Kid Gorgeous sentence starters
βYou ever seen a ghost?β
βI used to see the ghost of a little girl in a Victorian nightgownβ
βLetβs change the subjectβ
βThis is a weird topicβ
βNone of us ever really know our fathersβ
βWe donβt have time to unpack all of thatβ
βSit up straight! Be respectful!β
βSo say a kidnapper grabs you and throws you in the trunk of their carβ
βBrush your teeth! Now BOOM orange juice, thatβs lifeβ
βThatβll throw him off his rhythmβ
βWeird, psych-out, backroom Chicago violenceβ
βAs any Chicago cop will tell ya, a phonebook doesnβt leave bruisesβ
βOkay, when you get kidnapped- not if, whenβ
βIf you get taken to a secondary location, your odds of coming back alive are slim to noneβ
βI thought I was gonna be murdered my entire childhoodβ
βWhat would Leonard Bernstein doβ
βGive us some money! As a gift! We want a gift! But only if itβs money!β
βNow you have the audacity to ask me for MORE money?!β
βI gave you more money than the Civil War cost and you spent it already?!β
βSheβs not gonna do anything else for you. Itβs done.β
βI thought our transaction was overβ
βDo my friends hate me or do I just need to go to sleep?
βCollege was like a four year game showβ
βWell if itβs too big you can just wear it as a sleep shirtβ
βThese meaningless politeness rulesβ
βI like to throw in Iβm kidding at the end of jokes nowβ
βSee you at improv practiceβ
βOf all the sentences that I would be ashamed to hear read in courtβ
βI am damp all the timeβ
βI donβt think itβs anything seriousβ
βMonkey monkey monkey manβ
βI donβt know what my body is for, other than just taking my head from room to roomβ
βItβs tough to not get grumpy. Itβs so temptingβ
βIβm trying to stay nice thoughβ
βMaybe they have a different definition of niceβ
βIf we must go on with salt alone, we will go on with salt aloneβ
βFamous people are weird as shit. Theyβre all weird. Your suspicions are correctβ
βThat must change you as a personβ
βEverything was slower in the old days. Because they didnβt have enough to do so they had to slow things downβ
βWe gotta think of some weird, slow activities to fill the dayβ
βEverything is too fast now and totally unreasonableβ
βEverything is run by robots, and we spend most of the day telling them that weβre not robotsβ
βProve to me youβre not a robot. Look at these curvy letters!β
βHowβd you like to be indoors and out of doors all at once?β
βMay I introduce you to THE GAZEBOβ
βIt seems like everyone everywhere is super mad about everything all the timeβ
βThereβs a horse loose in the hospitalβ
βWhatβd the horse do, whatβd the horse doβ
βWeβre well past thatβ
βOkay okay okay okay okay okayβ
βI have fired the horse catcherβ
βHow come you opened the door for the horse?β
βI used to pay less attentionβ
βIβm lazy by natureβ
βAnd you can quote me on thatβ
βWe bought a stroller for our dogβ
βJust one more follow up questionβ
βWhat did they say in there, what did they do, what did they tell youβ
βThatβs the same joke twiceβ
βA charming anecdote that was fake and never happenedβ
βItβs a word youβre meant to mishearβ
βThe bread of bread is bread. The bread is goodβ
βGod canβt hear youβ