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@icequeenmaura
mattywinston:
He nodded slowly. “We can take them down much faster if we had names. And we won’t hurt them unless they attack us while we try to take them down, but like, in a safe way. We’re the good guys.”
Maura nodded, and bit her lip. “A-america and Chase are the biggest ones... They’re... they’re the bad ones,” she stuttered throughout the sentence, nervous that she was even saying anything.
spacing effects - { jack & maura }
Jack was over the argument, much too tired to keep his side going. He doesn’t open his eyes and stays where he is on the desk. “Fine,” he sighs. “Then sit down and read for fuck’s sake. I’m not going to bother you, I’m just trying to sleep.”
Maura rolled her eyes, opening her book. “If you start to snore, I’m hexing you.” She probably wouldn’t hex him, but the thought of not threatening him felt wrong. She could tell that he didn’t want to be around other people either. Maura couldn’t stand being around others, not right now. Not when she was beginning to like herself. With a sigh she flipped to the last page she had read.
spacing effects - { jack & maura }
All Jack can do is laugh when he hears Maura argue with him. When he is satisfied by the look on her face, he leans back down against the tabletop. The ceiling offered more interest to him than this argument. His eyes close, still heavy with sleep. Hopefully, Maura would leave sooner than later. He was there first and he was hellbent on staying. “I could ask you the same thing, princess,” he says dryly. “Why can’t you leave me alone and read somewhere else. If anything, you’re the one bothering me. You woke me up.”
Maura was too stubborn to leave. It was one of her many qualities that she hated. Too stubborn to admit that she was falling apart, too stubborn to ask for help. She wouldn’t give up now. What she hated more than anything else was people calling her names. “I am not a princess.” She tossed her hair to the side and glared for a second. “I am going to do my reading here. It is the only place in the castle that is not crowded with people.”
spacing effects - { jack & maura }
The castle seemed too crowded recently. Everything was becoming less and less familiar and it was becoming less escapable. He finally found an empty classroom, away from all the noise. He can’t remember when, but he dozed off for a moment, his exhaustion getting the better of him. Jack sat up from lying on one of the desks when he heard someone enter the room. When he got a glimpse of who it was he cursed under his breath and laid back down. “That’s real rich coming from you, Clarke,” he laughs and stares up at the ceiling. “You mope more than every sad lunatic in this castle combined.” He sits up momentarily to look at Maura and wave her off. “Leave me alone, go read somewhere else.”
It seemed everywhere Maura went there was someone. She hated that feeling more than anything else. Why did people have to stare at her when she walked? She never cared about what other people thought about her when she walked by, but now that she was older, she realized that they might be saying bad things about her. Pursing her lips, she replied calmly to Jack. “I do not mope, Westfall.” She crossed her arms across her chest, wanting nothing more than to have an afternoon to herself without anyone else around. Seemed that wouldn’t be the case. “I am too pretty to mope,” she concluded, before sitting down and beginning to read. “Why can you not leave me alone and nap somewhere else?” Maura questioned.
He rubbed the heel of his palm against his forearm and licked his lips, reminding himself that this must be incredibly hard for her. “It’s just, we can’t let them keep going.” He gave a pleading look and kept his voice soft.
Maura nodded. “I want to help... I want to help take them down. Promise me that I can help.” She let out a deep breath and looked down at the ground. “I... I don’t want anything to happen... to you. I don’t know... I’d feel responsible. I’ll give you names... but you can’t do anything rash, and I want to help.”
spacing effects - { jack & maura }
Maura hated the library more than anywhere else in the school. With the exception of the history of magic section of the library it was always too crowded, with people being too loud. Forgoing the idea of facing any of the other death eaters, she grabbed her own history of magic book and walked to one of the only places she knew would be secluded. She wheeled herself into a classroom she knew was always empty, except it wasn’t. Maura stopped dead in her tracks. Jack. One of the many people she hated.
“Would it inconvenience you to get out so I can study and not mope around like you’re doing?”
“So,” his palms started to sweat. His mouth was dry. His nerves were finally kicking in. “So do you think that you can trust me,” he swallowed. “..Trust me with some of the names? Of the ones that did do it?”
Maura blinked, suddenly feeling weak. She hated herself more than she hated anything else. It hurt her to even admit that she was wrong, but around Matt she felt safe. She wanted to know what he was going to do with the names, Maura didn’t want to see anyone get hurt. She felt her throat suddenly close up, unable to speak a word to Matt; she was unable to move.
He nodded, closing his eyes. “Okay. Okay. Yeah.. Okay.” He felt an inability to say anything else at the moment and opened his eyes again. “You said.. that you trusted me, right?” He licked his lips.
Maura did trust him; more than anyone else currently. She didn’t hesitate to nod her head yes. She did trust him. “I... yes, I do.” Maura wondered what he was going to say, but she was too upset to think too hard.
She was shaking and it took every bit of Matt’s willpower not to wrap his arms around her again. He licked his lips, tossing the situation iver in his mind. He didn’t feel threatened by her, trusted her even, which is noy what he’d expect to feel around a death eater. He gave a slow nod after a moment. “Okay well, you obviously.. don’t wanna do this.. anymore.” He reached up and wiped tears off her face, but they were replaced quickly. “Asking for help is the first step, so.. yeah. And so, since you trust me, and since we’re friends.. you need to stop and get out. But..” He nodded slowly again. “Were you responsible for any of the deaths? I need you to be honest with me.”
Maura hated this feeling, she hated feeling like she wasn’t in control of herself. She cared too much, despite not wanting to care at all. She hated herself for that, and she probably always would. Matt wouldn’t change that. No one would ever be able to make her believe that she was a decent person. “I... don’t,” she muttered. Feeling a bit more comforted by the fact that Matt was still there, she relaxed a tad bit, feeling the tears slowly start to stop. “I...” Maura bit her lip, but shook her head. “No, I wasn’t.”
Isaac nodded, not pushing her anymore. “I’m always here if you need me. I also know a few people in the Hufflepuff house who are pretty helpful if you ever need someone.”
“You don’t want to get involved in my affairs, trust me,” Maura said the words with false confidence. She didn’t think anyone wanted or needed to help her.
“But, but!” He shook his head and took a breath. “Just cause you kill people by accident doesn’t mean you can join a group that does it on purpose.” He continued to shake his head, looking at her and flattening his robes. “Are you… going to kill me now? Cause you told me?” He didn’t sound scared, more confused than anything.
She didn’t know how he could look at it like that. Maura couldn’t wrap her head around that, she just couldn’t. She never saw the positive in anything. She let her hair fall over her face, looking down. Her hands were shaking, her whole body was shaking. Maura could barely talk through her sobs even if she did know what to say. She didn’t want to kill Matt. He was the only person she trusted. He was the only person she felt like she could trust in a long time. Maura didn’t want to let go of that feeling. With a deep breath, she shook her head, slightly. “I don’t see it like that. Just because... it was an accident... they’re still dead because of me. They wouldn’t be proud of me now. I have nothing, I have no one. I don’t even trust myself half the time. I still hear them screaming. I could have saved them. I’m a monster. I’m always going to be a monster. I can’t see myself as anything else. I need help. Admitting that is so hard. I don’t want to be me anymore. I can’t live another day like this. I hate myself.” Maura paused, looking up at Matt before continuing. “I trust you, I trust you more than I trust anyone else."
“Are you sure? You don’t seem uncaring about this.”
“I..” Maura trailed off. She wasn’t alright, but she was a private person. “I can handle it,” she finally settled on.
He wasn’t sure what to say. “Everyone deserves to be happy.” The words bubbled out of his lips before he could stop them, but then again, only people who deserved it should be happy. “Why are you… one of them?”
She didn’t know how to answer that. She didn’t know why she had joined them, but it didn’t matter anymore her thoughts at the time. Innocent people were dying. Maura didn’t want to be part of that anymore. “I-- I thought. I-- I... I thought since... I’d killed people-- in the... past... that...” she trailed off not wanting to finish the sentence.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“It’s okay. I don’t care.”
He didn’t move. Didn’t blink. Didn’t even breathe. He must have heard her wrong. He can’t even bring himself to let go of her or shake his head, he just lets out a whisper of disbelief. “What?”
The dark haired Hufflepuff didn’t want to repeat herself. She shouldn’t have said anything. But she trusted him. She didn’t trust anyone, but she trusted Matt. “I don’t deserve to be happy.”
He sighed, knowing whatever he said probably wouldn’t make a difference, but that didn’t stop him from trying. “It wasn’t your fault Maura, I promise. And you aren’t a monster. You’re just a girl. A lovely girl who had bad circumstances but who can break from that.”
She wanted to feel like it wasn’t her fault, but she had lived on her own, in the streets of London for so long with her thoughts that she was sure she couldn’t handle letting go of her feelings anymore. They had become a crutch to her. Before she could stop herself, she whispered, “I’m a Death Eater.”
“There is. There’s no motive, no maliciousness. In fact, it looks like something died in you too Maura. That’s not fair. It isn’t fair.”
Maura looked down, she couldn’t look Matt in the eyes anymore. She hated herself because of this. Part of her felt like it was her fault and she would always hate herself. “I just want it to not feel like it was my fault. I just want to feel like I don’t have to be this monster anymore. I don’t want to kill people.”
