a beautiful mess

She was the sound of glass shattering-- the sharp ringing in your ears. The perpetual motion of a spinning ballerina trapped inside a music box. The sad, tinny tune of La Viene en rose.  She was the zig-zag in your straight line. The absence in your direction. She was every turn you took when racing through a hedge against the setting sun. She was the tide that came in and out, like the breath of the wounded. She was the blood that flowed between head and heart. She was the book that was not written. The sentence that was not scripted. She was the word you wished you had said.  - She Leav, Lang

[idontlikedicktionaries]

REBLOG IF ITS OKAY TO TALK TO YOU.

Please.

[imiiiiiiiiil]

Dear emotions, my God is greater than you.

[founcl]

enough said

[i-am-a-beautifulmess]

yes 

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I will not sit here and say that I ain’t a hypocrite

We, humans, try to do what is right

But what is really right?

Yes, I am a follower but can that make me wiser?

Yes, I read the Bible but can that make me exceptional?

I cry for those nights of remorse

Wishing I had not done those things

Yet, in agony, I lay like baby

Hungry for His Light

[i-am-a-beautifulmess]

Hi, tumblr. I guess I will be back :)

[i-am-a-beautifulmess]

Why we broke up

This kind of broke up I am going to talk about is not the boy-girl kind of thing. It’s about the friend I’ve lost and chose to lose. The truth is I never liked groupies (except the one i have in my church) because there will always be those special duos in every group and I always feel that i will the one left alone with no one to talk to because they’ve gone to their respective favorite person in the group. I also hate the “talk-about-her-when-she’s-not-around” session. That is why I try my best not to miss any of the movie marathons and such. I hate those kind of friendships because when two of the persons in a group get into a fight then I don’t know where to run to. I left because I just can’t bear the fact that you, guys, never ever have texted me a how-are-you text. You have never informed me of  all the unplanned things you did. I get hurt when i see them on Facebook and I just can’t stand it anymore. The way you joke about me getting fat have been a low blow and I have even thought that if you are my friends then you will encourage me to lose weight than to make fun of me. What’s hurt most is you have never reached me to me. It always feel like I am always running towards you just to get your attention. i am never going back to that kind of friendship we have because my instinct tells me that you have said bad things about me after what has happened recently. So, goodbye. You may be forever part of my life but I am happy to say that you will never be a part of how it will end.

[shinji--moon-deactivated2017123]

I am so tired of waiting. Aren’t you, for the world to become good and beautiful and kind? Let us take a knife and cut the world in two — and see what worms are eating at the rind.

Langston Hughes  (via uniquecole)

[i-am-a-beautifulmess]

Maybe I trust people too much that I suddenly feel stolen.

Maybe I give too much that I always expect something in return.

Maybe I love perfect so much that I always get upset at people.

Maybe I enjoy independence so much that I often shut people down.

Maybe I care too much that I get hurt most of the times.

Maybe I always assume that they care even if they don’t.

Maybe my hopes are just too high for it to happen.

Maybe I want something more that I just can’t contain my excitement.

Maybe they will never understand my silence that they think of it as rude.

Maybe I am never meant to be happy.

Maybe I can, could be happy only for short span of time.

Maybe anxiety is always meant for me.

Maybe my existence has not even  flickered any life on earth.

What if all these maybe’s and whatnots were true?

[i-am-a-beautifulmess]

This week had been very tough for me. This was the week where I struggled about still believing in myself. I thought I was prepared for the week of our midterms but no, I was not. On the first day of exams, I was fine. But on the second, I was very confident about it because I spent a lot of hours studying about but I didn't pass the exam. I was absolutely down at that time. It shamed me so much because I was in a group when we asked about our scores and I got the lowest one. I was devastated. I wanted to cry at that moment but I didn't want them to sympathize about how I feel because I would really look like a loser. I doubted myself right away & asked, "Is nursing really for me?" Then, thoughts about how my aunt pushed to take nursing came again. Was it really for me? Was that part of God's plan for me? What hurt me most is that I failed another exam, another major. Although, I was a little bit fine by it because I got big scores in the daily quizzes and return demonstrations but still, I failed. What did I even to wrong? :"( Yes, I knew that I had moments when I took things for granted and didn't study or every try hard to pass. I guess, this was a lesson learned. I mean who can blame me when my classes would start everyday at 7 A.M. and would end at 7 P.M. during Mondays and Wednesdays. I would always reach home around 8 P.M. with my stomach growling because I had not eaten yet. Huhuhuhuhuhuhuhu :'( I didn't expect these things to happen to me. Why did the college have to be so cruel on their students? Why, please? :( But nothing would ever happen if I would keep on complaining here. I know God is working His own ways. I'll just have to remember Jeremiah 29:11 which says:

"For I know the plans I have for you," say the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give a hope and a future."

[i-am-a-beautifulmess]

We are weird and we love weird and that is what our relationship will always and forever be-- weird. 

[i-am-a-beautifulmess]

I wish I was extremely poor but in exchange of that, I would be happy. 

[i-am-a-beautifulmess]

As I end this year, I have pondered upon what made my 2014 remarkable. I had realized that the material things couldn't compete with what I had meditated upon and that what JESUS did for me upon that ragged cross that took my sin away. Yes, I had a bad past but that doesn't stop me to change for the new since I found HIM. I couldn't express into words how much thankful I am for Jesus' life. It even surprised me that as a Son of God, Prince of Prince & Lord of Lords, He didn't came to earth TO BE SERVED but TO SERVE. Blameless, He took my sin away. I didn't deserve to be saved but by God's grace I was. It's a shame for me to even grumble about not having everything because upon Calvary, everything was already given to me all I never did was to accept it.

Let us not only remember Jesus' death and His birth but also how He spent His life on earth and how He made an impact to the world!

Never fail to recognize what Jesus did on that cross because it is where our salvation started!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! ;D

[i-am-a-beautifulmess]

Merry Christmas everyone! May you embrace and enjoy the reminiscing of the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ. Let His life be the reason of the celebration of Christmas  because in the very beginning, it is always about Him. Your celebration may be plentiful or not but God has still blessed with a lot. Remember to not only take note of Jesus' birth but also the great impact He has done on earth. The love of Christ be with you always! ♡

[i-am-a-beautifulmess]

Gratitude

My 2014 had started a little bit shaky but God was very great for He stood beside me inspite of the failures and confusions. I was stomped and pushed to the ground but I was glad for people who remained true to me picked me up and helped start again. Though challenges were superb since I started to study nursing but God said to me, "Take one day at a time." I was about to give up nursing but then learning nursing gave me a chance to see our diseased world longing for compassionate care. I celebrated my debut this year and God was full of surprises. I can't imagine how He planned everything for me. It was just overwhelming celebrating my birthday with a full blast yet with less money spent. Surely God was faithful to me and will always be. I even decided to leave tumblr for a while but that did mean that I did not like it here I just didn't have to blog because of my busy schedule. I would always love blogging because it was here where I was able to let go of the bad and celebrate the good. 

Good evening, folks!

[i-am-a-beautifulmess]

Happiness is not contagious

it comes from within

They kept asking me why I smile

I tell them my secret is peace of mind

And peace of mind can be only be achieved

when you have Christ's love sinking deep little by little.

[i-am-a-beautifulmess]

Whether we see each other or not; you will always be the best friend ❤️ #herlegality

[i-am-a-beautifulmess]

Thank You Jesus, Hillsong

[i-am-a-beautifulmess]

Because we live in a world where we are labeled by our sizes. I am a victim of namecalling. When I was in my grade school years, I was really fat but when I reached my puberty years, I got thin. But mind you, I did not even do diet and exercise. And then, in high school, I was regularly called ‘baboy’ or fat or ‘tambok.’ I never told them that was they said has gotten inside of me, it kept coming back in my mind and it has affected how I see myself. I got conscious. My mom even wondered why I don’t eat a lot anymore and I told her because I am fat but she said that I was alright and that I don’t have to try harder to be thin. I didn’t listen. I never believed her because people kept on telling me that I have huge shoulders and that I should not wear sleeveless shirts or dresses and that I have a bulging tummy and that I should not wear tight fitting shirts and dresses, too. What I did about those is that I exercised. I jogged the whole two months of summer just to get thin. I did it to make myself good but still, they called fat.

If they only knew how their words affected. I lost every bit of confidence I have. I started to doubt if I ever looked good on the clothes I wear. I know I shouldn’t listen. I am me. I am not worthy of being called that because I know Someone above loves every bit of me! He even died for me. How amazing is that! I am telling you now that you should not listen to them. Every bit of you is beautiful for God created you in your inmost beings; He knitted you together in your mother’s womb. We should praise Him because we are fearfully and wonderfully made; His works are wonderful, We should know that full well. (Psalms 139:13-14) Take heart, beloved! You are beautiful no matter how you look! God loves you!