Glorification of abuse and Hiveswap
This is something I have been wanting to talk about for a couple years now since the release of Hiveswap, and my concerns for the game and fandom going forward. Before getting into it I am well aware of how eye rolling the title of this post is already, and how this is a sensitive topic. I am not writing this with the intention to cause irrational and unneeded drama, it's moreso that this is a topic that means alot to me so I feel the need to talk about it. I appreciate any empathy.
The fandom has a issue with approaching the topic of abuse, and this is well apparent with the popularity of Xefros and Dammek.
For context they're dynamic is meant to represent a abusive relationship. It's obvious in the game, with how Joey reacts to it and how the narrative portrays it. Things like Xefros being incredibly anxiety ridden to the point of being unable to form his own opinions and decisions due to Dammek's influence, belittling Xefros in the music they make and highly likely in their day to day interactions, stealing Xefros's belongings, spying on him in his bedroom using cameras, etc.
I feel like most people would be able to view this and agree that this is destructive and pernicious relationship. However, alot of what I see instead is people interpreting the abuse that Xefros goes through as something attractive, something "cute" and "endearing". Seeing Xefros, someone who has been dehumanized and debilitated by Dammek, and saying him having a crush on Dammek is something appealing.
Finding it appealing that he crushes on the exact person who has made him less of his own person and more of a accessory. Ignoring that it is more likely that Xefros is afraid of facing the reality that the person who has oppressed him so thoroughly is someone who is supposed to be his friend. He would rather convince himself he likes what is happening, than admit he hates it- because he would break down entirely.
I say this having had my own experience with a abusive person, you don't like your abuser. You convince yourself you do, because if you admit you don't- the situation becomes unbearable. It is easier to tolerate someone your afraid of when you tell yourself all these little excuses.
So, what is the issue here? I don't have a issue with people writing abuse. Infact, I appreciate people acknowledging abuse exists and writing it in stories. What I don't appreciate, is people portraying it as though the victim enjoys it every, single, time. In every story I read where someone is hurt, so often it is portrayed as though this is a necessary evil- a forbidden love where they're meant to be but they can't because of... some outside forces...? Oh, wait- its because of someone intentionally choosing to hurt a person. How is this seen as romantic again?
In alot of the Xefros/Xefmek content I see it is not approached with respect for the topic of abuse. Rather it is approached the same way hollywood directors do. The realistic and essential parts are ignored in favor to make the audience comfortable.
But this doesn't represent me, this doesn't represent anybody whose been through abuse. I don't see writing that is meant to portray the stuff I went through- I see people writing something they think is entertaining, attractive, and cute- while knowing absolutely nothing about how it effects a person. It is akin to what you find in Yaoi / BL Novels. It lacks the dignity and sincerity that a sensitive topic like abuse deserves.
For a long time I hated Xefros's character and I have a better understanding why now. It is because he isn't treated as a fully fleshed out character, he isn't viewed with all of his traumas in mind. He is treated as a caricature of abuse victims, and a accessory that can only exist with Dammek around.
I am genuinely afraid of Hiveswap turning out to be a game that just glorifies and misrepresents what abuse is. I enjoy this series alot, but I don't think I can handle having another story that tosses the real anger and fear abuse victims have to the side in favor for a scenario with shallow forgiveness and Xefros sticking with his abuser despite literally everything Dammek has done to him.
I want Xefros to be his own character, I really do. It just kind of hurts when people seem to only like him for the fact that he fits the role of some abused uke who gets thrown around. Is he anything beyond being Dammek's accessory? Would anyone even care about him as a character if he wasn't Dammek's punching bag?
As he is right now, I can't enjoy him as a character because his entire identity revolves around someone who has destroyed his life.
It is because of this interpretation of Xefros that I am deathly afraid of enjoying anything this fandom makes. It is incredibly nauseating and terrifying for me to think that anyone I could be talking with is someone who thinks abuse is something undeserving of being written with dignity- that it is beneath them, and people who are triggered by this should just "deal with it".
If writing topics like racism, or nazism, should be treated with respect- then abuse should be as well.
This all being said I don't intend to make anyone feel bad about shipping this. I want acknowledgment that when you are hurt by someone you feel fear towards them, anger, and it isn't something fun like movies want to make you believe. It is a exhausting terrible thing to go through. I wish I could see more content that was honest about what Xefmek is, rather than have Xefros somehow okay with someone who has hurt him so vigorously. It isn't cute, it's traumatizing.
It is really painful having to be told to my face that someone being hurt is cute, and that they want to pretend that the abuse doesn't exist. This is a essential part of Xefros's identity, and to take it away for ones own comfortability feels incredibly disrespectful.
If you read this far I appreciate it. I'm not sure what else to say, but even if there are people who hate me for posting this at the very least I hope I can make anyone who feels the same way I do about this a little more sane. I wish I could indulge in this fandom as much as anyone else, but it proves to be debilitating when the majority creates content that makes me feel less than human.
