basically the reason why im here is bc i chose a way too demanding major and as much as i want to write i cant really put into words my ideas and aus for aftg fanfics bc i truly just lack both time and energy
so i thought well why dont i just make a blog where i share these ideas? they dont really have to go anywhere, they're just ideas that as much as I'd love to develop, both me and my unfinished wips know i wont write them down
so yeah, these are here, for anyone to use or not, but specially for myself, bc if i cant put these works out there, at least im gonna put them here as rough inspiration
who knows, maybe one day I'll have the time to write any of these down :)
having said that, feel free to use any of these ideas for inspiration or anything to write down your own stories <3
i think the reason why i relate with neil and aftg in general its bc it gives me hope that maybe someday, no matter how broken i am, someone will love me in spite of everything
do you think at some point neil just stopped telling mary whenever he was injured, because dealing with her wrath over making mistakes over being fucking careless and stupid and a fucking child, was just not worth it anymore
maybe, maybe one day he's injured badly enough he hesitates, he wonders, bc he cant stop the bleeding, bc it burns and it hurts so much and he's trying his best not to cry, and he hesitates, he mumbles a weak "mom, could you-" and he stops, bc he knows better, he should know better
he thinks he's quiet, but she catches it anyway, "could i what?" she says barely looking at him, steel in her voice
and fucking hell why did he even think to ask, to bother, to inconvenience
"nothing, never mind, forget about it"
but she hears the tremble in his voice, the fear (of her, of her wrath, or her violence, even if she doesn't get it)
"could i what?"
it comes out harder, exasperated, the beginning of anger, and now he's regretting everything, he regrets everything he fucking hates himself why did he fucking speak
"nothing, it's nothing, forget about it-"
and she's standing up, right in front of him, all coiled up anger and loathing, "just tell me whatever the fuck you want to say, do you have any idea how much i HATE when you do this? just fucking say, dont be a fucking coward!"
and it takes everything in him not to flinch, not to cry, not to take a step back, not to ask why do you hate me so much
he hates himself and he wishes she would just strike him already and get it over with
"im- im sorry, i didn't want to bother you-"
"well now you have, you did, so just fucking tell me or i swear to fucking god abram!"
and he makes himself smaller, somehow, even if he is small, just 13 years old and so fucking scared
"its just- its just the stab wound- it's- i cant get it to stop bleeding"
"oh for fucks sake abram! havent i taught you enough? haven't you done enough stitches? maybe you want me to call them back so you can practice some more? you can't get a fucking wound to stop bleeding, fucking hell abram, whats the fucking point of keeping you safe if you cant even stitch yourself properly!"
and it hurts, when she pulls the thread too tight, when she presses on his side to make sure there's no internal damage, when she backhands him the moment he cant stop that one tear, so hard he crashes back into wall, fire erupting from his wounded side
it hurts, but she's right, he knows better, should know how to stitch himself together and keep himself together and be quiet and small and not an inconvenience and easy and malleable and...
he just needs to keep his mouth shut, heart closed, apathetic to his own pain, to his own thoughts and feelings
kids are meant to be seen not heard and all that
he's not meant to be either, he's not meant to be anything at all
he's nothing nothing no one
he doesn't need help from anyone, doesn't need... doesn't need anyone
himself is gonna have to do
(he never makes the mistake of asking for help again, never makes the mistake of hesitating, of sputtering, of thinking he has the privilege of asking for such things
okay ngl i don't really care where *i* left off but basically neil and jean go back the next day, heads held high bodies running on nothing but espresso and sheer will power, and a neil who's not willing to take shit from anyone (even if its a lie, he's truly never felt this insecure in his life before, its killing him)
the first thing he does is talk with wymack, who of course i cannot bring myself to make mad at neil, he's always going to be a dad figure to neil to me, so he just sits and listens, as neil goes through the explanation of how he ended up being neil josten, how his mom felt as if their lives were ruined after nathan was thrown to jail and how they fled to the other coast, how she slowly fell into isolation and paranoia and how despite leaving that house, it felt as if she was still there
how that affected neil, to see his mother become a shell of herself, to how he got himself through community college bc his mom didn't want him to stand out, didn't want him to be a wesninski, how he got himself into med school without influence of either of his parents
how eventually things clicked that mary wasn't just going through smth emotional, it wasn't just trauma, but she was sick, and it was really really bad really really fast
how one day she didn't recognize him anymore and how she stabbed him because she thought neil was nathan trying to get her
how despite how much he loved her, he had to move her to a home so they could take care of her better than he could
how he didn't ever want to be associated to either of his parents, their legacy, their names so he left it behind
needless to say, wymack isn't mad, if anything he wishes neil told him anything sooner simply to be of help to him, to support neil, to help out with mary if needed (bc in my au mary and kayleigh and wymack were all friends in the past!!)
he leaves that office with a weight off his shoulders, an offer that if he ever needs to talk wymack is right there, and that wymack is gonna make sure stuart doesn't bother him anymore
that peace lasts about a second, when he walks out and andrew and kevin are waiting for him outside, and neil cant look past their anger, their disappointment, their abandonment, their hurt
and he thinks they're in the right, despite what jean has said to him, he thinks himself the bad guy, for lying, for hiding things, for being unable to open up about himself and his story
(not good enough, goddammit nathaniel, all you are is a bother! all you do is stand in the fucking way! abram, abram, abram! you must hide, no one can ever know who you are, no one can know what's happened to you, people are out to get you, they'll use you, they'll hurt you! you can trust no one but yourself!)
he freezes, locks up, and tightens his hands in fists so hard his nails dig into the imprint of the key he cut into his palm the night before (their key, the key to their home, the key they trusted him to have, trust trust trust, trusted, trusted bc they dont trust him anymore, and how could they trust someone who just lies)
they dont really speak that day, not with how neil flees from them, too scared to face them, not with how andrew and kevin seem to respect his need for space, and specially not with how jean or katelyn or janie or robin are always there to make sure neil is not stuck alone with either of them
its not easy, to come back to a place with residents who despise him those first few days, its not easy with the whispers and the glances and he can hear and feel every comment they make of him
(did you hear he's nathan wesninski and mary hatford's son? yeah, no wonder he's here, mommy and daddy's names must have taken care of everything, must be nice to have that much money and power without doing a single thing)
jean basically doesn't ever leave him alone, always makes sure to glare at those who speak bad of him or treat him bad
he even forces neil to move in with him (and robin and katelyn and janie) since they're living in jean's house his parents bought for him (he doesn't speak to them anymore, but at least they pay for his stuff)
(and hey absolutely none of them even mention seeing ortho fellow jeremy knox at odd hours in that house)
days turn to weeks turn to a month
and neil still hasnt properly spoken to either andrew or kevin
but one night, when neil got overwhelmed during a case involving a teenager and her abusive parents and he flees to the roof, he finds andrew there, not smoking, just unlit cigarette in hand, as if... as if waiting
neither of them speak, but when andrew offers neil a smoke, he takes it, with shaking hands and tears in his eyes and a racing heart, he takes it
their fingers dont even brush, and they dont exchange a single word but... it works
neither of them light their cigarettes, neither of them speak, they just sit there, in the quiet calm of the night, just them and the sound of cars and their breathing
an ambulance sounds in the distance interrupting the silence, growing closer and closer until neil's pager goes off
he hesitates, andrew notices that, and he just stares at him, no anger or hurt or anything, just the steady calm as always
he leaves, but he leaves far steadier than he arrived
a few days later, he gets stuck with kevin on a case, and kevin doesn't push, doesn't really say much either
they keep it professional and neil almost wishes he didn't, wishes he would push for answers and would just talk to him again
bc slowly things have gone back to normal at the hospital, with his life, except for how things were with andrew and kevin
and fuck despite how much it hurt he fucking misses them
he doesn't push, scared to be hurt, scared to be misinterpreting them, scared of misunderstanding this whole thing
he cant afford to lose them again
he doesn't push and they dont either
it hurts to feel like they dont care anymore, like its true and they want absolutely nothing to do with him anymore
but at least he has jean and their friends
things are mostly quiet
figures it all goes to shit when he gets called to the er bc his mom might need emergency surgery
he wants to scream, wants to hide, when they rush her in and the first thing she does when he sees him is shout at him to get away from her, when she thinks he's nathan no matter how hard he tries to get her to calm down and see her realize he's abram, her son
everyone's staring at them, at him, as she shouts at him to get away from him, as she screams at him to never touch her or her son again
its not until she slaps him and someone else takes over, and everyone is fucking staring at him
he runs he runs but he cant fucking leave because he has fucking work to do
he runs and he hides and he needs to catch his fucking breath and to calm down and
he hides under the emergency staircase
its dark, its quiet, its lonely and he can lick his wounds in peace
he's hyperventilating so bad he almost passed out and he's not calming down, he needs somethingg fucking someone
he wants jean, he wants jean or robin or katelyn
fuck he wants andrew and kevin
he wants he wants so fucking bad but all he has is himself
by the time he manages to calm himself down he's just hellbent on doing something, fucking anything
he approaches wymack, who just tells him its okay if he wants to take the day off, but he doesn't he cant take the day off, he needs to do something bc if he stops he's gonna overthink and he's gonna fucking die
he tells wymack he cant take the day off he needs to do something, anything
sure, okay, wymack understands, just tells him to help dr wilds with a surgery, she has a man who shot himself in the chest and he has a paramedic with her finger on his heart to stop the bleeding
like hell, he doesn't even need to know he's pregnant, it could be during like andrew's senior year for the angst and by that time neil has been on t for so long neither of them really think neil could even get pregnant anymore so why bother with condoms right?
but he does get pregnant
except its not normal from the start, bc that little embryo never makes it past the fallopian tube
neither of them even gets to find out neil's pregnant, its not like they're on the lookout for skipping a period or smth like that
and maybe neil throws up once or twice a few times a week but they figure he just picked a stomach bug, since its not a consistent thing
neither of them really worry
not until neil collapses right in the middle of practice anyway, dizzy and heartrate going the speed of a fucking train and so close to passing out and his stomach had been hurting that morning but suddenly it feels on fire, bursting and so fucking wrong
he doesn't want to go to the hospital to get checked, but when he cant even sit up before his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he passes out, his decision is fucking vetoed
its hours upon hours of andrew stressed out of his fucking mind and thoughts fucking reeling bc the doctors are running labs and imaging tests and they do an abdominal ultrasound and what the fuck do you mean his fallopian tube jas burst, why the fuck does that happen and no why are you ordering a fucking pregnancy test
and yeah they have to rush him into surgery bc they realize its a burst ectopic pregnancy and they must control the bleeding in surgery and andrew is just fucking terrified and anxious and what the fuck do you mean neil was fucking pregnant
i dont remember how its called when the day loops and starts over again and again
but that happening to kandreil over and over, not on a particularly special day in canon, its just a random day, a good day, that starts with them happy with how things are going and ends with neil bleeding out from being shot by a moriyama rival outside the court, no matter what they try
god forbid a girl reads porn of a questionable ship every once in a while
like if its not rape (not including cnc), incest, pedophilia or sexual coercion or something like bestiality or smth like that like, whats the issue? girl if you dont enjoy it just dont read it or watch it and go on with your life, no need to shame other people for what they read when its literally just a tame older man/younger man or puppy play or abo or idk ajdkd
au where the foxes are fbi agents (lets ignore the reasons why not one of them would work in law enforcement) and they're behind a human trafficking ring (maybe the moriyamas why not) and against everyone's wishes they send in their best mole aka neil, and it works, they're so much closer to catching them... until neil skips on his meeting with the fbi for over 36 hours, and they realize catching the moriyamas just got all the more important and they must do everything to get them as soon as possible if they want to get neil back in one piece and before andrew loses his mind
literally had a dream that for some reason andreil fight and andrew leaves neil, and in the process he kinda drops off the face of the earth and no one knows where he is and no one can get in contact with him, and just a few weeks later neil finds out he's pregnant
there was no exy going on in this universe, and neil practically spends the entire pregnancy indoors hidden with wymack and abby, doing his best to keep the foxes out of anything, and when she comes, its them against the world and its them taking care of the baby
at least, until a year later, andrew decides to come back, but neil, oh neil refuses to let him in on this after abandoning him
pls more of the prostitution au 🙏 I wanna see more of dadmack! but also.. how would andrew react?
sorry i never answered lol
on dadmack
i feel like he'd feel sooo protective over neil, because in his eyes this is a CHILD, neil is a child just barely past the age of 18 who had to do the unthinkable in order to survive because the cops didn't think he was worth more, but oh, neil is worth so much more than wymack could even imagine to give him
but in the start, he probably keeps his distance, bc neil had to get close and personal with many older men, but the fear of them never really went away, he just dissociated through the entire experience, pretended he wasn't real to begin with, and if anything he gained more bad experiences with older men to make him afraid of them
so wymack keeps his distance, tries not to spook him, keeps in clinical and impersonal
it only lasts like 2 days or something tho
because yeah, neil's clothing style was... tight, and yeah maybe a little too much on the revealing side, but like that could be his aesthetic
except one night when neil leaves his apartment's bathroom in shorts too short to be called anything but boxers, a tank top that rides too high on his belly and reveals the slightest bit of scars, and black eyeliner and mascara
and wymacks blood turns so cold so fast he wonders if hes dead
"where the hell do you think you're going?"
and neil, scared, anxious and just fucking exhausted, tries and fails to hide his wince, before just saying, "work"
wymack is too fucking shocked to even comprehend what the fuck is happening right now
like he *knew* that neil said he was a prostitute, but knowing and actually fucking understanding it and realizing that its fucking true are two different things
"dont worry, i wont bring anyone here, im going to find somewhere else to go"
and that kickstarts wymack's entire system
"you're not going out josten"
neil frowns, genuine confusion in his eyes, before they widen and just like that there's tension in his shoulders, there's something like regret and resignation and hurt, before all that completely fades in favor of a little smirk settling in place, smile playful and eyes sparkly and he's taking confident steps in wymack's direction
"i can stay if you want coach, i can do whatever you want"
and really wymack thought he was ready for anything, that at this point no story his foxes told him or nothing his foxes did would surprise him or take him aback or make him falter
but understanding neil's words and actions and the way he's raising his hand as if to caress wymack's shoulder makes him falter, makes him move so fast from neil and makes him so fucking *furious*
"no" is the only thing he says, but there’s so much rage, so much pain, so much grief in his soul, and the word comes out angry and violent in something that resembles a growl
because how could he not be fucking furious? how could he not feel anything but anger at the fact that this 18 year old child thinks he has to offer sex he obviously doesn't fucking want in order to survive? how does he not feel anything but rage at the idea of this 18 year old child, one of his fucking foxes, about to go out to find a man willing to pay him to treat him like a fucking object just to be able to survive?
neil's entire mask crumbles as he flinches away from him, fear visible in his eyes and in his shaking hands and shoulders
how is wymack supposed to feel anything but anger at seeing his fox in this situation?
his rage doesn't fade, doesn't magically disappear, but he knows its not towards neil, knows its not fair for neil, who must already be feeling so many things, to think wymack is angry at him
softer now, he says again, "no, neil, dont ever think i will ever ask of you anything like that, i am your coach, i will never ask of you anything that isn't related to exy, i promise i will never take from you or hurt you, i will never- just no neil, tell me you understand"
neil wont look him in the eyes, and his hands are still shaking, but ever so softly, he whispers, "i understand coach"
and it pulls at the strings in his heart, in ways only his foxes are able to, but he makes himself keep going
"good, and i need you to know you dont need to keep doing any of this anymore, you don't- this doesn't have to keep happening"
this time neil does look up at him, once again confusion bright in his eyes, frown in place
"i need the money coach, i understand if you dont want- i understand, but i still need the money, i can't just stop working"
and wymack is not an affectionate man, but it takes everything in him not to grab neil close and never let him go
"let me take care of the expenses, neil, you dont have to keep doing this anymore, you worry about exy, worry about kevin, let me worry about expenses"
and neil? neil has no idea of how to accept that
"i cant let you do that, i can't- i need to have my own money, i, i *can't* just let you do that, no-"
"neil, do you enjoy your work?"
that pulls him up short
like genuinely baffled, flabbergasted, shocked
not only because of the bluntness of the question, not because of the lack of judgement in wymacks voice, not when thats just intrinsically wymack
what shocks him is the fact that he can't make himself answer fast enough
because does he? no matter how much he wants to lie to himself, to convince himself it isn't a bad fucking job, that he can get through this and keep doing it, that he doesn't mind the ickiness, the roughness, the soreness, the worthlessness, the desperation
no matter what lies he feeds himself, he never wanted this, he did what he had to do to survive, he was helpless, he chose this but did he?
did he chose this when he couldn't find another choice?
he didn't want to choose this, why would he choose to be degraded and beat up and held down and abused??
he never wanted this
"no"
his voice is raspy, his throat hurts in that way it does when he's trying not to cry
he used to be better at not crying, at keeping the feelings at bay
the last few months have left him unraveled
he wonders if he looks as devastated as he feels, if the pain and grief and loss is written on his face
he wonders if he looks as small as he feels
ironic given that he hasn't ever felt like a kid
wymack's face doesn't betray him, not like neil thinks his face betrays him
"so it's settled", his voice doesn't betray him either, "you're not going out anymore"
for a moment, he wants to fight him over it again, he doesn't want to rely on coach, he doesn't want to depend on him
but
but
"okay?"
wymack must sense his hesitation, but at the same time, neil can feel his resolve falling
"let me help you neil"
he doesn't want to rely on anyone, but how can he not believe wymack? how can he not believe those pain filled eyes? how can he not believe his honesty?
"okay"
wymack's shoulders fall, the tension leaving him slowly
somehow, neil can feel the tension ease out of him as well
he feels shaky, hollow, too vulnerable for his own good, and when wymack throws him a tight lipped smile, he cant help but look away
"how about i order some takeout huh? how does pizza sound?"
neil tries to smile back, and it feels more like a grimace, but its got to be something right?
he looks down at himself, suddenly self conscious of the fish net tights and booty shorts and crop top
out of nowhere, wymack hands him a jacket, slowly and cautiously and neil feels like an abused dog, but he takes the oversized garment from wymack's outstretched hand
it covers him down to his thighs, and it shouldn't matter, but it warms neil up in ways that he doesn't even understand
"pizza sounds good coach"
sorry i got carried away lmao Andrew's reaction is going to have to be another post (eventually lol)
not gonna elaborate on this but i feel like its a very plausible scenario
in which andrew gets so tired of worrying about a neil josten who doesn't worry at all about himself so he decides the obvious solution is to break up with him and leave the state they're in, bc everytime neil gets hit roughly on the court, and everytime he goes out running on his own without his phone, and everytime he just acts so recklessly about his health and survival, andrew loses his sanity, loses control
and he doesn't fucking want that
so he cuts his losses, and just fuck it, breaks up with neil
(cue an even more self destructive neil, who picks up fights during exy matches with both teammates and whoever they're playing against, who goes out to get drunk enough to find an excuse to punch someone in the face or maybe allow them to take him to their bed or why not both and-)
neil runs, but he cant bring himself to really leave
cant bring himself to leave the program and his coworkers (no longer friends really, at least not all of them)
cant bring himself to leave behind his mom
cant imagine not ever seeing andrew and kevin again
so he runs, he runs, but most importantly he hides
he needs time and hes panicking and his stuck inside his head and he cant escape his mind so he hides
its not like he's shown anyone but jean the pitiful place he calls his apartment
so he hides, inside his bathroom, door locked, a small ball inside his shower, with nothing but words of hatred running rampant inside his head
at some point he hyperventilates so bad he passes out
and he has no one there for him
its not until the next day, when he doesn't show up for work, and jean is the first to take notice
bc neil was too anxious, too afraid, too wrapped up in his head, to realize that no, not everyone hated him
in fact his first year intern friends where all backing him up, they knew better than anyone how hard he worked everyday, how good he was on his own
(and jean knew first hand how down to earth he was, how he didn't delight himself in riches and gold or whatever, how scared he was of failing)
and today his residents are if anything, madder bc he didn't show up, madder bc they think he's slacking just bc of his name
jeans makes up some bullshit about him being sick, how he was going to call the chief later, just so the other doctors dont shit on neil anymore, even if he isn’t there to listen to him
(and btw before you ask why all the doctors are mad, its bc most doctors are really fucking competitive ajdjdk jealousy is literally weaponized in there, its insane to witness that irl as a med student)
despite robin and katelyn's advice, jean approaches kevin (ehh lets say they knew each other as kids not sure what role the moriyamas will play in this, if any), and asks him if he knows where neil is, bc he knows they were together
and well, kevin shuts down his feelings, still feeling hurt, still feeling like its their fault neil didn't trust them, and just tells jean to never approach him to ask personal matters anymore, lowkey kinda threatens him about not telling anyone they were with neil bc its over now
and jean
well jean is pissed
and he gives kevin crap, nevermind that kevin is several years his superior, and tells him that he understands them being pissed but that shunning neil out when literally almost everyone at the hospital seems like they are against neil at the moment, gives him shit about how they were supposed to stand by neil not toss him aside like garbage
jean leaves him mostly mortified also kinda defeated and just still pissed but... ashamed too, as he turns jeans words around his head and well, he can't help but feel guilty, even if andrew never believes in guilt
but of course when he tries to call neil, it goes straight to voicemail, most likely turned off or dead or maybe neil just blocked him, he probably feels like he deserves that
and andrew is also lowkey pissed at first, when kevin confronts him, bc he's hurt and he thinks trust and honesty are very very important in order for their thing to work, so he kinda lowkey refuses to call neil, for which kevin gets mad at him and storms off, leaving andrew alone just enough for him to actually go through what kevin (what jean) said, just enough for something that he refuses to call guilt to eat at his resolve
just enough for him to actually try calling neil
not that it matters, as he gets sent to voicemail
so he goes to the interns' locker room, where everyone but jean and smalls are getting changed to leave for the night
which, shouldn't be it bc he knows for sure that moreau is on shift tonight, he's memorized their schedule to see when neil was available
not that that matters either, not anymore
it's unfortunately katelyn that notices him first, and yeah he's used to the wariness in her gaze everytime he has to interact with her (it's mutual, there's a whole hospital and she has to want to be with his brother?), but this time there's outright scorn
"where's moreau?"
"he left early today"
"he's on shift tonight," he says even though that's not why he cares where he is
"he switched with janie"
he doesn't even reply back, not that she was of any fucking use, and goddam how the fuck is he supposed to call and locate moreau, or more importantly neil , it's not like either he or kevin know where he lives, or actually know much about him as evidently proved to them the day before
they don't know if he has comfort places, don't know if he has a favorite coffee shop, don't know if he has a favorite park
all he can do, painfully, is wait
because no one knows where neil is
and the only person who could know is gone
meanwhile, jean gets to neil's place, and thank fuck that neil gave him the keys to the apartment, because he's not answering the fucking door
and when he gets in, he can't help but wonder if maybe his friend left, if maybe he ran for good, if maybe he was so beat down that in a fit of panic he just fled
because the place is empty, just as it was the only time he'd been here before, and there's no proof anyone has been here, but... but his phone is on the carton box he calls a bedside table and oh
that one chain he always keeps on, with a key firmly pressed into his chest is on the bare mattress he calls a bed
there's the chain and no key
he moves to the only other door on the small room, closed, with the light shut off, quiet, but maybe...
"neil? are you in there?"
it takes the better part of an hour to get neil to open the door, and a little over another to actually coax neil out of the bathroom, still dazed, in the middle of what is obviously a very bad dissociative episode, but with his heart rate skyrocketting in the 120s bpm (it should not be above 100 <3), hands shaking so bad jean has to hold the glass of water in order for neil to drink out of it
he doesn't speak at all the first few hours
he doesn't let go of the key clenched in his hand either, even if there's a bloody imprint of it on his palm
jean makes sure to charge his phone, makes sure he gets at least some food in him, and when his phone finally turns on, he makes sure to let neil know he's got the missing calls from kevin and andrew, wraps him in his hoodie and at neil's nod, presses him close to his side
when neil speaks, it's well into the night, early in the morning, both and neither
"why aren't you mad at me?"
"why would i be mad at you?"
"everyone else seems to be"
jean only sighs, pressing neil closer to him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders
"everyone else is just jealous of you, actually scratch that, it's not everyone, if you'd wait before fleeing you'd have noticed us first years stuck by you"
"all i am is a lie"
"you aren't a lie, you're neil josten, who cares who your parents are or where you grew up, you're neil josten," he sighs softly, "you're a pain in the ass, but you're still you, you're my partner, neil"
and neil feels so much, he can't help but shiver, something akin to a sob escaping from his throat, something shameful and painful all the same
neil was raised to always only think of himself, his mother's paranoia after what she had to go through with his father only telling him that people were out to get him, that if he got comfortable, people would find a way to use him and hurt him and leave him out to dry
for so many years he chose being alone because of mary's words
for so many years he chose to believe that was true, so he isolated from his classmates, his colleages, his peers
for so many years he believed her
now he believed jean
after a few seconds of silence, in which he sank deeper into jean's side, genuinely finding comfort in his warmth, he says
"andrew and kevin hate me now"
jean just clicks his tongue, "if they hate you because of this, if they can't bring themselves to understand why you kept this from us, they don't deserve you, and you're much better off without them"
neil just ponders for a few moments, but jean isn't done speaking
"they've both been calling you for hours tho, so i think that might be worth something"
neil just sighs, shaking his head, and leaning impossibly closer to jean
"not today, i just- not right now"
"that's okay neil, just rest now, we can deal with that tomorrow, well, in a couple hours really because its already tomorrow"
neil huffs softly, a little sadly and closes his eyes
"thank you for everything jean"
jeans huff is far less devastating, "thats what partners are for"
neil just smiles as he moves to throw a blanket over them
hi so i know i said i was going to post part 2s and prequels and sequels to some whumptober prompts but ive tried to write several and for some reason my mind just blanks midway through so im just gonna talk about my ideas instead of writing polished fics bc that was entirely the point of this blog so yeah
you know i get it @ifitmeanslosingyouthenno - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
