Hi everyone! My name is Demi and I wanted to share something that I wrote called "A Different Kind of Grandeur." I have been feeling sad/hopeless, and it seems that's all I've been feeling no matter how much I try to pull myself out. It's not something I want to romanticize at all, but a feeling I wanted to feel honest with. I am very nervous about it as I feel like sharing my personal notes is like baring the soul naked. All thoughts, comments, and feedback are welcomed, but with kindness of course!
A Different Kind of Grandeur
I spent my entire life dreaming that one day I would become someone significant– someone remembered in the honest and bruised corners of people’s hearts. I hoped someone might say my name with awe and wonder.
But now, I long for the quiet– the kind that sits beside you without reaching for more.
The kind where nothing aches too loudly.
I realized: I spent all these years trying not to be some broken creature.
I tried to stay soft, positive, and solid.
But every time I cracked, I smoothed over it with smiles, with too much pretending.
Until I no longer felt honest to myself.
I told myself I was fine.
Fine. Always fine.
But I am held together by soft lies– even as the truth sat heavy in my chest.
The cracks never left and they healed into scars.
The hurt stayed– settling beneath me like concrete, like bruises that forgot how to fade.
Still, I smiled. Still, I played that part.
Because it was easier to dazzle than to admit I was dimming.
But I am tired. I am exhausted.
I am so tired of masking joy like it’s a job I owe to the world.
I am so exhausted from trying to be extraordinary and unshakable.
This is just not me. It never was.
This is not surrender. It’s honesty.
I am broken and sad, and I have now realized that there is grandeur in this, in this ache I carry like a name.
I want to be this without apologizing, without needing to soften it.
Because I am.
I am grandeur– I am grandeur in all of my beautiful scorn, remorse, and sadness.
