RAINY DAYS & MONDAYS.

im suhee. glimmer. lead vocal. 99 entertainment.

[ewkpop]

cutest lil spinny gal 

[yujin]

cr. chori

[idsuhee]

future vision.

produce project ep 3. / bonus thread. @idmyungeun !

things im suhee would not have believed five years ago:

( a )  that her mother actually let her audition,

( b )  that she was given the chance to participate on a survival show and managed to make it to the top two,

( c )  and that she was going to debut as part of 99 entertainment's first girl group since heaven.

things im suhee is angry about in 2018:

( a )  that she missed out on main vocal,

( b )  that she has to live with joo hyejin,

( c )  and that apparently her debut is less important than myungeun and minyoung not debuting.

ugh. it isn't that netizen comments get to her all that much, because as long as she's still up there on stage, she doesn't really care. she sees the way some of the other girls on pro.j let all of the shit said about them online get to them, and she thinks they're dumb. suhee doesn't give a damn about what anyone thinks, as long as they recognise that she's gorgeous, she's talented and . . . all round superior.

(  superior doesn't necessarily mean the best. she recognises that she's on the bottom rung of her career ladder right now, but she's still better than a lot of people, undoubtedly including most of the people who think they have the right to say shit about her.  )

there is, however, a select list of people whose opinions she cares about. there's an even smaller list of people whose guidance and thoughts she'll actually take on board  !  with glimmer's debut, she's been effectively banned from seeing one of them, and ryu myungeun happens to be the other.

they really shouldn't be outside, but suhee needs the fresh air, desperately. despite wag zak's beachy, summery concept, she really hasn't been getting any sun herself, spending the majority of her days being shuttled back and forth between produce project locations and shit for glimmer. it's tiring, but it's alright. it's nothing new. it was how she lived most of her trainee days anyways         always on her feet between school, taking care of her family and training. at least now she's doing something for herself, not for those little brats.

" did you see all the comments about you, unnie? they're really anticipating the day you'll debut, huh? "  a pause. all the years myungeun has already spent down in the dungeon, all the trainees she's seen come and go. between that and now seeing some of her longterm dungeon crawlers leaving her, she wonders how she's feeling.  " at least they won't have to wait long         miss first place ranking. "

[idsuhee]

skeletons in the closet.

produce project ep 3. / bonus thread. @ideunju ! 

sucking up to people is exhausting, but it's necessary and not just for getting opportunities in the industry, no. it's important for suhee's personal little endeavours too. it's harder to fuck with people from the outside looking in. if she wants to make a real mark, which, of course, she does, she has to get under their skin in a good way first.

the plan is all in order. the seeds that she wants to plant in eunju's mind are laid out, ready to be sown and watered and tended to, for as long as it takes. hopefully not long, because as much fun as this is going to be, she can't let it interfere with what is actually important: glimmer, her debut, maintaining her spot as number two girl. there's no point in trying to catch up to myungeun now, and she knows it. she's the fan favourite, after all. it seemed like there were more people that were angry about her not being in 99's new girl group than there were people happy for her and hyejin combined.

suhee is bitter, about more things than one. it's not just about the fact that she fucked up her own chances at a relationship because of her pride, and it's not just that someone who means a lot to her is getting fucked over in all of this. it's hearing eunju chatter away about her family, seemingly oblivious to the fact that suhee hasn't been able to tear her eyes away from a particular face in the background of one of her photos.

she interrupts her, cutting off the sentence she hadn't been listening to, and jabs her finger at the man.

" who's this? "

oh, she knows well who it is, his face burned into her memory, even if she hasn't seen it in fourteen years. her mother refused to keep any photos of him around the house after he left, sitting herself and suhee down at their kitchen table with a pair of scissors each, snipping him out of any and all pictures when they were sure he wasn't coming back. frankly, suhee thought she would never see him again, but of course, the world would never be so kind.

[ywyein]

inside out

[idsuhee]

idjiae‌:

“a picture? ah, are we allowed to?” she looks over at suhee, not entirely sure of all of this, and as much as she likes it she wouldn’t want to be kicked out because of something as silly as a picture.

the call of their names interrupts their shit talk, and all suhee thinks at first is that, judging by the girlish sound of the voices, some of the more desperate girls from the dorms have followed them out, trying to get in good on the hopes of getting more screentime despite the fact that nothing can bring them back from being so painfully boring all season long. combine that with their poor rankings, and what did they expect? to be able to turn it around so close to the finish line? the editors have picked their favourites, are they stupid?

but it's not girls from the pro.j dorms, and it's not staff coming to tell them to get their asses back inside. it's a group of schoolgirls, a group of fans, and in less time than the blink of an eye, the scowl is wiped off of suhee's face and replaced with a smile. she's immediately feeling smug as she shares a look with jiae as they go and run on up to them. she greets them kindly, a big, genuine smile carving itself out on her face. is this what people meant when they said they loved their fans? because she thinks she might get it now.

not because they support her, though that is nice. it's something different . . . it's a sense of power. she knows that she has no room to exert any sort of control over anyone in the industry, she's sitting on the lowest rung of the ladder after all. but these kids? god, they love her, don't they?

she shares jiae's hesitations about taking pictures with them. it probably isn't for the best, especially with suhee's hair newly dyed back to its natural black for her debut and glimmer's teasers and member reveals due to start releasing in really only a few hours time. so as much as it pains her to do so, she grimaces and says,  " i don't think we can. "  

she can see the disappointment on their faces and almost feels bad for refusing, but quickly wants to tell them to just get over it. instead, she lets them down gently and thanks them for their support, encouraging them to come meet them again if they make it to the final line-up.

" you're the first supporters we've ever gotten to meet, "  she tells them, forcing her gaze to be something softer than it naturally is.  " we hope you keep watching. "

[idhwarin-deactivated20181123]

wall / suhee & hwarin

[idsuhee]

idhwarin‌:

“ready?” hwarin did not even wait for the other to respond before she started to walk.

go get some snacks? and with hwarin? are they for real?

i’m debuting next week, she wants to remind them. in a real group, a permanent  ( for the foreseeable future, anyway )  one, not one that’s going to be dissolved in a couple of months. and anyway, shouldn’t they be practising? she doesn’t even know most of their names and barely recognises their faces         she’s the number two ranking girl. and who are they? well, that’s exactly her point. maybe they can afford to laze around and get fat, but that isn’t suhee.

but, under the pretences of being a decent person, she goes. her real motivations are lurking below the surface: did hwarin just ignore her texts? or did she fucking block her? what suhee sees as backing down from the fight, blocking her and moving on with her life, hwarin probably sees as being the bigger person, and yeah, suhee wants to tell her, if she keeps going on snack runs, maybe that’ll be true, but as it is, she’s just a coward. did suhee mean so little to her for their entire friendship that she’s not even willing to fight?

“ sure. let’s go. ”

and so, hands in her pockets, and with as neutral of an expression as she can muster on her face, suhee steps out with hwarin.

“ thanks for the offer of paying for my snacks, but i’m afraid i won’t be having any, ”  she drawls, uncaring, eyes flickering over to hwarin for a moment. she highly doubts hwarin had any intent to pay for anything that suhee may have hypothetically picked up at the convenience store.  “ i have my debut coming up, you know? besides, i wouldn’t feel comfortable with you spending any of your money on me, unnie. you don’t even reply to my texts anymore. ” 

by her words, suhee may sound like she’s actually confused about the cause of hwarin’s sudden radio silence, or that she might actually be mourning the loss of their friendship, but the cruel gleam in her eyes tells a different story.

[ewkpop]

𝓂𝑒𝑜𝓌𝓂𝑒𝑜𝓌 070819

[crystalclear-net]

[museinspo]

“Cities are built from ruins. I think people are too.”

— Midnight Excerpts #24 // L.H.Z (via lhzthepoet)

[changkyuns-remade]

dangerous woman

[idsuhee]

bet.

[idsuhee]

idmyungeun‌:

“so,” she began, crossing her arms. “what do you want me to do if you win?”

one word: regret. so much regret. she can feel the way her face warps in disgust immediately as the words leave myungeun’s mouth, muscles acting completely out of her own control.  “ oh, you’re bad. and just when you knew i was finally coming around to this whole cute concept thing too, huh? you’re really trying to push my buttons. ”  she untwists her features out of the scowl they’d formed, and lets her lips settle in a pout. she considers the options at hand, weighing them up to try and decide on which is the lesser of two evils. she can’t back out now.  “ fine. it better be you or someone else cute i end up kissing out there, because i am not becoming known for being the ugly aegyo girl before i even debut. ” 

suhee holds one fingers up, and tells myungeun she needs a minute to think of something good. slowly, a devious smile spreads across her lips, and she lifts her gaze from myungeun’s feet to meet her eyes. 

“ if i win, you have to fall over, or trip over your own feet at least, just after the song ends. finish it, get into final position, and right as we start to file backstage, fall. and don’t make it cute either. ”  myungeun gave suhee a choice in her forfeit, so she’ll do the same. the first is a case of personal pride, but it’s the less maniacal of the two. before she lays out the alternative, her eyes flick pointedly towards the unfortunate girl she and jiae had coined horse face, so myungeun would definitely know who she’s talking about.  “        or you can fake invite horse face to your room, make her think you want to get ready for the party with her, but send her to a room that isn’t yours. ”  

the way her eyes gleam as she lays out the second options is actually a little worrying. if myungeun wins, or loses and chooses the first, suhee may just go ahead and pull the prank on horse face herself. 

[idsuhee]

popular.

[idsuhee]

idhwarin‌:

so she waited until she ( finally ) had a another moment and turned to suhee. “i wasn’t sure if i was still going to be a trainee years ago. i know it is real but i don’t think the fact that we’re at kcon has hit me yet.” it would not until she was back in korea. “i’m still accepting the fact that i did not get eliminated after our last mission.” what if she had missed kcon by that small chance.

suhee plays along with the charade of the fanmeet for a little while longer. anything they have to say to each other can wait, in favour of throwing up finger hearts and waving at the attendees and their cameras. it’s small scale, sure, but it’s still a fabulous ego boost.

hands gracefully clasped together at the small of her back, suhee turns to hwarin with her head cocked to the side and a graceful smile painted on her lips, turning up her cute charms as far as she can. she is, as a person, completely transformed. sure, produce project might have been killer on the jawbreaker girls, and suhee is undoubtedly exhausted by the whole process too, but at least she’s getting something out of it         she’s accepting her appearance for what it is. she’s coming to terms with the fact that no matter how well she can pull off a sexy dance or a powerful high note, groups skewed in a cuter direction need power behind them too. and if pro.j wants her to be cute? fuck it, she’s going to give them cute. 

“ you’re telling me. you know my mom ripped up the business card they gave me the first time i got scouted? i could have been a trainee at twelve         i wouldn’t have ever have even met you. ”  her tone doesn’t sound nostalgic, or like she would have regretted not meeting hwarin. suhee isn’t a very sentimental person.  “ but maybe we would have met on this show regardless, huh? ”  a throwaway comment, to soften her previous careless words, spoken at the same time as she holds back the urge to roll her eyes at hwarin’s lack of confidence in her own abilities.  “ well, you better hurry up and accept it. before you know it, we’ll be back on a plane out of here and they’ll have something else lined up to throw at you. ”  her words are assertive, but she delivers them with a smile and a gentle squeeze of hwarin’s arm.  “ really, you’re a great dancer. believe in yourself some more, alright? ”

being so kind kills her, but she knows better than to give hwarin tough love.

[crystalclear-net]

Coffee ♡ do not edit

[idsuhee]

bet.

k-con. sunday, backstage. / closed starter for @idmyungeun !

suhee never backs down from a challenge. even if it’s not always obvious, the gears in her brain are always turning, always trying to concoct some kind of plan or scheme to make sure she comes out on top. 

but what if she loses? how does suhee handle failure? surely a girl who takes on so many extra responsibilities and goals on top of those she already has to her family and to her own health has found a way to deal with falling from grace?

lie: it’s just another challenge for her to overcome. she can adapt, no problem. truth: what the fuck. what the actual fuck. did she just fuck up? did she just lose? what the fuck?        she can do it. it’s whatever.

so when myungeun proposes that they make a little bet before they go out on stage, suhee’s eyebrows quirk up in interest. she flips one ponytail over her shoulder and nods, fierce ambition glinting in her eyes, even though she doesn’t know what she’s agreeing to do yet. waiting around backstage was really starting to get boring.

“ alright then. i’ll play.        what’s this idea of yours, huh? ”  she says, briefly exposing her teeth via an expression that falls somewhere at the intersection between a cocky smirk, a grin and a snarl.  “ what are we playing for? do your worst. ”

does she want suhee to make a fool of herself? does she want to challenge suhee to some sort of game? whatever it is, it’s too late to back out now. myungeun knows her well enough by now to have something really good. maybe she’s about to dare suhee to go and have a conversation with horse face or ugly rabbit girl, or maybe she’s going to ask her to bust out her best aegyo. ugh. maybe she shouldn’t have agreed to her proposition before finding out exactly just what she wanted her to do. 

as if. suhee’s pride would never let her say no, even if she does end up making an ass of herself at the end of it all anyway.

[idsuhee]

popular.

k-con. pro.j fanmeet. / closed starter for @idhwarin !

it might just be fifty people or so, but the fact that anyone has shown up to meet her at all is a real boost to suhee’s already pretty heavily inflated ego. she hasn’t even debuted in a group yet, and even if there aren’t very many of them at all, there are still people who are already a fan of hers. she is, now that jawbreaker have pulled out of the competition, the number two contestant, after all. as if suhee needed any other reason or excuse to honk her own horn.

she’s also lucky to have hwarin sitting next to her. it would kill her to have to spend any amount of elongated time next to horse face girl and her elongated face. or even worse, ugly rabbit girl. big no no. she doesn’t need anyone to notice the fact that suhee could have ended up looking like a wild buck hare rather than a cute little bunny, if her genes had come out a little differently. the poor thing couldn’t help being born like that, but she was still the bane of suhee’s existence. looking at her was like looking at her ugly twin sister.

hwarin, however, is pretty, and they actually get along, despite their differences. hwarin is soft and kind of heart. she cries easily. suhee hasn’t shed a single tear in over a decade and has spent the vast majority of her adolescence being the girl who makes girls like hwarin cry in the first place.

as the modest number of attendees file through, she’ll admit she’s tired, even though she knows the numbers are nothing compared to the turnouts some of her more successful seniors get at their events. hwarin’s english is a whole lot better than hers could ever hope to be, so admittedly she’s been leaning on her friend for quite a bit. she understands somethings, but then not others, and the more voices she hears, the more jumbled things become. she turns to hwarin and rests her head on her shoulder, stifling back a laugh as the girl speaking with hwarin to coos something        she’s calling them cute.

previously a taboo word to use in reference to suhee, with the amount of times she’s been called it today, she’s starting to like it.  

“ thank you! ”  she replies brightly, in english, throwing the girl a heart and a smile, laughing lightly. the girl says something about her performance and she thanks her again, and shakes her hand. 

the number of attendees is small enough that they’re not all occupied at the same time, not by a mile, so when she moves away, suhee takes the chance to squeeze hwarin on the arm.  “ isn’t this fun? we would have died if you’d told either of us years ago that we would be here. ”  her tone is happy, but there’s an edge of something else to it too          ambition. she’s really saying, imagine the amount of people who might come next time. 

[crystalclear-net]

지니지니‏ ♡ do not edit

[idsuhee]

reunited.

[idsuhee]

idminyoung‌:

“yes, let’s. can you hit start for the music since i have the opening part? how should we do with the other girls’ parts? just stay silent? it’ll make timing weird, but if we sing it now we might forget to stay silent later.”

“ i am, actually. excited to dance beside her again, i mean. like i said, she’s very talented. it’s a sort of . . . nostalgic feeling, to be honest. it kind of feels like i’m back there again, in the days before i was even a trainee. it feels like a whole lifetime ago. ”  

she isn’t kidding. it feels so long ago now. she’s still the same girl as she was back then, but so much has changed since then. weirdly, suhee thinks she’s less stressed now than she was back in those days. she’d been in her early teens, always bitter about the fact that her mother had ripped up the business card she was given when she was scouted for the first time at the age of twelve, just so that she could keep her stuck at home, taking care of her brothers, cooking for them and cleaning up after them, even though they were more than capable of doing that themselves. everyday felt so long, between going to school, training and taking care of her family.

getting to be away from her cramped house and her loud, overbearing family, even if it is in the form of a cramped dorm, a rigorous diet and cameras always in her face, almost feels like a welcome break. almost. suhee would much rather be relaxing on the beach somewhere, stretched out on a lounger with a complicated, fruity cocktail in her hand, but hey, at this stage, she’ll take what she can get.

“ i think just staying silent is the best plan of action. imagine if we ended up singing over them on stage if we just got used to humming along during rehearsals, ”  a faux panicked expression, a light laugh falls from her lips. stupid humour, dumb messing around. suhee feels totally disingenuine.  “ ah, that would be so embarrassing, wouldn’t it? ”

with a small smile, she reaches over and starts the track, eyes flicking up and down between the music sheets in her hands and minyoung across from her, anticipating her opening lines. there really isn’t anyone else she’d rather harmonize with on this song.