ifeellikesharksshouldeatmyteeth

no

[thainovels]

All the novels on the drive (this list will be updated):

❗i found most of these online, so i can't guarantee they are correct ❗

google drive

bl - pdf x epub

gl

non thai novels

hopefully all the links are working right, let me know if there's a problem.

if you have any requests or maybe you have some novels and want to share you can always send me a message.

individual novels under the cut:

BL 1:

2gether

A Tale Of A Thousand Stars

Bad Buddy

Be My Favorite

Bed Friend

Blue Kiss

Boss And A Babe

Cooking Crush

Cutie Pie

Cutie Pie Extras

Dangerous Romance

Fish Upon The Sky

Hemp Rope (Between Us) - wattpad

Hidden Agenda

KinnPorsche

Love In The Air: Sky

Love Mechanics

Love Syndrome 1, 2, 3, 4

Lovely Writer

Manner Of Death

Middleman's Love

My Only 12%

My School President 1

My School President 2

Never Let Me Go

Not Me

Pit Babe

Sotus 1

Sotus 2

Star In My Mind

TharnType 1, 2, 3

The Eclipse

BL 2:

The Effect

The Gap Between Us (My Engineer)

The Last Twilight

Theory of Love

Together With Me

Tonhon Chonlatee

Triage

Two Moons

Unforgotten Night

Vice Versa 1

Until We Meet Again

VegasPete

Vice Versa 2

We Are... - wattpad

Why R U?

GL:

23.5

About Galaxy - wattpad

GAP 1

GAP 2

The Loyal Pin 1

The Loyal Pin 2

Non Thai Novels:

Addicted 1

Addicted 2

Professional Body Double (My stand In) - online

We Best Love 1

We Best Love 2

[guzhufuren]

Thailand 🇹🇭 A Guide to Some of the Best Queer Asian Shows

Full list here.

1. KinnPorsche mafia boss/bodyguard; action; kidnapper/kidnapee side couple

Kinn, a son of a prominent mafia head, is ambushed by an enemy, and meets Porsche, a bartender who comes to his rescue for a price, thus beginning their reluctant relationship as boss and bodyguard, which soon turns into something more.

iQIYI

2. Bed Friend friends with benefits; office setting; trauma

King and Uea work in the same office. After a company outing ends in a drunken hook-up between them, Uea and King agree to keep seeing each other on a strictly physical basis. With no strings attached, will these two be able to keep things between them simple and carefree or will their emotions eventually get the better of them?

Uncut 18+ on iQIYI or GagaOOLala or cut on YouTube

3. The Sign reincarnated lovers; fantasy; thai mythology; police

The story of the love between Phaya and Tharn who used to be mythological creatures Naga and Garuda in their past lives, and were forced apart. But fate intervened, and two men were reincarnated in new bodies. Now, they work together as partners in the Special Investigations Unit to uncover violent crimes and supernatural mysteries while their love is tested by mystical forces and past enemies.

YouTube

4. I Feel You Linger In The Air period drama; time travel; bittersweet

Jom, an architect overseeing the renovation of a rundown villa, continuously dreams of a man he's never met. When a twist of fate transports Jom to Chiang Mai in the 1920s, he assumes the role of a servant to the affluent young master Yai, the mysterious man from his dreams.

GagaOOLala or YouTube

5. You're My Sky sports; university setting; coming of age

Thorn, a young basketball player follows his senior Fah to university as a result of the promise they’d made — to become national basketball champions. However, to his dismay, he finds that Fah has already given up on basketball. --- Aai has to work in pairs throughout the semester with San, 1 year footballer; in order to receive a scholarship to study in Japan, Ai must be willing to do everything to get an A grade. --- Track running requires the compatibility of the team members to be very high. Vee, who became the new racquet 4, has to speed up training to fit in with the team as quickly as possible, especially with Dome, spending extra time together to train. Is love actually a major obstacle on the path of being an athlete?

Viki

6. Cutie Pie (+Cutie Pie 2 You, Naughty Babe) arranged marriage; secret identity; crack

The sons of two companies, Lian and Kuea, have been engaged to each other since childhood. One decides he doesn't want the arranged marriage anymore while the other decides to win him back.

Cutie Pie: YouTube & Cutie Pie 2 You: Uncut 18+ on iQIYI or cut on YouTube & NB: uncut on IQIYI or cut on YouTube

7. Until We Meet Again reincarnated lovers; forbidden love;university setting

Two boys who couldn't be together in one life find each other again in another.

+ Between Us university setting; swimming club; trauma

A parallel story to Until We Meet Again. Win and Team get to know one another through the swimming club, and eventually develop a relationship. They grow their connection as Win helps Team deal with his childhood trauma.

UWMA: YouTube & Between Us: Special: YouTube & Between Us: Uncut 18+ on iQIYI or paid YouTube or cut on YouTube

8. Step By Step office setting; boss/employee; slowburn

Jeng is a marketing manager and son of the owner of the company. Pat is a new team member. Jeng develops a secret fondness for his new subordinate, but in this position, he has to be strict and picky with Pat.

Uncut 18+ on Viki or GagaOOLala or cut on YouTube

9. GAP The Series wlw; office setting; boss/employee; class difference

Long after Sam first came to Mon's rescue when they were kids, Sam is unambiguously Mon's idol. In order to be near Sam, Mon gets a job working under her. When they finally meet again at the office, Mon is surprised by Sam’s icy exterior, so different from the image she'd had of her. Mon and Sam aren't just different in demeanour; they stand apart in class and age.

YouTube

10. Lucky My Love wlw; office setting

In the pursuit of love, Nabdao has been doing everything. She has got her fortune read. She's gone on a string of blind dates. Unfortunately, no one seems to be on the same page as her. She starts to think that perhaps her gorgeous and caring boss Pheem could be the one for her. Then Vela, her new team leader, comes into the picture and shakes things up with her observant and affectionate care.

YouTube

11. La Pluie soulmate alternative universe

In an alternate universe where Thailand is perpetually rainy and soulmates exist, La Pluie traces the story of Saengtai, who suffers from sensorineural hearing loss every time it rains. The only voice he can hear then is that of his soulmate, but he is adamant about not giving said soulmate a chance due to having seen his parents’ (who are also soulmates) relationship deteriorate.

YouTube or iQIYI

12. I Told Sunset About You (+ Last Twilight in Phuket, I Promised You the Moon) coming of age; childhood friends to lovers; high school setting

Two childhood best friends-turned-rivals meet again, awakening an old rivalry and old feelings. They now have to navigate their lives together and the growing attraction toward each other.

Viki (ITSAY) & YouTube (LTIP) & Viki (IPYTM)

13. Ghost Host, Ghost House crush at first sight; ghosts; grief

Kevin's passion is the challenge of hunting ghosts. He returns to Thailand after 10 years to stay with his aunt's family, but he didn't know that he'd come to stay under the same roof as those hunted ghosts. There he meets Pluem, a young gardener working for his family and a spark ignites between them.

YouTube or GagaOOLala

14. Something In My Room ghost/human; mystery; bittersweet

Looking to start a new life in a new house with his mother, Phat feels something uncanny in his room, which turns out to be the ghost of Phob. Phob wants Phat’s help in solving the mystery of his death before it’s too late.

I recommend watching the extended uncut version on KissKH or Dramacool, but you can also watch cut version on YouTube

15. Manner of Death crime; mystery; dark

A forensic pathologist Bunn is threatened to identify a manner of one victim's death as suicide — something that is not true according to the autopsy performed. The prime suspect seems to be a man named Tan who denies all involvement. They team up together to find the real murderer.

WeTV

16. Triage time loop; hospital setting; crime; mystery

As a resident in the emergency room, one should be indifferent when not saving a patient's life. But Tin got the chance to reverse a random patient's death for the second, third, and countless times. To help Tol and save his life.

AIS PLAY

17.  Love Mechanics cheating; university setting

A love story that starts one night in a club — between Mark, who is drunk and carrying the painful burden of his one-sided love, and the boy who he bumps into and mistakes as the object of his affection. They spend a night together and gradually Mark falls for Vee, although he knows Vee has a girlfriend. Will the love between them make it?

WeTV

18. Wedding Plan wedding planner/groom; lavender marriage; wlw side couple

Nuea is a professional wedding planner. Sailom happens to be the perfect man for Nuea based on his visual considerations for a man. But the universe has an unimaginable sense of humor as Sailom and his fiance Yiwa turn out to be Nuea's new clients.

Uncut 18+ on iQIYI or cut on Youtube & iQIYI (special episode)

19. Laws of Attraction lawyers; crime

When working-class man Tinn's niece fails to receive justice for her untimely death, he encounters Charn, a cynical morally corrupt lawyer. As Tinn and Charn team up to delve deeper into the case, they form a close bond despite their ideological differences. The series explores Charn and Tinn’s fight for justice, even though they were on opposite sides of the fence at the beginning.

YouTube

20. Secret Crush On You “nerd”/popular guy; queer friend group; university setting

Discover the secret of a nerdy young man, Toh, who fell in love with a popular third-year senior. Because his dream is so far from reach, observing is the only thing he could do. But what happens when one auspicious day the world devises an opportunity for Toh to make himself known to his crush Nuea?

YouTube

21. To Sir, With Love period drama; family drama; rich man/lower class man

A powerful family suffering from internal power struggles is now facing an even greater secret threat, the oldest son and heir is gay.

YouTube

22. My Only 12% best friends to lovers; slow burn

Cake and Seeiw, next-door neighbors and childhood best friends, navigate their feelings towards each other as they grow up.

YouTube

23. Show Me Love wlw; beauty pageants

Meena moves to Bangkok to achieve her singing dreams. She chances across Cherine who asks Meena to join her in a beauty pageant. The girls' journey for the crown begins and a romance between them sparks.

YouTube

24. Pit Babe omegaverse; alpha/alpha; car racing

Babe is the number one race car driver and an alpha with special abilities who only has sex with other alphas. Nerdy naive alpha Charlie approaches Babe to ask for his help to become a racer himself. Babe agrees to help Charlie realise his dream, but it will come with a price.

Uncut on iQIYI or cut on YouTube

---

You can watch many shows for free on YouTube, and watch others on the streaming websites by setting VPN to Thailand. In other cases I recommend paying for subscriptions to show appreciation and support of content in order to get more of it in the future, but if you can’t, watch on KissKH (better quality), Dramacool or get files from MkvDrama. Enjoy!  🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

[thestuffedalligator]

So usually when an imaginary friend is a real thing in a story, it’s either a demon or a ghost or some supernatural boogeyman that probably wants to eat the kid they’ve befriended (Mama, a couple of the Paranormal Activity movies), or “imaginary friends” are just treated as a real thing in the setting, and if a child just thinks hard enough they can manifest a friend into existence (Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends, Happy).

And somewhere in the middle is an area where the imaginary friend in question is real and they are supernatural, but they aren’t malevolent, and they aren’t entirely honest about what they are. Like maybe they’re a fairy or a god or some kind of boggle from mythology, but they just got caught by a six year old and they don’t have time to get into it, so they just go “…Yes. I’m your imaginary friend. We haven’t met. How do you do.” And then they stick around because they do love this kid, and if you’re a boggle from mythology in the modern day good food is really hard to come by.

And at some level. That’s what I think Hobbes is.

[friendlyfrankenstein]

He did, in fact, Literally Catch Him. And in the next strip-

Calvin takes him home and feeds him, which is a Humorous Misunderstanding. But also means Calvin is fulfilling: Hospitality Law.

[mineonmain]

Tell me i'm wrong...

[conscbgb]

BL Webtoons/Manhwas and their live adaptations

Video credit for this beautiful montage ☝️ @blwemlng on Twitter 🙏🙏

[absolutebl]

BLs to Recommend to Your Queer Friend

I put these in each bracket in levels of accessibility, as in “how easy I think they are for a non-BLer to enter into” without explanations of genre needed. 

Bleeding Heart Romantics 

Semantic Error

Bad Buddy

A Tale of Thousand Stars

Earnest Queer

The New Employee

My Ride

Drama Llama Indoor Kids

Our Dating Sim

Cherry Magic

My Love Mix Up

Repressed Arthouse Aesthetic 

Old Fashion Cupcake 

Love Life On The Line

Restart After Come Back Home

Hot Mess Gay Babies

The Eighth Sense

Moonlight Chicken

Hawt Mess Kinky Fuckers 

Bed Friend

KinnPorsche

My Beautiful Man 

Bonus Round: 

Adventure bois with a side of queer

Manner of Death

Not Me

Long Time No See

3 Will Be Free

He’s Coming To Me

From @mestizashinrin who asked me: 

“recommend a queer person to first start in BL”

(source)

[guzhufuren]

A Guide to Some of the Best Queer Asian Shows

The guide includes a show’s basic summary; main genres/tropes/themes and official streaming links (additional info on how to watch at the end of this post)! You can find some content warnings in the reply section of this post. Shows are listed by countries, numbered by the order I recommend watching in, not by rating. All shows have happy endings unless specified otherwise. The list will hopefully be updated regularly (last updated on 04/04/2024, 98 queer shows in total).

Most shows are about mlm, I specify with coloured notes those that are focused on wlw, polyamory, aromantism/asexuality, etc.

Tumblr does not allow large texts or more than 30 images per post at the moment, so you can click on every country’s list to expand them and view them fully in a separate post. You can access this guide in a google doc here.

Thailand 🇹🇭 (full list here)

1. KinnPorsche mafia boss/bodyguard; action; kidnapper/kidnapee side couple

Kinn, a son of a prominent mafia head, is ambushed by an enemy, and meets Porsche, a bartender who comes to his rescue for a price, thus beginning their reluctant relationship as boss and bodyguard, which soon turns into something more.

iQIYI

2. Bed Friend friends with benefits; office setting; trauma

King and Uea work in the same office. After a company outing ends in a drunken hook-up between them, Uea and King agree to keep seeing each other on a strictly physical basis. With no strings attached, will these two be able to keep things between them simple and carefree or will their emotions eventually get the better of them?

Uncut 18+ on iQIYI or GagaOOLala or cut on YouTube

3. The Sign reincarnated lovers; fantasy; thai mythology; police

The story of the love between Phaya and Tharn who used to be mythological creatures Naga and Garuda in their past lives, and were forced apart. But fate intervened, and two men were reincarnated in new bodies. Now, they work together as partners in the Special Investigations Unit to uncover violent crimes and supernatural mysteries while their love is tested by mystical forces and past enemies.

YouTube

4. I Feel You Linger In The Air period drama; time travel; bittersweet

Jom, an architect overseeing the renovation of a rundown villa, continuously dreams of a man he's never met. When a twist of fate transports Jom to Chiang Mai in the 1920s, he assumes the role of a servant to the affluent young master Yai, the mysterious man from his dreams.

GagaOOLala or YouTube

5. You're My Sky sports; university setting; coming of age

Thorn, a young basketball player follows his senior Fah to university as a result of the promise they’d made — to become national basketball champions. However, to his dismay, he finds that Fah has already given up on basketball. --- Aai has to work in pairs throughout the semester with San, 1 year footballer; in order to receive a scholarship to study in Japan, Ai must be willing to do everything to get an A grade. --- Track running requires the compatibility of the team members to be very high. Vee, who became the new racquet 4, has to speed up training to fit in with the team as quickly as possible, especially with Dome, spending extra time together to train. Is love actually a major obstacle on the path of being an athlete?

Viki

> more tv shows from Thailand

GMMTV Thailand 🇹🇭 (full list here)

1. My School President high school setting; secret crush; school president/rebel musician

Gun is the head of his high school music club. Tinn is a school president and Gun's long-term rival. The Principal wants to disband some of the school’s “useless” after-school clubs, especially the music club. Per school rules, the student council president is the one who has the power to dissolve clubs. Gun is now at Tinn’s mercy, so he attempts to do whatever he can to persuade his rival not to cancel the music club. Little does he know, Tinn actually has a secret crush on him. Could romance brew as Gun makes a desperate attempt to secure the future of his band?

Viki (MSP) & YouTube (Our Skyy special 33-40) & YouTube (special)

2. Moonlight Chicken adult romance; age gap; deaf character

Jim is an ordinary guy running a chicken rice diner. One night, he meets Wen when he stays past closing drunk. Brought together by fate that night, intangible feelings arise. Neither can stop thinking about the other despite Jim's efforts to remain unattached. Jim also takes care of his nephew Li Ming, who is falling in love with Heart, a deaf teenager who is practically kept under house arrest by his affluent parents.

YouTube

3. Not Me revolution; freedom fighters; secret twins

When his twin Black is viciously attacked and subsequently left hospitalised in unconsciousness, White is unable to endure the harm done to his brother in silence. He learns Black was a part of a gang of anti-capitalist freedom fighters, and it was one of them who betrayed him. White disguises himself as Black to discover which one of them betrayed him and put him in a coma.

YouTube

4. 23.5 wlw; high school setting; secret admirer

Ongsa moves to a new school and meets Sun, a cute popular girl who she immediately falls for. However, she decides to approach Sun in instagram dms under the pseudonym Earth, leading Sun to believe she's talking to a guy. But Ongsa does not want to lose the opportunity to talk to Sun, so she decides to keep the fact that she is a girl a secret and continue talking as Earth.

YouTube

> more tv shows from GMMTV Thailand

Japan 🇯🇵 (full list here)

1. Cherry Magic!   mind reading; secret crush; office setting

By still being a vіrgin at 30, Adachi gains a magical power – the ability to read other people's minds by touching them. At first, he’s overwhelmed by his new ability, and it’s not proving to be helpful to him. But that all changes when he accidentally touches their office’s most perfect guy Kurosawa, who he learns has romantic feelings for him.

WeTV (Cherry Magic) & no international streaming of Cherry Magic The Movie is available to my knowledge, so watch on bilibili or KissKH

2. Kieta Hatsukoi (My Love Mix-Up!)   misunderstanding; high school setting

Aoki has a crush on Hashimoto, the girl in the seat next to him in class. But he despairs when he borrows her eraser and sees she's written the name of another boy — Ida — on it. To make matters more confusing, Ida sees Aoki holding that very eraser and thinks Aoki has a crush on him!

Viki

3. Our Dining Table food; child character

Salaryman Yutaka finds it difficult to share meals with other people. However, his life starts to change when one day, his cooking attracts the attention of a young boy named Tane and his older brother Minoru. The two brothers are impressed by Yutaka's cooking skill and invite him to their house to cook together. Yutaka's dreary life begins to change, and soon he finds himself looking forward to the meals he shares with the Ueda siblings together, as well as developing a taste for romantic feelings.

GagaOOLala

4. She Loves to Cook and She Loves to Eat wlw; neighbours; self-discovery; food

Nomoto loves to cook, but tends to make too much food and has no one to share it with. Luckily for her, turns out her neighbor Kasuga has a big enough appetite for the both of them.

No international streaming available, translated to english by Furritsubs, S1 & S2, watching instructions provided, please support translator on kofi.

5. Takara-kun to Amagi-kun high school setting; relationship exploration

Takara is a good-looking popular guy in class, while Amagi is a simple but bright and pure fellow classmate. The two begin to date in secret after Amagi's blurted out confession.

Viki or GagaOOLala

> more tv shows from Japan

China 🇨🇳 (full list here)

Most chinese shows are adapted from explicitly queer novels, the shows are undeniably and obviously queer, but nevertheless the queer romance part is censured. The only exception is number 4 on the list, it is not censored.

1. The Untamed period drama; fantasy

An epic fantasy led by a problem child who comes back from the dead 16 years later in order to fix the broken world he left behind — and finally unite with his soulmate.

YouTube

2. Word of Honor period drama; fantasy

The leader of assassin organisation Zhou Zishu quits his position in pursuit of freedom with drastic measures. In his travels, he meets Wen Kexing, the leader of Ghost Valley who wants nothing but revenge. The two become entangled in various machinations within the martial arts world, and eventually become soulmates instrumental in each other's redemption.

YouTube & Special Episode on Tumblr or DailyMotion

3. Couple of Mirrors wlw; period drama; socialite/assassin

You Yi is a kind-hearted socialite and a successful author. Her perfect life is turned upside-down when she discovers a betrayal by the two most trusted people in her life. With no one left to turn to, she finds refuge in the friendship and support of Yan Wei, a lonely female killer disguised as the owner of a photo studio.

YouTube. the show doesn’t have a happy ending, but it can be a happy ending for you if you stop watching at episode 12 timestamp 28:02.

4. Stay With Me enemies to lovers; high school setting; unconventional families; slow burn

Su Yu is a high school student who lives with his single poor father. Su Yu gets a new classmate Wu Bi. The two clash right from the start, and after getting off on the wrong foot, their explosive relationship takes a turn.

YouTube or GagaOOLala. the show doesn’t have a happy ending, but it can be a happy ending for you if you stop watching at episode 24 timestamp 05:00. OR watch the full thing and look at this post after

5. The Spirealm inside of a video game; mystery; fantasy; horror-ish; hopeful ending

A game designer Lin Qiushi is transported inside of a game he recently played, and now he must go through 12 horrifying survivor game doors to survive in the real world. Inside his first door he meets Ruan Nanzhu, a mysterious man who offers him to team up.

The show was taken down from streaming, download files here and subtitles here.

Various WLW mini web-dramas here.

Various WLW short films here.

South Korea 🇰🇷 (full list here)

1. Love for Love's Sake inside of a video game; high school setting; healing

At the age of 29 Tae Myungha finds himself transported into a fictional video game, and now 19 years old, he meets Cha Yeowoon, who is in the darkest moment of his life. And a translucent window appears where he receives a mission — to make Cha Yeowoon happy.

iQIYI (better subtitles) or GagaOOLala

2. Semantic Error enemies to lovers; university setting

A serious programmer and a rebellious artist clash over a school project. Their animosity keeps escalating to new extremes, defined by petty pranks and feisty arguments.

Viki

3. Love Tractor farm setting; farmer/city musician

Sunyeol, a city man with zero ability to survive in the countryside, comes to his grandfather's rural home. In front of him appears Yechan, a passionate and kind young farmer. While learning about rural life and assisting with farming tasks, Sunyeol gradually finds himself drawn to Yechan's warm and straightforward nature, while Yechan helplessly falls for Sunyeol.

iQIYI

4. Our Dating Sim high school friends to lovers; office setting

After 7 years, Lee Wan meets his first love, Shin Kitae, in a gaming company. When they were best friends in high school, Lee Wan was in love with Kitae. But he ran away and disappeared after confessing his feelings to Kitae after graduation. When the two of them begin working on a new dating simulation game and get more immersed in the project, old feelings are rekindled.

Viki or GagaOOLala

5. She Makes My Heart Flutter wlw; bar setting; niece and aunt dynamic

The extroverted Gang Seol is hired by her aunt Jung at her only-women bar. Even though they are both lesbians, they seem to be worlds apart and have very different love stories.

YouTube

> more tv shows from South Korea

Taiwan 🇹🇼 (full list here)

1. History3: Trapped mafia boss/policeman

The story of a police officer who becomes trapped in the underworld, as he develops feelings for a gang leader.

YouTube or Viki

2. Kiseki: Dear to Me mafia; age gap

Bai Zongyi, an exemplary high school student with dreams of becoming a doctor, is one day unexpectedly drawn into the world of a charismatic and mischievous gangster Fan Zerui, who blackmails him into taking him in and treating his wounds. Just as their love story begins to unfold, Fan Ze Rui's criminal life catches up with him. On the other hand, Chen Yi and Ai Di are two orphans who grew up in the gang together. Ai Di has always loved Chen Yi, but Chen Yi only notices their boss.

Viki or GagaOOLala or YouTube

3. My Tooth Your Love dentist/chef; trauma healing

Bai Lang is a successful bistro owner with an severe fear of visiting the dentist... until a toothache forces him to come face to face with the handsome yet cold dentist Jin Xunan.

Viki

4. Anti Reset android/human

When Chu Yi Ping, an emotionless man, dislocates his hand in an accident at school, his uncle gives him Ever 9 as a caretaker, an experimental intelligent robot that his company is secretly testing.

Viki or iQIYI or GagaOOLala

5. History2: Crossing the Line sports; high school setting

When an injury sidelines a high school senior from the volleyball team, he develops feelings for a recruit.

YouTube or Viki

> more tv shows from Taiwan

Philippines 🇵🇭

1. Sleep With Me wlw; radio; disabled character in a wheelchair

A science textbook writer with a sleep disorder meets a wheelchair-using radio host who runs the midnight shift. This chance encounter at the radio station quickly sparks their interest in each other.

GagaOOLala

---

You can watch many shows for free on YouTube, and watch others on the streaming websites by setting VPN to one of the countries in the list. In other cases I recommend paying for subscriptions to show appreciation and support of content in order to get more of it in the future, but if you can’t, watch on KissKH (better quality), Dramacool or get files from MkvDrama. Enjoy!  🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

[formosusiniquis]

Am I the Asshole?

Robin Buckley & Steve Harrington; Robin Buckley/Original Female Character(s); Steve Harrington/Original Character(s); Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson WC: 6052 | Rated: T | Tags: Modern AU, Reddit AU, Some AITA typical terrible people, QPR Steve & Robin, NB Steve, NB Robin AKA the Stobin AITA fic

r/AmITheAssshole u/HufflepuffHero94 9yrs ago AITA for being concerned about my girlfriends living situation?

Context: My (20F) girlfriend (18F) is amazing. She's a polyglot linguistics major, speaks three languages fluently and she's completely self-taught, a genius basically. We go to the same college (Midwestern Liberal Arts college) where we met in the marching band. Now R, my girlfriend, is from a small town. Like the kind of small town that they make jokes about in sitcoms, she isn't really online (so I'm not worried about her seeing this) because she claims they didn't even have the internet until she was in high school. She isn’t really “out” because of this. It’s like she lives in this semi-closeted space like some kind of TV queerbait character. It's not really a problem, I mean she’ll tell people we’re dating if they ask and all of our marching band friends know but when I ask about it she says it’s because it wasn’t really safe in her hometown growing up. But it’s 2014 not 1980…

Even though R is a freshman she’s in special accommodations. Instead of living in the dorms like the school usually requires she’s got a small, studio apartment just off of campus. A perk considering how awful living in the dorms is. R is a pretty private person and super studious. Most of our dates have been in the library or a study date at the coffee place on campus. She’s not big on PDA, she says she’s trying to get better at it but she’s still only sort of out and I’m her first real girlfriend. I was psyched when she asked me if I wanted to go with her to her apartment to study, said her best friend had a never fail study method that she was eager to try (and when she told me what it was I was pretty eager too).

R can’t drive, so when I pull into the parking lot of her complex she notices something and says her roommate hasn’t left for work yet. I’m a little confused because like I said she lives in a studio apartment, but she just brushes it off and says something about asshole parents and this being what they could afford when some money fell through. She’s sent me snaps from her place, so I know it’s pretty cozy so I tell her it’s fine. Obviously I’m concerned about what the set up is going to be like when we get up there but she insists that dingus (her words) will only be there for another couple minutes before they have to leave for work and that Stevie (again her words) is her best friend in the world. They moved here together from the same small town or something.

To give R credit, she’s definitely done the best she can with the space. When I walked it it definitely felt as homey as it does in her pictures. The door opened up into the kitchen and living room and she’s got those spaces divided off from the beds with one of those Chinese paper divider thingies. Anyway to make a long story short it turns out her roommate and best friend Stevie is actually a whole dude (19). He comes out, gives her a look and asks her if “us girls are planning a sleepover” and if he should make himself scarce for the evening. R says she doesn’t give him shit when his “special friends” come over and after that I kinda stopped listening. I slipped off into the apartment looking for the bathroom and that’s when I saw how their “bedroom” was set up. Twin beds INCHES apart, they might as well be sharing the same one.

Here’s where I might be the asshole. When her “friend” finally cleared out I told her the truth. I didn’t know how comfortable I was hanging out in her place where she lives with a guy. I do live in the dorms but I’ve got a single right now. I asked her to move in with me so she wouldn’t have to be in this situation. I guess it maybe sounded like I was dissing her friend, which I was but I didn’t mean for it to sound like that. I just think it’s weird that she won’t come out to anyone and is also living with some guy! I told her I wasn’t interested in being an experiment and if things were serious then she would want to move in with me.

That’s when she kicked me out and called me an asshole. But really I don’t think I’m being a dick for being concerned that she might just be jerking me along while she plays lesbian so she can tell her boyfriend about it at home. Even if nothing is going on I'm just worried that living in this kind of environment isn't safe for her. I mean this guy is probably just pretending to be her friend to get in her pants, I think the fact that they're from the same small town means she can't see that. I really think she would be better off if she moved into the dorms with me aita?

u/otpsnotbrotps NTA

u/foreplayisntreal NTA guys and girls can't be friends. If she even is a lez and a katy perry wannabe then roomie is just biding his time til she's ready to be converted

Read the rest on AO3

[kosmic-apothecary]

Palestine has the right to self-determination.

Palestine has the right to self-defense.

Palestine has the right to exist.

[moniemoonlight]

insanely sad when you think about riz’s biggest fear being the idea that everyone he loves most will leave him for other people. not just in terms being aroace, but also just who riz is as a person.

like this is the kid that tore himself up to find penny. he stayed up all night to figure out a way for his friends to go to college together. he gave up important information to save fabian. he took stress just so kristen could pass.

like yes, work as an act of love, but its more than just work, its complete and total fealty to that person. he will give and give and give and its the scariest thing in the world that the people he has given the most to might leave him.

[hobbyistauthor]

so @steddielations mentioned that it was okay if i posted my lil fic inspired by their post separately so it wasn't buried in the reblogs or whatever. so i'm taking her advice and here it is in all it's standalone glory, i guess? anyway, originally when i stumbled across his post, i couldn't help myself, i absolutely go bonkers for kas!eddie and it was such a fucking cute idea i couldn't not write something about it. we see so much dark vampire!eddie and monster!eddie stuff, so i'm kinda here for the cute shit i guess?

this is wholly unedited, and it's my very first st fic ever, so i hope it's not shit. (y'all seemed to like it on the OG post anyway)

i also included a little extra treat (from my main tumblr account) tucked away at about the halfway mark, so enjoy i guess?

The world may be fucking ending, but goddamn it he’s never going to get over leaving Eddie’s body behind. Dustin is his brother, for fuckssake, he deserves some closure at the very least, and Mr. Munson ought to be able to say a proper goodbye to his nephew. Steve feels like shit— like he’s robbed the man of that simple right and watching Dustin and Mr. Munson in the aftermath, having driven the kid to the guy’s new Government-issued, post-“earthquake” relocation apartment a few times in the later weeks so Dustin can check on the guy? Absolutely gutting. Now, Steve knows he’s got a habit of taking on guilt that really isn’t his. Robin has smacked him around the head for weeks about this now, yelled at him about getting a goddamn therapist or something but. This? He feels responsible, somehow. If he’d only been stronger, he could have carried Eddie’s body out.

He’s been going over it in his mind now for weeks. He probably could have managed if he’d dropped all his weapons, carried nothing else except for Eddie’s body. Steve’s strong, he knows this, it’s one of the few reasons the Party still keeps him around—he’s like a– a meat-shield or something. It’s his job to keep them safe, even though he’s failed spectacularly this time, with Max all but brain dead in a coma and Eddie actually dead and it’s all just… it’s all just bullshit. Steve feels like he’s at the end of his rope at this point, and it’s with that edge of mania, that taste of hysteria that he blurts out his half-cocked plan to Robin. He can’t let Eddie’s body rot down there any longer.

Of course he gets shut down almost immediately and Robin all but restrains him to the bedpost while she calls the cavalry—the cavalry being Nancy—but even with the two of them, he’s immovable. He can’t keep doing this, don’t they understand? And that’s just it: they don’t. No matter how many times he explains it, or tries to, they just tell him the same thing: it’s not his fault, it’s too dangerous. He doesn’t understand how they don’t see it. It’s Steve’s job to do this, it’s his purpose, he has to bring Eddie home safe because it means that Dustin will finally get some fucking peace and Mr. Munson will get the goddamn closure he deserves. Steve cries more than he has cried in years, probably scaring Robin and Nancy more than they let on, but he just can’t do it anymore.

In the end, it’s his warbled “Please” that gets them to crack, and they agree to head back down through the widest gate closest to the trailer park, the gate closest to where they left Eddie’s body to rot. He’s got his bat this time but not much else, although Nancy and Robin are armed to the teeth, and his walkie is in Nancy’s backpack along with a truly astounding amount of ammo for her shotgun. The drop into the Upside Down is disorienting as always and once they’re all present, he takes a moment to listen. He exhales, his breath clouding in front of him at the chill. There’s very little noise aside from the ambient sounds he remembers from the last time they’d all taken their waltz through Hell, but he freezes when his ears pick up the sound of chittering.

“What? Do you hear something?”

Steve shushes them, spinning his nail bat once, twice, before easing his way into the nightmare version of the trailer park. He walks softly, treading quietly like he remembers doing when his parents were home more often and he was afraid of disturbing them. Eggshells, he remembers hearing once—walking on eggshells. He catches a glimpse of what look like those fucking bat things hanging from the lip of the roof on one of the trailers they pass. He wonders what the kids would name them, if there’s some dungeons and dumbasses monster they’d pick like with Demogorgon or fucking Vecna—he wouldn’t put it past Dustin to just call them demobats, like he’d named the ugly baby things demodogs—but the bat fuckers don’t attack. If anything, Steve thinks they’re watching their group. Which, while creepy, is only mildly better than just outright attacking. He refocuses.

The deeper into the trailer park they go, the more and more of these bat things—screw it, Steve’s just gonna start calling the fuckers demobats—they start to see. It’s unnerving, being watched like this, and he’s definitely convinced they’re watching them. Nancy and Robin are murmuring behind him, probably talking about them too, but Steve is too focused on looking out for incoming threats to care about their conversation. He knows where the Munson’s trailer is, and if he can get there, he knows the direction in which Eddie’s body will be laying. He swallows down the nausea that rises in his throat. He’s not sure what he’s going to find, but he’s glad for the bandana he’s got tied around the lower half of his face—Nancy had insisted on face and eye coverings for this trip. Steve hadn’t argued.

Rounding the side of one of the other motor homes, Steve spots the Munson trailer and heaves out a groaning breath at the sight. The amps are still on the roof and not for the first time, he wishes he’d been able to see Eddie play at least once before he’d died. Dustin said it was the most metal concert he’s ever seen, and at this point, Steve is inclined to believe the little shit. He takes a breath, glancing over his shoulder at Robin and Nancy.

“There’s the trailer. Do… Do you think one of you could get his guitar, too?”

“Steve, are you serious right now?”

Robin’s tone is incredulous, and he can see by the set of Nancy’s jaw from beneath her own face coverings that she’s just as frustrated with him.

“Just… it meant a lot to him, okay? I’d. I’d rather at least try to get it back topside…”

“Fine.”

Nancy’s firm, but she’s agreeing and quite frankly that’s more than he’s expected. He fights back the tears that he feels building as he thanks her.

“Don’t thank me yet, Steve. We still have to see if we can even get his body out of here, okay?”

He nods and refocuses, stepping out from the shadowed shelter cast by the trailer they’re huddled behind. The sudden flap of wings in the air and the shrieking chittering is not welcomed.

“Fuck fuck fuck!”

Steve is angry a lot. He doesn’t usually let it show, just holds it in and puts on a smile to go about his day. It’s what makes all the Hawkins moms like him so much. He seems approachable, amiable. Likable. Below the surface, however, he’s a seething mass of old rage that he wishes he could truly get rid of. He doesn’t like being angry; it makes him uncomfortable, unsteady. He doesn’t like to fight like Billy did to quell the rage burbling inside his gut or like Tommy does, to satisfy a need to feel superior over those who are weaker than him. When he does fight, it’s to protect; to draw the attention away from those more vulnerable. He makes himself a target because he knows he can take it, and every blow that he blocks is a victory even at the cost of his own health.

In this moment, however, he can feel his pulse ringing in his ears, throbbing in his veins as he stares down the whirlwind of demon fucking bats darkening the hellish sky. The wood of his weapon creaks under the clench of his knuckles and he just… lets his vision go red.

Plant your feet, Harrington!

The first of the bats goes down with a sickening squelching noise, a savage sound tearing its way from his throat. He keeps moving, shifting with his own momentum and sweeping his nail bat to bludgeon anything within his range. He cuts a path easily through the dive-bombing swarm, his layers thicker than the last time he was here and offering much better protection. He still feels the teeth when one gets through his defensive arcing strikes, but it’s so muted beneath his rage that it’s insignificant. It’s easy to hook his fingers around its slimy rotten throat and use his own body mass and torque to rip the thing in half, acrid dark blood spraying in the air and staining his face, hair, and clothes as it settles. He can hear the shattering glass of Robin’s Molotovs and the gunfire from Nancy’s pistols behind him like distant echoes as he tears through another swooping demobat with a nail-ridden swing.

He hates these fucking things. He hates them. They took Eddie from Dustin. They took Eddie from Mr. Munson. They took Eddie from him. He’s closer to the trailer now, practically right next to it at this point, and he presses his back to it as he swings his bat in a long arc, slamming another fucking nasty bitch to the ground with a sickening squelch. It screeches when he presses a boot-clad foot on its writhing form and pries the nails out of its disgusting flesh before bringing the bat down again and again and again until finally, it stops moving. His chest is heaving and his outermost layer is nearly completely shredded. He’s got countless shallow wounds from where fangs have managed to penetrate his defenses but he hasn’t lost much blood yet. He can still fight.

He turns his attention to Nancy and Robin, and the two are holding their own exceptionally well. Robin is swinging her crowbar around and Nancy is firing off shotgun shells like a pro, having ditched the pistols at some point for more firepower. The swarm seems to be retreating now, called back by some force they’ve yet to see. He fucking hopes its not goddamn Vecna, because they sure as hell don’t have the time or the ammo to deal with his shit. Steve hauls himself fully upright as he makes his way back to his allies. He manages to kill a few more demobats on his way to them, watching as the rest fly off and disappear further into the trailer park. 

“Alright, I’m gonna check the roof, see if the guitar is up there. Can one of you check inside?”

“Got it.”

Steve nods at Robin and heads back over to the trailer, making his way up to the roof steadily. He hears the girls shut the front door so he knows they’re already inside by the time he manages to haul himself up to the top and he inhales sharply at the sight of Eddie’s guitar—a Warlock, he thinks it was called—left abandoned with the amps. His heart lurches in his chest as he approaches it, kneeling down and trailing his fingers across the dark, black angular surface. He chokes on a sob, hating that this very well may be one of the only things left of Eddie if they for some reason can’t bring back his body.

He’d known it was a possibility, but he hadn’t wanted to acknowledge it. With all the demobats they’ve just fought off, there’s just. There’s no way Eddie hasn’t been eaten at this point. Steve slips the handle of his nail bat through a loop on his jeans and gingerly, with reverence, he picks up the Warlock and slings it onto his back. He exhales shakily as the weight of it rests there, against his spine, and he finds himself clinging to the tiny shred of hope that still remains that Eddie’s body is still intact enough for them to carry back through the gate—back home.

Climbing back down isn’t too difficult, but it’s not necessarily easy either. Robin and Nancy look at him with sympathetic eyes but thankfully they don’t say anything. He doesn’t think he’ll be able to handle it if they tried to say something right now. He swallows back another sob, pretending like he’s not on the cusp of another breakdown and straightens his spine.

“Alright. Let’s go.”

They follow.

The walk is silent again, no demobats in sight which is concerning. Steve doesn’t understand where they all went. There were so many, and now they’re just… gone? It doesn’t make sense. He grits his teeth and flexes his grip on his nail bat, trying to ignore the weighty addition of the Warlock at his back. As they get closer to where they’d left Eddie’s body, dread begins to creep in, slithering through his veins like icy vines. The area is dark with old blood, the ground irreversibly stained by Eddie’s bravery and his sacrifice. But his body is not there. There are no vines holding anything down, no evidence of his clothing even, barring the shredded remnants of a leather jacket, some fabric scraps, and the skull-printed black handkerchief he’d worn around his head resting on the bloodstained ground. 

“What the fu–”

The screech is unexpected and at a pitch that sends all three of them stumbling, clutching at their ears. Steve recovers quickly, stepping in front of Robin and Nancy and planting his feet like a human shield, holding his nail bat out in front of him. His gaze darts back and forth, trying to find the source of the screech when it drops from the sky before him. His heart leaps to his throat, adrenaline surging through his veins, because he has never encountered this kind of Upside Down monster before.

It hisses and snarls at them, flashing deadly, long fangs. Steve can clearly see what looks like blood smeared across the white surface and around the things’ mouth. Its head is vaguely bat-like, with what appear to be four, overlarge ears pushing out from the sides and temples of its head, the origins hidden by dark, curled hair or perhaps fur that drapes across its forehead, shoulders, and down its back—something most of the monsters haven’t had. Unlike most of the monsters they’ve seen so far, this one has eyes, and they gleam dark red, furious in the hellish lighting of the Upside Down. It stands on two legs, bent backwards in an inhuman manner and tapered down to deadly talon-tipped toes. Dark fur or maybe fabric of some kind covers the upper portion of its legs, and a long, dark tail swishes behind it. It’s vaguely humanoid in shape but stands slightly hunched, spine arched and visible skin pale as death. Wings not unlike those he’s seen on the demobats, but much larger and darker are spread from the things’ back, wide and tipped with what look like deadly talons. Its arms are pale at the shoulders and eerily human, riddled with lithe muscle as they bleed into dark ink-black forearms, ending in strong hands with long, talon-tipped fingers curled into deadly looking claws. Everything about it screams predator—deadly, territorial predator.

Except for one thing. 

One thing that makes Steve pause.

Because he would recognize that t-shirt anywhere, even half-shredded as it is.

He slowly lowers his bat, causing Nancy and Robin to start hissing at him in a panic. He ignores them, tucking the weapon into his belt loop again. He pulls the goggles up to his forehead, pushing his sweaty hair off his forehead and pulls his bandana down to his throat, exposing his face. He gingerly slides the Warlock off his back, keeping his motions controlled and slow, like he would were he dealing with a spooked animal. The monster before him stops snarling, hissing instead, and Steve watches as its head tilts slightly to the side in a motion that has Steve’s heart lurching in his chest with recognition. He sets the Warlock on the ground gently, never tearing his gaze away from the monster. He swallows. Robin is going to be pissed at him if he’s wrong, but then at least his corpse will be a good distraction for when they can run away, right? He takes a step forward and the snarling starts up again. He holds out his hands in the universal gesture for “calm down” and inhales to settle his own racing heart.

“Ed… Eddie?”

The monster’s hackles drop almost immediately at his words and its hunched posture straightens, showing off how it towers over Steve. A slow blink causes the red, angry eyes to shift to a hickory color, rounding them to the point where it would be almost comical were Steve not utterly terrified that this could still backfire. He forces himself to smile without showing his teeth, wiggling his fingers in a little wave, unnerved at the way those huge, warm eyes are just. Staring at him now.

“Hey, man… It's uh. Steve.”

There’s a long, drawn out moment where the only sound is the ambient background noise of the Upside Down. Steve has a horrifying thought of, well shit this isn’t going to work, I’m definitely going to die, but then all of his doom and gloom thoughts are dispelled. With a flurry of movement, the monster lets out a loud chirrup and scampers on all fours at Steve with inhuman speeds. He can hear Robin and Nancy’s panic, the click of Nancy cocking her shotgun, but she isn’t fast enough. The monster hits him full on in the chest, knocking him to the ground—thankfully not crushing the Warlock, Jesus Christ, that would have been painful—and pinning him there for a long moment. He stops breathing, because fuck, this thing is so much bigger than Eddie was as a human, but it’s only for a second because the formerly terrifying monster jumps off of him, running in delighted circles and twirls around where Steve sits, sprawled, chirping and crooning at him like an overly excitable pet. 

Steve hates to admit it, but this is fucking cute as hell. It’s weird, but goddamn is he not utterly charmed. He laughs a little to himself.

“You’re like a nice, giant monster puppy, Eddie!”

The monster freezes where it’s circling him, turning huge, hickory goddamn Bambi eyes on Steve before letting out the absolute cutest chirrup noise Steve’s ever heard in his entire life, and throwing itself at Steve’s chest again. That long tail is wagging so hard its hips and ass are moving with the motion, and its wings are fluttering slightly where they’re pulled back against that bony, inhuman spine. It pushes its big head under one of Steve’s hands like a cat asking for pets and Steve can’t help but laugh out loud, slightly hysterical, sinking his fingers into the… Eddie-monster’s curls and scratching. The noise Steve’s rewarded with is wonderfully charming, somewhere between a chirring sound and a cooing sound. 

“Good boy..?”

Steve watches as the Eddie-monster’s wings all but vibrate in response, the sub-vocal chirring noise growing louder as he presses his head harder into Steve’s hands. Steve knows his grin has to be absolutely manic at this point, but he’s so beyond caring. Eddie is alive! He turns his head towards Robin and Nancy, shooting them his best “can we keep him?” expression, complete with a cheesing grin.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Oh my god is that really Eddie? What the fuck, Steve, he really likes you!?”

Robin is laughing her ass off, which is par for the course and Steve expected nothing less from his fucking soulmate—god, he loves her so much—but Nancy is looking less than pleased, and deeply unnerved. He can’t say he really blames her, but there’s no way this goofy ass, giant nerd puppy thing isn’t the same guy who liked to jump up on cafeteria tables and give speeches like the dramatic shit he remembers!

“There’s no way that this thing is Eddie, Steve.”

Nancy takes a step closer to Steve, hands still clenched on her shotgun, and the Eddie-monster reacts very poorly to her approach. It happens in milliseconds—one moment he’s happily in Steve’s arms, and then then next he’s shoved Steve down underneath his body, flaring his wings out as he hovers over top of Steve, eyes once again going red. He’s snarling and hissing, saliva dripping from those massive sharp fangs, flexing his talons in a threat display. Steve sighs and rolls his eyes, shifting his body weight to sit up, grabbing a fist-full of Eddie-monster’s hair-fur like he would scruff a cat,

“Bad Eddie. We don’t snarl at our friends,” 

And pulls. Hard.

The squeaking cry that Eddie-monster lets out at the sudden, harsh tug is high pitched and the physical reaction that goes with it is immediate. His wings fold in and his eyes shift back to hickory, huge and big and glassy as he melts down against Steve’s chest, legs seemingly turning to jelly beneath him. His head falls back, exposing the entirety of his throat and collarbones as he whines, clawed hands flailing out in front of him until they settle against Steve’s thigh, kneading gently like a cat. His tail wraps around Steve’s other boot-covered ankle, the tip of it slipping inside the top to brush against the bare skin of his calf. Eddie-monster keeps whining softly until Steve’s fingers slowly release their tight hold on his hair-fur, resuming their petting instead. His weird little sub-vocal chirring begins again.

Robin is absolutely losing her shit.

Steve just flashes her a smug look over his shoulder, sending her into another round of hysterics.

“I’ve got him under control, Nance.” He turns back to Nancy, jerking his head down in a quick motion at the content, basically-purring giant monster in his lap, snuggling up against him. He fights the urge to smile.

“It’s definitely Eddie, look, he’s still got the Hellfire shirt on. It’s gotta be him. I have no idea why he looks like this, but I mean. We can’t just leave him here!”

“And what exactly are you going to do with him, Steve?” Nancy sounds so exasperated, a hint of anger in her tone, “Just keep him as a fucked up pet forever?”

“I don’t know, okay? I just. I don’t want to leave him here! Dustin deserves to know he’s alive, and so does Mr. Munson.”

Eddie-monster perks up when Steve says Dustin’s name, pulling his head out from under Steve’s hand and making a low sound that comes across almost questioning. Steve looks down at him, those huge Bambi eyes blinking back– holy shit, does Eddie have two sets of eyelids? What the fuck–

“Yeah, Eds.” He replies softly, aggressively ignoring the way Robin mouths his words back at him in his peripheral vision, clearly questioning his sudden nickname for a guy he technically only knew for like. A week. God, she’s going to razz the shit out of him for this later… Steve fights back the embarrassed blush he feels climbing his throat.

“Dustin Henderson, you remember him? You saved his life.”

Eddie-monster coos loudly, letting out another chirrup before tucking his head under Steve’s jaw, nuzzling up against him and letting out a low, sub-vocal sound that reminds Steve of purring. It rumbles against Steve’s chest, vibrating through his rib-cage. He feels the flush fill his cheeks and he sighs, surrendering to the lost cause.

“Yeah, Eds. He misses you so much. And your Uncle, too. Wayne Munson? He, uh. He’d be so happy to know you aren’t dead, man.”

The screech that comes out of Eddie-monster’s throat is soft and absolutely heartbreaking when Steve mentions Mr. Munson. It completely settles the matter for him, because fuck! Eddie deserves to see his goddamn family again, regardless of whether or not he’s some weird giant monster… puppy thing. So even if it means Steve has to fucking, like. Hide Eddie in his basement for the rest of his life, he’s gonna fucking do it, he’s gonna get Eddie out of this hellhole. Because they deserve this.

“So you wanna come with us? Back topside? I’ll get you safe in my house and then I can go bring them to–”

The wail that leaves Eddie-monster is terrified and he scrambles in Steve’s lap as though he’s trying to put all of his bulk as close to Steve as possible; something that would be funny were his talons not really fucking painful oh my god ow Jesus Christ. Steve bites the inside of his cheek, glancing down at where this giant, nearly seven-foot monster is shaking and clinging to him like a terrified baby, talons sunken into his skin, even through the thick layers of his jeans and his jackets. He hisses out a sigh.

“Okay, okay! Okay, Eds, I won’t leave you alone, I promise. Shh, it’s okay,” he soothes, running his hands back through the hair-fur along Eddie-monster’s shoulders and his neck.

He can feel the way Eddie-monster is trembling in his hold, whining softly where those fangs are pressed against Steve’s throat. He should probably be utterly terrified of that fact, but he honestly can’t even consider it. Eddie is clearly hurting right now, scared of being alone. Steve’s heart is breaking all over again for him—he’s realizing now that Eddie had awoken here, alone, after being fucking dead. Did he remember dying? Does he remember his choice? The courage he had to have, to choose someone else’s life over his own? And then… find himself abandoned in hell. Maybe he hadn’t woken in this monstrous form, maybe he’d awakened as a human, but the isolation somehow drove him to become this, this… half-feral beast. Steve swallows back his tears, he can’t be crying right now. Eddie needs him to be strong, he needs him to keep his goddamn shit together so they can get him home. 

He takes a shuddering breath.

He gently pushes on Eddie-monster’s massive shoulders and surprisingly, he goes easily with the pressure. Those giant Bambi eyes blink up at Steve, glassy and smoky hickory as Eddie-monster’s giant mass hunches in on himself. Steve’s already fractured heart gains another crack at the sight. He smiles without teeth and pets the top of Eddie-monster’s head, gently disrupting those soft, dark curls.

“Okay, man. You’re gonna come with me, okay? We’re gonna get topside, and then we’re gonna go home where you’ll stay with me. How does that sound?”

Eddie-monster pulls back from Steve’s chest a bit more as he chitters wildly. His wings flutter at his back and his gaze flickers across Steve’s face rapidly like he’s looking for something in Steve’s expression before dropping to where his talons are stuck in Steve’s arms and legs. His ears actually droop and he lets out a mournful, apologetic sound that warbles out of his throat. Gently but quickly, he extracts his talons and immediately skitters backwards, curling into himself like he’s ashamed. He ducks his head, tilting it to the side so that some of his hair-fur falls away from his neck to expose the pale skin beneath and the sad-sounding crooning he’s making takes on more of a whimpering tone with the action. Steve doesn’t want to see him so sad like this, the talons were an accident, after all. Eddie hadn’t intended to hurt him. Steve chuckles and stands up, brushing the Upside Down grunge off his pants. Eddie-monster doesn’t move, although the mournful croons begin to take on more of a pitiful whine the longer Steve takes to acknowledge his apologetic stance. 

Steve sighs with a small smile, finally satisfied with the sad state of his jeans and stepping closer. Sinking his fingers into that untamable mass of hair-fur, he presses down against Eddie-monster’s scalp and cards his hand through the surprisingly soft curls. Eddie-monster melts into him, pressing into the touch. The sad, crooning whines turning into that deep, low sub-vocal rumbling that Steve is fast becoming all-too-fond of. Steve indulges both himself and his monster for a long minute before pulling his hand back, patting Eddie on the head.

“If you’re done taming your pet monster,” Robin teases, a grin in her voice, “we should probably try to get out of here.”

Steve rolls his eyes at her, “Yeah, yeah, I hear you.”

He steps away from Eddie-monster and reaches down to swing the Warlock onto his back, letting out a soft oof when it resettles against his spine. He turns, shifting the strap across his chest to offer another closed-mouth smile at the hulking form behind him still seated on his haunches, watching Steve with blinking eyes. He pulls his goggles down over his own eyes and tugs his bandana back up over his face, adjusting them both until the fit is right. Eddie-monster shifts forward onto all fours, stalking forward with gaze narrowed and his nose twitching. Steve stays as still as he can, holding out his hand and murmuring soft encouragement, letting Eddie-monster reacquaint himself with Steve’s covered appearance. He gets circled a few times by the hulking form before he settles in at Steve’s side, seemingly content to plod along on all fours, his wings folded neatly against his back. Eddie-monster’s shoulders come up to just above Steve’s waist height, and he reaches out and ruffles the soft hair-fur around Eddie-monster’s two sets of ears, eliciting a pleased-sounding chirring noise as he presses his head into the touch. Steve tilts his own head towards his two human companions, glancing between them.

“Shall we, ladies?”

The walk back through the Upside Down version of Forest Hills trailer park is just as cautious as their first venture, but having Eddie-monster at his side makes Steve feel infinitely safer. His heart feels settled, because even though the result isn’t exactly what he’d expected, it’s still a success. Eddie’s coming back with them through the gate, out of this hellhole. Steve glances down at the monster easily keeping pace with him, walking vigilantly at his side. Eddie-monster doesn’t radiate much heat, but the solid, large presence is a comfort nonetheless. Every few steps, Steve feels the sinuous touch of that long tail around one of his calves or behind his knees even through his thick denim jeans. It doesn’t inhibit his movement, so he assumes it’s a way for Eddie-monster to comfort himself with Steve's continued presence. He’s surprisingly tactile for a monster, but Steve certainly isn’t complaining. 

Steve’s not used to touch, himself. He spends so much time alone in his big, empty house—which, considering the whole shit happening in Hawkins at the moment, he’s pretty sure his parents have written off as a loss at this point. He loves his mom, she’s always tried, at the least. But while she’s a very supportive and loving person, she’s not exactly… maternal. If anything, she’s like a cool aunt who blows into town every so often and reassures him she loves him and then leaves. His dad? Grade A asshole. He’s never hit Steve or anything, but the man’s got a shitton of backwards-ass thinking and a lot of practice making Steve feel like the smallest thing in the room. Mom always hated that about him; after all, he was the one who’d really wanted kids in the first place, or so she’s said. Steve’s honestly still waiting for the day Mom finally serves his ass the divorce papers. So aside from Robin or Dustin, Steve doesn’t usually get touched very often, unless it’s with intent to hurt him. He’s pretty lonely, to be honest, so there’s a secret part of him that thrills at the idea of having a more permanent house guest in Eddie, even if he is more monster than human—possibly forever.

“Steve, we’ve got company.”

“Fuck fuck fuck! I hate those things…”

Nancy and Robin’s shaky warning pulls him from his thoughts, prompting him to immediately draw his nail bat from where it’s been tucked through one of his belt loops. The familiar heft of the wood in his hands is soothing, grounding in a way that ought to be concerning. He spins it in his hands once, twice—eyes trained on the sky. He glances at Nancy, watching her load her shotgun with a proficiency that no woman of her age should have honed so sharply, before turning his gaze to where Robin has a Molotov clutched in one hand and her crowbar tucked under her armpit. A lighter is clutched in her opposite hand, her thumb against the spark wheel, shaking with adrenaline. He returns his attention to the dark cloud in the sky as they keep moving forward in a group, but soon enough they can all tell it’s not so much a cloud as it is a massive swarm of those goddamn demobats. Nancy barks orders for them all to spread out a little, and they try to take some strategic cover as they keep moving. He curses.

“I fucking hate these things so goddamn much.”

They press onward, keeping their eyes on the swarm and sticking to their cover as much as possible. Eddie-monster keeps making these soft, confused sounds at them as they keep weaving in and out between the trailers, but Steve doesn’t really have the capacity to explain the strategy or reasoning to him. Doesn’t Eddie remember these fucking things? They’d killed him, after all, and it wasn’t exactly a peaceful fucking death. Steve can see that Eddie-monster has the scars from his death, present and patchwork pink along his arms, legs, and torso. Patchy bite marks marring the surface of his throat and the edge of his jaw; the pale, healed-over wounds present and haunting in the memory they represent. Steve feels that familiar rage begin to bubble in his gut, the wood of his bat creaking under the increasing grip of his fingers. His knuckles sting with how taut his skin is pulled across them, and his jaw aches from how hard he’s clenched it, teeth nearly grinding against one another. The gentle nuzzle against his non-dominant arm pulls him from his single-minded, rage-fueled focus and his eyes dart down to Eddie-monster at his side. Those big eyes look up at him as Eddie-monster coos gently, obvious concern in the soft trill. Steve softens, a smile pulling at his lips from beneath his bandana. He takes a moment to ghost his fingers through the fluffy curls haloing Eddie-monster’s head, a gooey feeling overflowing inside his chest as his monster leans into his barest touch. It feels a lot like respite, a taste of something he doesn’t get much of these days, and it’s oh so welcome.

“Steve! Fuck! Steve!”

Robin’s panicked scream pulls him from his Eddie-shaped distraction and his body tenses as his eyes snap up toward the dive-bombing horde that’s somehow gotten on top of them. He curses himself, instinctively raising his nail bat and getting ready to start swinging to defend them both. He feels the rage burble up in his gut, rising to the surface and begging to be let out, that red haze teasing the edges of his vision but movement in his periphery makes him pause. Eddie-monster tilts his head, glancing up at the swarm and goes utterly still. There’s a long moment where the two of them turn to each other, staring into one another’s eyes. Steve watches as something solidifies in his monster’s mind and then those soft, warm eyes glow red.

Eddie-monster wrenches his gaze away from Steve, moving inhumanly fast on two legs again, not quite fully upright as his wings snap out, shielding Steve completely from the incoming swarm. The muscles in his legs are tense, flexing and matching with his dark-tipped arms. The talons on his hands gleam in the Upside Down haze and a glint catches the light as he moves them, drawing Steve’s eye. Absurdly, that he still has his rings makes Steve laugh quietly under his breath. He’s pulled from his thoughts as Eddie-monster’s tail wraps around Steve’s head, obscuring his vision and completely covering his ears, muffling his hearing almost completely when the swarm is nearly upon them.

He panics immediately. He’s back there again, being dragged down through Lover’s Lake, flung through a gate alone into hell to be eaten alive by monsters. He struggles to breathe, his heartbeat racing in his chest. He frantically reaches up to grab at the appendage, the memories of that demobat tail around his throat rising to the surface and drowning him in terror. He can still remember the pain, the squeeze as his air was cut off, the way his skin began to shred. His hands shake as he clutches at the shockingly strong muscle, fingers slipping around the edges, he can’t get a grip—he can’t go out like this, no, not again—but he freezes when he hears it.

The scream that comes out of Eddie-monster is loud and rings in his head, even through the impromptu protection the tail provides. And it is protection, he realizes. The understanding settles over him like a shroud, calming his racing heart and suddenly he can breathe again. Eddie-monster’s tail is gentle where it wraps around his head, not squeezing or intending to harm him. It’s simply there, blocking his ears and inadvertently his vision. It’s not choking him; it’s not stopping his breath in his throat or cutting off his blood supply. He reaches up and moves the tail slightly away from where it blocks his vision as his heart begins to calm. What he sees when it finally budges that singular inch makes his eyes widen in shock.

Eddie-monster is still making that horrible screaming sound, but nearly every demobat that gets within like, twenty or thirty feet in front of him (and also Steve) is being thrown back, convulsing or just straight up exploding. The ones that don’t get pushed back are torn to shreds by those ink-black talons, dark blood spraying absolutely everywhere. Eddie-monster’s wings shield him from the majority of the spatter, but Steve can imagine what kind of macabre display it would be were he in the midst of it all. Steve rests his hand against the tail, gently tracing his fingers over the surprisingly soft texture of it. The scream finally stops and Steve notices the way Eddie-monster’s wings suddenly ripple as his hunched posture straightens up. One blood red eye glances over a pale, hair-fur covered shoulder and Steve tilts his head in response, hoping that Eddie-monster can tell he’s grateful for the impromptu help. Another visible shudder flows through Eddie-monster’s body and that red gaze seems to gleam with a different emotion, although Steve can’t quite place it. Their locked eyes break apart and Eddie-monster seems to refocus.

This time, it isn’t a scream but a screech and Steve watches in wonder as the remainder of the swarm drops from the sky to fall to the ground with sickening, squelching thuds. Steve can see the way the air around the two of them seems to vibrate with force, the floating spore-like drifting debris of the Upside Down rippling in waves away from them like rocks skipping across the surface of a pond, their impact leaving behind echoes of concentric rings. The screech drags on for nearly a whole minute, and Steve finds himself deeply impressed with Eddie-monster’s lung capacity, wondering if that’s something that carried over from his human life. He’d been in a band, right? Did he sing, too? It would make sense, if his aptitude in his first lease on life translated over to the second. Selfishly, Steve wishes he could get a proper answer from Eddie on the matter, suddenly frustrated at the insurmountable language barrier that’s cropped up between them. He bites the inside of his cheek hard enough to draw blood, punishing himself for such thinking. This isn’t the time, after all.

With the vast majority of the swarm now either dead or debilitated, Steve pats Eddie-monster’s tail, trying to get his attention.

“Hey, Eds, we gotta get to the gate now, man. We need to run for it. The longer we stay here, the more of a target we make, okay? You with me?”

Eddie-monster’s wings resettle against his back and he slumps back to all fours, his tail loosening from around Steve’s head at his words. He turns and staggers against Steve’s side like he’s suddenly exhausted. Steve presses his forehead against Eddie-monster’s and sinks his hands into those soft curly masses of hair-fur, shutting his eyes.

“You did good, Eds. I’m so proud of you.”

The pleased croon Steve gets in reply makes his heart do some funny acrobatics in his chest, but now isn’t the time to examine that. Steve shelves it for later examination, when they’re safely out of the Upside Down.

“Steve!” Robin calls out, “We gotta go! Eddie saved our asses but now we gotta book it!”

“I’m aware, Buckley! C’mon, man, you good to keep moving?”

A determined chirp comes from Eddie-monster’s throat and Steve takes that as confirmation. He keeps his nail bat in hand as he moves quickly alongside Nancy and Robin back to the gate they slipped through. Steve smiles at the soft caress of Eddie-monster’s tail as it snakes its way around his wrist like a prehensile bracelet, holding snugly against the pulse that races beneath thin skin. They move as a group the rest of the way out of the Forest Hills trailer park with little incident, quickly managing to get back to the smaller gate they’d slipped through. Steve finally feels like he can breathe again, like seeing the light at the end of the tunnel after so long in the dark. They’re going to be able to get Eddie out. He lets out a tired laugh, his shoulders sagging as the relief and elation washes over him like a tidal wave. He gets a questioning coo and a headbutt from his monster.

“You guys go ahead, okay? I’m gonna take a second with Eddie.”

Nancy clenches her jaw beneath her medical mask, but she nods and pulls herself through the glowing rift, vanishing from Steve’s eyes. Robin hesitates, eyeing Steve warily.

“You gonna be okay, Dingus? You sure you don’t want me to stay..?”

He smiles at her, loving his platonic with a capital P soulmate with his whole heart, “No, but thank you, Robin. Maybe just keep an eye out for us when we come through, okay?”

She softens at his gentle tone, nodding decisively and awkwardly spider climbing through the rift herself. Steve takes a deep breath and slumps against one of the spindly trees nearby to collect his thoughts and wildly swooping emotions. He shoves his goggles up onto his forehead, pressing his palms into his eyes and exhaling loudly. He’s feeling overwhelmed, all sorts of emotions he doesn’t really know what to do with. On one hand, he’s ecstatic because what started out as a body recovery mission has become a rescue, because Eddie is alive. But on the other hand, Eddie isn’t really human anymore. Eddie is, for all intents and purposes, a monster. He’s probably tied to this godforsaken place. He knows the kids and even Robin and Nancy call him an idiot, but Steve’s observant. He remembers what happened with the demodogs when El cut them off from the Upside Down– how they’d all just dropped dead. He’s terrified that might happen to Eddie when the time comes to close the gates for good. He doesn’t want to put more pressure on El by asking her to find a solution for Eddie when she’s already dedicating so much time to drawing Max out of her coma, but…

Steve can’t lose him again, not when he’s just gotten Eddie back.

He doesn’t even realize he’s crying until he feels the press of something calloused against his face. He blinks his eyes open, coming face-to-face with Eddie-monster’s big hickory-colored eyes, those deadly, taloned thumbs curved down, the knuckles softly brushing away the tears on Steve’s face with a gentleness that makes Steve’s lip quiver and his resolve crumble, threatening to collapse in on itself. How could anyone ever think such a sweet, kind guy was ever capable of murder? Steve takes a trembling breath, squeezing his eyes shut as he fights back the overwhelmed sobs that desperately battle to escape his chest. 

He may have only gotten to truly know the guy for a week, but in that short time, Steve had observed enough about the guy to get a decent read on him. Eddie is brash, bold, in-your-face all the time, making himself the biggest target in the room. He wears his devil-may-care attitude like armor and his counterculture anarchist ideals as a shield, using the “Freak” moniker to arm himself while putting himself in the sights of perceived threats, to take the heat off of those he deems his “sheepies.” Eddie’s got a protective streak that runs almost as deeply as Steve’s own, but the borderline feral way he goes about defending those he considers his is wilder than the practiced, methodical way Steve tends to adopt. Eddie makes himself the threat by being unpredictable, by being wild and loud and impossible to ignore. Steve knows Eddie would go to bat for any of his people, his Hellfire crew and his band, (and now maybe even the Party) because on the inside he cares so deeply that it’s visible from fucking space.

Steve cannot allow him to have his life cut tragically short again. He won’t allow it. Eddie is such an inherently good person, he deserves to have a future– to have people who love him and care for him around him every day. He ought to have the world if he wants it, in Steve’s mind, because hasn’t the guy given enough? Hasn’t he earned the right to a little peace if he wants it? Eddie’s one of Steve’s now, and he’ll be damned if he’s going to let Eddie be lost a second time. He’ll beg El on his knees if he has to, he’ll throw a wrench in the whole plans if the Party refuses to wait to find a solution to make sure Eds doesn’t just drop dead when they close the gates for good. Steve knows he’s not a good person; he’s petty and can be downright bitchy when push comes to shove, but the one thing he does have going for him is that he will never back down when it comes to protecting one of his people, even if it means going against his other people to do it.

Steve’s pulled from his musings by Eddie-monster’s concerned crooning noises, growing louder as his massive frame presses Steve further against the tree. In some ways, the weight of him is grounding, but Steve knows they really don’t have the time to explore that right now. Once he gets the guy home—and maybe into a bath, because Jesus Christ does he really deserve a nice bath after all the time he’s had to spend here in this absolute hellscape—maybe they can experiment on the couch how well Eddie-monster works as a blanket. Steve takes a deep breath, bringing his hands up to push gently against Eddie-monster’s chest, wood-calloused fingers brushing softly against the raggedly torn remnants of Eddie’s Hellfire shirt.

“I’m okay now, man… but thank you for caring,” Steve says softly, patting his hand against his monster’s chest, “we should get going now that I’m not falling apart like a loser.”

Eddie-monster steps back obediently, but makes a low rumbling noise at Steve calling himself a loser and snapping his jaws at Steve’s hand in an empty warning, snorting in disdain.

“Okay, sassafras, yeesh! Can’t a guy be self-deprecating anymore without the peanut gallery chiming in? Fine, I won’t call myself a loser, are you happy now?”

Eddie-monster makes a self-satisfied sounding chirrup, dropping back down to all fours and spinning in a circle in front of Steve, staring up at him with wide hickory eyes like he’s waiting for praise. It’s alarmingly adorable and he doesn’t even try to quell the wave of fondness that rises in his chest. He can quite literally feel his expression melting as he gazes down at his sweet, gentle monster, but he finds that for once, he doesn’t care that he’s wearing his heart on his sleeve. If Eddie-monster figures out that Steve actually likes him– and even liked him as a human back then maybe a little more than was strictly normal between two straight dudes, then so be it. It’s not like Steve’s going to get any chances to act on it, not with Eddie more monster than human, and more than likely in that state permanently.

“Alright,” Steve takes a deep breath after running his fingers through Eddie-monster’s soft curls to bolster his courage, “you ready to get going, man?”

Eddie-monster blinks those double eyelids and flicks his tail, so Steve takes that as a confirmation. He takes another breath and eyes the rift he has to climb through, strengthening his resolve.

“Okay then. Once more unto the breach, or however that shit went…” Steve mutters, “Follow close, don’t lose sight of me! The gates are a lot bigger now!”

He climbs.

He doesn’t bother looking back, knowing that Eddie-monster is following him. Steve feels his presence like a balm on his soul, and it’s only when the gravity shift hits and he stumbles out into right-side-up Hawkins on his feet that he realizes he can’t feel it anymore. He’s dazed for a moment, unseeing and disoriented as he always is after coming through a gate, but the alarm from not feeling his monster’s presence shakes him out of it faster than usual. He whips back towards the gate, but freezes in place as he catches sight of someone in his periphery he didn’t expect to see. 

He turns guiltily, facing down a man he’s come to see as a surrogate father in recent weeks. 

“Uhh, hey there, Hop… fancy seeing you here?”

Nancy and Robin are standing guiltily behind the police chief, Ms. Byers staring him down with that awful I’m not mad I’m just disappointed look that some moms just seem to have down pat. He cringes.

“Harrington,” Hopper growls out, arching a shaggy brow, “Mind telling me what the hell you’re doing, going into the Upside Down with only those two as backup?”

“I–”

“Jim! There’s something in the gate!”

Steve’s body goes rigid with panic at Ms. Byers’ tone, the no-nonsense laced with fear immediately setting off Hopper, the man drawing his gun with speed that makes Steve’s legs tremble. His gut is telling him he needs to act, and act quickly or something very bad is going to happen very fast.

“Wait! No!” he shouts, whipping his head back toward the gate, where he sees the large, dark shape of Eddie-monster about to break through, “don’t shoot him!”

Steve plants his feet in front of Hopper, blocking his view of the gate so he can’t possibly get a shot off. The man all but growls at Steve, and for a moment Steve is worried Hopper is going to just grab him and throw him– he may have been in a Russian prison camp, but even emaciated, Jim Hopper is much larger and stronger than he is. Hopper moves towards Steve, gun still drawn but his finger nowhere near the trigger, and it’s clear he’s about to yell at Steve to get the hell out of the way, but with a sharp inhale, Steve is yanked back off his feet and thuds heavily against a soft-but-solid, lukewarm wall. He blinks as it vibrates and a deep, menacing rumble reverberates in the air around him.

He looks up.

Eddie-monster is curved defensively around him, one arm draped across Steve’s stomach, talons flexing in an aggressive position. He’s not clutching to Steve, like he knows Steve is more than capable of protecting himself but Eddie-monster feels better with him close, beneath his massive, mantled wings. The cold touch of that prehensile tail against his ankle is back, and Steve feels himself relax almost immediately, glancing up at the intimidating presence his monster makes. He smiles, patting Eddie-monster on the chest.

“Hey, hey, bud,” he soothes, “it’s okay, it’s just Hop. He thought something bad was coming through the gate, he didn’t know about you. Shh, c’mere.”

Steve can vaguely hear the indignant sputtering and yelling coming from where the others are standing, but all his focus is on getting his monster to calm down. Eddie-monster drops his red gaze to Steve, letting out a questioning croon as his wings slowly relax from their mantled position. Steve keeps stroking his monster’s chest, but reaches up with his other hand to card his fingers through some of the hair-fur around the sides of Eddie-monster’s face. Red eyes flutter shut and the crooning shifts over into that sub-vocal rumbling pseudo-purr as the giant form begins to melt into Steve’s touch. Within two minutes, Eddie-monster is docile as a contented kitten, his giant body plastered against Steve’s back, nose against his human’s neck, and rumbling away while Steve continues to lavish his monster with affection.

“So,” Steve starts, sheepishly addressing an exasperated Jim Hopper, a bemused Joyce Byers, a resigned Nancy Wheeler, and a cackling Robin Buckley, “um, Eddie’s alive? Surprise?”

i may or may not add on to this, but we'll have to see if there's any further interest. i have some ideas floating around but nothing solid, anyway. i hope you enjoyed it, and thanks for reading!

[mikedawwwson]

"The Good War on Terror" written by Christopher Hayes.

I will be producing a print 'zine of this in the coming months. Join my Monthly 'Zine Club to get the first copies automatically sent your way!

[not-a-dis-a-ppointment]

Paintings that scream "a lesbian and gay man who are best friends in a lavender marriage"

[Image 1: Untitled by Haddon Sundblom, Image 2: Evening on the River by Michael Malm, Image 3: Playing Their Song by Joseph Lorusso, Image 4: On the river by Puteiko Vladimir Grigorievich]

[alextbphotography]

"I am all by myself. the trees are not trees the birds are not birds and I am not me but just something that has been walking for a very long time." –Jeff Vandermeer 🍂 // all photos are mine 🌙

[ofbooksandbread-deactivated2025]

'honey i'm home' but we are flatmates and there is romantic tension

[ifeellikesharksshouldeatmyteeth]

What the fuck

[ifeellikesharksshouldeatmyteeth]

I'm tired and my fingers are heavy

[ifeellikesharksshouldeatmyteeth]

What the fuck