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@humanityissstrange
I’m legally required to post this every Halloween
As someone who struggles with depression, I did not expect a game about a talking cursed fish to actually give advice that would hit home.
This is because snow doesn't bounce sound waves like concrete does. When the world is like this it's LITERALLY quieter. The snow muffles sound
lot of you guys want to bleed to death in this photo!
That sounds nice actually.
“Squirrel makes a home outside a window and then moves the family in over the cold months”
(via)
I feel like if humans swallowed rocks like birds do to help grind up food we'd have so much fun with it.
Can just imagine all the girlies on tiktok going "I know this is a bit controversial but I honestly love using limestone as a gastrolith. Not only can you readily forage it but they are just so pretty when smoothed out after regurgitating them"
and then all the comments would be like " girl 😭 😭 calcite dissolves in stomach acid!! Just use quartz if you want a pretty gastrolith like 💀"
I like this site. Y’all just shotgunning counterfactual timelines
Humans are weird: New Carthage Fleet
( Please come see me on my new patreon and support me for early access to stories and personal story requests :D https://www.patreon.com/NiqhtLord Every bit helps)
“I hate dealing with humans.”
Lemar suppressed a sigh but could not help but roll his eyes as once again the ambassador voiced his displeasure with their current situation.
Three rotations ago the High Council of Mimar dispatched their most prestigious ambassador, Dunal Vek, to conduct a series of trade negotiations with the various human domains scattered across the stars. They had at one time been united under a single banner, but had since torn themselves apart and formed pocket kingdoms of various sizes ranging from a single planet to twelve systems.
To further confound matters given the variety of cultures and societal differences between the different pocket empires they dispatched a second ambassador, mainly himself, to ensure each meeting could be handled from a variable of different avenues.
Lemar had jumped at the opportunity to get out of the office and see the galaxy, yet having spent the last two rotations trapped in an ambassador cutter going to their first point of contact with ambassador Dunal’s stentch he was beginning to miss the comfort of hiss fragrant desk.
“I would advise against expressing such tact once we are within their domain.” Lemar cautioned. “We do not know what type of listening capabilities they have; biological or mechanical.”
Dunal scoffed. “Hairless primatives who’ve barely mastered space travel and you expect me to kowtow myself before them?”
In truth Lemar would have picked Dunal last for such a sensitive mission. In his eyes he bore many of the ill-favored symptoms of his people to be an ambassador. His vanity and pride would not allow him to see any other species as his kind’s equal. He was brash, unapologetic, and consumed by the notion that our people were the pinnacle of development amongst the stars and therefore all others should feel nothing but joy at even the smallest interaction with them.
Humans were the latest in a long line of new species discovering space travel and seeding themselves across the stars. Lemar’s people had kept communications with their former government short but cordial so to promote peaceful negotiations, but that had been almost twenty human years ago and now new talks were needed.
“Please prepare, we are about to reach our destination.”
The pair of ambassadors took their seats and braced themselves as the cutter exited the jump. Even the most advanced ships were unable to fully mitigate the natural forces applied to vessels when exiting a jump so a danger still persisted. Larger ships were more durable and could sustain multiple gravity displacers that allow the ship to mitigate the exit transfer, but the downside was that their mass increased travel times substantially. Smaller craft, like their diplomatic cutter, could make faster jumps but risked increased damage upon exiting.
With a semi-violent shudder the cutter craft exited the jump and the lights flickered. This turbulence lasted several minutes before the ship began to calm and then the vibrations finally ceased. One by one the shutters protecting the viewports retracted and the ambassadors were able to look outside at the system they had arrived in.
What looked back was a giant eye the size of a five story building.
“What in the farnap!?!” Dunal screamed as he fell over himself as he retreated from the window.
Not missing a step Lemar pushed over his colleague and into the cockpit. Unlike the ambassadors, the pilot was unexpectedly calm and composed as the giant eye continued past the window.
“What is going on?!” Lemar demanded.
The pilot looked up from their controls then back at the eyeball.
“First time seeing a Void Beast I take it?” they chuckled.
Lemar wanted to rebuke the pilot for his disregard of status, yet stopped himself as they were an experienced pilot and were completely calm.
Lemar leaned closer to the cockpit window and saw the rest of the giant creature. It’s flesh was a pale pink, a sharp contrast against the black void of space. Tentacles as long as continents drifted lazily behind it while a mouth that stretch on into the horizon came in and out of view.
As the massive creature continued drifting in space Lemar caught sight of a small metal series of structures near the creature’s cranium along what looked like a crudely painted flag of some kind across a wide portion of its skin.
It bore the colors of their host they were to meet with today, New Carthage.
“Since when were Void Beasts able to be controlled outside of the swarm?” Lemar asked the pilot.
They shrugged. “As far as I’ve heard this is the only one. They obtained it after the swarm drifted into their domain about ten years ago.”
“How do you know of such things but not I?”
“It was all in the information packet you were given.” The pilot remarked dryly as he began steering the cutter around the void beast.
“What pack-“ Lemar cut himself off as realization hit him.
“DUNAL!”
Lemar stormed back into the passenger quarters to find Dunal having composed himself and now sipping from a golden chalice.
“What is it?” he stammered between sips.
“We were given an information packet and you did not share it?” Lemar demanded. Dunal looked unamused and continued drinking.
“I threw both of those away. What trifling information we know of humans is enough without the ink peddlers stretching it out.”
Lemar grabbed hold of Dunal’s seat and spun it so he was facing the window as the Void Beast’ mouth went past.
“They control a void beast and you did not think that information we should know!?”
Dunal’s mouth twitched in shock for a moment before returning to his natural disinterested look. He said nothing else as the cutter craft powered sublight engines and began progressing to their meeting point.
Once beyond the view of the void beast Lemar was astounded to see that the system was bustling with all manner of craft. There was a large metallic collection of boxes of the Jemri, the knife like vessels of the Hampara, and even a swarm collective of three dozen Yulton’s whose ship enlarge or decreased in with the amount of drones docking and undocking.
Lemar returned to the cockpit and watched each of these strange vessels come and go. He was struck by the fact that despite each ship being from a different species, they all bore the mark of New Carthage.
“How can they have so many ships?” he pondered out loud.
“They’re trophies.” The pilot remarked calmly as he continued with the controls.
“Excuse me?”
“Trophies.” They repeated. “The humans don’t fully destroy ships of their enemies; they take the wrecks and incorporate them into their own fleet.”
Lemar’s eyes went across the vast fleet of ships again.
“Something to do with their heritage as traders and merchants back on their homeworld; they never liked to waste what they could put to work.”
Lemar was now reevaluating not just the trade factor of their mission, but the now very present military threat level these humans presented. With these many ships of such variety there was no telling what composition of weaponry they held. What could they do if they deployed their void beast alongside a flotilla of fast moving Hampara ships?
The variety of ships offered compliments for what each species naturally lacked, and built upon the strengths of the others.
What was even more troubling was what would happen if the humans started sharing the technology between multiple ships? There was no telling if they left the initial hardware in place or upgraded it by mass producing and equipping each ship with multiple species technology.
Hells, what if the void beast alone was equipped with Jemri shielding units? It would negate the weakness of long range fire against it instantly forcing brutal close quarters combat; the very thing that the creatures excelled at.
“Twenty minutes to destination.” The pilot chipped as the orbital spaceport started to creep into view.
Lemar took several gulps and returned to his quarters hoping that at the very least they didn’t upset these humans, or else they might face total annihilation.
Oh My
During first contact, one of the humans who was working with us was staring at us oddly. At first, I wasn't sure what they meant by it; their body language was unfamiliar to me. When the other human with them said something in their harsh, chattery language, they jumped like they had been shocked, cast their eyes down and a red flush climbed from their neck to their face. Clearly something had happened. As they did not say anything to me, and everyone seemed to be working very hard to ignore what just happened, I put it aside and continued to work on the translation model with them.
To be honest, they were fascinating. We had apelike creatures on our home world, but they were forest dwelling animals, who - while clever - didn't exhibit any signs of civilization. When we mentioned this, the humans replied that they had animals from their world that looked somewhat like us. They were called cats, and were a popular pet, as well as a subject for much visual art."
As time went on and our communication levels improved, I was able to notice that more humans were staring at us very intently as we toured their ship. When they did, sometimes - though not always - another human with them reacted strongly and they always immediately turned away, and their skin reddened like that human before.
Finally, I felt that our communication levels had progressed enough that I could broach the subject. We were back aboard their ship and getting a tour of their food production facilities when I asked.
"Cel? I have noticed that some of the humans will stare at us as we walk by, and then usually someone with them will say something, and they will look away, and their skin around their neck and face reddens. Do you know what is happening?"
Cel was the human assigned to us while we were aboard their ship. She was a member of some kind of logistics team and when they weren't in combat, she did not have many tasks or obligations, and had expressed an interest in helping out. She took to her role vigorously and worked very hard to make sure our needs were met and that we had a pleasant experience aboard.
"Their skin redd-oh." Cel's skin exhibited the same behavior, though less strongly than the others. "That's called a blush. It's an involuntary response to being embarrassed or other emotional stress."
"Why?"
"We think it is part of our nonverbal communication suite." Cel said making that motion with her shoulders moving them up and then down quickly - a shrug. "Perhaps it is meant to signal remorse or guilt."
"Thank you for the explanation, but I had meant more why were they feeling embarrassed after looking at us? Do they not like us? I can understand fearing the unknown, but we are all working hard to move past that and learn more about each other."
"Oh, it's not fear." Cel said, looking straight ahead. "It's a different feeling." She took in a larger than normal breath of air and exhaled more loudly. She said it was called a sigh. "They're attracted to you, physically."
"Physically? As in, they wish to... mate with us?" I didn't know what else to say. We were told to do our utmost to be accommodating and to present a friendly, cooperative facade. The space that the humans occupied was rich with mineral wealth, and we were in dire need of some of those minerals. We must have positive relations with them.
"Er, yes. That is what many of them desire." Cel continued looking ahead as we walked. "I know you've seen our art, and how you look somewhat like our cats."
"That's right, and you look a bit like our Greminar."
Cel's head tilted up and down once - a nod. There was a moment where I felt a well of pride at being able to read their body language so well. They all did it so much, and hardly knew about it. "You've shown me images of cats, they are much too small. Why would humans wish to mate with us because we look like cats?"
"It's..." She sighed again. "This is one of those things that is probably better to show, rather than explain." We entered a wardroom and she brought up some images on her pad. "Furry art" she called it. Sure enough, it was colorful images of...
"These look like us!" I said, shocked. I turned the image to get a better view. "Though, I don't think our mammary glands tend to be that lar-"
"Yes, I know what you mean." Cel said, the blush not leaving her face. "These are stylized images, more meant for titillation than an accurate representation."
"I should say so." I said, pointed at one of them. "That outfit is entirely unfeasible, it would bunch and I know I would be cold wearing it, fur or not."
"Yes, well." Cell closed her pad quickly. "That's why some of the humans were staring, and why they blushed when called out on it."
"But, that doesn't explain why you're blushing right-" Oh. "Cel, how were you able to procure those images to show me so quickly?" I hope Cel was getting as good at reading my body language as I was at hers. I couldn't help myself, we tend to tease our potential partners, and I wanted to see how she'd react. I was told to do what I could to build a positive relationship after all.
Cel tucked her arms in her side, hands in her lap as her head tilted down, her blush vibrant.
My large, pointed ears flicked in amusement.
Threat of Friendship
The Galaxy is big. Like, a bit too big honestly. There's always just more things to take care of, and by the time you've dealt with the latest diplomatic, bureaucratic, geological, or biological dilemma - suddenly there's a new species that's gone stellar and thinks they're the bestest and most geniuses ever to smart about the universe.
But unlike in the past, the Galactic Coalition now has Humans they can send over to engage in friendly interactions.
Particularly, make sure the Human delegates bring along some extroverted engineers and frat bros(?) who just wanna party.
The technological and cultural exchange will be unpredictable and chaotic, yes. But! So far no one's been able to out-Human Humans in their brazen disregard for logic in the name of a) cool new toys; and b) cool new drinks; which combine into c) cool new sports
Oh, not to mention that it is always amusing when the new aliens think their spaceships and weapons and gadgets are sleek and powerful and top-of-the-line, only to be outclassed in every technical regard by what looks like (and probably was) a weekend garage project.
The Human engineer will excitedly examine every nook and cranny, be amazed by their design decisions, and then in the most friendly and sincere way disassemble their fundamental understanding of physics, and just as jovially "fix" a power inefficiency (that the aliens spent the last century perfecting and believing to be the pinnacle of science) by violently yanking some vital component, jamming a couple wires where they shouldn't go, making the whole thing spin (even if it's still bolted down) and saying: "There! Magnets and a bit of juice, now this baby's pumping out what it can really do!" "Oh my! You have a sept-axial modulation converter and a memetic quantum distributor. How was the first time when you combined them to make a eliozoidal time infringement inverter? Oh boy, when we did it first, the paradox nearly blew up my house!"
Meanwhile, the oblivious frat bros who just wanna have a party, try the local menu, and engage in friendly competition, with the most sincere big dumb guy energy totally destroy the aliens' concepts of most accepted biological endurance, strength, adaptability, and unexpected knowledge. "Dude, that looks like a squid, but with like, starfishes for hands. Looks gnarly. 50 credits say I can eat it faster than you!" "Bro!! This dude let me drive their jet bike. Listen, it sounds like a bald eagle fighting a squirrel! So cool!" "Homies!!! These guys have actual giant-sized holographic four dimension chess! With kaijus and RPG mechanics! We need three more for a team!"
An encounter with some of the most friendly individuals Humanity can provide, and the new 'hot-shots' can only blankly have their egos shattered and left without any practical option than to take the extended hand of Friendship blissfully and innocently offered by these Humans.
Threat of Friendship
The Galaxy is big. Like, a bit too big honestly. There's always just more things to take care of, and by the time you've dealt with the latest diplomatic, bureaucratic, geological, or biological dilemma - suddenly there's a new species that's gone stellar and thinks they're the bestest and most geniuses ever to smart about the universe.
But unlike in the past, the Galactic Coalition now has Humans they can send over to engage in friendly interactions.
Particularly, make sure the Human delegates bring along some extroverted engineers and frat bros(?) who just wanna party.
The technological and cultural exchange will be unpredictable and chaotic, yes. But! So far no one's been able to out-Human Humans in their brazen disregard for logic in the name of a) cool new toys; and b) cool new drinks; which combine into c) cool new sports
Oh, not to mention that it is always amusing when the new aliens think their spaceships and weapons and gadgets are sleek and powerful and top-of-the-line, only to be outclassed in every technical regard by what looks like (and probably was) a weekend garage project.
The Human engineer will excitedly examine every nook and cranny, be amazed by their design decisions, and then in the most friendly and sincere way disassemble their fundamental understanding of physics, and just as jovially "fix" a power inefficiency (that the aliens spent the last century perfecting and believing to be the pinnacle of science) by violently yanking some vital component, jamming a couple wires where they shouldn't go, making the whole thing spin (even if it's still bolted down) and saying: "There! Magnets and a bit of juice, now this baby's pumping out what it can really do!" "Oh my! You have a sept-axial modulation converter and a memetic quantum distributor. How was the first time when you combined them to make a eliozoidal time infringement inverter? Oh boy, when we did it first, the paradox nearly blew up my house!"
Meanwhile, the oblivious frat bros who just wanna have a party, try the local menu, and engage in friendly competition, with the most sincere big dumb guy energy totally destroy the aliens' concepts of most accepted biological endurance, strength, adaptability, and unexpected knowledge. "Dude, that looks like a squid, but with like, starfishes for hands. Looks gnarly. 50 credits say I can eat it faster than you!" "Bro!! This dude let me drive their jet bike. Listen, it sounds like a bald eagle fighting a squirrel! So cool!" "Homies!!! These guys have actual giant-sized holographic four dimension chess! With kaijus and RPG mechanics! We need three more for a team!"
An encounter with some of the most friendly individuals Humanity can provide, and the new 'hot-shots' can only blankly have their egos shattered and left without any practical option than to take the extended hand of Friendship blissfully and innocently offered by these Humans.
lets be heavily armored with mama
Let’s bask with mama
the first rule of cooking is that there are no rules. anything goes do whatever you want forever. the first rule of baking is that if you fuck it up you die
Long man has preferences
#when you're serving some fish and it's his favourite dish#that's a moray
You cannot leave this in the tags!
Wishing everyone have a mackerel day today!