[ TW : suicide, mentioned suicidal ideation, & vaguely mentioned SH—not graphic but it’s there . ]
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well .
i think i’ve been awaiting this, a long, long time now .
i don’t even know why i bothered carrying on after she . . nevermind . i think it’s better i don’t even mention it at all . but i guess i continued, so i could cling to them, as i always had .
they were helpless, though . i was in the beginning .
. . how funny, how the tables turn these days .
i wish i could remember those days better . should i really have cut? my head feels as if it’s full of feathers . i’m tired .
all i can grasp clearly now, are . . flowers .
red .
a distinct bulb, they possessed in the center .
but weaved into all types of crafts, i remember more distinctly, crowns and such . silly and childish but so pure in nature, weren’t they ?
i think i can remember the night sky, too .
or, at least the projection that stood in substitute for it .
. . stars . so many, scattered against the backdrop of black . or was it . . navy ? it’s getting a bit fuzzy around the edges . so is the gold ? yellow . and the white, and pitch - black .
.
i’m so tired .
tired of going on with nothing forward .
i don’t have a future . not anymore . not since she disappeared in a flash of sparks and flames, and not since they took the last of their painful breaths .
there’s so much blood . i don’t mind it, but that doesn’t mean i want to look at it . it’s starting to get sticky even if i’m in water . but i can feel myself starting to fall asleep . so i won’t have to feel it anymore . i won’t have to feel any single thing . nothing . i’ll feel nothing .
an eternal, dreamless sleep .
i was lucky to be here this long . to even have this opportunity to be free in a final decision, that’s mine . that tells of me . . . me .
. . .
solei ? lang ? and others— god, my head—
a flame finally let to burn out on it’s own choices . a stargazer . a cloud - watcher . mismatched eyes . a child who had just wanted their parent . a cheerful smile . an intricately made origami crane, paired with colors of rose fading into gold .
私が私になるのを助けてくれてありがとう .
永別 .
.
.
.
.
.
“auri? aurien?”
“. . . is it you?”
sunshine yellow eyes .
white and black split hair .
. . haha .
i smile .
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ok it’s done! i thankfully, instead of just procrastinating and putting it off as i usually do, i powered through this in . . 1 day and barely much of another, lolol
anyways! yeah um . aurien is finally dead . i’d put her at around 22 to 24? maybe? but yeah . i honestly, at first, just thought to announce it on her blog, but i changed my mind since, i felt that she should get more then that . though my writing is a bit rough because i havent wrote in a loooooooong time
and i know s39 interactions were also long time ago now—but i also want to thank everyone who helped her, through interactions and such, as she said herself, become herself! i know aurien started as a sona—but i’ve found a bit ago that she’s not really much of one anymore—she’s her own character! or atleast a fleeting sense of self i had, haha .
mentions, and symbols for characters i put in, in order :
lang belongs to @awaggaa
solei belongs to @shakingparadigm
castor belongs to @bluemoonscape
tov belongs to @ivanttakethis
azure belongs to @4listr
sai belongs to @junebluues
stasya belongs to @billwasnot
vermillion belongs to @icequeuebe
& jae and evon belong to @kofeedoggo
& tagging @alien-til-i-stage!
i’m really sorry if anyone feels the symbols i put to represent their characters don’t represent them well! : ( or if i missed or added someone who was or wasn’t aurien’s friend since i was going off memory for that whole paragraph to be honest . . i’ve been trying to be different from who i was back then as i know now of my general ignorance of how i acted, but now i sorta . well . i cringe . and get embarrassed every time i see how i acted way back then ahahaha . . also, the japanese might translate badly since i just asked google to translate the message from english to japanese
buuuuuut if anyone has got this far, thank you so much for reading!! 🫶should i draw up a grave for aurien /j /j im sorry
