Darling You'll Be OK @iamenoughexactlyasiam - Tumblr Blog

“He says “Baby I hope you don’t get sick of me” And I want to scream, Because I wonder if he realizes the absurdity of that statement When I poke him in the face a million times to get him to wake up and spend time with me, And I kiss him when he is sleepy, to keep him awake, Then proceed to steal his clothes to sleep in, because they smell like him I drive like a fool at one AM when I just want to get to his house and curl up with him, Then I make him watch shows and movies he doesn’t care about, because he is the only person I can imagine enjoying watching them with, And I distract him from movies that he actually wants to see, so that I can kiss him And I can’t tell him that I love him because I’m too fucking scared But he worries that I will get sick of him, And it’s too sweet, too wonderful To think that I have him and he is mine. And god do I love him, even if he doesn’t know it yet.”

— A girl who fears you’ll get sick of her first

iamenoughexactlyasiam

4 years ago I posted this poem, and told myself that if it got 500 notes I’d let him read it. When it hit 500 notes I thought my heart was going to explode out of my chest… right now I’m waiting for him to crawl into our bed with me in our apartment..

Thanks Tumblr for giving me the courage to to tell him I love him, it’s been the best 4 years of my life 💕

iamenoughexactlyasiam

K now it's been almost 9 years and tonight we spent a solid 20 minutes in the shower together making up a secret handshake. We got married in 2021 and bought a house the year before that. Forever grateful for those 500 reblogs

#love #lovestory #romance

iamenoughexactlyasiam

“To the boy who made me think that the only time I was worth anything was when my pants were off, To the boy who only hit me once, but one time really is too many, To the boy who made me feel like loving him meant degrading myself in ways that I wasn’t ready for, To the boy who couldn’t stand the idea that I might not need him, To the boy who emotionally manipulated me by threatening suicide, To the boy who made me think nobody would love me if I didn’t do what they wanted, To the boy who made me feel like he’d leave me if I didn’t let him put his hand in my pants- and proved me right, To the boy who cared more about the high and the buzz than about me, To the guy who guilted me into things I wasn’t ready for and then asked me if I was okay after, To the boy who emotionally forced himself into my mouth and wouldn’t kiss me after, To the boy who taught me that my feelings weren’t valid, To the boy who called me names and twisted things until I was the bad guy in every sutuation, To the boy who convinced me that he was cheating to amuse himself when he was bored, To the boy who ruined my prom night by screaming at me until I couldn’t even stand up straight, To the boy who ruined every special event by talking about how nothing in this world made him happy - not even me, To the boys who destroyed the girl I used to be… I forgive you. I forgive you for my own health and sanity. I forgive you because I’ve found someone amazing who loves me unconditionally. I forgive you because I’m letting go of the past. I forgive you because someday you’ll look to me for forgiveness, and with it written out like this, I never have to speak to you again. I forgive you. I forgive you, but can you forgive yourself?”

— Me to the boys who hurt me.

cheekbonered

stolenmemes10

theafictionado

villains with tragic backstories

autoneurotic

do u ever remember all the horrible offensve things u said when u were like 15 and u literally feel ur soul detach and turn 2 dust

icbiwf

your fave is problematic: yourself

disease-danger-darkness-silence

Basically, yeah. That’s kind of the point – you always have to look back on yourself and be mortified and resolve to be better. Shit, the stuff I said just five YEARS ago (and I’m almost 33) makes me cringe like a motherfucker. Burn in mortification. Rise from the ashes and be better. Lather, rinse, repeat for the rest of your life.

kieren-fucking-walker

This is why purity culture doesn’t work!!! We’re all shit! We can all grow and do better!

incel-moved-deactivated20210803

perrfectly

“I like how sleeping next to someone means more than sex sometimes, the body’s way of saying ‘I trust you to be by my side at my most vulnerable time,’ you have no defenses when you are asleep, you tell no lies”

— Eric Shaw (via perrfectly)

fine-luxury

“I understand it now; why hurricanes are named after people.”

— (via fawun)

iamenoughexactlyasiam

Consent through guilt is not consent

I have struggled with this for so incredibly long. I felt like because I caved and did what he wanted I had given my consent despite having been vehemently against it. As much as I have tried to block the memory I distinctly said the words "I am not ready".

Looking back years later at a piece of writing I did shortly after, I can now recognize that I did not want what happened to happen, and I sure as shit was not okay afterwards.

I wrote this a short time after it happened, having burned the words he said into my memory and recording them in a journal the night that it happened.

-"If you love me like I love you... I've loved you for the last year and a half. And everytime I was with another girl, they just didn't measure up to you. And I know you're scared, but I promise you it's okay. Everything is going to be okay. I know you, better than you know yourself, and I love you. We have this insane connection, you know me. I want everything with you. I want to be a selfish bastard and take all of your firsts, because I don't believe there's anyone else out there who cares about you the way that I do."

And I bought it. He got what he wanted. And I got a deeper sense of self-loathing.-

He literally and wholly admitted that he was being selfish and he wanted to TAKE all of my firsts. And the next day, he took it all back, because he had gotten exactly what he wanted from me.

It's been almost 6 years and sometimes the memories creep up to haunt me and tear me apart. I've made so much progress but still, you can move on and you can heal but what he did to me. That will be with me forever.

valtsv

you’ve heard of listening to the same song on repeat until you’ve extracted every drop of serotonin from it, now get ready for:

- wearing that outfit/item of clothing you love to every social engagement you attend until either it needs a wash or you’re forced to change it so that people don’t think it’s the only thing you own

- watching the same film or episode of a show you like like until there’s no point in watching it again because you can vividly recall every scene in your head

- eating your favorite food until you’re so used to it that it’s tasteless and nauseating

- reading the same book until you can recite every line word for word from memory

-repeating the same word/phrase in response to everything until it stops being funny and starts getting annoying

iamenoughexactlyasiam

$4k for 2 hours in the emergency room where the doctor refused to run the tests my primary doctor had ordered, and continuously insisted I was crazy and needed to get a handle on my anxiety. Another $2k to the cardiologists office, where I found out I had a heart condition.