Ikea Boy

Under and behind and inside everything this man took for granted, something horrible had been growing....

[iamjacks-homosexualtendencies]

Hello, and welcome to the 1999 IKEA catalogue.

You can call me Jack, or Narrator, I don't really care too much. Don't call me Tyler. Marla keeps calling me Tyler, like she's rubbing it in my face. Thanks Marla, like that's what I need right now.

Put your questions in my action item list and I'll deprioritize my current reports to get to them.

OOC: This is a RP blog! I am okay with any asks/starters for the time being, may update as time goes on with things I'm not okay with. This is my first RP blog and I don't really know what I'm doing yet, so be nice please!!

I am OKAY with flirty/slightly freaked out asks (though I ask that if you wish to engage in a full conversation/roleplay/reblog thread you please be 18+)!

By the way, some of these posts are written assuming a "real Tyler" AU while others are not, so if anything seems inconsistent with canon that's why!

[iamjacks-homosexualtendencies]

What am I even doing with my life? What's the point of any of this? Why am I doing this? I need to quit my job, or get a hobby maybe... I feel like garbage. Maybe I need to eat better. I wish Tyler would take me out to dinner again. Wouldn't that be nice...

[marlasbridesmaiddress]

guys my "flirt's" house (dump) oddly smells like very strong chemicals should i be concerned

[iamjacks-homosexualtendencies]

Why don't you mind your own business and not worry about it. And don't call our house a dump. We're working with what we've got.

[iamjacks-homosexualtendencies]

do you miss Robert Paulson?

Of course I do... Besides Tyler, Bob was the closest thing I had to a friend. He was a good man. What happened was so horrible and preventable...

[iamjacks-homosexualtendencies]

i totally did NOT just cry into your shirt i am not robert paulson.

-🧼

Why would you cry into my shirt. And I know you're not Bob... Your tits aren't nearly as big, for one thing. Why are you crying though? Did you eat soap again?

[iamjacks-homosexualtendencies]

how can you not remember my number i gave it to you after the support groups

Oh I'm sorry, Marla, am I supposed to remember every phone number ever? I wrote it down and now it's in a drawer somewhere.

[marlasbridesmaiddress]

i don't think you have many phone numbers to remember

[iamjacks-homosexualtendencies]

You know, whatever. Why's it even matter to you, anyway?

[marlasbridesmaiddress]

because i just saw you were mean to me on your blog and i want to piss you off

[iamjacks-homosexualtendencies]

Gee, lucky me. Don't you have anyone else to bother?

[marlasbridesmaiddress]

your roommate i guess.

[iamjacks-homosexualtendencies]

Well, what are you waiting for?

[iamjacks-homosexualtendencies]

Well, anyways, I shoplifted that penguin thing you wanted. No, I did not get caught. No, they did not see my face.

-🧼

Why would you do that, Tyler I thought you said we don't need stuff to be happy.

....Thank you.

[iamjacks-homosexualtendencies]

how can you not remember my number i gave it to you after the support groups

Oh I'm sorry, Marla, am I supposed to remember every phone number ever? I wrote it down and now it's in a drawer somewhere.

[marlasbridesmaiddress]

i don't think you have many phone numbers to remember

[iamjacks-homosexualtendencies]

You know, whatever. Why's it even matter to you, anyway?

[marlasbridesmaiddress]

because i just saw you were mean to me on your blog and i want to piss you off

[iamjacks-homosexualtendencies]

Gee, lucky me. Don't you have anyone else to bother?

[iamjacks-homosexualtendencies]

how can you not remember my number i gave it to you after the support groups

Oh I'm sorry, Marla, am I supposed to remember every phone number ever? I wrote it down and now it's in a drawer somewhere.

[marlasbridesmaiddress]

i don't think you have many phone numbers to remember

[iamjacks-homosexualtendencies]

You know, whatever. Why's it even matter to you, anyway?

[iamjacks-homosexualtendencies]

look im just coming back in for a change of clothes.... Also I'm really sorry about earlier, will you shoot me if i sit down on the bed with you and try to talk things out?

-🧼

No. No, I mean, yes, or... Tyler why are you even here? I mean, yeah, I know you're getting clothes, I know, but why do you want to talk things out? I thought you had to go make soap. By yourself.

(ooc: hes all butthurt and sad and he thinks tyler is messing with him)

[officially-tyler-durden]

Well, I already did. Now, if you don't mind me, I'm going to take a seat.

[iamjacks-homosexualtendencies]

Do what you want. I don't care.

[iamjacks-homosexualtendencies]

im not sure why the edits are there but do you like them ? whats your opinion on the “soapshipping” ones ? what do you think about the edits of you ? 👀👀

Um, I don't know how I feel about them. And the ones of me and Tyler are... well, frankly, I don't know what to say. And the ones of me are strange to look at. I don't think I like the ones calling me attractive. I'm really not all that.

[iamjacks-homosexualtendencies]

how can you not remember my number i gave it to you after the support groups

Oh I'm sorry, Marla, am I supposed to remember every phone number ever? I wrote it down and now it's in a drawer somewhere.

[iamjacks-homosexualtendencies]

look im just coming back in for a change of clothes.... Also I'm really sorry about earlier, will you shoot me if i sit down on the bed with you and try to talk things out?

-🧼

No. No, I mean, yes, or... Tyler why are you even here? I mean, yeah, I know you're getting clothes, I know, but why do you want to talk things out? I thought you had to go make soap. By yourself.

(ooc: hes all butthurt and sad and he thinks tyler is messing with him)

[iamjacks-homosexualtendencies]

Cupcake are they being mean to you

((Ooc: i cant stop giggling. I just read up on e erything ))

Don't call me that. And don't pretend you care. That's all anyone does, pretend they care.

(ooc: hes so butthurt rn lmao)

[iamjacks-homosexualtendencies]

jack have you seen the edits of you online 👀😍

Why are those there. Who is making those. Why are they trying to make me look cool? And what's with the edits of me and Tyler?

[officially-tyler-durden]

Okay, really hard question: whos more attractive, Jack, or Marla?

Had this question once before and it totally blew up in my face. Fuck it, Marla Singer is more pretty.

Now, gonna go back to making soap and stop scrolling through tumblr.

[iamjacks-homosexualtendencies]

Oh. Okay then, Tyler. Would you like me more if I put on that dress like she did and overdosed on Xanax?

[officially-tyler-durden]

What the hell is this question ? I could've sworn there was this one ask where you bashed her to hell and back, why would you then try to become her? Stand by your word, man. Also, no.

Looks like someone hasn't even noticed that I'm gone from the house, by the way. You're not making soap with me tonight.

[iamjacks-homosexualtendencies]

Fuck you, Tyler. Are we in kindergarden? Is that how immature you are? Have fun making soap by yourself. Are we even friends, Tyler? Do you even care about me?

[officially-tyler-durden]

Go cry about it, man.

[iamjacks-homosexualtendencies]

Fuck you.

He is actually crying about it in his room, as quietly as he can..

[officially-tyler-durden]

Okay, really hard question: whos more attractive, Jack, or Marla?

Had this question once before and it totally blew up in my face. Fuck it, Marla Singer is more pretty.

Now, gonna go back to making soap and stop scrolling through tumblr.

[iamjacks-homosexualtendencies]

Oh. Okay then, Tyler. Would you like me more if I put on that dress like she did and overdosed on Xanax?

[officially-tyler-durden]

What the hell is this question ? I could've sworn there was this one ask where you bashed her to hell and back, why would you then try to become her? Stand by your word, man. Also, no.

Looks like someone hasn't even noticed that I'm gone from the house, by the way. You're not making soap with me tonight.

[iamjacks-homosexualtendencies]

Fuck you, Tyler. Are we in kindergarden? Is that how immature you are? Have fun making soap by yourself. Are we even friends, Tyler? Do you even care about me?