Breaks up have always been difficult for me…I use the word “always” as if I have been broken up with many, many times but, in actuality, I would say I’ve experienced actual heartbreak 3 times (I guess the third time was not the charm). I am not here to write my story about what happened or what didn’t happen in my fall out with the last person I was dating but, man, has it been hard to recover and heal from this break up. Jens Lekman once sang, “a broken heart is not the end of the world.” But, a breakup during a pandemic? That hits differently. Regardless, Jens was right: the world doesn’t stop for a heartbreak. So what does a person like me have to do to work through this separation? Compile a fucking mix.
I didn’t want to piece a break-up mix that was anxiously angsty or a flippant “fuck you” because everyone has their issues and traumas to work through and sometimes things simply just don’t work out. And that’s okay. Today marks a month since the breakup. I am so fucking lucky to have a community of supportive friends, family (dogs included) and a roommate and his cat to hear me out during this time. Oh, and my therapist! However, during the first two weeks of the break up, I turned into a living memory album that replayed every single bit from this past relationship. I cried at least once a day then, too. To seek comfort in these moments, I busted out my handy, dandy headphones to navigate myself through it all. I may no longer be a part of a partnership but I have music as my audio companion- that’s why I created a mix that would lift me up when my heart was feeling heavy (and, no, it’s not because of the pandan bread I made); I can’t be the only one experiencing heartbreak or grief during this time. And since I can’t give or receive hugs, I thought I’d give this a try.
This mix doesn’t have a name but there are some subtle mantras scattered throughout. I am so used to repeating positive affirmations to the students I work with that sometimes I forget I need words to live by too. And sometimes words aren’t needed when it comes to music. You just have to open your ears, feel the vibrations and hopefully you’ll feel something positive within yourself and the world. I understand that finding positivity in life right now is pretty bleak so I hope you are able to build upon your connections using an app(s) of your choice, video-chatting with someone whom you trust and can help you crack a smile, writing to someone that will actually write back to you in a timely manner or this- a collection of tunes to guide you wherever you are. So, “here is a mix” for you and I hope you know and feel it in your body as you’re dancing or tapping away that things will eventually be okay in time. Or maybe it won’t get better...I dunno but, at least you’ll have this to turn on if it helps.
-----------------------TRACKLIST------------------------------- Panda Bear - Comfy in Nautica Sufjan Stevens & Lowell Brams - What It Takes Photay - Warmth in the Coldest Acre Lucky Pierre - Jim Dodge Dines at the Penguin Cafe Caribou - Home Sparrows - Moon Monster Rally - Sunshine Humble B Flat - Three Sounds (feat. Rampelli) Nujabes - Kujaku (Transcendence) Sweet William - Horta The Whitest Boy Alive - Burning Perfume Genius - On The Floor Rostam - Bike Dream John Wizards - Iyongwe The Tough Alliance - Neo Violence Discovery - Swing Tree Haruomi Hosono - Sports Men Sonic Boom - The Way That You Live Animal Collective - Brother Sport Yaeji - WAKING UP DOWN Austra - I Am Not Waiting Peggy Gou - Starry Night Clive Tanaka y su Orquesta - Neu Chicago Geotic - Swiss Bicycle dj poolboi - Leave Here Four Tet - Lush Madeleine Cocolas - Let's Talk About You Dan Deacon - Weeping Birch Julianna Barwick - Prizewinning Klaus Schønning - Light Beams
