up, and he was nice enough, until he wasn’t. he kept up the good guy just long enough for you to move in and become dependant on him, and suddenly you found yourself trapped. things were okay most of the time, but if he got angry, sometimes you got caught in the crossfire. he had only actually hit you once, but he yelled, and would sometimes grab you too hard, leaving you with bruises to cover before he could see them; he had the audacity to say that they made him upset.
he had been in a good mood when you got to the arena, and you were thankful that your seats weren’t too close to the ice, though you shuddered at the possibility of matthew seeing you in the crowd, despite how slim the chance was. you hadn’t seen him since they day you broke up, and as the familiar head of curly hair came out from the tunnel, skating on to the ice as part of the starting line up, your heart felt like it was being twisted in a vice.
you missed him. you missed your friends on the team, having grown pretty close to some of the guys, as well as their girlfriends. you hadn’t heard from any of them since leaving; it was too hard at first, and then it became a safety concern. any connection to your former life meant more risk of mike finding out about matthew, and that couldn’t happen.
“can you at least look like you want to be here?” mike whispered in your ear, and you knew it wasn’t a suggestion. you put on a smile, and thankfully it was good enough, as he turned his attention back to the players on the ice.
the game started off a bit slow, however the panthers had a 1-0 lead at the end of the first, and through the second as well. the coyotes were playing pretty rough, getting quite a few penalties for some dirty hits, all while mike cheered them on, booing the refs anytime they called a penalty on arizona. you watched as one of floridas players, nick cousins, ran into one of the coyotes while he was low on the boards, the hit landing on his shoulders or maybe his head, you couldn’t really tell. another coyote skated up and checked nick face first into the boards; hard. he hadn’t been looking that way and had no warning to protect himself, and you watched in distress as he crumbled to the ice, and you were worried he was unconscious.
nick had been one of your closest friends while you were dating matt, and your heart pounded as you watched him struggle to his feet.
“that pussy folded like a piece of paper!” mike laughed, enjoying every second of him getting hit. floridas players jumped on the guy who had laid the hit on nick, defending their fallen teammate as a fight broke out, sending players from each team into the penalty box. mikes mood dropped with each second of the refs deliberating passed, the officials eventually awarding nearly 20 penalty minutes to forsling for florida, as well as enough penalty minutes to arizona to give the panthers a man advantage.
“that’s fucking bullshit!” he screamed, the crowd of arizona fans not happy about the decision either. you said nothing as mike spilled some of his fourth beer on your lap, just thankful it hadn’t got on his spare coyotes jersey that he had insisted you wear. as the players got ready to continue the game, you looked across the ice, locking eyes with the one person you hoped you could avoid more than anything. something flashed in his eyes as he saw you, but his attention was quickly back to the game as the whistle blew, and soon the second period was over and he was gone down the tunnel for intermission.
the coyotes scored in the third to tie the game, but the panthers got the lead back, scoring twice in close succession. matthew looked to you after putting the puck in the net, and it took everything in you to ignore him. mike was livid at this point, the alcohol not helping in the slightest, and you cringed internally as he grabbed your hand, holding it way too tight.
forsling finally came out of the penalty box after serving 17 minutes, and immediately scored an empty netter, solidifying a 4-1 victory for florida. with 2 minutes left in the game, mike dragged you out to the concession area. matthews eyes noticed your empty seats, and he
“wait here. i gotta piss before we leave,” looking at the long lineup already formed outside the men’s room. the arena was small, and there were limited washrooms, so you had a feeling this was gonna take a while, but you dared not move from your spot against the brick wall.
you could hear the final buzzer go, and the florida players began walking out from ice level, and you realized that they had to walk through the main area to get to the visitors locker room, and your blood ran cold. most of the panthers paid no mind to you, but you held your breath as you saw matthew approaching, praying that he ignored you like the others had.
he thankfully didn’t say anything, but your eyes locked for the second time that night as he passed by, disappearing down the hall and into the locker room. your foot tapped anxiously on the floor, grinding a small piece of gravel under your shoe as you walked mike to hurry the fuck up.
10 minutes went by, and you exhaled in relief as he finally appeared, not even caring about the death grip he took on your wrist as he literally dragged you behind him towards the exit.
“y/n?” a familiar voice called, and you hoped with all you had that mike would ignore it and keep walking. “wait- y/n.” mike stopped, causing you to bump into his back with how fast you were following behind him. he turned around, and you were sure he was quite confused as to why matthew tkachuk was calling after you.
“what the hell do you want?” mike asked, looking matt up and down before turning to you, still holding you tight. “do you know this asshole?”
“no, let’s go home,” you pleaded, but he wasn’t budging.
“you got the wrong girl.” mike shrugged. “shouldn’t you be circle jerking with the other guys in the locker room right now?” he spat, still bitter about his team losing the game.
“i told them to start without me,” matthew joked dryly, and you could feel his eyes on you, however yours were glued to the floor.
“funny,” mike replied. “let’s go,” he pushed you in front of him to leave.
“wait, y/n - please.”
“i’m sorry, you have the wrong person.”
“yeah, chucky,” mike laughed. “you must be thinking of some other whore. i’m sure there’s a lot of desperate chicks around here that would suck your cock though, so stop talking to mine.”
“you really shouldn’t talk about women like that,” matthew threatened, and while his tone sounded calm, you knew he was furious.
“or what? what, you want to fight or something?” mike asked. you noticed a few people gathering to watch, either out of concern or just to see matthew, but you knew this wasn’t going to end well.
“baby, can we please just-“
“shut up!” he shoved you and you fell to the floor, landing hard on your ass, before punching matthew in the face. matthew swung a fist at mikes face, hitting him square in the jaw. your eyes widened in horror as mike swung more drunken punches back at matt, and people backed away from the fight. you looked down the hall to see a familiar face, and you called out to your former friend.
“carter!” his eyes snapped up from his phone and he took out an airpod before he noticed the fight, and he quickly pulled matthew off of mike with the help of security guards that had come to help break up the situation. you stared at the ground in front of you again, feeling like the room was spinning and wishing that the floor would open up and swallow you. security handcuffed mike and escorted him out of the building, while carter and another security officer took matthew back down the hall towards the locker room.
an officer asked you to come with him, and he took you to an empty office room to take a statement about what happened. you just hoped matthew wouldn’t get in too much trouble.
•
when you left the office, there were thankfully little to no fans left in the arena, the hallways eerily empty as you walked towards the door. before you could reach it though, something - or someone - made you pause. you looked back down the hall to the locker room, and with a sigh walked towards it. you knocked on the door, your heart hammering against your ribcage as it opened, one of the team staff looking at you.
“i’m sorry, you can’t be back here-“
“it’s fine. she’s a friend,” carter interrupted her, opening the door to let you in. the room was empty, the team having already left, and you forced yourself to look at carter.
“are you okay?” he asked, and you nodded.
“thank you. i’m sorry-“
“don’t, it’s not your fault.” he opened his arms and you fell into them, hugging him tightly. “chuckys just getting patched up in the medic room. mostly procedure that they have to check him after a fight - usually it only happens during a game though,” he joked, and you found yourself smiling for real for the first time that night.
“is he in a lot of trouble?”
“no more than he normally gets himself into. it’ll be fine, y/n,” he assured you, but you were still worried there might be some legal repercussions. deciding there was nothing you could do about that right now, you managed to push the thought away and sat down on a bench in the locker room.
“you waiting around for him?” verhaeghe asked, and you nodded, eyes on the floor again.
“yeah. i think i’d be a shitty person not to.”
“you could never be a shitty person,” he smiled. “we miss you. chucky especially.” you looked up at him sadly.
“i miss you guys too.”
the medic door opened with a creak, and matthew walked out. you kept your eyes on your feet, counting the laces on your shoes over and over again.
“i’ll see you later,” carter said goodbye to both of you before leaving the room. you didn’t dare look up as matthew walked over slowly and sat down next to you, leaving space between you as his gaze lingered on you.
“you waited,” he said softly.
“yeah…. i don’t think i should have, but i wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“you wanted to make sure i was okay?” he laughed softly. “yeah, i’m okay.” he said, and an awkward silence filled the room. “was he always like that?” he asked gently, and you shook your head sadly.
“nope,” you said bitterly, eyes growing wet with tears. “he was perfect at first. until he wasn’t.”
“i’m sorry.”
“don’t be. it’s not your fault.”
“i still am. you don’t deserve to be treated like that.” you didn’t reply, knowing he was right. “y/n, you haven’t even looked at me.” he hand touched yours on the bench next to you, his touch so soft and gentle it was unfamiliar.
you turned your head towards him, and his heart broke at your sad expression. his lip was split open, red and forming a bruise already. you reached for his face without thinking, pulling your hand back before you went too far.
“what do you want me to say?” you whispered, a tear rolling down your cheek. with the carefulness of someone touching glass, he brushed it off your face, and you closed your eyes, leaning into his touch.
“do you have somewhere to stay tonight?” he asked, somewhat ignoring your question. he didn’t want you to say anything, he just wanted to make sure you were safe.
“i can figure something out,” you said, going through the options in your head; likely a hotel or sleeping in your car.
“please, i would feel a lot better if i knew you were somewhere safe. i have an extra bed in my hotel room-“
“no, matthew. i can’t do this.”
“do what?” he asked.
“this,” you gestured between the two of you. “thank you for protecting me, but i can’t let myself be near you. it’s too hard.”
“please,” his blue eyes looking in yours. the smell of his cologne wafted to your nose, filling you with a sense of safety that only he could ever bring you.
“okay,” you nodded.
•
the drive to the hotel was short and silent, but you felt at ease for the first time all night. the more time you spent with him, the more it felt like no time had passed; like things were back to how they were before. matthew held your hand the whole drive, his thumb drawing little circles on the back of it gently, his touch like a feather.
you got up to the hotel room and he grabbed a t-shirt from his suitcase for you.
“you a coyotes fan now?” he teased, and you laughed. matthew hadn’t realized how much he missed the sound, but did he would do anything to hear it again and again.
“not by choice,” you laughed, pulling mikes jersey over your head, putting the t-shirt over your undershirt you had on.
“did he know about -“
“no,” you shook your head, dropping the jersey in the small garbage can, and matthew cracked a smile. “he probably wouldn’t have liked it very much.”
“i’m sorry, i don’t mean to -“
“it’s okay. i know. how’s your lip?” you asked, still feeling guilty about it.
“it’s not my first split lip. i’ll live,” he smiled.
“is nick okay?” you asked, remembering the nasty hit during the game.
“he wasn’t feeling too hot after that. i’m not sure yet,” he admitted, and you nodded, before covering your mouth as a yawn slipped past your lips. “come on, sleepyhead, let get you to bed.”
you nodded, dragging your exhausted body into the nearest of the two queen sized beds. matthew tucked you into bed, leaning down to kiss your forehead, and you reached for his hand before he could walk away.
“lay with me?” you asked sleepily, knowing it was selfish to use him as a safety net right now; but you felt you would fall apart without him.
“are you sure?” he asked, and you nodded. he crawled into bed next to you, letting you cling to him like a life raft. “you’re safe now. i won’t let anyone hurt you, baby, i promise.”
“i know, matty,” you snuggled into him, everything about him bringing you comfort you hadn’t felt since you left; his scent, his voice, the feeling of his arms around you. “i missed you.”
“god, i missed you to. i don’t want to let you go again.”
“please don’t,” you begged, your eyes wet with tears that fell onto the fabric of his shirt, your fingers gripping it so tight your knuckles hurt. “don’t let me go.”
“i won’t.”
you felt like you were dreaming; what had started as a nightmare turning into the first time you had felt safe in months. you were scared that you would wake up and it hadn’t been real - you would be next to mike in his apartment, the cold draft from the window on your side of the bed would prickle you skin like it always did and you would have to apologize for not having his lunch ready for work.
but instead you would wake up in the arms of someone who actually cared about you, the sun peeking through the cracks of the blinds, casting warmth onto your skin. along with it, matthew brought a light to your life that had been missing for so long, you thought it was lost for good.
matthew pressed another soft kiss to your forehead as you felt yourself falling asleep, knowing you were protected as long as he was next to you.
“thank you matty,” you murmured, barely awake as you nose brushed the side of his jaw, your face tucked into the crook of his neck.
“anything for you.”
disclaimer: all screenshots, events, and/or interactions depicted in this are a work of fiction. i have no association with any parties mentioned
summary: in which Matthew agrees to walk around their neighborhood to look at holiday lights… with a catch
warnings: NSFW CONTENT, praise, slight exhibitionism, choking, daddy kink, p in v (unprotected). (2.8k words)
notes: welcome to day 6 of my 12 days of kinkmas! this is my first time ever writing for matty, so i apologize if it’s iffy.
i should’ve known nothing with Matthew could be done with pure relaxation in mind.
i thought it would be nice, a relaxing walk around the neighborhood, hand in hand like normal couples as we look at all the christmas lights that decorate each house.
but i didn’t take into account that my boyfriend is, to put it lovingly, a freak.
a relaxing walk? no, thank you, not for him. instead, he has to make things… interesting.
so here i am, hand grasping Matthew’s tightly as i walk next to him, the side of my body pressed to his, and soft breathy moans escaping my lips as he smirks beside me.
i begged him all day since he got home from his roadie to get him to agree to this walk, and he kept saying he ‘wasn’t feeling it’. until he came up with his one term, a stupid term that i stupidly agreed with.
“Matty, c’mon!” i whisper pleadingly, a shiver wracking my body from both the cold air that rises up my jacket, and the vibrations that press against my clit, controlled by the little remote that my boyfriend plays around with in his coat pocket.
“uh-uh.” he teasingly denies, turning the vibrator in my panties down a level.
the dark sky looms up above us, stars barely visible, but it doesn’t matter to me because my eyes are fixated on the bright lights that adorn each house. reds, greens, white’s, and blue’s; blow up santa’s in a few lawns; light up reindeer in others.
though it’s not snowing like it would’ve in Calgary, i’ve gotten so used to the warm Florida weather that now that it’s winter, the nip of chill in the air makes the tip of my nose red.
my teeth sink into my bottom lip so hard that i fear i’ll draw blood, attempting to hold in my sounds as we walk past another couple that must’ve had the same idea to look at the lights.
Matthew smiles politely as we pass, not giving off any hints that we’re doing anything beyond admiring the beautiful lights; but once we’re far enough away, i hear the click of a button of the remote a few times, the vibrations of the toy that’s pressed snugly against my clit rising in intensity.
my legs stop, my hand that’s tangled in Matty’s tugging him back as he continues to walk, and my jaw drops open as i let out a loud, squeaky whine.
“shhh!” he reminds me. he hastily takes two big steps forward, stopping in front of me.
his hand rises to cup my cheek, tilting my head up to look at him, his eyes glinting with a dangerous mixture of mischief and lust.
“you gotta be quiet. don’t want anyone to hear you, do you, sweetheart?” his head tilts in questioning, an eyebrow raising as he awaits my response.
i’m quiet for a moment, listening to the silence of the night before i respond.
“no, Matty.” i shake my head as my boyfriend nods his in approval, tangling his arm through mine.
he urges me along, my feet shuffling slowly across the cement as i attempt to simultaneously walk and clench my thighs together. leaning down, his lips ghost against the shell of my ear, his heated breath fanning against my cold skin, sending chills down my spine, my eyelids fluttering closed as i let him guide me.
“you’re being such a good girl for me,” his voice is deep but spoken in a hushed whisper, his hand splaying out against the small of my back. “looking at me with those pretty eyes, just desperate to cum.”
his free hand slips back into his pocket, the vibrator suddenly switching to the lowest setting, making me whimper in response.
“not yet.” Matthew tsk’s shaking his head as he resumes the walk, guiding me along down the sidewalk.
he glances down at me, flashing a bright and innocent smile; as though he isn’t holding the essential key to my orgasm in the palm of his hand; as though he isn’t torturing me with pleasure in this very moment.
his eyes flit up, gazing behind me, and entirely too quickly, his smile turns mischievous, a playful glimmer in his eyes.
“hey, look,” he sing-songs, “there’s sasha’s house. and the lights are on! we should stop by and say hello, shouldn’t we?”
he nods his head towards the house behind me, “we’ve been meaning to invite him over for Christmas dinner, right?”
his hand slips into mine, pulling me along towards his captain’s house, and my eyes widen, shaking my head.
“no!” i try to speak lowly, but my word turns into a soft moan as the vibration against my clit gains intensity. we get all the way across the street before i can speak again, “Matthew!”
he halts in his tracks, turning towards me with a raised brow at the disuse of his nickname.
“i am not going to face your captain right now!” a cheeky grin spreads across my boyfriend’s face, teeth on full display, and i already know he’s about to test my limits.
“why not?” he questions playfully, biting his lips to hold back a chuckle.
“y-you know why not!” i hiss back, my hips jerking slightly as he lowers the intensity of the toy just a little, “i am not facing him with a fucking vibrator in my underwear!”
“hmm,” Matty hums, nodding understandingly, but his lips still hold a mocking smile. his finger hooks under my chin, tipping my head back to look into my eyes, “well then; the faster we walk, the faster we get home, which means the faster you can cum all over my cock.”
my body trembles in desperation at the mere thought, my hand reaching up to grasp his in determination before i begin walking as fast as i can muster under the circumstances.
Matthew follows me, speeding up his pace as he begins to laugh, “so needy!”
his teasing leaves me unphased, my feet only shuffling back towards our house even quicker. but the faster i move, the more intense the vibrations get against my clit, urging me to slow down.
“M-Matty, please!” i cry, spinning around to face my boyfriend, “you win! i can’t take it anymore! i wanna go home!”
frustrated tears threaten to spill over my waterline, a pout etched into my face as i gaze up at him, towering over me.
“we can go home,” he hums sincerely. stopping beside me, he holds his arm out for me to entangle mine with; before lowering his lips towards my ear one last time, “right after this.”
my brows furrow in confusion, pulling my face back to look at him, but it doesn’t take long for me to understand his words.
the vibrator begins to hum, my body falling into his, as he proudly holds up the little purple remote, the tiny little LED numbers at the top reading ‘10’.
“highest level, darling. just let it out.” Matthew smirks, arms encircling my waist, holding me flush to his body as my legs turn weak.
the vibration against my clit is the most severe it’s been all night, my legs instinctively pressing together. but it doesn’t help at all, rather making the sensation stronger, which in turn makes my legs give out entirely.
Matty holds my body up, leaning down to capture my lips in his, effectively releasing my bottom lip from its jail between my teeth. with our lips pressed together, my hands tangle into the hair at the nape of his neck, moans pouring from my mouth and into his as my toes curl inside my combat boots.
eyes squeezed shut, the knotted chord that’s been tangling in my stomach snaps, my orgasm bringing flashes of light into my dark vision, blood rushing in my ears.
and just as quick as it hits, it’s gone; the vibrator powered off entirely with a simple click of a button from Matthew’s finger.
i breathe heavily as i come down from my release, pulling away from my boyfriend’s lips as he lifts me off the ground. my legs loosely wrap around his waist, his hands holding my ass as he begins to walk, eyeing his path from over my shoulder.
“i thought i wasn’t-”
i’m cut off by Matty speaking over me, “coming until we got home? yeah, that was the plan.”
he shrugs, fingers gripping tighter on my ass as he hastens his movement.
“but, you seemed so… tense,” he chuckles, “call it an early christmas present.”
“i don’t wanna cum for christmas!” i pout, but when he looks back at me with a singular raised brow, i backtrack, “well, i do. but, i also want a stanley cup!”
Matthew snickers as he steps up the stairs towards our front door.
“yeah? join the club.” he jokes and i smack his shoulder as he unlocks our house, opening the door and stepping inside.
“you know what i meant!” i roll my eyes, “i want a custom one a red one, like Panthers red, with your number on it.”
he smirks, letting me slide down the front of his body as i lay my feet flat upon the hardwood floor.
“i think i need a shower.” i huff, kicking my boots off before i turn to face my boyfriend again.
Matthew stands in the same spot as before, now eyeing the wet spot on his shirt from where my pussy was pressed against him after my release.
“you? look at me.”
i shrug, looking up at him with innocent eyes, “well, you did promise i could cum on your cock when we got home. you didn’t say where in the home.”
my boyfriend stares me down with a blank expression, blinking slowly as he processes my words, before clasping my hand with his, hurriedly pulling me towards our bedroom.
i giggle as i run through the house behind him, following him into our bedroom, where we’re quick to rid ourselves of our layers of clothing. i keep my panties on, walking into the bathroom before i peel them off, setting the vibrator in the sink to wash later.
i turn around just in time to watch Matty turn the shower on, water cascading down and pinging off the tile of the walk-in shower, splashing up against the panes of glass that surround it.
i step towards him, eyes scanning his toned body until i reach the part i yearn for.
his cock is hard; no longer straining against any fabrics, it stands in the air, tip flaming red and glistening with precum.
“oh, you’re so desperate, aren’t you?” he smirks, his hand pressing against my lower back as he ushers me into the steaming shower. “your eyes haven’t left my dick, it’s like you’re willing it to fuck you.”
my sight finally flickers back up to his face, warm water splashing upon my back as i stare up at him with soft eyes.
“i am.” i whisper, my voice low and sultry.
Matthew steps forward, closing the shower door behind him and pulling me towards him with a hand on my hip.
his erection presses against my hip, his voice deep and lust filled as he speaks, “all you to do is ask, darling.”
my thighs press together, eyelids falling hooded as i gaze up at him.
“Matty?” i start, an encouraging hum coming from his lips, “will you fuck me?”
“turn around, angel.”
i spin around, back facing him as water falls against my chest. he turns us to the side, his hands gripping my hips and pulling my ass back towards him, his cock nestling against it.
he bends my upper body forward, my arms instinctively stretching out in front of me, my wet hands slapping against the wall. Matthew steps back, kicking my feet apart before his right hand leaves my hip.
i squeak out a moan as his thick fingers swipe through my folds, gauging my wetness and lubrication from my orgasm just ten minutes ago.
“you think you can take me?” his lips, press against the top of my shoulder, peppering wet kisses up the side of my neck as i heave out of a shaky breath.
“yes,” i moan, nodding my head as best i can, “yes, daddy.”
Matty groans at the name, his hips bucking against mine and causing my jaw to drop. i peer back over my shoulder, watching as his hand wraps around his length.
he guides his tip through my wetness, spreading my cum around as lubrication before he lines himself up with my entrance, pressing forward and taking great pride in how my walls swallow him in.
“fuck.” he grunts, listening to my strangled whimper as he eases into me, “doing so well f’me, princess.”
the painful yet pleasant sting of his thick cock stretching me open causes my arms to shake, dropping forward with my forearms against the wall now. the new angle proves well when he finally bottoms out inside of me, the tip of his dick prodding against my g-spot.
“oh my god.” i cry out, my hips grinding back against him as he pulls out slowly, biding his time before he makes a swift thrust back in. his muscular thighs smack against the backs of mine, the sound echoing with the water that sprays down upon us.
his arm wraps around the front of my waist, holding me up as he fucks into me. his thrusts start slow but harsh, gradually picking up until he’s slamming into me at an unforgiving pace.
my tits bounce, my entire body jolting forward with each thrust, and i know at the rate he’s going, i won’t last long.
a broken sob carries through the bathroom as i press my cheek against the wall, barely able to keep my head up as i arch my back, allowing a deeper angle and an even better positioning for him to hit that soft spot inside of me.
“M-Matty! daddy!” my body shakes, only being pushed further towards my limit with the sound of his groans as he fucks into me, my walls pulsing around him.
“that’s it, princess,” his hands slides up my front, roughly clutching at my breast before continuing its travels, wrapping around my throat. “you gonna cum for me?”
he uses his grip to pull me upright, my back against his chest as my head tips back, laying on his shoulder. his hand tightens gently around my neck, the rush clouding my head as my breath catches in my throat.
i make a feeble attempt at a nod, but it’s more of a jerky movement than anything. his cock prods against my g-stop repetitively, his hips smacking against my ass.
his grip loosens enough for me to gulp in deep breaths, the pressure in my stomach building and building with each passing second. his free hand falls down to my swollen clit, a singular thick digit rubbing against it as his pace never falters.
“i’m gonna c-cum.” i pant out through shaky moans.
“cum for me, princess.”
his name falls from my lips like a solemn prayer, my toes curling against the wet tile underneath them as my eyes rolls back in my head, the pressure in my stomach finally relieving in a blast of pleasure.
Matty doesn’t stop pounding into me, his thrusts just growing more desperate as he chases his own high, simultaneously riding me through mine.
“shit, shit, shit!” he curses, his thrusts faltering as he reaches his orgasm, releasing inside of me with ropes of cum.
he stills, his hand falling from my neck, and instead both of them gripping my hips as he slowly pulls out of me. a gasping breath falls from me as i’m left clenching around nothing, the feeling of emptiness bittersweet.
“god, you’re a fucking dream.” he hums, spinning me around and pulling me into his chest.
a lazy smile spreads across my lips, pressing a kiss to his pec as my eyelids flutter.
“i think i really need a shower now.” he laughs at my response, turning so my body is completely under the warm water.
i step back, tipping my head back to let the water soak my hair and body before i peek an eye open to glance at him. his eyes are stuck on my breasts, tongue darting out to lick his lips.
“are you gonna help me get clean or what?” i cock an eyebrow at him, his eyes snapping up to look at my face.
“i think… if i do that, i can’t be held responsible for my dick’s reaction.”
a boisterous giggle erupts from my throat, my hands reaching out to grab his, and i pull him under the water with me.
“well, the night is young,” i sing-song, “and you were gone for a long time.”
“i was gone a week.” he chuckles.
“mhm, and i usually get about 5 orgasms a week… i think we’ve got some catching up to do.”
Can you make an imagine about a younger Hughes sister (like 13-14) feeling left out or just unappreciated by her family. Something like the song Matilda or little freak by harry styles or yoyok by Taylor swift??
also I love your work
Matilda
Notes: inspired by Matilda by Harry styles
Also I hate this
-
It's 10 pm and I'm just getting home from my volleyball game.
Of course my parents didn't come. They never do, their to "busy" watching my brothers.
My teammates and coaches notice that every time i look into the stands i get quiet and in my head. I act like I don't care.
"So you tie up your hair and you smile like its no big deal"
But in reality I'm more mad than sad. They went to every single one of my brothers game why can't they come to one of mine?!
Ever i since I quit hockey and my brothers all went pro I've been pushed off to the side.
My brothers didn't care about school what so ever so they got praised for just barley passing classes while I have A's in all my classes and all i get is a "good job"
Where's my hug and ice cream??
My friends say I'm being dramatic and that they love my parents.
It's not that I don't its that I'm being treated differently and not being appreciated.
So you know what i did...
I stopped caring.
I stopped trying to get their attention.
I didn't answer calls from my brothers because they just stand behind my parents and act like nothing is wrong.
"Y/N! You have to answer your brothers calls" my mom Ellen yells. "Why?" I scoff. "Cause you haven't answered any of them for months" she replies. "Okay" I reply, rolling my eyes and walking out the door for school.
I had a test and i aced it. But instead of telling my parents to try and get some sort of validation i kept it to myself and continued doing that.
I continued getting better at volley ball after my parents repeatedly told me I would regret quitting hockey and would hate volleyball.
But here i am four years later playing volley ball for OSU.
"You don't have to be sorry for leaving and growing up"
I didn't tell a soul where i was committing to.
Of course people knew i had offers but i never announced where i was going.
The day I turned 18 i packed my stuff and left without a word.
summary: in which y/n sees Mark for the first time since their breakup last december and struggles being around him while still being hopelessly in love.
notes: so many “specific lyrics” that i couldn’t even write them all, so this one is pretty much just the song as a whole.
another note: FIRST TIME WRITING FOR STOP SIGN! WHOOP WHOOP! i’m sorry for this. also, not proofread!
not my gif
my heart aches, hand shaking as i pull open the door of the diner. stepping into the mostly empty restaurant, my eyes sweep the expanse of the eatery, in search of the boy i’m meeting. but showing up twenty minutes early has assured me that’s he’s yet to show.
putting my free time to use, i make my way to the restroom, pushing the door open and attempting a deep inhale as i stop in front of the mirror.
my eyes bore into the reflection in front of me, criticizing myself. my purple sundress feels too tight with my anxiety squeezing my diaphragm, making it hard for me to suck in a full breath.
i stare straight ahead, looking into my own eyes as i shake my arms out, trying to rid myself of any awkward feelings or stiffness.
“you can do this.” my whisper echoes off the tiled walls of the diner bathroom as a toilet flushes and a girl steps out of a stall.
i step out of her way as she walks over to a sink, washing her hands. she looks towards me as i attempt another deep breath.
“i don’t know what your doing, but i agree; you can do this.” she tells me, a small smile on her lips as she dries her hands with paper towel.
“oh- thank you.” i send a weak smile in return and she winks as she steps out of the bathroom and back into the seating area.
i follow her lead, fully planning on finding a table, but within two steps, my eyes land on the head of blond hair that i had been searching for when i first arrived.
he sits in a booth at the side of the diner, his back towards me, and i’m immediately transported back to that fateful night one year ago.
**DECEMBER 29TH. 1 YEAR AGO**
“Mark.” my voice cuts through the white noise of the radio and my boyfriend turns it off, silence falling over the car.
he turns his head to look at me, a grin on his lips, before turning back to look at the road.
“what’s up, babygirl?” my heart clenches at the pet name and my eyes drop to the red roses in my lap, my fingers pick lightly at the petals; not tearing them off, but fluffing them to make the flowers seem fuller.
“i-” my voice shakes and tears sting at my eyes as i gather my courage. “i think we should break up.”
Mark’s hand drops mine on the center console, our fingers unlacing as he puts the car into park as we pull up in front of my house.
“what?” he’s hurt, i can hear it in his tone, and it makes this all so much harder. i didn’t want to hurt him. “what are you talking about? is it the date? i thought you were having fun, but you could’ve told me if you didn’t wanna go bowling.”
“it’s not the bowling, Mark.” i throw my head back, staring up at the roof of the car to try and delay my tears.
“then what’s wrong? because i thought we were doing great!” his words are urgent, defensive. “we just started saying ‘i love you’ like two months ago, y/n. what could’ve changed in these past couple months?”
“i know! i just-” i’m cut off by Mark.
“at least look at me if you’re gonna break up with me.” i avert my gaze, finally looking towards him, but i regret it instantly. his eyes are red, i’m not the only one holding back tears.
“i just- i took my gap year, but i started school this semester and my sister’s gotten in my head that, ya know, college is about freedom and not being tied down. doing new things and figuring out who you are. and maybe she’s right.”
“so i’m tying you down?” his face contorts in offense as he shakes his head in disbelief. “i’m holding you back from feeling free?”
“no! i- that’s not what i meant!” i shake my head, letting out a sigh of frustration. i can’t seem to say the right words. “i’m just saying that i think i need to try being single in college, ya know? you got a whole year of that. you were single all of your freshman year. but this is my time to try that.”
i’ve said the wrong thing. i know it because i can see the walls building up behind his eyes. his face turns blank, stony as he just nods, turning to look back out the front windshield.
“right.” the one word is harsher than i ever though it could possibly be. “i think you should just go, y/n.”
“Mark, i wanna talk about this.” i plead as i unbuckle my seatbelt, turning fully in my seat to face him.
“i think we’ve talked enough. you wanna break up. it’s whatever, now i want you to get out of my car.” he tells me as he presses the unlock button, motioning his head towards my door.
i nod, opening the car door and stepping out into the cold, winter, Michigan air. i set the roses down on my seat, not wanting a reminder of this night, of this fight.
“goodbye.” i tell him, an icy tear rolling down my cheek as i shut the passenger door and step back. i walk up to my porch, listening to Mark’s engine start back up, gravel crunching as he peels out of my driveway.
i can’t help but turn and watch him leave, his car disappearing down the street.
**PRESENT DAY**
i steel myself, shaking my head to get rid of the awful memory before i walk over, stopping in front of the table.
Mark is sitting on his phone, typing out a text, but as he looks up at me, he locks it, placing it screen down on the table.
“hey.” he exhales, a small smile rests on his lips, confusing me but also relaxing me.
he doesn’t seem to be mad anymore.
“hi, Mark.” i smile back, already feeling so much more comfortable in his presence.
“uh, do you wanna sit?” he asks me, chuckling. i let a small huff of laughter out at my stupidity as i nod, taking a seat across from him.
“i’m so glad you made time to see me.” i confess, anxiously running my hands down the lap of my dress to smooth out any wrinkles.
“yeah, me too. i have to admit, i wasn’t sure about it at first. Ethan had to talk me into saying yes, but, now that i’m here, i’m glad i did.” he tells me, and any leftover anxious feelings disappear at his admission. we’re on the same page, happy to see each other.
a waitress comes to take our orders and just like he did all that time ago, Mark orders for me.
“i’ll have a BLT with extra bacon, and french fries with a coke. and she’ll have the strawberries and cream pancakes with turkey bacon on the side and a hot chocolate with extra whipped cream.” the waitress nods and gathers our menus before leaving to place our order.
“you remembered my order.” i laugh and he looks at me with the expression of a deer in headlights.
“oh, shit, i’m sorry. i hope that’s still you’re order. i guess it was subconscious, to order for you.” i lay a hand on his arm in reassurance.
“it’s okay. yeah, that’s still my order.” i tell him and he sighs in relief and nods.
“great.” i take my hand back and play with my fingers.
“so, how’s life?” i ask him. “tell me, how’s your family? i haven’t seen them in a while.”
“life’s good!” he smiles, nodding with a faraway look. “life’s really good. i’ve been good, but busy. we made it to the frozen four again last season. we didn’t win but, we made it, and that’s all that matters. and my family’s good! John and my parents are great.”
my smile falters at his answer. i didn’t want him to be miserable, of course not. but, i also didn’t expect him to be so happy without me in his life.
“that’s great. i’m really glad.” it’s the truth, of course i’m glad that he’s been good.
“what about you? how’s work? are you still running the media for your school’s baseball team?” the small talk continues.
“i’ve been okay. yeah, i’m still doing that. it’s been pretty good. stable, ya know?”
he nods in understanding and it’s quiet for a brief moment as we look out the diner winder next to us. snow flurries down outside, thick clouds hanging in the sky.
“it’s really coming down hard out there. i’m glad we got in here before the storm started.” he chats.
“yeah, although the roads are definitely gonna be icy.” he nods at my words and i can tell by the meaningless small talk that his guard is up. i can’t blame him, the last time we saw each other was when i broke up with him, breaking both of our hearts in one night.
the conversation is tabled when our food arrives and we fall into silence as we eat, and out of a force of habit, i stick half of my turkey bacon on his plate.
halfway through our meal, it seems that Mark can no longer hold in his confusion.
“why did you ask me here?” i set my fork down at his question, preparing myself to bare my heart.
“i wanted to tell you i’m sorry for that night.” i admit. i play with my mug of hot cocoa out of nerves.
“why now?” he asks. “why a year later?”
“i haven’t been sleeping lately.” i tell him. “i’ve just been laying in bed playing back that night in my head. i have so many regrets, and my biggest one is not staying in the car with you.”
he draws in a deep breath, glancing at his phone before looking back up at me.
“ya know, i thought we could get past it? i thought it was just a bump in our relationship and you would realize that you made a mistake and everything would be okay.
“and then my birthday passed, and you never called. you didn’t even text. and that’s when i knew that you were serious. i realized that we were really broken up.”
his words bring tears to my eyes.
“i’m sorry.” my voice shakes. “i’m so sorry, Mark.”
“it’s okay, y/n.” he shakes his head. “i get it. you wanted a taste of the college freedom.”
i shake my head, a frown making itself apparent on my lips.
“it turns out freedom is nothing but missing you.” i confess. “i’ve been thinking about last summer a lot lately. when we would sneak away from our friends and go on those late night drives. i realized i liked you as more than a friend for the first time when i was watching you laugh on one of those drives.
“you were so carefree. you were the opposite of me. no worries, no stress. just living in the moment. and then we started dating and everything in the world felt… right. i felt safe with you. i felt at home. and then we both left for school and we were so far apart and i was so worried that you wouldn’t want me anymore. but then you were you. you called me every night and you sent me flowers and even from miles away, you made sure i wasn’t working myself too hard. and i fell in love with you that fall.”
i look down at my half full plate as he chews on his lip.
“but then i came home from winter break. and fear crept into my mind. my sister started telling me that you probably hated being tied down when you have so many girls that want you. she said i should be single in order to have the full college experience. she said i shouldn’t be pining over a guy that probably wished he didn’t have to call me after all of his games. that you probably hated having a girlfriend that you couldn’t even really be with. so i listened to her. i thought that she was older and wiser so she was probably right.”
i look back up at him as tears roll down my face. i held my tears in until i was out of his car last december, making this only the second time he’s ever actually seen me cry and his expression is filled with the exact same worry as it was the first time.
**SEPTEMBER 20TH, 2022**
i sit on Mark’s bed, watching as he folds clothes to put in his suitcase.
he’s leaving.
we both are.
i knew this day would come. that summer would end and we’d have to leave each other.
i knew it when we started this relationship three months ago. i just didn’t think it would hurt this bad.
my breath hitches as i watch him fold up my favorite shirt of his, sticking it in his suitcase, and i realize that for the next 3 months, i won’t see him wear it again. i won’t see him again.
“actually, babe, do you think i could keep that one?” i ask him, pulling the shirt out of the travel bag that rests beside me.
“what?” he laughs and i almost feel stupid for asking. “you wanna keep my shirt?”
“ya know what? yeah, it’s- it’s stupid. nevermind.” i place the shirt back in the suitcase, scrunching my nose up and subtly pinching my eyes closed in attempt to hold back my tears.
i look the opposite direction, blinking a few times to try to get rid of the salt water stinging my eyes.
“hey.” his voice is gentle, soft, as he crouches down to his knees in front of me. his hands rest gently on my thighs. “look at me, please.”
i gather my courage, averting my gaze to look into his eyes. his face is filled with worry, his eyebrows raised in concern. he crawls onto the bed, pulling me into his side as the tears escape my eyes.
“what’s wrong? hmm?” he caresses my cheek, tilting my head to look up at him.
“i’m gonna miss you.” i tell him. i bite my lip, holding back a sob.
“i’m gonna miss you more, sweet girl.” he whispers, planting a light kiss on the tip of my nose. “but these next few months are gonna fly by, and then we’ll see each other over winter break. and then summer break. and then finally, it’ll be summer again. and before you know it, you’ll be getting sick of me again.”
he brushes a tear away with his thumb.
“you’re gonna be telling me ‘gosh Mark, give me some space!’” he raises his pitch, mocking my voice and making me leg out a watery giggle amongst my tears.
“i will not!” i smack his chest lightly.
“okay, yeah, maybe not. you’ll actually be all over me, and i’ll eat up every second of it.” he jokes.
“holding you.” he squeezes me tighter, pulling me into his lap.
“kissing you.” he cups my face, pulling my lips to his and laying a sweet kiss against them.
“touching you.” his hands slide down my body to rest on my hips.
“keep the shirt, baby.” he tells me before raising his eyebrows. “but i expect to see you wearing it on facetime. think you can do that?”
i giggle nodding my head. “yeah, i can do that.”
“good.” he reaches over, grabbing the shirt out of the suitcase. he hands it to me and i hug it to my chest. “you feeling better now, pretty girl?”
i nod, leaning forward to lay my head on his chest, and his arms snake around me, holding me to him.
“good. cause that was the first time i’ve seen you cry and i hated every second of it.”
**PRESENT DAY**
“y/n, your sister was wrong.” he tells me. his hand moves to lay atop of mine, rubbing it with his thumb to provide a sense of comfort for me as i wipe away my tears.
“i didn’t care that other girls wanted me, all i wanted was you. i loved calling you after games. i loved hearing you share in my excitement when we won, or giving me pep talks when we lost.
“did i love that i couldn’t be with you? no. but that didn’t mean i wanted to break up. i loved you.”
loved.
past tense.
my heart aches as i slide my hand out from under his, my stomach churning in discomfort.
his phone buzzes on the table and he glances at it once again before looking back at me.
“maybe this is wishful thinking; but if we loved again, i swear i’d love you right this time.” i sigh. “i just wanted you to know that. i miss you. i’m so happy you’re doing great, but i’m not. i miss your sweet smile. i miss how you looked at me like i was the only girl in the world. i miss loving you. i miss our late night talks when we should’ve been studying. i miss hearing about your games. i even miss hearing Ethan’s obnoxious teasing when we were talking way later than we should’ve been. i miss you, even as just a friend, like before we were dating. and i know it’s probably much too late, but i go back to December all the time and i just needed you to know that i’m so sorry for that night. and i’d go back in time and change it if i could, but i can’t.”
he sighs, licking his lips and looking down at his hands.
“y/n-” i cut him off.
“you don’t have to say anything, Mark. i just wanted you to know.” he nods but speaks anyways.
“i’m in a good place, y/n. i’m happy. i appreciate your apology, but it’s okay. it was probably for the best, anyways.” he shrugs.
for the best.
right.
“oh- okay.” tears escape my eyes, rolling down my cheeks again.
“i’m sorry that you’re not happy. i really am. and if there was anything else i could do to change that, i would. it hurts me to know that you’re hurting because you still hold a special place in my heart. you were my best friend for so long, and you were my first love.”
i nod in understanding, steeling myself and preparing for the meeting to end.
his phone buzzes once more and this time he picks it up. i watch his face as he looks at the notification, and my heart drops at his expression.
the way his eyes light up. the way the corners of his lips curl up just slightly, like he’s trying not to smile. the way the corners of his eyes crinkle.
i know that look.
it’s the same way that his friends said he looked at his phone when my contact would pop up.
he’s in love.
with someone who’s not me.
“who is she?” i can’t help but ask. i keep my tone light. not accusing, but genuinely curious.
he quickly puts his phone down, looking back at me with wide eyes.
“what?” he asks, feigning obliviousness.
“who is she? the girl on your phone.” i send him a watery smile, silently assuring him that it’s okay.
“her name is Anna.” he admits, his shoulders slumping in ease. “she’s my… girlfriend. we started dating in May, right before the summer. she works media for the team.”
i nod along as he speaks, a soft teary smile masking the fact that it feels like my heart is being ripped to shreds.
“i hope she makes you happy.” i tell him, and i mean it. i really want him happy. regardless of who’s causing it.
“she does.” he’s gentle with his words, obviously not wanting to hurt me. but he isn’t the one who hurt me, i did.
“did she come home with you?” i ask him, fearing that i already know the answer.
“yeah.” he tells me, biting his lip.
“go to her.” i whisper, mustering one more small smile.
“y/n, i-” he starts but i shake my head.
“go. it’s okay.” i assure him. “you heard what i wanted you to hear. now, go home to your girlfriend and your family. enjoy your break.”
he nods, fishing out his wallet and setting some cash on the table.
“it was really nice seeing you, y/n. maybe i’ll see you around.” he tells me, standing up and putting his coat back on before he braves the snowy night.
“yeah, maybe.” i smile up at him and he gives me one in return before walking away.
i look out the window beside the table as he walks out to his car. the same car that i broke both our hearts in. and i watch as he drives out of the parking lot. it reminds me eerily of that night last December.
i avert my gaze to the table top, spotting the cash he left. enough to cover both our meals. and i can’t help but cry.
i did this to myself. i let my fears get the best of me, and now he’s happy without me. and i’ll have to sit on the sidelines and watch as he spends his life with someone else. someone who can love him better than i could.
summary: in which y/n sees Mark for the first time since their breakup last december and struggles being around him while still being hopelessly in love.
notes: so many “specific lyrics” that i couldn’t even write them all, so this one is pretty much just the song as a whole.
another note: FIRST TIME WRITING FOR STOP SIGN! WHOOP WHOOP! i’m sorry for this. also, not proofread!
not my gif
my heart aches, hand shaking as i pull open the door of the diner. stepping into the mostly empty restaurant, my eyes sweep the expanse of the eatery, in search of the boy i’m meeting. but showing up twenty minutes early has assured me that’s he’s yet to show.
putting my free time to use, i make my way to the restroom, pushing the door open and attempting a deep inhale as i stop in front of the mirror.
my eyes bore into the reflection in front of me, criticizing myself. my purple sundress feels too tight with my anxiety squeezing my diaphragm, making it hard for me to suck in a full breath.
i stare straight ahead, looking into my own eyes as i shake my arms out, trying to rid myself of any awkward feelings or stiffness.
“you can do this.” my whisper echoes off the tiled walls of the diner bathroom as a toilet flushes and a girl steps out of a stall.
i step out of her way as she walks over to a sink, washing her hands. she looks towards me as i attempt another deep breath.
“i don’t know what your doing, but i agree; you can do this.” she tells me, a small smile on her lips as she dries her hands with paper towel.
“oh- thank you.” i send a weak smile in return and she winks as she steps out of the bathroom and back into the seating area.
i follow her lead, fully planning on finding a table, but within two steps, my eyes land on the head of blond hair that i had been searching for when i first arrived.
he sits in a booth at the side of the diner, his back towards me, and i’m immediately transported back to that fateful night one year ago.
**DECEMBER 29TH. 1 YEAR AGO**
“Mark.” my voice cuts through the white noise of the radio and my boyfriend turns it off, silence falling over the car.
he turns his head to look at me, a grin on his lips, before turning back to look at the road.
“what’s up, babygirl?” my heart clenches at the pet name and my eyes drop to the red roses in my lap, my fingers pick lightly at the petals; not tearing them off, but fluffing them to make the flowers seem fuller.
“i-” my voice shakes and tears sting at my eyes as i gather my courage. “i think we should break up.”
Mark’s hand drops mine on the center console, our fingers unlacing as he puts the car into park as we pull up in front of my house.
“what?” he’s hurt, i can hear it in his tone, and it makes this all so much harder. i didn’t want to hurt him. “what are you talking about? is it the date? i thought you were having fun, but you could’ve told me if you didn’t wanna go bowling.”
“it’s not the bowling, Mark.” i throw my head back, staring up at the roof of the car to try and delay my tears.
“then what’s wrong? because i thought we were doing great!” his words are urgent, defensive. “we just started saying ‘i love you’ like two months ago, y/n. what could’ve changed in these past couple months?”
“i know! i just-” i’m cut off by Mark.
“at least look at me if you’re gonna break up with me.” i avert my gaze, finally looking towards him, but i regret it instantly. his eyes are red, i’m not the only one holding back tears.
“i just- i took my gap year, but i started school this semester and my sister’s gotten in my head that, ya know, college is about freedom and not being tied down. doing new things and figuring out who you are. and maybe she’s right.”
“so i’m tying you down?” his face contorts in offense as he shakes his head in disbelief. “i’m holding you back from feeling free?”
“no! i- that’s not what i meant!” i shake my head, letting out a sigh of frustration. i can’t seem to say the right words. “i’m just saying that i think i need to try being single in college, ya know? you got a whole year of that. you were single all of your freshman year. but this is my time to try that.”
i’ve said the wrong thing. i know it because i can see the walls building up behind his eyes. his face turns blank, stony as he just nods, turning to look back out the front windshield.
“right.” the one word is harsher than i ever though it could possibly be. “i think you should just go, y/n.”
“Mark, i wanna talk about this.” i plead as i unbuckle my seatbelt, turning fully in my seat to face him.
“i think we’ve talked enough. you wanna break up. it’s whatever, now i want you to get out of my car.” he tells me as he presses the unlock button, motioning his head towards my door.
i nod, opening the car door and stepping out into the cold, winter, Michigan air. i set the roses down on my seat, not wanting a reminder of this night, of this fight.
“goodbye.” i tell him, an icy tear rolling down my cheek as i shut the passenger door and step back. i walk up to my porch, listening to Mark’s engine start back up, gravel crunching as he peels out of my driveway.
i can’t help but turn and watch him leave, his car disappearing down the street.
**PRESENT DAY**
i steel myself, shaking my head to get rid of the awful memory before i walk over, stopping in front of the table.
Mark is sitting on his phone, typing out a text, but as he looks up at me, he locks it, placing it screen down on the table.
“hey.” he exhales, a small smile rests on his lips, confusing me but also relaxing me.
he doesn’t seem to be mad anymore.
“hi, Mark.” i smile back, already feeling so much more comfortable in his presence.
“uh, do you wanna sit?” he asks me, chuckling. i let a small huff of laughter out at my stupidity as i nod, taking a seat across from him.
“i’m so glad you made time to see me.” i confess, anxiously running my hands down the lap of my dress to smooth out any wrinkles.
“yeah, me too. i have to admit, i wasn’t sure about it at first. Ethan had to talk me into saying yes, but, now that i’m here, i’m glad i did.” he tells me, and any leftover anxious feelings disappear at his admission. we’re on the same page, happy to see each other.
a waitress comes to take our orders and just like he did all that time ago, Mark orders for me.
“i’ll have a BLT with extra bacon, and french fries with a coke. and she’ll have the strawberries and cream pancakes with turkey bacon on the side and a hot chocolate with extra whipped cream.” the waitress nods and gathers our menus before leaving to place our order.
“you remembered my order.” i laugh and he looks at me with the expression of a deer in headlights.
“oh, shit, i’m sorry. i hope that’s still you’re order. i guess it was subconscious, to order for you.” i lay a hand on his arm in reassurance.
“it’s okay. yeah, that’s still my order.” i tell him and he sighs in relief and nods.
“great.” i take my hand back and play with my fingers.
“so, how’s life?” i ask him. “tell me, how’s your family? i haven’t seen them in a while.”
“life’s good!” he smiles, nodding with a faraway look. “life’s really good. i’ve been good, but busy. we made it to the frozen four again last season. we didn’t win but, we made it, and that’s all that matters. and my family’s good! John and my parents are great.”
my smile falters at his answer. i didn’t want him to be miserable, of course not. but, i also didn’t expect him to be so happy without me in his life.
“that’s great. i’m really glad.” it’s the truth, of course i’m glad that he’s been good.
“what about you? how’s work? are you still running the media for your school’s baseball team?” the small talk continues.
“i’ve been okay. yeah, i’m still doing that. it’s been pretty good. stable, ya know?”
he nods in understanding and it’s quiet for a brief moment as we look out the diner winder next to us. snow flurries down outside, thick clouds hanging in the sky.
“it’s really coming down hard out there. i’m glad we got in here before the storm started.” he chats.
“yeah, although the roads are definitely gonna be icy.” he nods at my words and i can tell by the meaningless small talk that his guard is up. i can’t blame him, the last time we saw each other was when i broke up with him, breaking both of our hearts in one night.
the conversation is tabled when our food arrives and we fall into silence as we eat, and out of a force of habit, i stick half of my turkey bacon on his plate.
halfway through our meal, it seems that Mark can no longer hold in his confusion.
“why did you ask me here?” i set my fork down at his question, preparing myself to bare my heart.
“i wanted to tell you i’m sorry for that night.” i admit. i play with my mug of hot cocoa out of nerves.
“why now?” he asks. “why a year later?”
“i haven’t been sleeping lately.” i tell him. “i’ve just been laying in bed playing back that night in my head. i have so many regrets, and my biggest one is not staying in the car with you.”
he draws in a deep breath, glancing at his phone before looking back up at me.
“ya know, i thought we could get past it? i thought it was just a bump in our relationship and you would realize that you made a mistake and everything would be okay.
“and then my birthday passed, and you never called. you didn’t even text. and that’s when i knew that you were serious. i realized that we were really broken up.”
his words bring tears to my eyes.
“i’m sorry.” my voice shakes. “i’m so sorry, Mark.”
“it’s okay, y/n.” he shakes his head. “i get it. you wanted a taste of the college freedom.”
i shake my head, a frown making itself apparent on my lips.
“it turns out freedom is nothing but missing you.” i confess. “i’ve been thinking about last summer a lot lately. when we would sneak away from our friends and go on those late night drives. i realized i liked you as more than a friend for the first time when i was watching you laugh on one of those drives.
“you were so carefree. you were the opposite of me. no worries, no stress. just living in the moment. and then we started dating and everything in the world felt… right. i felt safe with you. i felt at home. and then we both left for school and we were so far apart and i was so worried that you wouldn’t want me anymore. but then you were you. you called me every night and you sent me flowers and even from miles away, you made sure i wasn’t working myself too hard. and i fell in love with you that fall.”
i look down at my half full plate as he chews on his lip.
“but then i came home from winter break. and fear crept into my mind. my sister started telling me that you probably hated being tied down when you have so many girls that want you. she said i should be single in order to have the full college experience. she said i shouldn’t be pining over a guy that probably wished he didn’t have to call me after all of his games. that you probably hated having a girlfriend that you couldn’t even really be with. so i listened to her. i thought that she was older and wiser so she was probably right.”
i look back up at him as tears roll down my face. i held my tears in until i was out of his car last december, making this only the second time he’s ever actually seen me cry and his expression is filled with the exact same worry as it was the first time.
**SEPTEMBER 20TH, 2022**
i sit on Mark’s bed, watching as he folds clothes to put in his suitcase.
he’s leaving.
we both are.
i knew this day would come. that summer would end and we’d have to leave each other.
i knew it when we started this relationship three months ago. i just didn’t think it would hurt this bad.
my breath hitches as i watch him fold up my favorite shirt of his, sticking it in his suitcase, and i realize that for the next 3 months, i won’t see him wear it again. i won’t see him again.
“actually, babe, do you think i could keep that one?” i ask him, pulling the shirt out of the travel bag that rests beside me.
“what?” he laughs and i almost feel stupid for asking. “you wanna keep my shirt?”
“ya know what? yeah, it’s- it’s stupid. nevermind.” i place the shirt back in the suitcase, scrunching my nose up and subtly pinching my eyes closed in attempt to hold back my tears.
i look the opposite direction, blinking a few times to try to get rid of the salt water stinging my eyes.
“hey.” his voice is gentle, soft, as he crouches down to his knees in front of me. his hands rest gently on my thighs. “look at me, please.”
i gather my courage, averting my gaze to look into his eyes. his face is filled with worry, his eyebrows raised in concern. he crawls onto the bed, pulling me into his side as the tears escape my eyes.
“what’s wrong? hmm?” he caresses my cheek, tilting my head to look up at him.
“i’m gonna miss you.” i tell him. i bite my lip, holding back a sob.
“i’m gonna miss you more, sweet girl.” he whispers, planting a light kiss on the tip of my nose. “but these next few months are gonna fly by, and then we’ll see each other over winter break. and then summer break. and then finally, it’ll be summer again. and before you know it, you’ll be getting sick of me again.”
he brushes a tear away with his thumb.
“you’re gonna be telling me ‘gosh Mark, give me some space!’” he raises his pitch, mocking my voice and making me leg out a watery giggle amongst my tears.
“i will not!” i smack his chest lightly.
“okay, yeah, maybe not. you’ll actually be all over me, and i’ll eat up every second of it.” he jokes.
“holding you.” he squeezes me tighter, pulling me into his lap.
“kissing you.” he cups my face, pulling my lips to his and laying a sweet kiss against them.
“touching you.” his hands slide down my body to rest on my hips.
“keep the shirt, baby.” he tells me before raising his eyebrows. “but i expect to see you wearing it on facetime. think you can do that?”
i giggle nodding my head. “yeah, i can do that.”
“good.” he reaches over, grabbing the shirt out of the suitcase. he hands it to me and i hug it to my chest. “you feeling better now, pretty girl?”
i nod, leaning forward to lay my head on his chest, and his arms snake around me, holding me to him.
“good. cause that was the first time i’ve seen you cry and i hated every second of it.”
**PRESENT DAY**
“y/n, your sister was wrong.” he tells me. his hand moves to lay atop of mine, rubbing it with his thumb to provide a sense of comfort for me as i wipe away my tears.
“i didn’t care that other girls wanted me, all i wanted was you. i loved calling you after games. i loved hearing you share in my excitement when we won, or giving me pep talks when we lost.
“did i love that i couldn’t be with you? no. but that didn’t mean i wanted to break up. i loved you.”
loved.
past tense.
my heart aches as i slide my hand out from under his, my stomach churning in discomfort.
his phone buzzes on the table and he glances at it once again before looking back at me.
“maybe this is wishful thinking; but if we loved again, i swear i’d love you right this time.” i sigh. “i just wanted you to know that. i miss you. i’m so happy you’re doing great, but i’m not. i miss your sweet smile. i miss how you looked at me like i was the only girl in the world. i miss loving you. i miss our late night talks when we should’ve been studying. i miss hearing about your games. i even miss hearing Ethan’s obnoxious teasing when we were talking way later than we should’ve been. i miss you, even as just a friend, like before we were dating. and i know it’s probably much too late, but i go back to December all the time and i just needed you to know that i’m so sorry for that night. and i’d go back in time and change it if i could, but i can’t.”
he sighs, licking his lips and looking down at his hands.
“y/n-” i cut him off.
“you don’t have to say anything, Mark. i just wanted you to know.” he nods but speaks anyways.
“i’m in a good place, y/n. i’m happy. i appreciate your apology, but it’s okay. it was probably for the best, anyways.” he shrugs.
for the best.
right.
“oh- okay.” tears escape my eyes, rolling down my cheeks again.
“i’m sorry that you’re not happy. i really am. and if there was anything else i could do to change that, i would. it hurts me to know that you’re hurting because you still hold a special place in my heart. you were my best friend for so long, and you were my first love.”
i nod in understanding, steeling myself and preparing for the meeting to end.
his phone buzzes once more and this time he picks it up. i watch his face as he looks at the notification, and my heart drops at his expression.
the way his eyes light up. the way the corners of his lips curl up just slightly, like he’s trying not to smile. the way the corners of his eyes crinkle.
i know that look.
it’s the same way that his friends said he looked at his phone when my contact would pop up.
he’s in love.
with someone who’s not me.
“who is she?” i can’t help but ask. i keep my tone light. not accusing, but genuinely curious.
he quickly puts his phone down, looking back at me with wide eyes.
“what?” he asks, feigning obliviousness.
“who is she? the girl on your phone.” i send him a watery smile, silently assuring him that it’s okay.
“her name is Anna.” he admits, his shoulders slumping in ease. “she’s my… girlfriend. we started dating in May, right before the summer. she works media for the team.”
i nod along as he speaks, a soft teary smile masking the fact that it feels like my heart is being ripped to shreds.
“i hope she makes you happy.” i tell him, and i mean it. i really want him happy. regardless of who’s causing it.
“she does.” he’s gentle with his words, obviously not wanting to hurt me. but he isn’t the one who hurt me, i did.
“did she come home with you?” i ask him, fearing that i already know the answer.
“yeah.” he tells me, biting his lip.
“go to her.” i whisper, mustering one more small smile.
“y/n, i-” he starts but i shake my head.
“go. it’s okay.” i assure him. “you heard what i wanted you to hear. now, go home to your girlfriend and your family. enjoy your break.”
he nods, fishing out his wallet and setting some cash on the table.
“it was really nice seeing you, y/n. maybe i’ll see you around.” he tells me, standing up and putting his coat back on before he braves the snowy night.
“yeah, maybe.” i smile up at him and he gives me one in return before walking away.
i look out the window beside the table as he walks out to his car. the same car that i broke both our hearts in. and i watch as he drives out of the parking lot. it reminds me eerily of that night last December.
i avert my gaze to the table top, spotting the cash he left. enough to cover both our meals. and i can’t help but cry.
i did this to myself. i let my fears get the best of me, and now he’s happy without me. and i’ll have to sit on the sidelines and watch as he spends his life with someone else. someone who can love him better than i could.
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