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@ibethebest
I wish I felt like people cared about me. I feel like I'm just a burden. I'm so tired. I just got out of the hospital and it feels like no one really cares. I'm alive and thats all that matters right? I tried to tell me mom that I'm maybe not doing great but I didn't feel heard. I feel alone
I'm so lonely
I’ve never belonged anywhere I’m always just in between
Do you ever feel like no one really knows you
i feel like i don’t even know me
I will lose weight
I will lose weight
I will lose weight
I will lose weight
I will lose weight
I will lose weight
me? overthinking?? blowing something out of proportion and letting it consume me for days??? yes constantly
I've been doing so shit lately. I just need to vent. My so just lost their job, I b/p 3+x/day, and all I can think about is sh and not being alive. I've been around 100 lbs for the past couple months. I'm so tired. I'm so fucking tired. But I can't stop anything. Treatment didn't help. Therapy didnt seem to help. Nothing seems to help. I don't even know if I want to be better. I don't know who I am, but especially don't know who I would be without my disorders. Would I be happy? I don't even know. Existing is exhausting and I want to be done with it. I don't even feel like I do exist half the time. The only thing that I feel I have remotely any control over is food. I feel like I have to get smaller. It's the only way to have any semblance of control in my life. I need to starve. I need to lose the weight. Maybe the lighter I am, the less I exist. I'm tired of feeling. Maybe at 80 lbs I'll like myself more. Or maybe I'll at least have some self-control and like that about me some despite hating myself. It's just 20 lbs. I feel like I'm just going to disappoint everyone regardless of what I do. I just want some control again. It feels like people think I've been doing great and I'm ~recovered~ because I gained some weight throughout this last year, but I've been doing worse and worse every day. I didn't b/p this frequently before. It wasn't 3+ (more often than not 4+) times a day. I'm not better at all. My mental health just keeps getting worse every year. I want to fade away. I'm tired
“are u ok”
bro i am completely disconnected from reality right now
I haven't showered in like 4 or 5 days I think, my hair is greasy and I feel disgusting. I don't want to get out of bed. I don't want to eat. I just don't want to deal with today. I haven't been able to stop b/ping like 5 times a day when I eat. I don't want to keep trying anymore. I just want to let myself go completely and drown in my issues. I don't want to exist anymore. I'm tired
I'm just genuinely sad about how my life has turned out.
It looks like I never even tried.
Richard Siken, Self-Portrait Against Red Wallpaper
Nothing is more exhausting than constantly having to pretend you want to be alive
i’m not sleepy in a cute way but in a chronic depression and insomnia way
hell yes
just a reminder
i. do. not. promote. eating. disorders. of. any. kind. whatsoever.
if you are trying to recover, please, get the fuck away from my blog.
the reason i have this blog is for my own motivation.
seek help: 1-800-931-2237
insufficient // 3.10.2019
your eating disorder’s severity is not determined by weight because eating disorders are not weight disorders they’re behavioral disorders thanks for coming to my ted talk
