this isn’t something talked about much in the spoonie community so i wanted to bring it up.
i am always called: over-dramatic.
i never actually knew that was what i had been labeled by people. i thought it was labeled sick, as if that wasn’t bad enough. i’m over-dramatic.
this recently came to light when my father was joking around and he said “the over-dramatic thirteen year old.” i felt like i was hit by a bullet for a second. then i said “one, i am fourteen. two, what?” but he never said anything back. that was strange but i just walled away.
then everything hit me. whenever my mother and i talk about any type of feelings it turns into an emotional fight. she always says i’m making a big deal out of nothing. i just realized she thinks of me as dramatic. she will never recognize any of my mental illnesses or listen to the symptoms and if i ever bring them up she tells me “you need to stop googling things. you’re not google so stop.” any of my true feelings to her are marked as over-dramatic. even if i brought this up i bet it would be “over-dramatic”.
my father hurt me accidentally but trying to grab my hair with both of his hands in a fist. i thought he was going to hit me, so my reflexes came abound and i knocked his hands away but using my wrists to hit his arms. he accidentally grabbed both of my ears and it hurt like hell. he told me i was being over-dramatic. and that was when everything fell into place.
no one believes that my pain isn’t actually there. everyone believes i’m being over-dramatic or i’m using it as an excuse. and that anything mental is just me being over-dramatic. if i ever brought this up, it would just prove the point to them that i am over-dramatic.
this realization really hurt me. and i know that this is more or less labeled over-dramatic because i’m fourteen. but i have been dealing with this physical pain and built up emotional trauma since i was six years old. i mean, i got the nickname smiley in second grade because smiling was the only thing that got me to stop the tears from falling down my face.
back then, i wanted my parents. because they seemed like they understood and cared at the time. they wanted to know how i was feeling. now it’s the exact opposite. they seem like the last people who could ever understand this. i hide in my room whether i’m sick or not because if i could ever risk true emotion coming out, i know it’ll get me into a fight. it always has.
when you become a teenager, you are already labeled as over-dramatic because of hormonal things, teenage first relationships and shit like that. i obviously get my fucking period but i’m not going through anything normal and i’m still labeled over-dramatic because i have mental illness and trauma with physical pain and no friends to talk about it with.
and i just think that’s so stupid. my feelings are belittled because i’m fourteen and apparently i’m over-dramatic because i have feelings. wow, such a shocker. i am capable of human emotions!! people don’t look at my feelings as feelings. people look at my feelings as fourteen year old thoughts. not a person who has been disabled since she was six years old and has encountered so much emotional trauma and physical pain.
i feel like being over-dramatic isn’t something that is talked about a lot. but it’s the first thing on my mind right now. so i’m trying to beat over-dramatic.
baratheonpilled
prguitarman
turnnoffyourmind
theartofmadeline
blakekathryn
areudirty
yousharknotpass
