title: untitled
pairing: bokuto/f reader (one-sided), bokuto/akaashi (one-sided), akaashi/f reader
genre: soulmate au, anti-soulmate au, angst, comfort
you find someone like you, who can’t have someone they can’t help but love
wc: 2k
a/n: hey everyone :) this is the wip thats been collecting dust since early 2020. i have now grown impatient with it and i can’t seem to make it flow the way i want. enjoy!
-
akaashi’s thumb glides over your inner wrist, pressing down slightly at the bright lettering adorning it.
he feels his ankle burn at the contact, his own soulmate mark aching in response. as if the universe is telling him that, even though it wasn’t meant to be, he is meant to be right here, right now.
-
the pair catch you vigorously scrubbing at your exposed wrist with a wet napkin, hiding behind the vending machine from wandering eyes. but you must’ve been bad at hide and seek as a child, because they spot your shoulder peeking out.
when they call you, you jump. automatically, the wrist you were so adamant on cleaning moves directly behind your back from curious eyes.
bokuto doesn’t take notice; only comments that you were acting super weird and that you should come eat lunch with them when you were done doing whatever it is you do behind a snack dispenser.
you laugh, bringing your other arm behind your back to squeeze at your now burning wrist.
but akaashi- ever so scrupulous- does notice. he notices the flash of bright lettering adorning your wrist, like a light begging to be seen. he notices because he knows.
because he, too, is in a bind.
-
you daydream.
you daydream so much. you always have.
today, it’s about bokuto. you imagine him laughing in the middle of telling you a story about something odd happening during a match. you imagine his thumb caressing over his name located on your inner wrist.
as a child, you daydreamed of the day your soulmates name would make its way to your skin. the thought of seeing the name in any color made you giddy.
charts found on the internet aside, no one really knew what the colors represented- but everyone knew there was one color you didn’t want.
“hey.”
a voice snaps you out of your reverie, and right away you look up to the source of the sound. at the same time, you put both hands underneath your desk.
“akaashi,” you say as a greeting. “what’s up?” you smooth out the edges of your voice. you feel your mark burn under your sleeves.
“i think we need to talk.”
-
“you-“
“yes,” akaashi sighs, and you swear you hear a little bit of relief in his voice. how long has he been hiding this? has he told anyone else?
(were there others like you?)
“a-akaashi, i don’t know what to say. i’m so sorry,” you stutter, eyes growing wide in empathy.
you follow his movements as he pushes up his socks and rolls down his pant leg to cover the evidence. he makes himself cozy and takes a seat next to you on the concrete. “it’s okay,” he tells you, a soft smile appearing on his lips. “no one knows. and i planned to keep it that way,” he pushes on.
then, he nudges you with his knee. “until you.”
it’s a great comfort to know someone like you. in a way, it makes up for the lifetime of dread you’ll endure. but at least you know you’ll have someone who knows exactly what you’re feeling and what you’re going through.
because on akaashi’s ankle, he holds the exact same name in the exact same handwriting that you have on your wrist- in the color no one ever wishes to see.
it’s bokuto’s. in the brightest, flashiest red anyone can imagine.
for the first time in what feels like weeks you genuinely smile. the thought of not being alone in this brings a warmth to your heart.
your hand moves on its own accord, placing itself on akaashi’s ankle and letting it linger there. you feel your wrist twitch just a little. “until me,” you repeat softly.
you squeeze his ankle.
-
bokuto is always so boisterous. it’s what attracts so many people to him. and you know that you would cling to him even if he wasn’t permanently engraved into your flesh.
but you’re unlucky, and the attraction you continue to feel for him is sickening. it makes you scowl at the floor while you grip the ends of your skirt between your fingers.
you sigh. “how do you manage to do this?”
the hum you hear brings you at ease, but only slightly. “do what?” akaashi asks, wiping the sweat from his brow before grabbing the water bottle from your hand.
you motion bokuto’s way. “be in the same vicinity as him.” you dip your voice to a whisper, “your not-soulmate soulmate.”
then, he tells you something he omitted the first time. “my mark came a year before i met him,” he says like it’s nothing. “i’ve had time to prepare for the disappointment.”
“oh.” you hang your head slightly. it seems like you find out something new about akaashi every time you’ve spoken nowadays. it hurts you to think he’s had to endure this longer than you have. akaashi doesn’t deserve this.
his elbow comes to tap gently at your form. “stop that.”
“stop what? i’m not doing anything.”
“feeling sorry for me. it’s alright,” he assures you, and makes it so his hand grazes yours. “and you’ll be okay soon.”
-
“akaashi’s been spending a lot of time with you, eh?” bokuto observes one day when akaashi is out sick.
you feel warmth spread across your cheeks from being near him. but you hope that bokuto mistakes it for something else. maybe from the mention of akaashi’s name. you could play that off.
you give him a tiny nod. “yup,” you say as casually as possible. “we have a lot in common,” you admit. you leave out that what you both have in common is him.
you both practically sit arm to arm. occasionally, he comments on how good your lunch looks, and how he wishes he could make cute shapes out of his food. “you want some of my food?”
he laughs, bright and bubbly. “i don’t want to take your lunch away from you.” he takes another bite from his own bento. “but the next time you offer i won’t say no,” he winks.
for a second you almost forget he isn’t yours- that you might have a chance. but your skin begins to burn again, and the smile you show is once again replaced with a facade.
“i’ll remember that,” you say quieter, popping a cherry tomato into your mouth and relishing on the sweet vegetable. (fruit? you’d ask akaashi what he thought of a cherry tomato later.)
-
a strong pat on the back brings akaashi out of his post-practice state of mind. “your serves are the best, akaashi!” bokuto beams, gleaming white teeth in full view.
his ankle burns slightly, the intensity no longer bothersome to him. like a slight cat scratch. but it still stings, even for a fraction of a second.
he makes a mental note that bokuto has had an excellent practice, and wants to tell him a good job without over-inflating his ego. so, he lands on, “it’s good to see you’re in good spirits today, bokuto,” and returns the gesture by patting his ace’s back lightly.
akaashi can act normally around bokuto now. he no longer feels his heart skip a beat every time they make eye-contact (but sometimes he feels his heart back-flip), his palms are no longer clammy, and his voice no longer shakes.
he should be happy.
should be.
but he still feels like a part of him is empty. and he knows he will always feel this.
-
“let’s stick together,” you offer up to akaashi. “you and i. you know?” your index finger points from you to him just in case your proposition gets lost in translation.
“as in?”
“maybe we can help each other feel… okay.” you don’t know how else you can word this; how else you can say be with me.
both of you know you can’t forget about bokuto. you both see him regularly as is.
and both of you know that simply being together will not fix anything. it won’t fix either of your soulmate situations, it won’t fix the pain in your chest, and it won’t fix how you both feel about the fukurodani ace.
-
the brushing of fingers. that’s all it takes.
for a while, you think that maybe you’ve gotten to the same point as akaashi. looking at bokuto? fine. being near him? okay. touching him? you don’t even remember the last time you felt his skin on yours (or if you’ve ever had skin to skin contact).
but here you are, almost frozen after bokuto has already run off to catch up to his team mates.
why are you frozen?
oh, right. you dropped your phone and he picked it up. and instead of tossing your phone in true-bokuto fashion, he has decided that today your phone is the most important thing in the world and would hand it to you instead.
and you as you grip your phone from his grasp, your fingers just about graze his own.
he’s none the wiser, sending himself off with a small salute before jogging ahead of you. and your skin is on fire again. your wrist throbs.
you can’t escape this feeling. you wonder if you’ll ever be like akaashi.
your vision blurs starting from your waterline.
-
it’s still bright out, the sun not yet setting and the breeze just barely kicking in. one would say it’s a perfect day to go for a walk.
“let’s do it,” akaashi pops a mint in his mouth, and gestures the pack of mints in your direction, asking if you’d like one. he’s walking you home. a rare day of no practice.
you hum after placing a mint on your own tongue, and tilt your head in confusion. “hm?”
he points from him to you with his index finger, mimicking your actions a few days prior. “you and i. i’ll be your rock, you can be mine. that is, if you’ll still have me.”
you smile wide, lips curling up and eyes twinkling. “you sure?”
he nods and reciprocates your smile with one of his own, though not as big as yours. it’s soft, kind, and full of good intention for you.
“i’m sure.”
-
it’s been a hard day. a very, very, very hard day for you. and you’re sure it’s a hard day for akaashi, too.
you know it’s a hard day for akaashi.
you know this because you heard from a friend of a friend that bokuto has received his soul mate mark. and you know that akaashi knows because there isn’t a doubt in your mind that bokuto would show him. because he’s akaashi, and he knows akaashi would be happy for him no matter what.
and though you know that both of you must be hurting, you can’t help but think that you are in the most pain.
and you think this because you’re currently in the empty hallways of campus, absolutely sobbing in front of akaashi.
the energy to stand in you is nonexistent, and you’re grateful that akaashi accommdates you by seating himself on the floor with you and letting you grip at his shirt as you cry into his shoulder. you’re sure akaashi is hurt, but you’re shattered and your wrist is aflame.
and then you say something that catches you both by surprise.
“it hurts so much. i wish i could just love you.“
akaashi wraps you in his arms, and holds you tight. clings to you, even. he knows what you mean, and he doesn’t pry further.
his own body feels tight with betrayal. betrayal from the entire universe and concept of soul mates. he wishes he could just love you, too. the way you both love him.
but you both know that bokuto will never be either of yours.
he doesn’t pry further or ask for any explanation, but simply says, “i know.” it's all he can say.
-
you’ve learned to live. not madly in love with who you were tied to, but still happy with who you chose to be with. and you’re sure he’s content.
and you see it in akaashi's eyes as he squeezes your wrist lightly. at his contact, your mark burns. not in the painful way, but in a way that tells you everything is okay.
-
tagging: @wateringlily @tamcitrus
