There are days where i want nothing more,
To be engulfed by my bed, drowned in my sheets,
Without the tiring, exhausting chore
Of getting up just to float—exist
Those days, i dont feel human
But more like a walking, concious slab
Of meat, skin and a heart too frozen
To comprehend a single grain of empathy
I dont speak, shout, or whisper
My mouth gets clamped shut; lips flaky and peeling
If i cry i do not sniffle, nor whimper
The cold tears simply fall and dry
On those days, i wallow in my thoughts
How i should be more productive, work harder, be better.
But those pleas for progress always turn to naught
Before they simply turn crueler
I dont like loud noises; shouting
Most of the times ill wear headphones to block them out
Then ill hide in my room and turn to reading
Of sad tales to force myself to let it out
If it still feels like too much
My phones keyboard is my crutch,
My audience my tangled, broken mind
There are days i wish i was a vampire
So i could fall into a deep sleep for centuries
Then even if the world was on fire
I wouldnt have to wake to reality just yet
In a story written to be realistic
There are only ones that are painfully wrecking,
Or simply hopeful, though never forever
But i like and tend to ignore that
by falling—collapsing, into fiction.
You'll find me lazing like a black cat
That had laid under a warm beam of light
There are countless of days
Where there are so many things to do
And i instead choose to drive my duty away,
Causing the fog in my guilt-filled brain to only thicken
Ill stay awake into the late hours of night
If it means i could stall reality,
and the dread of an impending fight
Of those days that'll come with dawn.
Sometimes there are just those days
Where i can do nothing but try to pull through.
