Re-introducing myself because I feel like I should
He/they; they/them
anime side blog: b0n33pile
posting fanart, both sfw and suggestive
posting ficlets, drabbles and other stuff I write (both SFW and NSFW, be careful)
If you want to Req fanfic drabbles, see my post ORDER UP!
Due to these two aspects my blog is mostly 17+
formerly known as: @palesweetsdeer or @palesheetsdeer
content: Ghost BC (main); Call of Duty (MW); Stray Kids (rarely); Dispatch (Game, rarely), LEGO Ninjago (childhood hyperfixation)
My stuff: #my art ; #stories from the clergy ; #ghoul bio ; #woolftalk ; #weaponized faggotry
other socials: Bluesky Woolfquestxx ; TikTok Woolf_questxx ; Ao3 Azass___11
Quick explanation on why I made a new blog:
apparently some cunt reported the old one and tumblr just deleted it without warning me beforehand. Yesterday I got the notification that they weren’t going to re-enable it, so now I have to repost everything.
Which I will. Over the next few days, I will be re-uploading all my old stuff but will do so in compilations. I’m really sorry but I don’t have the energy right now to post every single drawing again on its own, since most of them don’t even make sense without the fitting request.
As for requests:
again, they’re always open and I’m glad to answer them with drawings, Headcanons or Drabbles. I’m so, so unbelievably sorry for the over 400 reqs I had sitting in my old account before it got deleted, I was really looking forward to doing some of them
also I have decided to just use this blog to post all my stuff, not just Ghost related so.. please bear with me
DNI:
Didn't think I'd need one but here it is ig
Anything incest (ESPECIALLY Papa/Papa supporters)
Darkshippers
Homophobes
Transphobes, TERFs, Transmeds
Misogynists
Bigots of any kind actually
Racists
MAGA
Anybody excusing/romanticising rape, pedophilia, incest, femicide or Genocide
if I catch any Trump/ICE supporters, I’m immediately blocking them without hesitation
They're standing right next to a large, metal statue of a bear, posed majestically on a square base, reading "Seoraksan National Park" in both Korean and English.
"Whoa look at that!", Hyunjin marvels, walking up to the statue and taking a few pictures of it. "It's so big!"
"Looks like Changbin", Seungmin comments while walking by, hands buried in the pockets of his shorts.
A warm, gentle breeze is blowing through the lot, carrying the fragrance of the pine and oak trees of the forest. It's a mild wind, delivering the news of summer slowly bleeding into autumn. They're all mostly dressed in shorts or baggy jeans and t-shirts except for Hyunjin who'd opted for a tank top and a jacket tied around his waist.
Chan looks back as their team starts setting up. He watches the crew open up cases and putting together the filming equipment, assemble cameras and tripods and the managers yell orders and directions.
"Chan."
He flinches a bit and turns towards Minho, who'd wandered over to him and stood right by his side now. The dancer raises a brow at his jumpy reaction and Chan lowers his gaze.
"Yeah?"
"Everything alright?", he asks, stepping a bit closer until their arms brush.
The touch helps to calm his nerves a bit and Chan sighs and shrugs, cracking his neck.
"It's such a weird… feeling. I don't know how to describe it", he murmurs, watching the others fawn over and joke about the bear. "There's this… feeling of impending doom. Like I know something's gonna go wrong."
It's so strange. He's never felt like this before when they'd filmed anything. At least not after the first year of officially being a group. The first few months had been scary of course but even then, he'd never felt like this.
During the bus ride he'd mistaken it for nervousness, maybe the new environment, maybe the responsibility of looking out for the others in such a big area. But now he'd noticed that that's not what it was. He wasn't nervous. He felt caged. Like a prey animal sitting in front of its attacker, waiting for them to strike. Like he was just awaiting the moment where something - he still doesn't know what - would go horribly, horribly wrong.
He must be looking visibly panicked because Minho's voice immediately takes on a lower, gentler tone and he touches Chan's arm to make him look over.
"Hyung. Bang Chan. Hey", he mutters softly, "none of that."
It's said in that soft tone he gets sometimes, mostly when talking to Jisung, and Chan feels his body calm down instinctively, muscles relaxing.
"Sorry."
"Nothing to apologize for." Minho looks around the place and shifts his weight from one foot to the other. "Do you wanna go somewhere to calm down? They have cafés here and stuff."
Chan follows his gaze but shakes his head.
"No, it's fine."
"Is it?"
Hyunjin spots them standing by themselves and makes his way over, hands buried in his pockets.
"Ayo old-", he pauses and tilts his head when he sees how pale Chan looks. "Is everything okay?"
Minho clicks his tongue.
"Hyunjinnie, are you nervous?", he asks, his arm still touching Chan's.
Hyunjin blinks in confusion and tilts his head.
"Nervous? Like… because of filming or..?"
"In general. Right now."
He looks back and forth between his hyungs for a moment and then slowly shakes his head.
"Nooo. Not really. I mean… should I be?", he frowns. "Now I kinda am."
Chan sighs and chuckles weakly.
"It's fine, I'm just talking nonsense."
Both Minho and Hyunjin fix him with a firm gaze and the younger man speaks up again.
"If you're not feeling well, then we have to do something, hyung. Doesn't make sense if we run through the woods the entire day and you collapse or something." He crosses his arms and cocks his hips, gnawing at his lower lip. Chan watches the motion and then shakes his head to tear his gaze away.
"I'm not gonna collapse, I'm fine. Just nervous."
Minho watches him closely as he speaks, sharp eyes taking in every detail of his face like he's searching for a lie.
Hyunjin blinks and then leans forward a little as if that would help him hear better.
"Nervous? For real? Why?" He looks around. "We've done this countless times, right? Didn't you and Minho-hyung and Jisungie go camping a few weeks ago?"
Minho snorts.
"That wasn't camping, we had a tiny fireplace next to a hiking trail."
Chan chuckles a bit at the memory of their shitty tent and even shittier folding chairs that almost killed Jisung whenever he tried to sit down on them.
"But it was fun", he argues gently and Hyunjin nods.
"Yeah. So… why are you freaking out now?"
Chan shrugs and sighs, fiddling with the hem of his flannel.
"It's… I don't know. I'm probably overreacting. It's gonna be fine."
Minho looks like he wants to say something but before he can get out a word the voice of their manager booms over the empty lot.
"Okay, guys! Everyone make your way to the cameras, we're gonna start filming in a minute!"
Chan moves before any of the others can speak up, weaving through the crowd of crew members and stops by the makeup table to get his face touched up. The brush feels familiar against his cheeks but not even that can make him relax. He's just freaking out. He's had irrational fears before. Not like this, but maybe this is just a new form. He'll have a talk with his therapist about it once they get back to Seoul.
The makeup lady finishes his concealer and smiles, sending him off. He bows his head at her, murmurs a quiet "thanks" and makes his way over to where Seungmin and Felix are already stood in front of the army of cameras.
He walks a few meters, shakes his head and then forces his steps to come lighter and more elated, an easy smile parting his lips.
"Hi Lix!", he grins, voice rising to that small, annoying tone that makes him sound like a cartoon character.
Felix beams back and matches the tone, his own voice cracking at the high noises.
"Hi Chris!"
Seungmin grimaces.
"Ew", he mutters, in English as well, just to make sure they really get him.
Jisung bounds over to them, flicking hair from his face. Chan watches him and raises a brow in awe.
"You got glasses?"
Jisung snorts and nods, shoving the large frame higher on his nose.
"Yeah. Hyunjinnie got these for me for our debut anniversary this year. Haven't gotten a chance to wear them on camera until now so…"
Chan makes an intrigued noise.
"Are those window glass or actual lenses?"
"Window glass, they're just for fashion." Jisung strikes a pose, cocking his hip. Had Chan not known him as well as he did, he might've considered it the gayest thing he's ever seen him do. "See?"
Felix snickers and leans on Chan's shoulder.
"You look gay."
Jisung makes an incredulous sound and then scoffs.
"Yeah, you would know."
"Hey!"
Chan giggles happily and Seungmin next to them snorts, slightly amused himself. He's oddly quiet today and for a brief moment, Chan wonders if he's feeling that same, dreadful sense of foreboding. Or maybe he didn't sleep well. He always did complain about earplugs irritating his ear canals so would make sense if he's still a little grumpy after sleeping with them in.
"Seungmin-"
"Okay!", the voice of their manager cuts through the chatter and the clap of his hands echoes deafeningly loud over the place. "Everyone get ready, we start filming in five!"
Seungmin looks at him for a moment as if he wants to ask something but Felix turns around and starts chatting with him excitedly. Chan decides to drop it.
He's driving himself crazy for absolutely no reason. It's nothing. He's fine, they're fine.
The cameras start rolling and he vaguely registers the others talking. Minho introduces them and their location for today's Code.
Someone makes a joke and he hears Jisung laughing. He knows his lips quirk up as if on instinct, maybe he laughs a little as well for solidarity. But he's not actively participating or even realizing what is happening around him.
Normally he wouldn't let himself go like this, especially not in front of the camera and for content their fans will see later. But he can't help it. It's like this is the only way he can exist right now without breaking down or having a panic attack.
He floats in this uncomfortable state of fear and disassociation until their manager speaks up again and he's violently shaken from his stupor.
"Right! So, as you guys know, you're here to complete some missions. For that, we will divide you into teams of two", he shows them a peace sign with both hands and Chan stiffens. "We'll go with the current dorm system. Each team will get a map, a camera and a walkie talkie. The team prepared some of the hiker trails in the forest for you to follow."
Chan looks around. He hadn't even noticed some of the crew members leaving for the forest and only now coming back. He frowns.
They were gonna split up. In one of South Korea's largest national parks. Which they'd never been to before. He feels sick. He vaguely notices Jisung next to him gently tap his side as if in question but doesn't respond. Instead he takes the offered walkie talkie, a map and a camera harness which he tugs over his head and moves with stiff limbs to find Jeongin.
Jeongin looks up when he marches over, notices his pale face and frowns. His voice is hushed as he speaks, trying not to get picked up by the cameras.
"We'll be fine, hyung. You okay?"
Chan nods and hands him their map, trying not to look too much like he's about to throw up all over himself.
Someone behind them screams and laughter erupts. Jeongin wheezes as well and Chan watches them. He can't bring himself to laugh this time.
↝✫✪✫↜
Not even five minutes later they've been divided into their respective teams: Jeongin and Chan, Jisung and Minho, Felix and Seungmin and Hyunjin and Changbin.
A few cameras follow them as they march down the small path to the first trail. Hyunjin and Changbin had taken the front of the crowd, laughing and making remarks about the nature around them. Chan and Jeongin went last, but their voices carried all the way to the back of the procession.
And he has to admit, the forest is quite beautiful. Thick bushes line the paths and trees larger than he's ever seen before loom above them. Gorgeous stone pines, oaks and maple trees that fill the air with a gentle, earthy smell.
He's missed this. Living in a large city like Seoul, it's easy to forget how calming and peaceful a nice walk in the woods could be. He's missed it so terribly, but it still does nothing to actually calm his nerves.
Jeongin swings his hand and, almost casually, slips his fingers between Chan's and squeezes once. The touch is comforting and reminds him to keep breathing as they make their way down the path to where the ways part.
They arrive at a large, rounded place with four hiking trails leading away from it. Their manager steps up again.
"Alright. So, each pair will follow one trail. Which doesn't matter, that's completely up to you", he motions to the ways behind him. "On each trail you will find four laminated envelopes of missions you have to do. The first team to complete these missions, and return here, wins. The team that places last has to set up the tents and help with cooking dinner!"
A rumble of discussion ripples through the group as every pair whispers about which route to take. Jeongin nudges Chan's side.
"Should we take the far left one? You can see pretty far ahead, I think the trees aren't that dense over there."
Chan's barely listening to him. Everything feels so dull, like his ears are plugged up. His hands tingle and he feels his heart pick up speed, hammering against his ribs.
The forest around them is whispering. The breeze playing with the leaves, small animals rustling through the underbrush, birds chirping up ahead. It sounds so dull, yet so loud and Chan feels it reflect in his own heart.
Hot blood rushes to his fingers and toes and he starts to sweat, the droplets burning on his skin. His throat is tight. He can't breathe. Or, he can, but he doesn't want to. His body doesn't want to breathe in this air. He's dying. It's killing h-
"Channie-hyung?"
He flinches harshly and nearly jumps to the side, clutching at his chest.
"Whoa- What?", he turns to Jeongin, who looks at him with a mix of concern and awkwardness.
The others look over as well, some sharing concerned glances before masking it with awkward laughter for the camera. Chan blinks and quickly pulls his lips into a fake relieved laugh, shoving at Jeongin's side.
"Gosh, Innie, you startled me", he jokes, earning nervous chuckles from the others as well.
Jeongin smiles uncomfortably and turns back to the manager, nodding as if to give him the okay to keep going. The man shows a thumbs up and clears his throat.
"Now, you'll be allowed to start once I count down from three. I'd advise you to be quick and secure the path you want or someone will snatch it before you can. Only one team per trail."
Chan tenses and Jeongin leans forward into a starting position. What did he say? The one to the far left? They should be able to make it, the other teams were farther away than them.
Chan blinks and looks down at his hands. The hot rush of panic is gone, as is the dull hammering in his chest. Everything seems fairly normal, safe for the tense lump in his stomach. Maybe this is just him going crazy.
"Three!"
Chan exhales and secures his bag over his shoulder so it's out of his way.
"Two!"
Jeongin reaches out and grabs his hand, squeezing it firmly. Before Chan has time to react or tease him about it, the countdown continues.
"One! GO!"
Felix and Seungmin are the first to start running, Chan and Jeongin right behind them. Felix, being the small, agile fuck he is, starts laughing hysterically, jumping over a large tree root and claiming the trail Jeongin had selected for them.
Chan curses under his breath, an instinctive laugh escaping him as he sees Felix beam and show him a thumbs down, the gleeful cunt.
Jeongin doesn't give them time to mourn their loss, instead tugging at Chan's hand to whip them around and quickly break through the underbrush of the trail right next to the one they'd originally wanted.
"Lix-hyung that was dirty!", he calls over his shoulder, gripping Chan's hand as they run down the trail. "We're still gonna win!"
Felix laughs and calls after them but Chan is laughing too hard to make out the exact words. They run down the path and around the first corner until Jeongin starts slowing down and panting, leaning against a tree.
"Wheew", he wheezes, brushing his hair out of his face. "Should've known Lix would go for ours."
Chan puts his hands on his hips, trying to catch his breath and looks around. The trail is nice. A bit remote, leading into the deeper heart of the forest. He can see the trees becoming denser further down the path and feels around for that uneasy, squeamish lump that had been terrorizing him all day.
To his surprise, he finds it gone. There is no trace of fear or that oppressive sense of doom that made him sick to his stomach earlier.
Huh. Maybe he had been overreacting. Maybe he'd been so nervous about them getting thrown into the middle of the forest that he'd made himself go crazy and now, that they were here, it went away again?
Jeongin swallows and looks over.
"You okay?"
Chan nods and looks down, adjusting his camera harness to film the path in front of them properly.
"Yeah. I'm doing better."
Jeongin nods and pushes off the tree, shaking out his hands.
"Good. Come on, we have to win this."
Chan snickers and follows him. Now that the stress and tension is gone his heart feels much lighter, his shoulders relax and he even swings his hand a bit as he walks next to Jeongin.
Looking around them, the forest really is gorgeous. The way the light filters through the tree canopies and paints the floor in golden speckles, the first maple leaves gaining a fiery orange color and the sound of birds all around them. The air smells clean and he feels like he can breathe in properly, feeling the mild breeze fill his lungs in a way the city air would never manage.
Jeongin pulls out their map and unfolds it while he walks, looking over the markers and paths on it.
"Okay. We should come across the first envelope soon", he states, hopping over a root. "Keep your eyes open for yellow pennants. Those mark our way."
Chan watches him with fond eyes and chuckles.
"Look at that〜 Our Iyennie〜 So grown and leading me through the forest", he coos, nudging the younger man's side and shaking his shoulders.
Jeongin whines and grimaces, trying to shove him away.
"I'm just reading a map!"
"But you're doing it cutely!"
Jeongin shoves at his side but it's so gentle and weak that he's sure it wasn't meant to actually do something.
"You're just delusional! You guys think everything I do is cute!"
"Because it is!"
He looks up when something catches his attention from the corner of his eye and points ahead.
"I see a pennant!"
Jeongin follows his gaze and watches as Chan runs ahead and climbs on the tree trunk the pennant is hung above.
"Huh", he says, looking back at the map. "That's earlier on than it says on the map…"
Chan jumps down and trots back, handing him the pennant.
"What's wrong?"
Jeongin shrugs, pocketing the bright yellow fabric.
"Nothing. They probably made a mistake when they drew it. The next one should be up ahead and we should find the first envelope too."
Chan shrugs and stretches, continuing down the path. Now that he doesn't feel like they're all about to die any second he finds himself actually enjoying this mission.
They walk for a bit until they reach a fork in the road. Jeongin blinks and looks down at the map again, frowning.
"There shouldn't be- Hyung?"
He looks up as Chan points down the left trail.
"There!", he exclaims, righting his cap. "I can see the next pennant."
Jeongin looks back behind them and then hesitantly follows as Chan happily pads towards the more remote part of the route. The breeze picks up a bit, whirling amber leaves around them, the wet earth crunching beneath their feet.
"Channie-hyung…", Jeongin mutters, looking behind them once more. "I'm not sure if that's the right way… On the map it didn't say anything about a fork in the road this early on."
"Maybe we're farther ahead than we thought", Chan muses, arriving at the yellow piece of cloth that'd been wrapped around a branch tightly. Next to it dangles a laminated sheet of paper that sways in the breeze, mostly obscured by the pennant. "Here's the mission and the marker."
Jeongin shifts from one foot to the other uncomfortably.
"What's it say?"
Chan unfastens the string of the mission sheet and turns it over, brows drawing together.
The paper is yellowed, as if it had been hanging here for months, maybe years. The letters seem to be handwritten with a pen or maybe even ink. Although… He squints.
No matter how hard he tries, he can't read what's written on it. The letters, or whatever is painted on it, seem to bleed and blend together, the ink black in some places and pale blue in others.
What he's looking at is a vague mockery of Hangul characters. He can make out shapes and lines but none of them make any sense in writing.
From one moment to the next, the doomed feeling is back full force, hitting him square in the chest like a branch snapping back.
His breathing speeds up and he grips the paper tighter as his palms begin to sweat. Something is wrong. Something is so very wrong and he'd been right the whole time. They shouldn't have come here, his body had been warning him all fucking day!
"Hyung…"
Chan looks behind him and then follows Jeongin’s gaze to the trail they had been following. Moss. Where there had been a path of wet earth and trampled ferns is nothing but an undisturbed blanket of moss, covering the tree roots.
Jeongin takes a step back to stand at his side.
“Hyung”, he repeats quietly, eyes fixed on the ground as if he's afraid it would change again if he looks away. “Where is the trail?”
Y’all remember when someone tried to shit on the DOMINO choreo because they ’weren‘t in sync’ for the part where the lyrics literally go ‘I’mma knock it down like domino’ and they fall over one after the other…. like dominos?
Because I do and it kills me every fucking time lmfao
This is based on this picture because I laugh every time I see it he's an absolute UNIT
Also that live where Lee Know was like "don't say things behind people's backs, say it to their face. I make sure to call Soonie 'giant pork cutlet' to his face because of that.
It's been about three weeks since Copia had summoned his first multi ghoul. To everyone's dismay it turned out to be a bratty, arrogant, dominant bitch he had the audacity to call 'Sunshine'.
She was pretty, her eyes melting into large moth wings that seemed to act as lashes with cloud-like hair and blue skin. A mix of air and fire, if she had to guess. But that was about all that was nice about her.
Ever since arriving at the den, Sunny (as Copia lovingly called her), had caused nothing but trouble.
She was defiant, stubborn and refused to accept her title as Youngling. Guess what she wanted to be instead?
Matriarch. This newbie fucking larvae had the balls to look Cirrus in the face and tell her she wanted to be a Matriarch too and that she'd challenge her position if she had to.
There had been a strange tugging in her stomach at that. A hot, blistering sensation that had eaten at Cirrus' innards, cooked her heart alive with seething boiling rage and the desire to put this bitch in her place.
The straw that broke the camel's back came on a Monday, almost a month after Sunshine's summoning.
"Why not?!", the multi ghoulette hisses. "I'm just as much of a leader as you are! I can organise hunts, I can hold meetings and-"
Cirrus bares her teeth, feathers puffing up.
"Do you actually wanna argue with me right now?! I'm a Matriarch in this swarm. You're a Youngling who's never even been on a hunt Topside!"
"And I bet I would nail it first try!"
They hiss at each other and Cirrus feels her fingers itch to dig her claws into her soft flesh, show her some actual discipline. Even Rain had been easier to tame and he'd been a right cunt at the beginning.
Cirrus flicks her ears, trying to keep her calm. This is useless. She should just put an end to this, she's the Matriarch after all. But she can't. For some reason, she wants to keep arguing, wants to hiss and growl at Sunny, to glare her into the ground whenever she fucks up and then watch her warnings and discipline get ignored.
There was a twisted sort of fun... almost pleasure in it. To be defied like this even though she shouldn't be. To have to re-establish her dominance like this when it was questioned for the first time.
Sunshine scoffs and flaps the wings in her face.
"Tch. You don't scare me! I could easily replace you, and I will!"
Cirrus narrows her eyes. It's not that she's trying to scare Sunny, that's not her form of ruling. But maybe... she should. Maybe that's the only way she'll listen.
"Oh yeah? I don't scare you?", she asks, voice dropping as she slowly takes step after step towards the youngling, her feathers bristling. "I don't intimidate you? I don't make you insecure and act up like a fucking toddler?"
Sunshine growls and backs away, her antennae twitching nervously. A spark of hot, white satisfaction ignites in Cirrus' heart and she growls low in her throat.
"You don't think I know what you're doing? Why I'm the only one you consistently piss off like this?", she snarls, leaning in, her beak nearly brushing against Sunshine's temple. "If you want my attention so bad... just say it, firefly."
For the first time since she's shown up Topside, Sunshine looks scared. Scared and unbelievably, horribly turned on. Her pupils are blown wide, her antennae twitch wildly and the wings on her hips and eyes flutter, although she tries to keep them still.
She gapes for a moment, opening and closing her mouth without making a sound, before shoving Cirrus away with hectic movements, hissing.
"Leave me the fuck alone! It's not- You're not- Shut up!"
She snarls wildly and flees past her, the door to the heat room slamming shut. It was the only private quarters in the den, Cirrus knew that, but she couldn't help the smug smile that curled her lips at the almost comedic effect it had, considering the situation and smell orf arousal tainting the air.
She tilts her head and licks over her fangs.
"Alright then. Let's get this over with", she murmurs to herself and then follows after Sunny.
Since I got this on TikTok: you're not morally superior for 'shipping' a male idol with a female idol just because it's heterosexual.
I genuinely don't really care about this shit, I just like expressing myself through art. But saying 'I think this guy has a girlfriend' (especially if its to spite queer people) is the same fucking thing as 'I think this guy has a boyfriend'. It's still 'shipping' real people.
You're not morally superior for assuming that guy's straight, especially since you, just like queer shippers, are just assuming. You don't know this person and assuming calling them queer or gay is an insult and then doubling down with 'I bet he has a girlfriend' just to be an asshole, makes you not only that but also homophobic.
I'm not saying that anyone should assume anyone's sexuality, don't fucking start, BUT, why is it only bad when queer people do it?
(This is especially funny because it was about Felix, who has openly asked 'boy or girl?' when asked about his type multiple times)
I know for a fact Jeongin has developed a sixth sense where he just knows when some gay shit is going on.
Minsung are flirting in an interview and somewhere in his own house Jeongin breaks out in a cold sweat and starts packing his shit because he's convinced they're all gonna get fired now.
Once again reminding everyone that my Order Up menu is ALWAYS open so if you want to send me a fic request, you can always just do so without worrying if it’s closed or not.
Since I have a working iPad again now, I can write more and faster. So the next orders shouldn’t take too long.
The menu has expanded and is now available for the following fandoms:
