On Topics of Little Consequence

As stated above in title.

[mrosabel]

[lensblr-network]

Sin titulo.152.2014

by Rosabel Martínez Pinzón  (mrosabel.tumblr.com)

[hydrogenatedcatbeanoil]

When no they don't know

[aiden6928]

[mylesbianloveblog]

Sloupit.com Join the coolest LGBT social network! Be proud of who you are and share your life with us!

[ink-pedia]

Valeria Yarmola

[ink-pedia]

 Hardtimes Tattoo

[hydrogenatedcatbeanoil]

Some times the grandest part is the flight.

[jared-tyler]

When The Poison Kicked In.

A Drawing I did with colored pencil, part of my Freshman Showcase!

[hydrogenatedcatbeanoil]

My Muflar fell off my car

Well at least I am going to Japan for 2 weeks.

[archiemcphee]

Our good friend Starheadboy recently put some wheatpaste pieces on the streets of Seattle depicting awesomely cute and rather thoughtful kitties frolicking in boxes while pleading the case for public art instead of advertising. 

[hydrogenatedcatbeanoil]

Today. Yeah, Man.

Today woke up with feet in my face, so I got up and drove home. I then got a hair cut. They took three inches from my head. Six months of hard growth taken away by those evil scissors. S'alright. It'll be back in another fabulous six months. Could be worse. Don't know how. Then boy text me. He CAN FUCKING CHILL. I am happy. At first it was horrible and awkward, it often starts like that, but we drove around town and got applications for jobs that we will probs never get, but jamming to mediocre music with my windows down made me open up like a fucking door in the wind on loose hinges. It was great. Best-friend-better-boy called. I was going to drop boy off at his friends house and go find best-friend-better-boy and our friend from Mexico, but boy decided he would come with. I was so happy I love being around him We went to best-friend-better-boy's house and made Mexican confetti eggs. We emptied out 36 eggs into a bowl by making little wholes in the top, and then we set them out to drive. The boy asked me to drive him to his friends house. So I did. He said "Pull over" as we drove by a park about a block and a half from his friend's house. He said "I want to listen to more music and hang out with you more." So I did and we sat there for a wonderfully eternity jamming to Red Hot Chilli Pepper's and them we just talked about people, and how they have changed, and what they do. Then we talked about who I would date. I said there were 5 people that I would date, not necessarily that I liked them, I would just say yes if they asked me. 1. Josh (but that is Julia's brother, and he is in love with another girl) 2. Jon. I don't know him but he is this nerdy shy adorable boy. 3. Ross (boy's like 20 year old brother who I have been so fucking in love with for over a year, but I also have a better chance of dying from a polar bear attack in Texas than I have of ever ever dating the great, the beautiful, the fucking wonderful Ross Fucking Nixon.) 4.Sam. God I love Sam. God I want his children. God he is so hot, and so good a guitar. He is the only one I would ever have a chance with. "Who is number 5? I want to know." "No, no one." "No tell me. We are like best friends, you tell me everything, you tell me far more important things than this, please tell me." Alright, it's Hun Hun "Hunter? oh..." yeah just kidding I don't even like Hunter like that at all. I want to tell boy who number 5 is so bad but I can't 5. Boy. I love him. So fuck whatever. We are still happy. It finally becomes time that he needs to go so then we are in front of his friends house. I'll see you in 2 weeks I guess. He leans over and gives me a hug. First hug in months. It felt so good. I just let myself fall into him, even though it was a reach across the middle section of my car. God it felt so good. He is such a good friend. Then I went back to best-friend-better-boy's house. We hung around for a bit and then went and picked up Chuck. We went to Walmart and all got in trouble for playing tag. Idiot beastly-woman. We weren't playing tag, we were playing hide and go seek. Then we went to my house a dyed easter eggs to loud music. Then we set more loud music and sped back across town in my perfect little stick shift beauty. I love my car more than almost anything. My music is the only thing that beats my car. When I listen to it in my car I almost die. Then we played FIFA at best-friend-better-boy's house. Boy called me and then didn't pick up when I tried to call back. He was talking about getting drunk. I hope he doesn't, but I don't know. I hope he calls back. I sped home. I have had so much energy, I am in such a good mood. They were all so kind to me today. So fucking great. 2 days and I'll travel to Japan. Yeah, Man.

[hydrogenatedcatbeanoil]

9:57 time

After school best-friend-better-boy, and some other friend-likes came up and asked me about the rumor that was going around. Did I really do dirty things with boy? And we just didn't want people to know, because we weren't dating. God damnit. Boy's stupid friends who he "trusts" told everyone. Now I had to deal with this. No, we didn't. No, that's ridiculous. No, who told you that? You don't want to say? Oh, best-friend-better-boy you will tell me this weekend? Alright. Well just tell anyone who asks you that it isn't true, thanks. I'm pissed, they are pissed, Best-friend-better-boy is most pissed. God, he is so good to me, he actually cares.

Tonight I went to best-friend-better-boys church. I showed up late so I didn't get to chat with him before and I promised my mom I'd be home early. I was already half way out the building when best-friend-better-boy caught up to me. I hadn't wanted to be stuck in good byes, so I had left with out talking to him. "Hey, I'm coming with you." "Coming with me?" "Yeah, I didn't get to talk to you much tonight." Oh, cute best-friend-better-boy. Walks me to, talks to me about our morning plans. He maybe can't come with me to surprise Julia on her birthday because of a early track practice, but he might skip. We say good bye and I slip into my car and off into the night. He is so kind. Walks me to my car. Boy used to act like that too. I won't ever fall for best-friend-better-boy. He will just end up like boy. Holding empty promises, dragging me along, watching me cry, but I just can't break away. I already love him too much.

ME: TEXT ME WHEN YOU ARE DONE WITH YOUR GIRL, I WANNA TALK

BOY: NO...I WANNA SLEEP

ME: FINE.

BOY:TOMORROW

ME: NO. (I go on to explain incident with best-friend-better-boy and other friend-likes.)

BOY: WELL THIS IS BAD. THIS IS REALLY SUCKY.

ME: YEAH, I KNOW. (Explains how it isn't that big of a deal who told who, it isn't the first time people have asked me about it and I have lied.) I JUST FEEL HORRIBLE LYING TO BEST-FRIEND-BETTER-BOY. HE IS EVERYTHING I COULD EVER, EVER ASK FOR IN A FRIEND. (Boy doesn't get my attempt to explain that he isn't that everything anymore)

Oh well boy goes to sleep. I shouldn't fret. I always have tomorrow, and I have the comfort of knowing he still won't care then.

[hydrogenatedcatbeanoil]

Afternoon Time

Today was the worst. I hurt mentally. I hurt emotionally. I hurt physically. I hurt. I looked forward to seeing the boy, but when I did, it wasn't great. I run out of things to say, but I don't want him to leave. I was just angry. He doesn't interact with me when I'm sad, or angry. Even though that's all I want. I just needed a hug so bad. He hadn't hugged me since that one night. He said that he would again, but he won't. I was trying to figure out the way that I would tell him that I just needed a hug as I was walking to his locker after school. He didn't even asked why I looked so miserable, or what was so wrong. He just told me he was going to hang out with his girl tonight. I didn't want him to hug me anymore. It would have been so forced on his part. As I was walking out of school with my best friend, a better boy, he noticed I was upset, he asked me what was wrong. I told him I didn't know. I wanted the boy to say he was sad that I was going on vacation for a week, but he didn't. To say he would miss me, but he didn't. The best-friend-better-boy did. He said "I thought about you being in Japan next week and it made me to sad, I told Josh I wanted to hang out with him this weekend, but not on Saturday, because hopefully I will be hanging out with you all day." Oh, cute best-friend-better-boy. I felt better. Annoying-girl-I-had-spanish-with-first-tri stepped on my shoes until they came off my heel. Best-friend-better-boy was about to leave me to go to track, so I walked to the nearest table and threw my stuff down, adjusted my shoes. Out of the corner of my eye I saw boy leaving, and best-friend-better-boy lingering. As I turned to start walking I fiddled with my phone to ignore the mass of students, but as I looked up best-friend-better-boy stood looking at me with his arms open. I walked into him and hugged him back, trying with all my fucking might to convey my gratitude for what he had just done for me. What he always seemed to be doing for me. "You looked like you needed that". "Thank you so much, I did." I'll try not to cry until I get to my car. I see boy leave school with his girl, smiling. He used to smile at me, he says he still does, but he doesn't. I praised God that best-friend-better-boy didn't leave my side. He didn't know but he had saved me from a break down. He is so good to me. I need to notice him more, appreciate him more. I wasn't going to go to his church group tonight, I am not in the mood, but he is always so happy when I do come. Maybe I will work on my homework so I can go for him. I love him as a friend. That is good. I need that. It is so good. He is like my music, he doesn't hurt, he is only a salvation.

[hydrogenatedcatbeanoil]

Boy

All day he looked so fine. More like his brother than usual, I think it was his new hair cut. I killed him with comments about how he looked like him, but all I could think was that he was hot and I wanted to keep talking about his appearance. Everyone agreed he was more attractive than normal today. I stayed after school to help him through his science, he had fallen way behind on a project. I asked him if we was going to come to the concert tonight. He said no. He had too much homework. He didn't want to go. He didn't even really like jazz. He just couldn't. It hurt so bad. There I was helping him out, always there whenever he was angry, or needed a house to stay at. I helped him with homework, I supported everything he did. He couldn't just come? Do this one thing for me? It meant so much to me this concert. Him not coming just hurt me. Did he not even get how much it meant. He didn't. When he said he wasn't coming, I made no attempt to hide my pain. I made no snide remark to how I didn't care, and sarcastically block out my emotions. I got sad. I got visibly disappointed. He watched me, and tried to keep explaining how he just had too much to do, but I didn't talk, I didn't look at him. I wasn't trying to make him feel bad, I just felt so hurt, I didn't even have the strength to hide it. Okay, so whatever, right? Just a jazz concert, not a big deal. It was though, I loved my music, and I just wanted him there as a friend. I left him and he knew I was sad. When I got there and looked out in the audience I pretended that the light was bad, and I couldn't see who was waving at me. I needed to focus. I nailed it all so right, so good. After I found him, I felt shy, he was with so many friends. And the girl. The one that he would ditch me for in a heartbeat. I didn't want her there. Didn't want her experiencing the beauty of the music. I looked away. Chastised him for lying to me, and went to help tear down. I came back out and he was still there talking to  my mom. I went up to them and listened, kinda talking with Jane whats-her-face about the concert. I followed him back over to his friends, and I was squeezed into a bad group hug. And he left. I text him thanked him for coming, told him it meant a lot and that I was sad when I thought he wasn't. He said he knew I was sad, but it was just an act, he had always planned on coming, he was just playing a joke. "Well I wasn't going to come, but then I realized you were in it, so I did." Cute. Clever. Fuck. Whatever. Not really a funny joke. He wasn't always planning on coming. One of two things happened: A. He found out his girl was going with her friends so he thought he would tag along. B. He actually saw how hurt I was and arranged for he and some friends to go. It was A but I'm still hoping on B. Just to show he cares. I love him. As a friend for sure, and I don't know what else. Julia says I can't, says it doesn't work like that, that I can't not know. But I can, and I don't. He told me he could never give me anything like love. Than why was he the first to tell me he loved me? I love him so much it hurts. I just want him to care, to show it. To not be so arrogant, and just let me know. To now lie so much. At least I had my music, and that never hurt me like he did. He does.

[saxopwns]

B&S Allora Alto and Tenor by canadiaintoo on Flickr.

[hydrogenatedcatbeanoil]

The Concert

Tonight we played some music that would blow your mind. Everyone did so well. I will miss most-to all of the seniors. I didn't want to hit the last note of Caravan because I knew that would mean the end. Trofeo do Bolos our groove was off, but we pulled together. I rocked Vertigo like none other. That soli was mine, even the others never noticed. God I miss it. I loved it. I want it. The only true love is that music, and it didn't hurt me. God it was like making out. Pure fun. Pure love. Pure passion. Even though the other half, the audience doesn't always realize the true effect that the even has. That the music can move the musician so. It's funny that music is so much for the listener, but yet is so wonderfully selfish because it is all about what the musician wants. I could give less of a shit what the audience understands, because if, baby, they didn't understand it, they never will.

[saxopwns]

Award Winning Altos by camike on Flickr.

[hydrogenatedcatbeanoil]

JAZZ

I have a jazz band concert tomorrow. So much practicing I have been fucking dreaming in jazz. That is the good life man. I am going to screw the shit up but it will sound so fucking musical and great I don't even give a damn. Just the way those sixteenth notes roll off my fingers, I start smiling and forgetting that there is even music in front of me. I just let it roll. I can't wait to play on that stage tomorrow, to let that music roll out of my sax. It is the only true form of love, and baby it can strike you deep, but the pain is always pure good.