if the night could talk

a tale of late night thoughts

[ifthenightcouldtalk]

I wrote you letters but never sent them. I stayed up at night drowning in thoughts of you. Do you still care? Did you ever? Are you thinking of me too? How could you do this to me? Why did you do this to me? Why? Why? Why? I think and think and think, around and around in circles, until exhaustion sweeps over me like a blanket and finally I am at peace for a few hours. Except I’m not because there you are in my dreams. You are every where, like a disease that has spread to every part of me and there is no cure. I am trapped by you but you aren’t even here. There is no escape. What used to be wild and free is now caged, destined to rot in this hell you put me through. Do you even care? I don’t need an answer. I already know

[ifthenightcouldtalk]

You are fire. You were not born to be smothered by someone who couldn’t handle the heat. Light up, burn bright, set the world on fire.

[ifthenightcouldtalk]

Never have I met a sadness that couldn't be reworked and reshaped into a sculpture of strength and survival. Never have I felt a pain that couldn't be transformed into a tragically beautiful combination of words to be screamed into the microphone. Never have I experienced a loneliness that couldn't be replaced with laughter and warm hugs. Until now.

[ifthenightcouldtalk]

In a world painted in darkness I could always find light in you.

[ifthenightcouldtalk]

Instead of waiting for someone to love you with all of your flaws why not learn to love them yourself?

Commit to yourself.

[ifthenightcouldtalk]

The thing about pain is that somedays it seems like it will break you and some days it actually will. One second you're laughing with your best friend and then the next the pain is knocking at your door, there to steal that moment of happiness away. Oddly enough though, one day, if you're really lucky, you'll realize that that pain doesn't feel so bad anymore - that it's not as strong as it used to be, that it may have won many battles but somewhere along the way your happiness, joy, and love won the war.

Fleeting//Fading 

[ifthenightcouldtalk]

I thought I was over you until you walked into the room and my heart started racing like the first time we met. But hearts don't race, knees don't go weak, and hands don't shake when you're over someone. And that's when I realized I'm not over you. I've never been over you.

Break my heart again, see if I learn my lesson.

[ifthenightcouldtalk]

Don't forget to catch the glimpses of happy. Bask in them - breathe in the air, memorize the colours, capture the sounds and make a soundtrack of them. Call it "Once when I was happy" and play it over and over until it becomes the background music of your life. Let it fill you up with joy until it becomes a beacon of light within yourself and when you forget what happiness feels like use that beacon to guide yourself back to it once more.  Life isn't always happy and it is often dark but there are always glimpses of happy. Please don't forget to capture them.

Happiness like fireflies. 

[ifthenightcouldtalk]

Please remember that them having a bad day is no excuse for them to treat you badly. If they get yelled at at work that does not make it okay for them to yell at you. Someone ignoring them does not mean they can ignore you. Something going wrong does not mean you messed up. You are their support, not their punching bag.

[ifthenightcouldtalk]

One day he’ll wake up into a nightmare where he realizes he broke the heart of a girl who never would have broke his and she’ll be with someone who will never break hers.

Karma.

[ifthenightcouldtalk]

1. Give yourself permission to not be happy. No one is happy 100% of the time and you should not feel pressured to be because other people are uncomfortable with your feelings. 2. Sometimes the road to forgiveness starts with yourself. 3. Screw the idea that you have to seize every day. Some days all you have to do is lie in bed and forget the world. That is enough. 4. It is better to be alone than to be surrounded by toxic people. 5. Don’t compare your life to others. You are exactly where you need to be right now. Focus on you and everything else will be fine. 6. Learn to work through your emotions instead of hiding them away. 7. Stop relying on others for joy. Find joy within yourself and the things you do and no one will ever be able to take your joy away again. 8. Work for what you want. The world will not give it to you but it is out there for you to take. 9. Be angry but then forgive people who have wronged you. The longer you hold onto that negativity the greater power it has over you. Do not let the negativity consume you. 10. Be the best person you can be, in whatever way you can be. Whether it’s helping others or learning to love yourself, end every day knowing that you were the best person you could be.

I’m still learning. 

[ifthenightcouldtalk]

At the end of the day, I can't blame anyone but myself. I expected you to love me when I was too scared to love you. I expected you to know I loved you even though I couldn't form the words. I expected you to love me despite not being able to love myself. I never thought of the love you needed.

And that’s why I’ll never be the one for you. 

[ifthenightcouldtalk]

And one day you’ll realize that you were never going to find the love you so desperately seek in anyone else because it was in you all along.

[ifthenightcouldtalk]

She sees him the moment he walks in. The rest of the room fades away as her eyes linger, slowly, from his feet to his hands to his lips. They linger one second too long and her heart begins to race before she can tell it not to. It’s like seeing him for the first time all over again, only this time she knows how their story ends. And her heart goes from racing to breaking as she remembers the tears from the last time she saw him. She turns. She runs. She can’t face him again.

History repeating. 

[ifthenightcouldtalk]

A love like ours can’t be put into words. Words are just letters trying to work together to tell a story but your laugh is already an adventure through galaxies undiscovered. Your eyes are oceans filled with treasures from years of shipwrecks and heartache. And your heart; pounding 120 beats per minute as we edge slowly closer, our hands tingling as we touch and the energy courses through us, sings melodies in a language only we know. See, words are just letters trying to turn themselves into something beautiful but you are already more beautiful than any letters could ever hope to be.

The Masterpiece. 

[ifthenightcouldtalk]

When you’re falling for someone and you can’t stop thinking about how amazing they are don’t forget to remember how amazing you are too.

They’d be lucky to have you. Go get ‘em.

[ifthenightcouldtalk]

Realizing that you are no ones first choice will break you. Feeling like an outsider amongst a crowd of people you would die for will wreck you. Understanding that you have no one to turn to when you’re excited or upset will tear you apart. Recognizing how truly alone you are will ruin you unlike anything else.

Trust me. I know.