Run and Live (under construction)

@iamharvey

I am HARVEY C. DOMINGO physiotherapy student at the UNIVERSITY OF THE PHILIPPINES SINGLE and Happy second of three children pure-blood Filipino Greek Myth addict. :) your first impression of me: MASUNGET! [snob] Favorite Past time: pusoy dos wants to be a Cardio-thoracic surgeon someday simple, less civilized, sometimes a weirdo, senseless, hopeless romantic, eager, outgoing, hard-headed, gonna give you several reasons not to befriend him, evil, careless, dumb in love, worthless, someone you'll sure gonna miss.. Click to ASK ME!anyhting ******************************** If you like to check out my other worlds, click on my links below Facebook.com/Harvey.Domingo Twitter.com/harbido Instagram.com/Harbido ********************************

3,076 posts

News of death surrounding me and I can't help but feel envious of them. When will natural selection finally take me?

I always imagine a world without me in it. Not an egocentric, rather I wish to see it from the point of view of a world’s observer; a perspective from someone who wish to learn about the world but isn’t really a part of it and can’t influence it.

Unfortunately I am currently blended into a very, very, very, very small fraction of that world. Oh how I wish I can easily remove myself from this situation.

Coward, I call myself, who can’t make up his mind on a path to choose between a crossroad--one which’ll lead to me continue with happiness and occasional suffering, and another towards the long-coveted end but with a path that’s rather treacherous to traverse.

Oh how I wish being dead can be easy.

My mind’s a mess and I’ve been only doing things in a circle. Why do I find it difficult to get past this spiraling feeling?

Every sleeping moment, I lowkey wish to never wake up again and I only end up disappointed.

Wasted opportunity

I cannot fathom how I was able to let go of an opportunity that I so wanted. I had to give up on something that was just an arm’s length away because I didn’t want to upset someone.

I thought you’d be happy for me. I expected you to be excited for me. I had me thinking that you were gonna root for me. And it’s so painful that you didn’t.

I just want to bang my head to the wall until it bleeds.

Funny

Just now, the thought of getting ran over on a highway made me feel at ease.

I slapped my chest so hard and it felt good...

There was that familiar feeling of pain.

My chest was hurting once again.

This person was making me feel bad once more.

The pain was really bothersome. I had to hit my chest a couple of times to mask the pain away. I hit it once more, harder. And then another. And then I hit myself the hardest that I could.

It felt good. My chest was as red as a newborn. It looked good.

... How long shall I hide in this mask and pretend that everything’s okay?

Heart attack

I met some old friends today and one shared a story about her other friend who recently died of a heart attack. This other friend is only 24. My friend also has another friend who’s really stressed out with academic work. I’m the same age as this professor; I’m also in the academe, and is also very much stressed out not only with academic work but with my social life.

It makes me wonder how much risk I have to having a heart attack anytime soon. It’s probably a good thing that I got myself a life insurance already. My family’s well covered in case anything happens to me.

Sometimes I imagine how it’s gonna be for me when I suffer a heart attack. Will it be during my sleep? Will I be at home or at the dorm? Will my family or friends be able to do cardiac massage while waiting for the ambulance? Will I ever survive it. These thoughts keep coming to me.

Mental rant for September

It’s difficult to keep acting like things don’t matter, like things don’t hurt you even when they’re supposed to. It’s hard to ignore the pain because you are more focused at reaching the light at end of the tunnel. You are some optimistic kid who believes that every storm shall pass. You know that eventually, it will pass and everything will be back to the way it was (vibrant, happy).

I am now realizing that it isn’t healthy anymore. There’s a cost for every turn of the cheek; there’s a cost for every pain ignored. We’re trapped in some illusion that once we ignore pain, it’ll be gone for good. But no, it stays; all the pain stays--hidden, teaming up, and waiting for the right time to burst open your barricade and take their revenge on you for ignoring them.

You will then be disillusioned to the fact that what you’ve been doing--acting all goody-goody, martyring and trying to be a resilient piece of shit, is the worst decision of your life. It consumes your entire being. It rots down your own castle of personality, that, which you tried to built with patience and magnificence.

You will realize that it was all for nought. You will regret not expressing any bit of rightful emotion in the times you chose not to react.

I am tired.

When can I have a mental health break?

Now I know what makes it all the more difficult for me. I have no one to depend on. I don’t have anyone to disclose any of my concerns, problems, and issues to. It’s difficult to have that one person you should be depending on, be so unreachable to talk to.

yourdailyparkbogum

© 지렁별

😍😍😍

Tumblr is a really great repository of good photos

yourdailyparkbogum

Daily dose of perfection.

Coming back home!

Ever since I started teaching in UP, I feel like I lost my safe spaces in my social media accounts. I can’t even freely rant about things that I want to rant about in Twitter. Good thing my tumblr page still exists.

I hope my sanity persists.

xbloody-thighs-hollow-eyesx

always have been

I feel so unworthy.

theworstkindisalright

Scenes that hit too close to home: Four Sisters and a Wedding (2013)

“Ma, I’m sorry.

Alam ko naman na kahit anong mangyari mahal na mahal nyo ako eh. Pero ako ho kasi yung may problema. Ako yung hindi makatanggap na ganito nalang ako. Na hindi ko narating lahat ng mga pangarap mo sa akin, Ma.”

Sums up what I’m feeling today.

Once upon a time, a widow bore the same color. Her husband was loved by many Filipinos. After his untimely death, the widow took up the challenge of highest leadership but it didn't go that great for the Philippines. Once more, now in my generation, another widow with a husband loved by many, is trying to take up high leadership. The difference this time is that she was not just a mere housewife. She has been representing her people as a lawmaker. Her sincerity, compassion, and humility move people's hearts. On the 9th of May, I will be shading for her name. I do hope more Filipinos realize how she may be a blessing to the country. I am choosing Leni Robredo. #LeniIsMyVP

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