What if, during the year Hua Cheng was gone, Xie Lian started a list of all the things he wanted to do together once Fafa returned
It started out as stray ideas that would pop into his head throughout the day, like when seeing a vendor selling fish at the market, heĀ“d mentally make a pin on the idea of going fishing with Hua Cheng one day
But over time, he amassed so many ideas he had to write them down on little notes in fear heĀ“d forgot any one of them otherwise
However, the notes soon began piling up on every surface of the house with how many ideas he kept getting, so for organisationĀ“s sake, Xie Lian had eventually settled on keeping a book: a diary, more like.
All seems fine with this arragement at first, but as the seasons turn, Xie Lian realizes with slight panic that the number of random ideas he gets dwindle by the day
Perhaps itĀ“s his weary mind, growing heavier with silent grief everyday; perhaps itĀ“s the way he confines himself to the inside on some of his worse days instead of going outside to get some new inspiration; but whatever it is, he doesnĀ“t like whatĀ“s happening. He doesnĀ“t like it at all.
Eventually, he writes: "I want to tell San Lang I love him" over and over again in place of new activities when he has truly run dry of ideas for good
Pages upon pages ā all written over the duration of days, weeks, months ā contain that one centence countless times, almost like a mantra. But he canĀ“t stop, Xie Lian tells himself. He canĀ“t.
Because if he does,...If he admits he has nothing left to say...isnĀ“t it like giving up hope that they could ever do those things together...?
He cried that night, and at least he could think of one other thing to write: "I really wish San Lang would hold me"
izzy806
discoholicmusic
turnnoffyourmind
romaincrisis
prguitarman
snowghoul
