Grey Gardens (Ellen Hovde, Albert Maysles, David Maysles & Muffie Meyer, 1975)
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"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
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@i-kar0s
Grey Gardens (Ellen Hovde, Albert Maysles, David Maysles & Muffie Meyer, 1975)
i have no object permanence about myself. if i’m not in anyones eye sight i assume i have ceased to be. finding out people remember i exist, think about me, and even talk about me when i’m not actively in front of them is startling news every time it is brought to my attention
Sorry for only coming back when I want to die, tumblr
It’s been real
I feel very very very small
I am done with your harassment’s from both you and your partner. I have no Ill will towards you em just because I know you will never understand and honestly I hope you never have to. The truth of it all is you can think all you want that I was the peice of shit in the relationship, but you were never there and you never will be. It’s natural to want to believe anything your partner tells you because why wouldn’t you want to believe the person you’re in love with. Joey Hart was the most abusive person I have ever had the displeasure of meeting. You met me when I was 17 and you were 19. From the very beginning you were shady as fuck and you were talking to me while dating another girl. And from the beginning I was stern and told you I will have nothing to do with you romantically until you ended things with the other person. You did. But it wasn’t long after you were being shady and still telling her how much you missed her while I was in the same room. Once i left your house she would come in. And you did this to us over and over again lying to both of us and even putting women and men into the mix. You cheated on both of us with countless people. You would even have your fuck buddies give me rides and what not and I wouldn’t find out about it until after the fact. I would always be disgusted and want to leave you. But you were so manipulative and do some kind of sob fest and threaten me with killing yourself if I left. Each time you didn’t get your way you would lash out and become evil. You would call me a gutterslut, bitch, cunt, whore, dumb, a motherfucker. Not to mention that when you were cheating on me I would find out in your messages you were telling them the reasons you liked them better than me was because I was stupid and didn’t know perfect English even though you were fully aware that English was my second language. Even until the very end, you would tell Em to wash their doubts of them being threatened by me because they thought I was more attractive then them by telling them that I “wear a shit ton of make up” and “face tune” my face. Which in reality you’re just hella mad because I AM fucking hot and I was leaving your ass in the dust for someone who treated me better. Em, i truly don’t wish you any ill will and like I’ve said in my posts if he ever hurts you or does anything to harm you I am here. You can hate me all you want and I’ll understand why. But remember this, I do not want Joey. I never will go back to someone who was so monstrous. You can believe him all you want I understand. But I have 4 other people that can talk to you about how horrible he was as a partner.
Joey, just because you were drugged out on Xanax and forgetting bits and pieces of what you did does not excuse you for what you did. You beat the shit out of me and left bruises on my body. And you were so upset about it because I exposed you to tumblr when tumblr was an actual thing and a bunch of people saw it. You were so distraught about it and it had nothing to do with you hurting me and more to do with wanting me to take the post down and silence me. You literally went as far as to tell my mother to DEMAND me to take it down. Literally just to shut you up and to let us finally leave I did it. And you were fine and dandy after that how about that. Also, not to mention you would beg my mother to let me see you or to let you talk to me even though you threatened to DEPORT her. You knew how I was so scared of that you knew how torturous the idea of that was to me and you used that against me to keep me with you. I never felt safe in your home. You never made it safe for me. I was alway under your control because you knew I didn’t have money, you knew I didn’t have a car and couldn’t drive. Even when I wanted to leave and take an Uber and pay the money for it you literally would run after me and jump inside the car and convince me to get out even though I repeatedly said no. The Uber was about to pull you out of the car and you wouldn’t listen and told him that he can’t touch you because you’re “a women” when I heard you say that I was disgusted. And not because you said that but just the simple fact that you used it as a weapon against someone who was trying to help me get away from you. I could tell he was so clueless as to what to do that I finally decided to just get out if the car and send him off. When we were in your room he texted me saying he will stay outside as long as I needed him to if I still wanted to leave, which I did. But I knew it was going to be impossible to leave that night so I thanked the man and told him he should leave for the night. You literally kept me hostage in your home. I wanted to leave you so many times and stay away from you but you were always the one that came back. Always! And you would try to convince me to take you back with the promise of change and that it will be better and it never got better, it got horrendously worse each time. Even till this day, two years later and you’re engaged! And I’m hopelessly in love with my boyfriend. And you still come and find me. Which I will post receipts under this post. The amount of horrible things you did to me is unfathomable. Sometimes I can’t even remember everything all at once. It comes into bits and pieces. Till this day I still get constantly triggered by just the mention of your name. I don’t miss you I don’t love you I don’t even like you. You were a horrible and manipulative and abusive person. You tortured me. You are also a rapist. You would force me to have sex with you simply to make you feel like “a man” I faked it so many times with you simply just so it wouldn’t start a fight and I didn’t have to defend my reason to just not want sex. You made me be repulsed by sex. The amount of people you touched and kissed either while with me or after breaking up with me. You cheated on me with Em and you gaslit me into believing it was all in my head. Even though I knew you and I knew your fucking habits. I still let you convince me to let it go. You would talk shit about them to me to ease my worries. You even went as far as to call them a horrible parent because of how they spoke to their child and because they smoked in their child’s face. You would tell me they had CPS called on them multiple times and that you even wanted to call them too to get their child taken away. But here you are now :) what a surprise. And to top it all of you have somehow convinced this person to believe that I was the shitty one? Lol
You wouldn’t let me go see my family. Not even for my baby sisters 2nd birthday. Not even for Mother’s Day. Not even for my brothers birthday. I love my family so much and you kept me away from them because to your logic you needed me more than they did and I see my family all the time. Which I didn’t! Because you never let me! You would tell me to ignore my mothers call. And her texts. You guilted me about my friendship with nova and would assume it was a romantic relationship when we were just best friends. And like, I never cheated it would always be you fucking around my back lmao. Projection much? Must be. And the most fucked up part of it is even though you were already dating em, who you lied about and cheated on me with. You still have the audacity to get mad at ME because I wasn’t a piece of shit and let you know I was seeing someone and that’s when you started going off and saying “well I’ve been talking to em anyways” like yea bitch I know, I ain’t as dumb as you think my Mexican ass is. AND to top it all of it wasn’t even the person you kept saying it was lmfao. You were so envious of every friend I made and made it into something that it wasn’t and that’s how you kept me all to yourself with no friends and no one else to depend on. Every time we fought you would drug me with Xanax to make me sleep it off and forget. You would hide your phone in your pocket assuming I still wouldn’t be able to see and even though that failed it always proved that my gut instincts were true. Your family was always super racist towards me and my family and you only defended me when it was convenient for you. You would let them call me a spic, a wetback and a loud Mexican like all Mexicans are. You and your family were HORRENDOUS TO ME. I couldn’t even eat at your house. I got so sickly skinny every time I would get back with you and lived with you. You would threaten to kill me. You would threaten to break every bone in my body. You would threaten to spit in my face and then you actually did it! Oh oh OH and then you would blame it on being possessed by some demon lmfao. Like bro you literally have to blame a non existent demon instead of your own shitty fucked up behavior huh? You’ve choked me. You would slam doors in my face like literally would hit me with doors. You wven went as far as to getting mad at me and me asking you if I can leave because you promised to pay for my ride home and when I pissed you off you ignored my begs on my knees to please help me get home. You stood up took money out of your wallet and threw it in my face and said “here you fucking whore leave!” You have gone as far as to manipulate 3 girls in California. You were literally living under her roof and you had the fucking audacity to cheat on her with me promising you’ll break up and fly home to me. Then you cheated on both of us with some other fucking valley girl like jfc. Then you said you ended It with both of them and you were taking a flight back to me. You kissed me when you got to the airport and you fucking kissed her goodbye with out breaking up with her and letting me know. Then you had the god damn audacity to fucking Skype her and flirt with her in FRONT of my face and you watched me cry. Like jfc i don’t understand why we were in a relationship for that long. I just have really disrespected myself and really didn’t find value in myself to ever want to be with you and your no monsterous behavior. You called me a gold digger even though I never asked you for anything except to be fucking nice to me lmao. God there is so much more I just can’t think of all of it but u will be making more posts as I remember them I will also not be silenced or gaslit by you and your partner! I am tired of you both harassing me. You always find my blog or any of my social media’s and you make it on purpose to let me know you found it so then I look at your shit and their shit and the first thing I see is talking shit about me I’m not stupid and I never retalliated back because I was so sick of it. I constantly have to delete my blog because you both come
Joey Hart abused me for seven years. I back everything you said 100000%
After me for no reason. So I just delete my shit over and over again in hopes you don’t find me ever again. But I shouldn’t be surprised with you. You’re a literal internet stalker. The way you would stalk me the way you would stalk Andrew and Maisha for ni reason it’s so annoying like I’m sorry I haven’t moved on? Someone seems more obsessed than the other here. But I can’t blame you. I was a fantastic partner. And you will never find something like me again and that makes you regretful which is why you “constantly think of me” because you are well aware that I was a good person and you know it. That fact that I even tried to still be friends with you while you were with the person you cheated on me with just proves I treated you too fucking well. So yeah I guess you can say we had a “falling out” of some sorts. You should have known better than to contact me ever. The last time we spoke you spoke badly about your partner and telling me that you’re afraid that you never fall in love again like the way you did me but that em made you feel really comfortable too much to make you leave. You thought I was gonna respond back the same way and say I missed you. Bitch you thought lol you got so pissed because I told you I’m already in love with Sam. You kept going on and on about how it was impossible for me to fall in love that fast but here I am thank you very much. Go ahead and think About me as a child all you want because honestly your opinion has no value. You’re a toxic human being that destroys lives and everyone should steer clear of you. I am not going to delete this blog because of you. I am not going to censor MY posts. You want me gone so bad? Stay the fuck gone. I don’t give a fuck about you to keep entertaining you. Stop thinking of me. Stop messaging me. Stop stalking me. Stop harassing me. You’re evil. I don’t care what you or your partner have to say about that lmfao.
A part of being an adult is living with regret and not allowing it to consume you. The older you get, the more mistakes you’ve made, opportunities you’ve missed, people you’ve disappointed. And every day you have to remind yourself to be kind and forgiving of yourself. You accept and love the you from the past and understand that it’s all a part of the process. Then you move on and live your best life, knowing now as old as you feel today, you’ll never be this young again.