Monthly Ranking July 2020
10 - Turn Back Time Yang Yang: Wow if I could turn back time and get you when the event was ongoing... Still its okay! You shot from a null to an S straightaway and I’m so thankful I don’t need to see a burdensome Blue/Red card like that Jopping Kai...
9 - Alligator Minhyuk: Lil Cherry went up so cooperatively after a long time! Yipee, keep it up. Don’t be like a bitch of a Kihyun.
8 - Overdose Xiumin: Our child went to an R6 immediately after making him an R card. We’re so touched! If only your brothers were like you... This is why we always play favouritism.
7 - Only You Yoo Seung Woo: Debut of a new rising cherry group! Got all these for free and what’s better in life than free things right?
6 - Our Dawns Seventeen minus Hoshi: Yup, we got them all from the Limited Edition packs that Pledis released for a period of time. ALL 12 OF THEM. Lovely, cooperative algorithm and cherries. Love Seventeen. Not Hoshi though.
5 - Overdose Baekhyun: Second time on the Risin’ Cherries list huh, Baekhyun? He’s still climbing up the ranks at such an accelerated speed, we’re so shooked to see him whizz by the hellish R30-40 range. Taking the stairway to heaven indeed. I mean escalator.
4 - Love Me Youngk: Nothing stops Youngk from dominating Day6 as the sole spearhead of the team. This guy straight up surpassed his old I LOVED YOU card already. No words, only pure admiration.
3 - Love Me Wonpil: Remember that head start that Jae and Sungjin needed while Wonpil was stuck at an A during the event? Well, the head start was pretty useless since Wonpil overtook them in a whim. What can we say? Our cherry boy Wonpil is bopping to the top and knocking the competition out (like how Peace knocked Patience into the river in KartRider. Sorry.)
2 - Arrival Bam Bam: Welcome to the Risin’ Cherries, Bam Bam. Good to see you here after all we’ve had from you was hair pulling and stress that you weren’t growing up well like your other 5 brothers. (JB is out of the picture.) At least we can rest in peace now that you’ve levelled up 3 times in a week.
1 - Candy Baekhyun: Our prize cherry! You’re like those clickbait titles: “R33 in one and a half month. SUPERSTAR SMTOWN moderators hate him!”
You seem to grow up like a GMO cherry tree of HYV (high yielding variety) fertilized with 10 bottles of QuikGrowth chemical. Even we’re a bit creeped out by how fast you upgrade. But thanks SM algorithm...? We still love you though, thank you for being our champion cherry of July!
You bitches lol this section digs up all the old wounds in our SS bank accounts
10 - Jopping Kai: It’s been close to half a year since you’ve debuted yet only your B card appeared. Where’s the A? I don’t know, but knowing you from your other card denominations, I’ll just have to wait a 100 years.
9 - LONELY BoRa: We weren’t sure if we should put you or Dasom here since Dasom kept appearing relentlessly but your elusive face did not even show a peep. But I guess it’s you, since Dasom is a freaking R already.
8 - Jumper Won Jin: PAKSU. Yes I will clap for you. Clap for your dying will to stay at the strange number of 2 stars on S level.
7 - Miroh Seungmin: Nothing wrong with you, except that your S card predecessor wasted a whole lot of C feeder cards and then your doppelganger came in a pack 10 minutes after we combined you into an R. Thanks a bunch.
6 - Overdose Kai: Will you, for ONCE, stop being in the Rotten Cherries list? Just level up and get the out of this list... I crown you the royal pain in the ass of SM.
5 - 1 of 1 Key: You’re part of the #1 SM Fighter team, you’re not supposed to be here! How is Taemin levelling up better than you when he’s at level 70!?!?!?! And you’re not even half of that!! Get down from your high horse. You can get up there again when you reach level 90 like Jonghyun.
4 - Because of you Nana: Must I write you a PCY acrostic poem to get you to level up? You’ve been at R5 despite using the *most special and glorious 50% power up cards* on you TWICE. What do you want me to do? Tell me.
3 - It’s Okay Raina: You’re the first R card of the team, but while the rest have moved on with life to an R3, you are still at R1. Do you not feel the pressure to move up? Y’know, catch up with people? FOMO? No? Ok.
2 - The Chance TVXQ! Bros: HI GOOD EVENING TO YOU. We gave you many chances to redeem yourself, but you ultimately decided to STAGNATE FOREVER, not budge past R5 and get ousted by Baekhyun from our Fighting Cherries. Kudos for achieving such a feat. Hope you’re happy with yourself. (We’re not!!)
1 - Our Dawn Hoshi: Every month, this position is reserved for those who’s here solely for the reason they refuse to turn up. This month, it’s you. I’m not sure how you haven’t turned up when all your brothers did after buying close to 15 packs of Limited Edition Seventeen Packs :-) When will we see you? Give us a call yeah? OR MAYBE you can just turn up to surprise us. Champion my ass.
