If I’m A Painter, I’d Be A Depressionist

I’m a giant nerd that plays a lot of video games, reads a lot of books/fanfiction, and watches way too much TV.

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Fanfic Masterlist

So all of my fics are explicit and J/J/C (unless otherwise noted). If that is something you’re not into then please scroll on. I have opened these up to non-registered users but will not hesitate ripping into trolls.

I have a beta starting with Chapter 11. She’s marvelous and has already made me a better writer. ❤️❤️❤️

Beautiful Mess

One Shots

Xmas Present

One, Another (Jamie/Claire)

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Another Review

Title/Series: The Hidden World Trilogy

Author: L. Rose

Genre: Reverse Harem Paranormal Romance MMMFMMM

Spice Meter: 🌶 🌶 🌶/5

Triggers: lots of MM (honestly there’s more MM in there than FM or MFM), violence, shifters

This one was really interesting. I did wonder how many people she was going to have in her harem at one point. All of the men are bi and there’s so much MM happening. There is a somewhat awkward scene between 2 shifters getting it on while being shifted and one of the shifters is usually half-shifted including his parts which I’m not entirely comfortable with but was fine I guess?

I really liked the underlying themes of love is love no matter your race/gender but all the characters were white? They were all different kinds of monsters so I get the alliteration but not sure it will hold up in the long run. You’ve got shifters, vampires, demons, fae, ghouls, hellhounds, mages, witches, wendigos. The shifters alone are diverse; lions, tigers, horses, bears, etc.

Overall it was well-written and thought provoking but wish it had a more diverse cast of characters. Representation matters and if you’re going to have a story about different races being discriminated against then it should include people of color in the main cast not just as side characters.

Next up: The Dark Orchid Trilogy by Auryn Hadley (FMC is black! Totally unplanned!)

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What is happening?

My doctor changed my meds up last week. We did an increase in one of my depression meds and honestly I’m already feeling lighter.

Today I actually managed to get the kids ready and out the door for school before their dad got home from work. Usually it’s a battle with the middle minion because he just doesn’t process things as well.

I did laundry on Sunday. I’m not feeling as bogged down or like a black cloud is over me. It’s like a dark grey still but hey let’s take what we can get!

Hopefully I’ll start clawing my way out of this hole I’ve dug myself into and get back into a writing routine again.

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Book Review

Title/Series: Emerald Lakes (last book comes out 9/30)

Author: Britt Andrews

Genre: Reverse Harem Paranormal Romance MMMFMMM

Spice Meter: 🌶🌶🌶🌶🌶🌶 (out of 5)

Triggers: Mentions of rape, heavy BDSM, very very explicit sex scenes, lots of group sex.

This series is phenomenal. For starters, the FMC is plus sized and adorable. Kai is hilarious and I just can’t with him in the later books. Faris is hands down my favorite. He’s just precious. I truly do love all the characters though, that’s the point of a reverse harem. Each male brings something different to the relationship and the author crushed it.

I cannot wait for the last book, it’s been a wild ride so far.

Next up: Hidden Kingdom Trilogy by L. Rose

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Book Review

Title/Series: Hades (4 Books Complete)

Author: Tate James

Genre: Reverse Harem Dark Romance MMFM

Spice Meter: 🌶🌶🌶 (out of 5)

Triggers: Non-consent, Small Age Gap

The non-con is early in book 4 and isn’t super descriptive but it is there and the trauma is there. There is non-mentioned in earlier books as having happened before the books.

I love all the Shadow Grove books. Hades is so fucking good too. The spice is really fantastically written. Tate is the queen of cliffhangers and I discourage reading her series until they’re complete unless you want to be a sobbing mess.

One issue I do have with Tate’s books is that the spice is slow to start usually and the group activities don’t start until later in the series. It’s usually the FMC and one other per book and then all of them together.

The plot was fantastic. Really intriguing story that rounded out nicely. Small plot holes but she has a habit of doing novellas which I’m totally down for. Love revisiting characters down the road.

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So I figured I’d review books as I finish them. Just so I remember things.

Title/Series: The Dark Side (4 Books Complete)

Author: Kristy Cunning

Genre: Reverse Harem Paranormal Romance MMFMM

Spice Meter: 🌶🌶 (out of 5)

This one was hilarious. The FMC was just freaking adorable. The plot was good, very confusing at times. Spice was alright, there were group activities but nothing outside the norm of that really. Some light bondage but no real kinks. No sword crossing in this series but the guys are super hilarious. It is in dark in nature but honestly it’s not super dark IMO.

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I need a wee rant.

I have a very very long to be read list. I just got to one that was a dark reverse harem. I’m perfectly fine with very dark themes. I’m fine with age gaps and bully romances. I’m fine with underage sex even.

I am not fine with a 15 year old having sex with 3 men her fathers age or for that to continue when she’s 17. That’s not a kink, that’s statutory rape. That’s grooming. That’s. Not. Fucking. Okay.

Not putting it in the trigger warnings is also not okay. I was 5 chapters in and very confused as to who the love interests were going to be. I started to realize that it might be the FMC’s fathers friends and headed to the reviews. Yep. Stopped reading right then and there. I’m grumpy now. I’ve read from the author before and really enjoyed her work and now I’m just bummed because I don’t even know if I can read something else by her.

[livelovecaliforniadreams]

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I was beyond elated when this happened. Please make it a throuple and not just a one time thing!!!

(Also the actor in the bitchin sweater is Scottish!!)

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[gallifreyriver]

Reblog if you: have no intention of using Post+ to put your content behind a paywall,  and  have no intention to pay to unlock any content hidden by Post+ either

I wanna see something.

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Fan fic vs books

I love both. A lot. I have been trying to bounce between the two this week. I haven’t delved back into OL fanfic yet, Dramione just has a lot of writers around my age writing the same things I want to read. OL fandom is typically older and more reserved even with their smut. The really amazing smut OL writers are fantastic don’t get me wrong but they tend to get bullied A LOT and there just aren’t as many.

I mean Draco is literally the epitome of dark so you get a lot of dark fan fiction on that side. Which is right up my alley. Basically nothing triggers me and they trigger warning the fuck out of their fics but also don’t give a fuck if people are turned off by it and bitch in the comments. They just delete and move on which I love. We all have different tastes and shaming people for liking dark stories is not okay.

I digress. The thing I love about books is they’re complete but man do I miss the discussion of WIPs. Seriously, fanfiction wips are like a built-in book club and I love it so damn much. That little high you get when an author responds to a question. The thrill of getting your first comment or kudos when you’ve ovaried up to post your own story.

When I was still posting Beautiful Mess I would be shaaaaaaking before I hit post. The anxiety was insane but also the sense of accomplishment from actually going through with it was huge.

I’m just ranting at this point. My god.

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What to say what to say.

I’ve been in a slump, honestly since the MC came out. I know a lot of people still don’t believe it and that’s fine but I do and I stepped away. Since then I’ve struggled to write and have just been reading a lot. I was keeping up with OL WIPs but it started to make me too sad which I am aware is absolutely ridiculous. The blatant plagiarism that occurred on a story that I really loved absolutely wrecked me. I was so pissed that someone would do that and with such a heavy topic of abuse, mental health, and sexual assault.

I started reading a lot of Dramione fan fiction. I’ve always been a huge HP fan and was pulled in by some absolutely fantastic writers. I then just started keeping up with those WIPs (while still having 26 tabs open in my phone). I switched over and got a Kindle unlimited subscription and have read so many damn books this year it’s bananas. I have read so much Reverse Harem that it’s just embarrassing at this point.

I did read the Acotar series (not the newest one yet) and while the overall story was good I had some issues with the writing style. I still don’t understand how it managed to get published with that many ellipses. Tate James Shadow Grove series have been fantastic and she is absolutely the queen of cliffhangers. Dying to read the one that comes out in September.

I still have all of Beautiful Mess outlined. I haven’t forgotten it. My muse just ran away. Idk if I’ll find it again. Idk if I’ll write again. Real life has been kicking my ass. I’m exhausted all the time. I feel like crying constantly but rarely do. I’m in near constant pain. My kids are driving me batty and I absolutely hate July.

In other news, I now have 6 piercings and am hoping to get a tattoo for my birthday. A blue/green dahlia to cover up some scars. We’ll see.

I do miss the community. The people. The camaraderie. I just wish it didn’t hurt to read OL right now.

[teapotsahoy]

Hot take

Writing kink is a form of sexual behaviour, and like all sexual behaviour, as long as everyone involved is able to give informed consent, it’s none of anyone’s business but the participants.

The participants are the writer and reader, though, not the people depicted.  Warnings are put on written material to give readers a chance to decide whether or not they want to participate by reading.

I feel like people are going to respond to this with “Okay, but not if they write [something gross/illegal/upsetting].”

Yes.  Even that.  If you find it gross or upsetting, please don’t read it, and writing about things that are illegal is not committing that illegal act, or Agatha Christie would be a mass murderer.

[dcmonblood]

Kit Young showing off his hot sharpshooter skills

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Sweet mother he’s precious.

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What does this week hold?

I recently got the Light Seers Tarot Deck. The art is fucking phenomenal and I’m constantly blown away by how beautiful they are. I’ve been doing daily pulls since I got them and I did my first weekly spread today.

It’s going to be a shit start with some great creativity in the middle and a fantastic weekend.

The picture has shit lighting but that’s just because I don’t want to go downstairs again.

The Tower can fuck right off for the record.

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An update of sorts?

I’ve been exhausted for awhile. I have lost a piece of myself as well, I’m trying to find it again.

I haven’t been writing at all. I’ve barely been reading tbh. We’ve been playing tabletop games with the kids and just being a family in general.

I have been practicing Tarot a lot lately. It’s been fun and relaxing. I’m enjoying it. I really miss doing pagan things but I’m a terrible witch that loathes cooking so /shrug.

I’m alive. I have writers block. I’m sorry.

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!!!!!

I only have to babysit 2 days this week! Which means! I get to go to my Ma’s on Friday and get sloshed aaaand then come home and raid until the wee hours of the morn and then SLEEP IN. WHATS THAT YOU SAY?! I don’t know because it’s been ages since I slept in.

Also, I’m having a wee bit of writers block for both the Prequel and Arc 2. I may have to write in bits as to how I’m feeling that day, Jamie at the end of Arc 2 has been calling to me hard lately so I may have to do that to get it out and let my brain shift to something else. It doesn’t help that the song triggering it is in my bedtime playlist so I hear it every night.