[hydroxytoluene]

okay i got distracted

first, breathing through nose, posture, grace, upright, you’re? proud snarky h3h3h3 terezi blowing dragon smoke from her nose

second, coming in, forgetting and overlappings “sans undertale” as “without undertale” and thinking “sans” was not a name, but a title, me, in a sweater, lined fuzzy, i’m olive to his bleub

[hydroxytoluene]

oh cool i’m using my scapegoat blog again to document what happens when i’m not sober

getting high, listening to music very loudly

it’s hard to describe... things take twice as long. playlists have twice as many songs. songs have twice as many verses

it was like if daydreaming and lucid dreaming had a dial and i was right in the middle

things were............. obviously me fabricating them but also pleasant and easy to fall into the scenery

i’m on a hs kick ... two vivid imageries are the vriska scene in the snow at johns house and also the vriska scene with tavvy when she’s bleeding out

also a lot of sexually charged nonsense but that’s neither new and will never get old

[hydroxytoluene]

the crummy thing about drinking is that it’s hard to have an equilibrium 

[hydroxytoluene]

basically not okay with anything ever again i can’t talk to people any more i’m such an embarrassment i’m going to go pass out now good bye

[hydroxytoluene]

so i’m in a homestuck mood.... made myself some alpha kid shots john: blue raspberry, coconut rum dave: southern comfort, grenadine, hungarian pear jade: milk, irish creme rose: long island, blue bols, raspberry sour

[hydroxytoluene]

so i took a few days off of my antidepressants because i was scared i’d be reliant on them but i took one a few hours ago and my mood went from “general apathy” to “wow i’m super inspired and hapyp and !!!!!”

i’m soooo excited that after years of depression i have something to normalize it but i’m also worried that the normal dose might not be enough for me after a while 

[hydroxytoluene]

i very rarely vent about this sort of thing but damn the rt community is an annoying group at times. the rvb team make a short knowingly making fun of a sensitive topic. rt community spends all fucking week moaning “oh i’m getting rid of my sponsorship” or “we can’t discuss these topics” or “i’m going to tell people that aren’t related to rvb stuff at all (kris, mica, popular fandom blogs?? etc) about how horrible rt is because of this”

stop sending asks about it. i genuinely understand that you’re upset. but it was a short video that made a few comments about something that has been criticized for years and years. is it professional? no. but the extend that people have been offended is ridiculous. i’m not saying “put up with it and laugh anyway” i’m saying be critical of what you’re watching and be productive in your complaints. not “everyone is mad at this, therefore i must be mad too” or “i have triggers and i thought it was fine”. i’m done with it. i’m so done.

[hydroxytoluene]

relies on pills to make it better

puts 0 effort into my issues otherwise

[hydroxytoluene]

b/c i can’t ever emb race those i admire irl, i gret drunk and pretned i’m in their arms anyway

[chaotically--wicked-deactivated]

A Pokemon Circle Commission of a Glaceon for Whoneedsarealusername. Such a pretty pokemon, and it turned out really well with the frost patterned circle I think. Thank you again!!!  

[hydroxytoluene]

rvb episode so intense you consider taking two melatonin tablets for the stress

[hydroxytoluene]

fave drinkins this summer

[hydroxytoluene]

fyora almighty creme de menthe is my new favourite thing

[hydroxytoluene]

you’ve realized that ian reminds you of ryan

[hydroxytoluene]

---nsfw text-----

i feel that it’s bad, sometimes i imagine how certain guys would feel beneath me? like, i would like to imagine someone is super used to having a dick in their ass as if they’ve done it a thousand times prior, than a guy who is completely new to the idea and is unsure but loving it and goes off way too quickly but

dgi i’m gay as hell

[hydroxytoluene]

eeeeehhhhh

i didn’t sleep last night and was at work from 5am-11am, and came  home, ate, laid down from... 1pm-3pm and couldn't fall asleep. it was hell this morning at quarter to five when my alarm took me from my  (guessing)  23c bed to a 16.5c house. literally shivering to wake myself up before half assedly driving to work and pissing about for six hours. i was obviously tired once i came home, but i just couldn't sleep. now it’s 4:30pm and  ehhhhhh i’m yawning but i know sleep is futile

[hydroxytoluene]

something that excites me when i go into the lb is when something says “new” like thank u based gods for new summer coolers

currently enjoying a delicious watermelon mimosa drink