"I'd buy that for a dollar!"

A blog wherein I purchase goods for $1 and review them. 

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A watery latte with the faintest hints of cinnamon and sugar, this left much to be desired. It’s great that Chameleon’s products are organic and sustainable, but that doesn’t compensate for the lackluster taste.  Verdict: I wouldn’t buy that for a dollar.

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As many of you know, Dollar Tree has raised the price of nearly all their merchandise to $1.25. The fact that a company which made $1.23 BILLION in annual profits and paid its CEO a salary of $11 MILLION decided to increase its prices by 25% is totally ludicrous. Fuck Michael Witynski. Unfortunately, that .25 cent increase also ruins the premise of this blog. Thankfully, I have a massive stockpile of Dollar Tree goods waiting to be reviewed that I bought from before the price hike. When these items are reviewed, in addition to letting you know if I would buy it for a dollar, I will let you know if I would buy it for a dollar twenty-five. No new items will be purchased or reviewed from Dollar Tree.  Once again, fuck Michael Witynski.

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A portable toilet delivery truck toy? If that wasn’t enough, Matchbox actually named it “Poop King,” too... Of course this was worth a dollar. Random? Stupid? Juvenile? Yes to all of the above. But, that’s what makes it worth a buck. I’m actually going to see if I can find another, so I can keep this one in the blister pack and take the other out. Verdict: I would buy that for a dollar.

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Drum machine grindcore with some death metal undertones and experimental segments, Bone Tower are killing it here with their debut release. There’s some influence from old Agoraphobic Nosebleed, but that’s not to say these guys are derivative; they’ve developed a style unique unto themselves. We All Will Die One Day isn’t the thing for everyone, probably not even for a lot of grind aficionados, but I’m quite pleased to have stumbled upon it. Verdict: I’d buy that for a dollar.

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I saw this lone blind bag on the shelf and was intrigued by the concept of a collectable lock. Unfortunately, the figures of this particular series are not functioning locks, but rather étuis that pop open & closed. I’m also not sure what this figure is supposed to be, a smug fox? As much as I love weird, random trinkets and figures, I could’ve done without this one. Verdict: I wouldn’t buy that for a dollar.

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A nostalgic look back at the early 90′s alt scene in New York; The Strange Ones starts off as meandering, slice of life segments that eventually coalesce into a story about friendship, love, loss, and grieving. The shift isn’t that surprising, considering the first five chapters were published 25 years ago in the author’s zine and the last five created recently to fix-up the story into a full graphic novel. The initial half really didn’t do much for me, but the second portion was marginally interesting. While the narrative style changes, the illustration remains pretty decent throughout. If I’d paid the $19.99 cover price, I’d be pissed. But, for $1 off the book rack at Dollar Tree? Eh, why not... Verdict: I’d buy that for a dollar.  

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These seem to have appeared over the past summer and, as much as I love new Cheetos products, I was somewhat suspicious as to why they were branded under “Chester’s” instead of “Cheetos.” Eventually my curiosity proved to be too strong and I grabbed a bag. Upfront there’s a salty, processed cheddar cheese flavor that’s suspiciously subdued for a Cheetos...excuse me “Chester’s”...product. This is followed by a strange, sour cream taste that lingers at the back of the palate. Chester’s Poppers very much feel like a cheaply made product intended for the shelves of dollar stores. I think I’ll just pay the extra 50 cents and get a bag of Cheetos from Walgreens.  Verdict: I wouldn’t buy that for a dollar.

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I stumbled across this abomination in the discount bin of liquor store and, against my better judgement, decided I should drop a dollar on it. The flavor is something akin to Hawaiian Punch mixed with grain alcohol. If that wasn’t distasteful enough, there’s a notable funk, which I’m guessing is from the guarana. The syrupy consistency only compounds the unpleasantness, coating the palate and allowing the awful taste to linger. I made it almost half way through the can before my head began to hurt and I started feeling nauseous.  Verdict: I wouldn’t buy that for a dollar.

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Damn, I had my hopes up for this one. Not that it’s a bad product, the noodles were actually perfectly cooked and it tasted quite decent for an instant mac & cheese cup, but the Cheeto taste was virtually nonexistent. The sauce was also obnoxiously watery, which is the antithesis of the mouthfeel associated with a  Cheetos product. In the end, I bought this because of the branding and it fell short.

Verdict: I wouldn’t buy that for a dollar.

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Apparently there’s more than just discredited self-help memoirs and outdated horoscope guides in Dollar Tree’s book section... Who knew? I’ve never read anything of Moshfegh’s before, but the blurb on the back caught my interest. The gritty, disjointed tale of a drunken, misanthropic sailor, McGlue is an unpleasant read. If that’s not your type of literature, there’s no way you’ll enjoy this novella. Which is unfortunate, because while McGlue is unpleasant, it’s also a pretty solid little book.  Verdict: I’d buy that for a dollar.    

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You’ve probably already guessed this tastes nothing like a rosè. It’s basically just artificial candy grape flavor. Surprisingly, the sucralose is well balanced, neither overwhelming the palate nor lingering on it. The beverage ends with a nice, dry finish. It’s pretty straight forward flavorwise, but done exceedingly well. I’ll definitely be drinking this again.

Verdict: I’d buy that for a dollar.  

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I snagged this blind bag thinking it was some type of knock off mini-Transformer, only to later discover that it was a “Botbot,” which are part of the franchise. Of the 60 figures in this series, I got... a fortune cookie? Okay, a little different from the Transformers of my childhood, but it’s so dumb and weird that I kind of like it. 

Verdict: I’d buy that for a dollar.

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A neo-noir thriller filled with surreal vignettes and psychedelic imagery that’s set in the Outback, Burning Kiss is a murder mystery in reverse. You find out who the killer is at the start of the film and then the real story unfolds from there. The cinematography is impressive, but in a technical way; it looks cool, but that’s about all it’s good for. The story is fairly idiotic and the acting leaves much to be desired, so that’s not helping things. As a piece of cinema, it’s a failure. As a weird flick you randomly find at the dollar store, it kind of works. Still, I’m going to have to pass. Verdict: I wouldn’t buy that for a dollar.

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No idea what prompted me to snag this; Playmobil wasn’t part of my childhood, so nostalgia wasn’t a factor. Perhaps just the allure of a random blind bag? Anyhow, out of the 12 possible figures, I lucked out with this bizarre dude. Not quite sure what this is supposed to be; the mummy of a Frankenstein's Monster? Oh, and, there’s the random lantern and fuchsia pants. No idea, but it was worth a buck. Verdict: I’d buy that for a dollar.

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Not a whole lot to say about this one. Aside from a faint oatmilk aftertaste, it was akin to the other Monster coffee beverages I’ve had. I don’t find the oatmilk flavor unpleasant, but it is something of an acquired taste. The mouthfeel was a little thinner than similar energy drinks, but that’s not a huge deal. For a vegan beverage costing $1, it’s pretty decent.

Verdict: I’d buy that for a dollar.

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Ominous and ritualistic black metal from Denmark, the three tracks on Drømme i Heksehuset are some of the best atmospheric pieces I’ve heard in a while. Especially of note is the demo’s first track, “Genfødt i Dimensioner Sorte,” which contains segments reminiscent of Javanese gamelan. I suspect some genre purists may be turned off by the innovative aspects of Óðkraptr’s sound, but that’s their loss.  Verdict: I’d buy that for a dollar.

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A goofy looking crocodile built from random, off-brand building blocks? Of course I wanted it. IO Blocks are actually kind of an interesting system, they’re geometric blocks that interlink via friction-fit, not studs. It proved a little more difficult than I expected to get this assembled; not due to the product itself, but because my problem solving skills and spatial concepts are terrible. I think I might go back and snag some of the other builds they had on the shelf. Verdict: I’d buy that for a dollar.