lxs @idonotlovebrocoli - Tumblr Blog

can call me Lxs or Sixela - 19 - male - bpd - 2 on the 4 lgbt - life updates - poems - aesthetic pics - asks open and appreciated

tags I use below

#bpd #toxic family #¿𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕝𝕚𝕥𝕪?#sixela's aesthetic #help #sixela's vent

musashi

Hey can you guys reblog Cheeseburger so he can take a sunbeam nap on lots of blogs. No other reason I just want you guys to see him.

I feel so bad.

It feels horrible to be alone.

I need a boyfriend sooo bad.

It's absolutely horrible to know that nobody loves you, nobody has you on their mind, and that every time you like someone they don't and will never like you.

I hate going to bed alone, waking up alone. Seeing my friends happy in a relationship, or even sad in a relationship, because even if it's bad, THEY HAVE SOMEONE WHO CARES AND LOVES THEM A BIT.

I feel like I'm not complete.

Why is it so hard to talk to people, to tell people how I feel about them ? Why does nobody come to tell me how they feel about me ? Why has nobody ever had a crush on me ?

Why do my friends have the courage to have one night stand and I can't even kiss someone on a truth or dare ? It is so embarrassing. I'm ridiculous. I feel like I'm a 10 yo looking at grown-ups.

Every guy I had a crush on were not THAT pretty or interesting. I never met someone that I felt safe and good enough with to try something.

I had this ex but he was horrible, he didn't even like me. I accepted starting to be intimate but shortly after regretted it. I never told anyone about that. I felt just like a body, for a minute, and then I was nothing. I hated that. We didn't even like, yk.. but it was weird.

I hate myself, I hate my body.

I can't even really see myself in a relationship.

I need a gay relationship so bad.

I need to feel loved and I need someone to tell me I'm worth something. That I'm not useless, not broken, that I'm pretty, that everything will be alright.

#actually bpd #vent #idk what to do #but i guess there's nothing to do #sixela's vent #thoughts

I completely disappeared, idk why, because I liked talking here, and posting in some communities. But as always, I discover a new thing, I'm really into it, I'm very interested in it for a while, and then overnight I stop and never go back.

At least that's how it is with a lot of things: drawing, music, sports.

I like a lot of things, too many things. But not enough, not enough for it to last.

I don't know why I'm like that.

And I hate it.

#thoughts #actually bpd #lost in life #motivation

My grandparents' dog died last Sunday.

I feel so sad and so bad.

I miss her so much...

I haven't seen her since August and I feel bad about that.

It made me think of when my cat will die.

I don't know if I'll survive it.

I had to go through grief 3 times (3 humans and now 4 with my gp's dog*) and I know my cat's death will destroy me

I'm so scared.

*I lost a cat in 2020 and 3 rabbits before 2017 but it was different, I didn't have the same connection with them

#dealing with grief #actually bpd #bpd

It's awful because I want to disrespect Elon Musk by continuing to call his website "Twitter", but at the same time, I feel like I'm being transphobic and deadnaming it. Like, they changed their name, now it's just "X", it's kind of like an amab to non-binary transition.

I feel bad about it... Even my transphobic mother, who still deadnames me, calls it "X"