~euphemism~

23 revolutions around the sun Stoner. Mentally ill. Mother. Humanus. Alice. Here's to hoping the sweet relief of death comes soon.

[ozten-deactivated20171022]

friend: hey how are you

me after a month of anxiety so bad I can’t eat sleep or unclench my jaw: 

[katrinaww]

[cacancacan-blog]

Unisex & Special Printed Hooides

Which Design do you prefer?

LEFT    –     RIGHT

LEFT    –     RIGHT

LEFT    –     RIGHT

LEFT    –     RIGHT

LEFT    –     RIGHT

^^New sign-up 30% discount off!^^ Hurry get one!

[humanus-alice]

Give me alllllllof the space hoodies 😍 plz n thank you.

[bleeply]

new year reminder: don’t be so hurt by the thought of people being disinterested in you. you’re better off working to impress yourself rather than putting all your strength in impressing others

[humanus-alice]

2016: year of cutting everybody off

2017: year of cultivating fulfilling and kind relationships with the people that matter

[vanish]

[realitytvbitch]

me: *helps my friends with their problems*

my friends when I have a problem:

[bitchycode]

accurate

[vanish]

[just-shower-thoughts]

I wish I could go back to Kindergarten with my current knowledge and skill set just to be a genius for a decade or so

[humanus-alice]

I want to fucking kill myself. Im so tired of being alive. Im so goddamn tired of having ppl say I'm being "hostile" when I'm just expressing how I feel. Sorrryy I raise my voice when I actually care about something instead of staying the same monotone for everything. I need a therapist that UNDERSTANDS me. Who doesn't get offended when I'm upset, who calls me on my shit, who doesn't let me walk out of the office angry n suicidal. That seems pretty basic to me, but apparently its an impossible combination... I can't seem to find any real support.. The hopelessness feeling is overwhelming, so much to the point I want to give up n crawl into a cave n never return... Why is life so stupid????

[onlytwitterpics]

[humanus-alice]

-panic-

I hate this feeling... Everything was fine, we were texting n having a normal conversation for the first time in forever, but then R says he's got a tattoo appt booked for Jan 30th n my heart just dropped. He has money/time to schedule a tattoo, but can't even tell me a timeframe so I can see him... He doesn't have to do anything besides pack... I saved all this money for him to come here. And then when I get suuuuuper excited, planning and getting myself siked out to actually be able to see and touch R, he decides to leave me for 22 days without saying a single word... ? Its embarrassing to say, because it doesn't make sense. The other day he said that he still wants to come here n everything. But has made zero effort to make it happen. Has barely even talked to me... N the whole following hundreds of girls on instagram n liking a bunch of chicks' selfies.... How the fuck am I supposed to feel?? Its clear I'm not enough. Im not attractive enough, not fit n toned, have stretch marks n skin problems, have gross belly fat from when I was pregnant...

[onlytwitterpics]

[jihiji12]

[8-bitstories-deactivated2020062]

[humanus-alice]

Saw Jenn today... She cane up behind me n grabbed my sides.. I ofc, freaked out... Hyperventilating, I wasn't very happy.. I don't like being touched without warning, and especially when I'm walking w/ headphones in and not expecting anyone to interact w/ me, let alone grab me. It scared me.. She laughed for a second n then realized I was upset, she apologized n gave me an Aspire tank that she found. We went to clinic n dosed and in the lobby, we were chatting a little bit n this girl Crystal came in. It was 5mins past 1pm so she missed dosing.. Jenn n her got to talking about hanging out n boosting coats from Fred Meyer's, so I just dipped out. Jenn ran after me, was like, what're you doing?? I said I had stuff to do, n she said goodbye reluctantly. But while I was listening to her, I realized, I can't trust her. She's stolen from me, lied. She still hasn't returned everything... And even tho it feels good to have someone think I'm beautiful, I'm uneasy.. I watched her like a hawk last time she was at my house, fearing she'd do it again... This is not positive for me. People places things.... I wanna stay clean.. I can't afford to relapse. And being around her when she's in active use is a trigger. I have to take care of me first, and she doesn't add enough positive to outweigh her negative attributes. I'm growing into this recovery thing... Slowly but surely learning...

[humanus-alice]

Saturday was awesome... I had little to no insecure freak-outs... R texted me basically all day, it was really nice to feel close to him.. Sunday was another story... The questions started worming their way in... Doubts, fears... I don't trust him like I used to... maybe that's a good thing... I don't want to end up in the emergency room again....