"Sam is probably my only friend in this town..."
emergency sleepover time in the mountains after local small town emo and skater boy played too much solarion chronicles and lost track of time
Hey. Isn't it fucked up how when you get all the fish Willy sends you a stardrop and says "this has been in my family for a thousand years" AND THEN YOU JUST EAT IT??? LIKE WHATS UP WITH THAT??
Willy comes by, asks what you've done with his family heirloom, and you have to look him in the eyes and say you ate it
Alex: Sebastian, that emo punk. What the hell is up with that dude anyway? Who wears just black all the time? I could probably take him in a fight. I just know it's mutual from the way he side-eyes me. He'll get what's his one day, heh.
Sebastian: Yeah, uhhh..... Alan? Who lives with his grandparents? Yeah, I haven't ever spoken to him much. He seems like an ok guy though.
Summary: Hazy and emotionally unaware, nothing else but the feelings of loving your best friend
Warnings: Angst. Mentions of alcohol. Obliviousness. Some grammatical errors (English is not my first language, I’m sorry)
Word Count: 2.6k
Author’s Note: Happy Birthday, Ash ❤️ Please remember to reblog, comment and like! Feedback like that makes my heart grow bigger ❤️ Hope you like it and Happy Reading 🦋✨🌻
My masterlist // taglist in bio!
There is a moment in movies where everything just seems to go in slow motion. The main character would look around the crowded room, smiling as they see their friends laugh, drink, chat… they reflect on their life, how lucky they are to be in that exact moment to just enjoy everything that happens around them, even if they exclude themselves for a second.
But then, the smile they held would start to fade. Maybe they realized that the moment is already gone, or maybe they saw something they shouldn’t have that broke their hearts into a million pieces. You were in the second part of that predicament.
For a moment, you were that main character as you looked around the room where everything seemed to stop. Your friends were all laughing, sitting on the couch with a drink in hand, chatting about the recent events that led you all there. Others were standing near the kitchen, making drinks as their conversation became deeper with strangers they just met. And you? You were standing in the middle of it all, feeling proud that the party was a total success.
It wasn’t your party, though, it never really was. You are much happier to celebrate others than yourself. And you knew that no one else deserved to be more celebrated than Ashton.
The planning started weeks ago, an impulsive call to Calum
“On a scale of one to ten, how badly would it be to give Ash a surprise party?”
He answered ten. He knew his friend was not very fond of surprises “But if you’re the one throwing the party, it’ll become a 3. You know he has a weakness for you”
It started as a small get-together, just your closest friends gathered in one of the cabins in the desert he loved so much. A getaway to the place that seemed to make him the happiest as of recently. But fifteen guests soon turned into thirty and then into fifty… Suddenly, Ashton was opening the door to the unexpected shout of “Surprise!” from people he knew all his life and people he met just once.
He didn’t seem mad, though. The first thing he did when he saw you was wrap you in a warm hug, giggling into your ear as he kissed your cheek and whispered a small “Thank you” before other people swept him away. And if his smile was anything to go by, you knew he was just as excited as you.
And, as the party continued to go smoothly, you knew you’ve won the best friend award of the season.
But you weren’t just a best friend, were you?
The intrusive thoughts took a hold of you again. It was easy to forget all of it while you were in the middle of a conversation with a stranger, or when you were doing shots with Michael and Luke in the kitchen trying to prove who could hold the poker face longer. But it was in the rare moments where you were standing alone, looking from the outside, that everything fell upon you.
It was the empty feeling in your heart that came first as you looked for Ashton in the crowd, not being able to find him at first glance. It’s not like you were attached to the hip either, you both respected your space and allowed yourselves to evolve in different aspects of life.
“Like a cat, you know?” He said one day.
“Ash, you’re allergic to cats” You reminded him, lifting your gaze from the book you were reading.
“But I respect them!” He giggled, poking your leg as he sat next to you on the couch “They do their thing, they let you do yours. But in the end, the bond is still there, even stronger. You and me? We’re like cats”
You put that as one of the top ten weirdest things Ashton has ever told you on a Friday afternoon, but the more you thought about it, the more sense it made.
But lately, you’ve been feeling as if something was missing if he wasn’t there. Or if for some weird reason he didn’t text or call you throughout the day. His presence has been such a constant in your life ever since you met years ago and it felt… wrong. It felt wrong not to have him around as much lately.
Yes, he was busy. Yes, you understood why. But you missed him more than a friend would.
But you weren’t just a best friend, were you?
There it was again. The question that wouldn’t let you sleep for more than a few hours before popping in your head. The scene seemed to change as you found yourself sitting on one of the couches, normality playing its act on your skin as you remembered you had to laugh about something Calum said.
A group of lively people was gathered around the coffee table. Red cups and empty cans served as the decoration while Calum continued his story next to you, always moving his arms to make his point across. You giggled absentmindedly as you got lost in your drink, flattering your eyes across the couch to the set of armchairs.
Ashton raised his eyebrow, asking in the middle of a laugh if everything was okay. You nodded slightly, smiling reassurance at him. He didn’t believe you, of course, but now wasn’t the time to ask. So he fell back into the conversation as if that small glimpse of worry never happened.
You, however, kept staring. His relaxed pose, button-down showing his chest, curls framing his face perfectly with his new haircut, the sound of his laughter that tinted his cheeks the softest shades of pink. It was impossible to keep your eyes from such a sight. As if he was the sun and you were the sunflower that chased for him, always looking with admiration for such a powerful energy.
The same feeling in your stomach grew stronger. The same feeling you were carrying for more nights than you would like to admit.
“He cares for you,” Said Calum a few moments later when you were both standing in the kitchen, not really remembering how you got there in the first place “He’s just not great at showing it”
The night found one of your small smiles again. Eyes diverting toward the bowl of snacks that lay there, you nodded as you grabbed a few. You didn’t know where this sudden sadness came from, but it was clear that in the party filled with people, you were the one miserable soul.
“Hey,” Calum interjected again, pulling you out of your thoughts as his hand came to cover yours over the table “I mean it, Y/N. I’ve never seen him look at someone like that, only you”
“Like what?”
“Like you gave him the world in the palm of your hand”
As if sensing someone was looking, you raised your head and looked across the room. Hazel eyes staring back, a flash of hurt crossing his expression as his gaze rests on your hand occupied with someone else's. Or maybe that was what it seemed, for he retreated his eyes immediately, not fast enough to notice how Calum pulled his hand away to give your shoulder a gentle pat.
“He’ll come around,”
“That’s what I’m afraid of” But he didn’t hear you. No one did. Sometimes you wonder if you said that out loud or just let your semblance do the talking for you.
Calum shook his head “C’mon,” He said, pulling on your hand “You need new things to think about”
Anything. Think of anything other than him. Think of anything but the way his hand feels intertwined with yours or the way the slow rising of his chest lures you to sleep more than once. Think of anything but the way his eyes crinkle when he smiles or the way he fidgets with his hands when he’s nervous. Think about the way his hugs feel, or how he always seems to know what you’re thinking before you even know it yourself. Think about the soft strings of his guitar as he sings your favorite song, accompanying your voice in a sweet melody that would belong only to the two of you. Think about how much you love him and how it never feels like enough. Think about how you will always love him, even when he doesn’t feel the same. Even when he was just your best-
But you weren’t just best friends, were you?
The world stopped again, but you were moving normally. The party around you grew louder as the breaking of your heart became stronger.
You watched as everyone just stopped. Freezing in place as you moved swiftly through them, looking for the one that could make everything normal again. You walked around, careful not to step on anyone’s toes or to trip on an empty beer can. Your eyes examined every single person there, enjoying their happiness and careless souls. Couldn’t they feel the same as you? Couldn’t they see how broken you were?
No, of course not. You were selfish just to think about that. Not everything is about you nor do they have to be aware of your emotional state. It was a stupid idea anyway, to think that they would care as much as he would. But it was unfair as well. It was unfair to the others how the host of this party couldn’t even pull on a happy face. It was not their fault but yours. And you knew that. You knew these moments might be the last, you should’ve taken a picture. At least you would remember their smiles.
The room even in slow motion seemed to be never-ending. Stretching itself as you found your way toward confetti-filled floors, looking over everyone’s shoulder to find him. Maybe if you found him- maybe it’ll be okay again.
But the room didn’t want you to find him. That much was obvious. You should’ve listened. Should’ve retreated. Should’ve gone back to the party and looked the other way.
Anything to avoid the sight of the man you love hugging another person on his lap. Anything to avoid looking at the way his eyes seemed to shine brighter. Anything to avoid the broken sigh that escaped your lips when you saw him kiss her neck.
The world kept going but yours just stopped. Silently and broken, like the steps you traced back. Like the heart that once belonged to a best friend, even if it wanted to be more.
But you weren’t just a best friend, were you?
The night was cold, even more so in the middle of the desert in July, but you didn’t mind. You welcomed the cold as you sat down on the steps that led to the patio. Breathing deeply as your closed eyes turn to the sky. How did you end up here? At what moment did it become too much?
You couldn’t pinpoint the time and place where you fell in love with him. It just happened. One day you woke up and you knew he’d be the man who’d break your heart. And you let it happen. You knew it would happen. So why does it hurt so much?
“I knew I’d find you here,”
You heard his voice before you felt his warmth next to you. Silk shirt graced your bare arms as he sat to your right. You kept your eyes on the sky.
“You were always a sucker for stars” He chuckled.
“No moon tonight, though,” You said, smiling at the sound of his voice.
“What do you think it means?”
“That there can only be one Astro illuminating the night”
You turned to him with a smile, nudging him teasingly as his pout became a giggle. Eyes filled with fondness as he scrunched his nose, you doing the same in return.
“I missed you tonight,” He said, eyes drifting back to the dark sky
“I never left,”
“You know what I mean” You did.
“You didn’t seem to miss me much,”
“Then look again,”
But you didn’t. You couldn’t.
“Look!” He said, one arm pointing at the sky “A shooting star!” The childlike innocence made you smile “I haven’t seen one in years”
“Are you going to make a wish?”
“I’d rather give my wish to you,” Ashton said softly, turning to you.
You looked at him with parted lips but soon smiled as you closed your eyes and wished.
When you opened them again, you saw him smiling widely at you.
“What’d you wish for?”
“For something I can’t have”
“Aw, c’mon! You can’t know that!” He laughed, but one look at you made his laughter die down. He sighed as he smiled softly “But you do know it, don’t you?”
“I do,”
“Because you never made that wish in the first place”
“I missed the star the first time.” You said “My eyes were closed and my head was fuzzy. And-”
“And I wasn’t here to point it out” Ashton continued, eyes never leaving yours “I’m still at the party”
“You could’ve been anywhere, I wouldn’t know”
“And what if I tell you I was at the door? Looking over at you hoping you’d turn back”
“But I didn’t turn back,” You said, standing up and walking toward the patio. Ashton followed closely “In fact, I never came back to the party after that. I couldn’t. Not when you-”
The silence enveloped the two of you. Stars shining bright as the stillness of the night let time pass by.
“Where are you?” He asked.
“Not where I’m supposed to be,” You said “I keep coming back here, hoping it would be different”
“But it can’t be different. It already happened”
You nodded “And where are you, right now?”
“Not where I want to be” He kept walking with you, going nowhere “Where were you when I called the next day?”
“I ignored your calls for the following weeks. I wanted you to hate me, to make it easier”
“I could never hate you, even if I tried” He smiled “And when I came into your house? Banging on the doors and calling your name?”
“I pretended I wasn’t there”
“I looked for you,”
“I wasn’t ready to be found and face the music”
“But it was our music, our song, our melody…” He smiled sadly “It was us”
“Guess I was scared,” You sighed “I wasn’t ready for a broken heart, and you-”
“I’m not real, Y/N. I can’t give you an answer you think you know”
“I should’ve told you then”
“What difference would it make?”
“I guess we will never know,” You said, looking back at the cabin and not finding it through the dark “I only know that-”
“Yes,” Ashton smiled “We were always more than best friends”
*
4:00 AM. That’s what the clock said when you woke up.
It was the same dream, the same conversation. The same emptiness on your bed.
A year has passed, or at least that’s what you think. Time became irrelevant when the world became in slow motion now that there was no one to make it turn again.
A sigh escaped your lips as your hands looked for your phone. Maybe a mindless scroll would lure you back to sleep. Maybe into another dream.
Yet, a message that wasn’t there suddenly caught your eye.
Ash:
[4:01]: I had a dream about you
[4:01]: I know you’ll probably ignore this but… It was the best dream I had in a while.
[4:02]: Good night, Y/N.
Y/N:
[4:04]: Maybe it was a shooting star.
And five seconds later, a call flashes through your screen.
“Hello?” You said, curling the sheets with your hands.
“What would you wish on a shooting star?” He asked
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