There was a lot of suffering from art in 2017. Here is our list.
Users of Cadmium Red Light. It’s basically orange. If you think you are using red and painting with this, you are sadly mistaken. Alizarin Crimson had another strong year, though, with no signs of slowing heading into the new year.
It was a bad year for Brown, losing out to Purple as Pantone’s Color of 2018.
Art students who graduated more than three years ago. Your professors will no longer optimistically suggest catching up over a drink at some point down the line. But they will say, “How are things going?” if you go over and talk to them at an opening.
This Jeff Koons at Skulptur Projekt Münster:
The Louvre must have went on a crazy bender or their drug dealer sold them marijuana laced with PCP. Because it woke up in the dessert with a fake Di Vinci hanging inside it—fuuuuuuck.
Documenta. It was held in Greece for some reason. Globalism.
England. You’re stuck with RB Kitaj, nice try with Brexit.
Every work of art about the president.
Instagram. Cindy Sherman is on it now, so it’s totally ruined forever. It’s the same as your mom getting on Facebook.
Post-internet artists. Now that the internet is over and no one can go on the internet anymore because it no longer exists, how will they make art? Gifs hand drawn on stacks of index cards. We stand corrected.
Pedestals and plinths. It’s like they were set up to fail this year:
Titling an artwork, series or exhibition “Elegy” or “Elegies.” Lots of artists mistakenly think they are making poems when they are in fact making other types of art, usually paintings. Pay careful attention to the medium you are working in. Does it have couplets? Are you in 7th century BCE Greece? Does it relate to or consist of two dactylic hexameter lines the second of which lacks the arsis in the third and sixth feet? You don’t want to confuse people or sound dumb.