Rashōmon!

Lock (he/they) - 19 - Queer - ADHD - Ryū is my boy - Chuuya is my adopted boy from @wishing-on-stardust - My wifey is @cosmopolitanalienation and our son is @actualstardust

[iamthymourningdog]

Big apologies for being dead recently...and bigger apologies to any moots who are waiting for responses to stuff ( •́⁠ ⁠ ⁠‿⁠ ⁠,⁠•̀ )

**CW/TW for below the cut**: discussions of mental health; not in depth or heavy.

To clarify before I start into the more personal stuff...since this is not the typical type of post on my blog, I don't want anyone to be uncomfy or think that it is gonna be the direction of my blog in future. If people want me to make a more in-depth post about specifics I'm happy enough to make one especially if people are struggling too and think it would help them but I just wanted to make it clear that the blog moving forward isn't going to transition into a jiari blog, I don't have an issue with them but I just don't want this blog to even be a place that isolates anyone who isn't a fan of more serious/sensitive topics or even accidentally project my own issues onto someone else, you know?

There's a wonderful spoken word poem by Blythe Baird called 'Relapse' which I'll link that talks about the complexity of talking about mental health (specifically it discusses the poet's struggle with an ED so please be aware it may be triggering!) especially in a public forum where anyone can stumble across it. I wanna link it cause it's personally one of the most poignant contemporary poems I've heard after I discovered it almost 7 years ago and is one I come back to often. I think the poet is excellent and would definitely recommend her other poems too, all of her rework is quite heavy with themes of sa, eds, homophobia ect. so just be aware of that if you want to check out her other stuff. She blends bitter humour with trauma in such a way that never pulls too far one way or another- her poetry is so wonderfully inviting despite the raw pain felt, listening to her poetry to me feels like standing in the eye for the storm.

Okay onto the actual stuff now:

Lock has been not doing great to say the least- I'm slowly getting back into a more stable state of being I think but atm I'm still having some big issues with my anxiety and stuff so just know ily and I haven't ghosted my moots because I'm soft leaving the fandom or anything...I know I have a few different things for moots I am working on/have to respond to, so I promise it's still gonna get done eventually!

I don't want any of my moots to see this and worry about me or anything, I'm not a flight risk I promise lmao. I'm good at handling mental health episodes due to having a chronic illness which causes such things and other stuff which has caused past issues. I've thankfully learnt what my limits are and what works for me depending on different situations and largely that is more independent which people can find abnormal or concerning and it is not to shame anyone who handles stuff differently, if you need help please always reach out to someone! This is just something that I've found most effective due to how my brain is hardwired and I've discussed it with mental health professionals before and only do this cause I know my limits and will reach out if I can't process something by myself. I do not recommend just deciding to do this without talking to a mental health professional or at least family and friends so someone still knows to check up on you especially because it takes years to learn your limits and this could have a negative impact depending on the person and their needs!

I've just kinda had my head in a lot of different places and am a chronic overthinker who can be too introspective for their own good so at times it's been difficult trying to even find where to start with some of the stuff I'm feeling atm cause it's a lot- there's both good and bad emotions swirling around mind and soul, thankfully though! I'm getting a slightly better sense of things now and I'm hoping I can use some of the excess emotions to help fuel some future creative works because I've been drawing a lot recently! Icl- this experience has made my ADHD want to start journalling for the first time ever, like I never had a diary or anything growing up and I can't keep a planner to save my life so it's a very foreign concept to me but one I'd be open to trying to see if I find it personally beneficial or not for the way I process things.

I'm just the unfortunate mistake produced from the bad genetics there are on both sides of my family. I'll hopefully be back fully to my usual annoying overexcitable puppy antics on this blog by next week but I'll see how I feel and posts might be slow at the beginning. I hope everyone else is having a wonderful day and if you want a chat, my dms are still open as always :3

[iamthymourningdog]

ssk Howl's moving castle lives rent freeze in my head at all times so I did a little doodle of them based on the hug scene™ as chosen by the wonderful @wishing-on-stardust and @cosmopolitanalienation:

[wishing-on-stardust]

I'm gonna be selfish and pick the song I recced you for skk- so if you're up for it, I would love a ficlet/drabble based on, 'Love At First Sight' by The Brobecks!!!

Hi there Lock! This is not a selfish pick at all, I love this song and that is why it ended up on my playsist (thank you again for reccomending it to me <3).

Here is 907 words of fairytale-adjacent skk :)

There once was a boy who believed in fairytales. He was plagued by monsters that danced inside his head. The boy dreamed that one day a prince would come to save him from the horrors that lived in his mind - a prince that wouldn't let any obstacle stand between him and his love. Deep down, the boy wished to be loved. But he knew there was no one in the world who could ever love a boy who was part monster. Happily ever afters were not for people like him.

So he forgot all about the fairytales.

The boy became as cold as snow and as shadowy as night, no longer did he dream of being good, for he was the worst kind of evil. He let the monsters in his head shred his storybooks and tear his wishing stars from the sky. The monsters in his head made sure the boy was alone in the darkness of his starless night.

Then he met a boy made of stars.

It was strange to see the stars up close, they were less like the twinkling glow of his memories and more like the blinding light of an insatiable fire. Still, the boy wished to touch the stars. So he poked and prodded the star boy and wrapped his hands in bandages every time he got burned.

"Stop touching me!" said the star boy.

You're so warm thought the monster boy.

"Stop following me!" said the star boy.

You're so pretty thought the monster boy.

"I hate you!" said the star boy.

I love you thought the monster boy.

Despite all of the star boy's words, he never got rid of the monster boy. He let the monster boy follow him home and sleep on his floor, and then his couch, and then his bed. The monster boy finally slept when the star boy's light scared away the monsters that came to him at night. For the first time in a long time the monster boy dreamt of being locked in a tower full of monsters but instead of them placing a crown on his head and letting the darkness eat him alive, a prince made of light came and burned all of the monsters away.

As time went on, the monster boy learnt that he could make the star boy flare brighter if he made him upset, so he poked and he prodded just so he could see the star boy's light get brighter and brighter.

One day, he went too far.

He threw a bucket of water over the star boy's head in hopes that he could make him shine the brightest he had ever seen. Instead, the light around the star boy was extinguished and when the smoke cleared the monster boy saw that underneath all of the star boy's burning brilliance, was the most beautiful prince he had ever seen. Unlike the boy made of pure light that he had known before, this boy was devastatingly human. He had freckles that made up constellations, eyes the colour of the clear blue sky, and lips that looked as soft as rose petals. The prince screamed in agony as his light was extinguished - it had hurt to burn, but it was agony to be human. But the monster boy could not tear his eyes away. He did not regret extinguishing the star boy's light, for all things are more beautiful when they suffer as human.

With time, the star boy's light began to burn again, and the prince was once again hidden away. But the monster boy could not forget the sight of what hid underneath the star boy's glow.

The star boy would not forgive the monster boy for extinguishing his light that day, but he still would not push the monster boy away entirely, for the secret that the star boy kept locked inside his chest, was that he had grown to love the monster boy as well.

With time came distance and the boys made of shadows and light were separated by miles. The boy with a monstrous heart went in search of the day - he could only rely on a single star for so long. For years he searched until he found a home in the twilight, where his shadowy form could exist closer to the dawn. With more light around him, the monsters in his head grew quieter, though they never went away. Nothing could banish them quite like his prince of stars.

One day, the monster boy and the star boy met again. The star boy was angry, for the monster boy had not told him he was leaving before he disappeared towards the dawn - somewhere the star boy could not follow.

"I hate you" said the star boy, who was angry that he still loved the boy cloaked in shadows.

I love you thought the monster boy, who had fallen for the prince of the night sky yet again.

There was once a boy who believed in fairytales. He may not have been saved the from monsters in his head, but one day a prince did come to save him from the horrors that lived in the outside world. The prince did not let villains or demons or dragons stand between him and the boy he had grown to love, and perhaps if they could learn to be together again, happily ever after might be possible for people like them.

[iamthymourningdog]

Lock finally making dazaku content after only making skk even tho my otp is dazaku but Liv pulls out this shit and now I immediately have to go back into the skk wormhole and draw the howl's moving castle au I have been thinking up for them because the fic fits the vibes so well that I'm gonna kms if I don't-

[wishing-on-stardust]

I'm gonna be selfish and pick the song I recced you for skk- so if you're up for it, I would love a ficlet/drabble based on, 'Love At First Sight' by The Brobecks!!!

Hi there Lock! This is not a selfish pick at all, I love this song and that is why it ended up on my playsist (thank you again for reccomending it to me <3).

Here is 907 words of fairytale-adjacent skk :)

There once was a boy who believed in fairytales. He was plagued by monsters that danced inside his head. The boy dreamed that one day a prince would come to save him from the horrors that lived in his mind - a prince that wouldn't let any obstacle stand between him and his love. Deep down, the boy wished to be loved. But he knew there was no one in the world who could ever love a boy who was part monster. Happily ever afters were not for people like him.

So he forgot all about the fairytales.

The boy became as cold as snow and as shadowy as night, no longer did he dream of being good, for he was the worst kind of evil. He let the monsters in his head shred his storybooks and tear his wishing stars from the sky. The monsters in his head made sure the boy was alone in the darkness of his starless night.

Then he met a boy made of stars.

It was strange to see the stars up close, they were less like the twinkling glow of his memories and more like the blinding light of an insatiable fire. Still, the boy wished to touch the stars. So he poked and prodded the star boy and wrapped his hands in bandages every time he got burned.

"Stop touching me!" said the star boy.

You're so warm thought the monster boy.

"Stop following me!" said the star boy.

You're so pretty thought the monster boy.

"I hate you!" said the star boy.

I love you thought the monster boy.

Despite all of the star boy's words, he never got rid of the monster boy. He let the monster boy follow him home and sleep on his floor, and then his couch, and then his bed. The monster boy finally slept when the star boy's light scared away the monsters that came to him at night. For the first time in a long time the monster boy dreamt of being locked in a tower full of monsters but instead of them placing a crown on his head and letting the darkness eat him alive, a prince made of light came and burned all of the monsters away.

As time went on, the monster boy learnt that he could make the star boy flare brighter if he made him upset, so he poked and he prodded just so he could see the star boy's light get brighter and brighter.

One day, he went too far.

He threw a bucket of water over the star boy's head in hopes that he could make him shine the brightest he had ever seen. Instead, the light around the star boy was extinguished and when the smoke cleared the monster boy saw that underneath all of the star boy's burning brilliance, was the most beautiful prince he had ever seen. Unlike the boy made of pure light that he had known before, this boy was devastatingly human. He had freckles that made up constellations, eyes the colour of the clear blue sky, and lips that looked as soft as rose petals. The prince screamed in agony as his light was extinguished - it had hurt to burn, but it was agony to be human. But the monster boy could not tear his eyes away. He did not regret extinguishing the star boy's light, for all things are more beautiful when they suffer as human.

With time, the star boy's light began to burn again, and the prince was once again hidden away. But the monster boy could not forget the sight of what hid underneath the star boy's glow.

The star boy would not forgive the monster boy for extinguishing his light that day, but he still would not push the monster boy away entirely, for the secret that the star boy kept locked inside his chest, was that he had grown to love the monster boy as well.

With time came distance and the boys made of shadows and light were separated by miles. The boy with a monstrous heart went in search of the day - he could only rely on a single star for so long. For years he searched until he found a home in the twilight, where his shadowy form could exist closer to the dawn. With more light around him, the monsters in his head grew quieter, though they never went away. Nothing could banish them quite like his prince of stars.

One day, the monster boy and the star boy met again. The star boy was angry, for the monster boy had not told him he was leaving before he disappeared towards the dawn - somewhere the star boy could not follow.

"I hate you" said the star boy, who was angry that he still loved the boy cloaked in shadows.

I love you thought the monster boy, who had fallen for the prince of the night sky yet again.

There was once a boy who believed in fairytales. He may not have been saved the from monsters in his head, but one day a prince did come to save him from the horrors that lived in the outside world. The prince did not let villains or demons or dragons stand between him and the boy he had grown to love, and perhaps if they could learn to be together again, happily ever after might be possible for people like them.

[samatonin-deactivated20231101]

[a-missing-gender-case]

@so-brave-about-my-tummy-aches @peter-the-penguin @rottinginplace @actualstardust (actual-starlight) @mayafoxwitch (mayafoxtraveller, mayaswiterblog) @tiedinforgetmeknots (iamthymourningdog) @lettersfromkleio @my-cages-were-mental @cosmopolitanalienation @mirabel-on-a-bicycle @silverysnake @flannel-and-rainbows @multitude-of-bird @dans-exposed-ankle

[a-missing-gender-case]

Why do I want such an idiot what's wrong with me

[nem23]

[iamthymourningdog]

@actualstardust stray ray spotted in the wild (⁠✧⁠Д⁠✧⁠)⁠→

[jimmithy-tiastopher]

chuuya in my goofy ass outfit

[iamthymourningdog]

(you might be pleased to know both Agape and Eros are in my secret skk playlist)

SCREAM- YES I'M SO HAPPY TO LEARN THIS...I beg of you to drop the skk playlist please! ฅ⁠^⁠•⁠ﻌ⁠•⁠^⁠ฅ

(also an ask from my moot's coolest moot! Dream come true istg I was literally too shy to send you an ask earlier...brb guys, Lock has to go die for a minute because they're fangirling too hard rn-)

[tealeaf-master]

Concept sketches of my newest hyperfixation: figure skating coach Chuuya

[iamthymourningdog]

Lock has been annoying Liv with their bsd x Yuri on ice au/comparison-

I need people to understand the vision! Specifically regarding the chuuya, dazai and ryū love triangle:

Dazai: Victor

Chuuya: Yuri K

Ryū: Yuri P

[oliveden]

the day kunikida finds out dazai used to be part of the port mafia he goes home and cries because he’s been trying to get fukuzawa to fire him for years and if the director won’t fire him for his 135+ kill count it’s never going to happen

[shadowen]

This is an anti-despair checkpoint! You must share something you're looking forward to before scrolling on.

[cosmopolitanalienation-deactiva]

I hath more...

Lock presenting their wifey with gifts:

Lock drawing family fan art:

Lock when the friend group makes plans with water because they can't swim:

More sillies before I hunt down your fox pics:

OMG 🤭! RED PANDA PROPAGANDA IS WORKING ON ME! STOP I CANNOT SWIM AS WELL 😓! YOU ARE SO CUTE

[iamthymourningdog]

hehe, yes my master plan is working now you're gonna have to come visit me!!! Also, I'm gonna make you watch turning red with me and propaganda you further if you're not careful ୧⁠(⁠＾⁠ ⁠〰⁠ ⁠＾⁠)⁠୨

[imgonnacryalltheusersaretaken]

@annabellenotfound @idkwhattoputbroo @chuuyathelomlfrfr @bunnistarzisdancing @vitaminbunnygummy @abchacker @no-one-offical um um uh who else

[raven-dabbles-in-sexuality]

Thanks for the tag :)

Yellow and dark blue(because very recent mutuals)

@cosmopolitanalienation @silverysnake @mirabel-on-a-bicycle @dans-exposed-ankle (are you still on here? Please be) @tiedinforgetmeknots @mayafoxwitch @actualstardust @anyone my ADHD ass can't recall rn!!!

[a-missing-gender-case]

Yellow and dark blue (cause new mutuals)

@cosmopolitanalienation @silverysnake @mirabel-on-a-bicycle @so-brave-about-my-tummy-aches @dans-exposed-ankle @mayafoxwitch @tiedinforgetmeknots @actualstardust @ anyone my adhd ass isn't recalling rn!

[cosmopolitanalienation-deactiva]

@a-missing-gender-case you are definitely grey white and yellow! (Extra I'm adding that you are my offline friend as well!)

Ayee what about me :p @actualstardust @wishing-on-stardust @mayafoxwitch @bungoustrayfrogs @iamthymourningdog and @ more I'm forgetting right now !

[iamthymourningdog]

as my wifey it has be white, orange, pink and black ;3

tags:

@actualstardust @wishing-on-stardust @mayafoxwitch @attaiii @glasses-wearing-water-drinker

[cosmopolitanalienation-deactiva]

AWIE I LOVE THIS! for you it's also definitely grey, white, pink, black and orange (i need an extra color for marriage :< ) @iamthymourningdog

[iamthymourningdog]

we also need a colour for our souls being metaphysically linked frr-

[iamthymourningdog]

I both need to be Cillian Murphy's controversially young gf and to steal his gender aura on a biblical level- how is that man just out there walking about...life is not fair ಥ⁠╭⁠╮⁠ಥ

[iamthymourningdog]

Fire and Ice: an skk au ficlet.

Written for: @wishing-on-stardust

Word count: 1 k

Some say the world will end in fire,

Some say in ice.

From what I’ve tasted of desire

I hold with those who favour fire.

But if it had to perish twice,

I think I know enough of hate

To say that for destruction ice

Is also great

And would suffice.

— Robert Frost

Two boys from different worlds yet they were inexplicably intertwined in their souls. One of the boys were numb inside that it felt like he had ice frozen inside his veins which kept him in this state of longing; whether that desire was to reach his final resting place or finally have his skin defrost, not even that young man could say. From the other side reaching, there was a boy made of pure flames, he made sure to signal his temper with his bright appearance and amber hair, yet what people couldn’t see he knew was the real danger…a safety valve turned too far ans suddenly the colours would fade, a low rumbling roar was your only warning before the beast beneath struck out like an invisible blade which kept the boy trapped as nothing more than a vessel to contain rather than exist in its own right. Something beyond the physical plane threatened to rip each boys’ soul to shreds if they tried to resist the siren’s call of two hearts and souls which were made to meld into one.

No life is lead in straight line and as hard as the universe tries to keep score, the tally of fleeting moments and almost chance encounters became even too much weight for the universe to bare…what happens after the shrug? Impulse, chaos and death. Who needs a forth horseman or 10 commandments when these are the three core tenets that seek to both cultivate life and when time comes sound the hour of humanity’s doomed existence coming to an unfulfilled close, without so much as a secondary spark ignited or crystalline tear shed? Humanity will receive not encore this time from the meddling powers of the unknown for once the permafrost has been scorched by the blazing sun, all of humanity will be reduced to nought, as they pay death their final toll.

Thus, those three great men of knowing, provided only a solemn look to acknowledge the end of their union before they drowned their future sorrows that they’d never get to see. At once when their glasses dried, the cuffs met lips as if in a silent commanded to death itself to serve them first. The eldest gave hid two business partners a sly grin before he began to walk in pace with death, a contemporary rather than subject as their echoing discussions haunt the teas house in a chilling duet while the architects fades into the murky unknown of the shrouded beyond…

As the seasons shift and swirl, the passing seasons begin to meld. With shortened seasons came the compression- harsher weather and bleaker city-scapes as the populous flee the oppressive air; once sprawling networks of electrified hopes, dreams and innovation all too quickly reject its man-made nature as even the buildings start to take on this inhuman pulse which threatened to consume like a feral animal was caged beneath the concrete city and finally awoke from hibernation to feast.

Nothing more than mass hysteria; no further reports needed.

The ebbing and crackling that threatened to tear society apart at the seems; no beans jack could by would fall but there was a beauty in watching steam from bloodied entrails condense into vapour as the cool autumn breeze carried the steam high into the air- threatening the first snow to mark that the Winter season is officially upon us. The two men who remained cognisant of what was to come, joined hands as they faded into the abyssal black of the sea before that first innocent harbinger could float down to dance between the outstretched hands of those boys made of fire and ice. Both starved within an inch of their life yet, their spirits fought on', far beyond what their physical bodies could withstand naturally- bones and skin hardened by the raw desperation of a rabid dog desperate to feel skin give way beneath its canines and skin into the heat of warm bloodied flesh...even its own.

The boys held each other tight, the fire and ice in their veins battle before they conceded to share space between both, room temperature for the first time because the boys ere each others home; one soul split between two bodies, finally reunited created a sense of peace at finally getting to experience life as a whole person with a shared goal instead of a vessel for others ideology.

No longer were they weapons or even humans…but lost boys without a debt of existence to anyone but themselves.

They were free to exist broken and imperfect while knowing the other won’t let go even if the bones beneath splintered and drew both of their blood because that warm red liquid would be the physical proof they survived while the pain they felt meant they were finally in a place where they were allowed to hurt because tools don’t feel pain but scared boys do. So when the cloud of black surrounded them, those boys huddled together knew that never again would they let anyone tear the other from his arms. This would be their last stand. Even if it killed them, the only thing that mattered would be that their bodies and souls would be entangled with each other for the rest of eternity.

As the fight went on on and exhaustion set in as the never ending army of black encroached on their land, in one final act and with the desperation of caged animals, the boys linked their bodies and souls fully…what proceeded was like nothing ever felt or seen before, their bodies became encased in ice before it splintered and cracked into billions of crystalline shards which drew in before finally shooting back out in a show of blinding light followed finally by the deafening explosion. Their sacrifice of their physical body for the promise of eternally united souls had the force to rip through flesh, bones, cities and even continents as the earth imploded in on itself-

All that remained at the end of time were these two souls of fire and ice.

[imgonnacryalltheusersaretaken]

@annabellenotfound @idkwhattoputbroo @chuuyathelomlfrfr @bunnistarzisdancing @vitaminbunnygummy @abchacker @no-one-offical um um uh who else

[raven-dabbles-in-sexuality]

Thanks for the tag :)

Yellow and dark blue(because very recent mutuals)

@cosmopolitanalienation @silverysnake @mirabel-on-a-bicycle @dans-exposed-ankle (are you still on here? Please be) @tiedinforgetmeknots @mayafoxwitch @actualstardust @anyone my ADHD ass can't recall rn!!!

[a-missing-gender-case]

Yellow and dark blue (cause new mutuals)

@cosmopolitanalienation @silverysnake @mirabel-on-a-bicycle @so-brave-about-my-tummy-aches @dans-exposed-ankle @mayafoxwitch @tiedinforgetmeknots @actualstardust @ anyone my adhd ass isn't recalling rn!

[cosmopolitanalienation-deactiva]

@a-missing-gender-case you are definitely grey white and yellow! (Extra I'm adding that you are my offline friend as well!)

Ayee what about me :p @actualstardust @wishing-on-stardust @mayafoxwitch @bungoustrayfrogs @iamthymourningdog and @ more I'm forgetting right now !

[actualstardust]

youuuuuu iridescent cosmopolitan alienation are grey and white and yellow and teal cus god look at who you married /j

@iamthymourningdog @wishing-on-stardust @mayafoxwitch i just woke up and im struggling to open my eyes anyone ever feel free

[iamthymourningdog]

Oi! I'll fight you Ray- I'm obviously the cool parent ಠ⁠∀⁠ಠ

ignoring the previous comment...you are: white, red, yellow and grey!

tags:

@a-missing-gender-case @bungoustrayfrogs @a-weird-being @cosmopolitanalienation