Peakys on Great British Bake-Off
Round 1 elimination: Arthur is terrible at baking but he is so good-natured about being eliminated that you can tell everyone feels bad about it when he's the first to go
Round 2 elimination: Tommy tries very hard but has absolutely no fucking clue what "proving" even means cause he never tried to help out in the kitchen even once aside from making a sandwich. he's absolutely furious to be eliminated, because he's a sore loser at everything
Round 3 elimination: Lizzie doesn't particularly care about baking but she thought she'd do it because the whole family was doing it and she thinks it's nice for Ruby to see her included. Ultimately she's much better than any of the Shelby brothers, but she purposefully botches the technical on Week 3 because she finds out that she doesn't actually enjoy baking, and would rather be home hanging out with Ruby
Round 4 elimination: Finn knows a bit about cooking because he would occasionally do some of it while Polly was busy running the business, Martha was pregnant, Ada was off organizing Communists, and his older brothers were all at war. He has a taste for decent flavors but all his skills are super basic. Still pretty good for a young guy! Sorry that chocolate tempering didn't work out for you. At least Sue senses his Baby Gay status and takes him under her sartorial wing, ultimately curing him of his terrible haircut and copycat suit styles. Within the next three months he lands a nice boyfriend.
Round 5 elimination: It's a miracle that John survived even this long, and by miracle, I mean Esme. She's fantastic (with bread especially) and she gives him constant tips and advice because she thinks it's fun to flirt with him in front of the cameras. However, when her too-ambitious triple-tiered showstopper cake goes awry (the custard didn't set because of not enough gelatin, I don't have time to go into it more) she abandons him and he quickly founders on the rocky seas of icing a cake while said cake is still hot.
Round 6 elimination: Polly's not a good baker. She was adequate back in the day when she was taking care of Michael and Anna, but since then hasn't given a damn about cooking super well. If she bestirred herself she'd be a genius at baking as she is at everything else. However. She does not give a damn. Everyone else is panting and sweating in the heat like whipping up rum butter and she's coolly making herself a cocktail with the rum and sipping it while watching them. the only reason she's come this far--the ONLY reason--is because Mary has taken a liking to her and refuses to let Paul eliminate her for the first five rounds.
Round 7 elimination: Charlie Strong is a formidable baker, he's just not quite as fast-moving as some as the other contestants. He's incredibly experienced (doing most of the cooking for himself and Curly) and good at dealing with weird Technicals with baking know-how. But he doesn't particularly care about winning that much, and so he doesn't hustle, just makes nice things that he thinks are pretty until he gets eliminated for not being ambitious enough.
Round 8 elimination: With wit, creativity, and energy, Isaiah will either nail or fail every challenge. There's rarely any in-between. He often has creative or slightly cheeky concepts, like when he makes a red cake with a chocolate cannon on it to represent his favorite team (Arsenal). As a POC, he often gets that classic comment from the judges, "these flavors are...fascinating", but he just shrugs and works it to his advantage. Sadly he doesn't have the experience of some other bakers due to his age and ends up failing a Black Forest cake technical because he has no idea what a Black Forest cake is. Youth.
Round 9 elimination: Ada is an enthusiastic amateur baker in her spare time. It's a great way for her to relieve the stress of being related to Tommy and all his bullshit (besides being a single mother which is a whole ball of stress on its own!) Plus, Karl quite likes to bake with her, so that's fun. Ultimately, it was close between her and Linda, but Linda had a leg up on her because Linda had actually baked the Technical (madeleines) before. Just sheer bad luck. But that's alright, she sets up a "Baking with Karl" YouTube account in which she teaches Karl the basic principles of baking and communist theory, which develops a cult following among queer millennials, one of whom she ends up dating.
Round 10 elimination: Alfie is actually a baker and a damn good one at that. I don't know if you've Seen those arms but he's spent some time in his life kneading. His croquembouche showstopper is absolutely massive and over-the-top, just like he is, but it's so large that it's a bit unsteady and a few bits get dislodged from the top of the tower, which ultimately makes the championship out of his reach. Linda is also a fierce baker, since she takes all the domestic arts (cooking, cleaning, Protecting Her Man From Tommy Shelby) very seriously. Her minor obsession with everything being perfect and having every detail down pays off during most challenges, but during this one it means that she's not very ambitious because she's afraid of running out of time. That means she doesn't win either. Esme ultimately triumphs over everyone cause she's got a ton of experience under her belt and a "eh, fuck it" disposition. Before she married John, she traveled quite a bit with her parents and she has experience cooking in tiny kitchens, over a fire, or in a kitchen shared with all kinds of other relatives. She can improvise like nobody's business and she brings in a ton of foraged ingredients that give her an edge. She can be quite thoughtful and strategic when the occasion calls for it. Most importantly, every time she fucks something up, she just leans back a couple inches, lets out a wild laugh for fifteen seconds, and then fixes it. Unfortunately, she breaks the glass award plate nearly as soon as she wins it because she accidentally knocked it off the counter while she and John were having celebratory sex.
