cw: sad vibes all around and italics for lyrics and some memories. thatâs it i think. this was written in like an hour with âcigarette smokeâ by olivia rodrigo playing on repeat and also i was remembering some things of my last relationship while writing this so some things did happen irl. not proofread whatsoever but if i happen to see some mistake later on trust itâll be fixed!
hope you enjoy. comments, likes, and reblogs are always appreciated
âcigarette smoke [âŠ] clings to my clothes, seeps into my bonesâ
the mid-september weather welcomed you as you stepped out of your house for the first time in what felt like forever. your eyes felt as puffy as they seemed to be and your shirt was clinging uncomfortably on your shoulders
you felt weird, like you were floating mid air as you started your run, not fully feeling the ground beneath your feet as you picked up the pace to the rhythm of the songs you were blasting in your headphones
it was an impromptu decision, going out for a run after a long week of staying home under the covers basically inhaling whatever little food you had at home
truth was, you werenât okay. even if you tried to fool your godfatherâand a little of yourselfâyou both knew the breakup had done a big deal of damage to whatever pace youâd picked up and enjoyed in the past two years
it was fairly earlyâ4 am to be exactâand even though the day was barely starting, it felt like you had been awake for a week straight. you barely slept and barely ate, surviving off pure sadness and that air of tiredness that floated above you
you tried to clear your mindâthat was the whole purpose of that sudden decision of going out for a run at 4 amâbut the memories just came to your mind, clouding whatever little bit of stability you had left
âwhatever happens, weâll stick togetherâ trinity mumbled under her breath, linking her pinky with yours, âsecond year ends soon, after that we can go up to new york for a couple days and enjoy a full weekend just the two of usâ
you shook your head at the memory, trying to will away the tears that were forming in your eyes and the inevitable new tear that appeared in your heart
you picked up the pace, running over and over again through your street, passing the damned lavender house you used to say would be yours in a couple years time
âi know mrs jones wants to retire in a couple of years and move down to florida to be near her daughter and grandchildrenâ you mindlessly mentioned one day while you walked hand in hand with trinity down the street a random april day
âmaybe itâll be ours to start our own familyâ she smiled at you, softly squeezing your hand as if it was just a simple comment. but even though your heart felt like it was about to burst out of your chest you decided to pretend it didnât have that impact on you and kept walking, a small smile adorning your face
the tears were flowing freely down your face by that point, and unknowingly, you had stopped in front of the house to just stare at it
it was way past 6 by the time you noticed you had been standing there staring straight to the house and you finally got the courage to leave when mrs jones stepped outside, greeting you and offering a cup of coffee for you to start your day
âitâs a real quiet house [âŠ] five beers in the fridge and the second carâs goneâ
you realized you hated being home when you walked inside and finally realized how quiet it was and how empty it felt
you stood in the kitchen door for a couple of minutes, staring straight into the now empty fridge door that used to be full of pictures of your relationship until you finally shook your head and walked to grab some cold water
the first things you saw were the unopened beers she had left in the back of your fridge and scoffed out a dry laugh at the absurdity of the situation
the cold water went down your throat with a delicious burn you didnât know you missed and you didnât think twice before you walked straight to the shower to wash away the sadness and sweat that adorned your skin
everything you were doing felt like automatic actions. shower, brush your teeth and hair, get dressed, eat, wash the dishes, rinse and repeat
your phone rang a couple times before you decided to check it, seeing texts from jack, your godfather, asking how things were going, but you just turned it off and tossed it on the nightstand. laying back on your bed and staring at the ceiling you started reminiscing about everything that had gone down in those last months, a routine you seemed to be mastering as the days went by
you didnât notice when you fell asleep, but by the time you woke up it was very bright outside. you checked the time and groaned, it was past 2 pm and you had promised jack youâd help him box some old stuff to store it in his garage
you stood up and changed out of your home clothes to make your way outside to where your car was parked
you stopped dead in your tracks as you realized you were opening the passenger door instead of the driverâs one and blinked fast before going around the car to open the correct door and make your way to jackâs house
âi regret you and how long i stayed [âŠ] i thought that we played the perfect couple âtil you didnât want the partâ
everything felt like a chore. waking up, doing your morning routine, cooking, eating, even drinking water felt almost impossible to do
your body felt heavy, the devastating mixture of tiredness and sadness slowly catching up to you and dragging you down to a place your saddest thoughts were waiting to welcome you with open arms
every step you took felt heavy. that heaviness that felt final and was charged with every single emotion you had held in for a long time
you checked the time for what felt like the millionth time. you had agreed to meet up with trinity after her shift, taking advantage of the couple free days you had ahead thanks to jack and the schedule he had amazingly crafted for a quick trip to the beach
your phone buzzed, a text from trinity coming through
âsorry, canât go rn. garcia finally had some free time to teach me the sutures we were talking about. ily, see you tomorrow <3â
you huffed in annoyance, blocking your phone, and turned to look at your suitcase. âwhatever,â you thought, âi better start unpackingâ
you noticed a picture you had up on a shelf. whitakerâs face was scrunched up in a happy expression, trinity was holding up her middle finger, and you were mockingly biting dennisâ cheek. a soft smile crept up on your face as you remembered that day. it had been a rare day when the three of you were off at the same time so, naturally, an impromptu trip to the arcade downtown was born and you remembered that day as if it had been yesterday. your smile soured the moment you remembered that it had been the day where you and trinity had tried on a bunch of different beach outfits, pretending to model them so whitaker could give you both his opinions about each of them a couple weeks before you had to cancel the trip you were so excited for
âsome nights can be so fucking lonely but itâs better than begging you to stand up for meâ
you used to hate sleeping alongside someone else. you loved your bed and that it was entirely yours up until the moment trinity santos waltzed into your life and used you so much as her personal cuddle pillow that you ended up loving it enough that you couldnât really fall asleep without her holding you
it felt like a slap to your face the first night you had to spend fully on your own right after the breakup
and it felt like life or the universe or whatever loved to slap you whenever you as much as placed a finger on your bed
that loneliness you used to welcome with good energy now threatened to swallow you whole. your bed felt a thousand times bigger and colder than before. and you hated that. you hated that the love you once appreciated had damaged that receptivity for being alone, twisting it to the most horrible feeling of loneliness you never thought youâd ever feel
it was a particularly hard day. your photos app had shown you some suggested pictures of what had been some of the best moments in your relationship
you loved staying home during winter time because you had the chance to stay warm while admiring the beautiful snow falling down on the ground
but it was one of those rare occasions you agreed to go out for a drive in the late afternoon. after a couple of hours you arrived to the beach, and as soon as you left the car it started to snow
it felt like an out of body experience, seeing snow fall down on the beach. it was a beautiful sight
trinity wasted no time in grabbing some snow and throwing it at you, starting a small snow throwing game in the middle of the beach
before you knew it she pulled you to her, your chest pressed against hers before she brushed the hair put of your face and pulled you into a kiss
and even though it was freezing, you swore you could melt right then and there
you felt the tears come up to your eyes and even though you tried to make them go away, you failed tremendously. you walked out to the kitchen and yanked open the fridge door, opening one of the beers and taking a big swing, relishing the burn of the alcohol down your throat
you grabbed the rest of the cans and sat down on the floor, opening one after the other. you didnât realize when you walked into your bathroom, two cans of beer still in your hands, and turned on the shower
it was all an automatic action, you took off your clothes and got under the shower before opening the two beers left and drinking them under the stream of water. by the time you finished them the situation seemed to dawn on you and you let out a dry chuckle
âi regret you and what i let slide, i resent you for taking her sideâ
you remember as clear as day the moment it all started to go downhill
it was a fairly normal day. the pitt was bustling with a lot of patients and back-to-back traumas in little time. robby walked out of trauma one after asking you to please tell trinity to finish her charting while she taught her portion of the r1s and medical students
you walked out of the trauma room five minutes after, walking around the er to look for trinity and tell her what robby had asked you to
you finally caught a glimpse of her back making her way into the south corridor that led straight to one of the many staircases in the building. you quietly walked after her and were about to call her name when you noticed garcia pulling her into a tight hug before she softly squeezed trinâs waist
you walked backwards, heart on your throat, and went back inside the er. dana saw your expression when you reached the nursesâs station but you avoided her and walked straight out to the ambulance bay
it hadnât been the first time you noticed something between the both of them but that didnât make it hurt any less. the first time had been some pictures of the both of them from the time they were together, trinity had said she hadnât had the chance to delete them, but in more than one occasion you saw her gazing at the pictures before locking her phone or closing the app. there was another occasion where she called trin to let her know something about her surgical fellowship, you didnât understand why she was still entertaining the conversations, but when you brought it up she just shrugged and casually said they were friends, and that âfriends talk about work stuffâ
the tipping point was the constant occurrences of those âfriendlyâ situations and when you finally exploded she looked at you like you were being unreasonable. that was the first real and deep crack in your relationship
you sighed, rubbing your eyes, and turned to your side to force yourself to fall asleep
âitâs bone dry, bitter and hollow. youâll be miles away tomorrow. whyâd i try at all?â
the decision was taken and no matter how much jack or dana or robby or anyone really begged you, you were finally leaving pittsburgh behind
your third year of residency was wrapping up and with it came new opportunities career-wise
you had applied for a transfer to different residency programs and were more than happy to hear back from mass gen to start as early as you could. they had loved your curriculum and everything you had accomplished in your three years as a resident at ptmc and you were more than happy to leave behind a place that had torn you to pieces for a new place where you could have the chance to piece yourself back together
you knew your last month was going to be an emotional and complicated one, saying goodbye often was, and while you were ready a part of you was desperately trying to cling on to what you did know, the people that you loved and that loved you. but a change was necessary
the last shift felt like a big bad joke. everything that could go wrong, went wrong, and everything that you wanted to go right, didnât go that way
after you did your night rounds and successfully handed over every single one of your patients, princess and perlah clung to your sides, hugging you and messing with your hair
selfishly, a part of you was happy. your friends had kindly planned a small goodbye party for you in the break room. the table was filled with all your favorite snacks and you laughed when you noticed the string made of poorly edited cutouts of your face with party hats
you thanked everyone, giving out and receiving hugs from everyone present. well, almost everyone
trinity was looking at you with an expression you didnât know how to interpret, leaning against the door and holding a red cup to her lips
mel and langdon pulled you out of the little staring contest between the two of you to give you a small gift bag. you hugged them and opened the gift, seeing a small picture album filled with pictures of everyone present from the three years you had spent together
you felt your eyes fill with tears. not only because of the gift but because of everything that had happened in less than six months; the end of your relationship, the sadness that lingered, and the decision of leaving behind the place youâd learned to call home and the people youâd learned to call family
your heart felt impossibly heavy during the flight to massachusetts but the moment you walked into what you would slowly turn into your new home, your heart felt a little less heavy
unpacking everything didnât feel like a chore. it felt fun, light, and necessary. it was the first time in almost two months you felt something else other than the never ending sadness
nervousness for what lay ahead of you
and still sadness for what you had left behind
âtell me something honest so the memories turn dark. the memories go dark. go darkâ
you start to wonder if youâre ready for a second chance at love
wc: 6.3k
cw: hospital gala situation, jolex wedding!! therefore greyâs people cameo and dialogue usage from that episode, realizations, two idiots in love istg they just donât say it, and, as always, doctor talk that may not be accurate
âi feel ridiculous,â you stared at yourself in the mirror. the store was almost empty, which wasnât surprising since it was eleven in the morning
âyou look good,â dana chimed in from the sofa she was sitting on next to lena, her usually tied hair falling loose down to her shoulders
âi look ridiculous, danaâ you turned to her
âyou donât.â she rolled her eyes, âbut maybe yellow shouldnât be your main optionâ
you smoothed down your dress, âright?â you turned to the side, checking the dressâ cut on you. âdonât really think this cut is either.â
âiâll go find you some other dresses. iâll be right backâ she winked at you, walking away to the other side of the store to find you some other options
you rolled your eyes affectionately, âcome on, lena. just because jack and i are going together doesnât mean itâs a dateâ you put your hands on your hips, a small smile on your face, âthis is a work event, and weâre just friendsâÂ
âyeah, right.â she sighed, âitâs funny to me how much the board is taking advantage of the fact youâre a part hospital owner, it kinda attracts donorsâ
you laughed, shaking your head. âi also happen to be an excellent doctor, thank you very muchâ
âyou also are a very beautiful, single woman who has a perfectly eligible, single man as her date, even if itâs for a work eventâ she winked at you just as dana walked to you with four different dresses for you to try
âoh, i like that green oneâ lena pointed at the second dress but your eyes drifted immediately to the dark purple one dana was holding
âi knew that dress would be the oneâ dana whistled at you when you walked out of your room, rollers still on your head
âi have you to thank for itâ you modeled the dress for her and ellie, who was sitting on the couch with the biggest smile on her face
âyou look really pretty, mommy.â your heart warmed at her words, âlike the prettiest princess in the whole worldâ
âthank you, babyâ you blew her a kiss, âbe good for auntie dana, okay?â she nodded, âiâll go in a bit, so make sure to brush your teeth before going to bed, okay?â she nodded again
the doorbell rang and ellie got up, âiâll get itâ she walked over to open the door where jack was standing, checking his watch, âhey, jack! i like your suitâ
âoh, hey, baby bugâ he leaned down to take her up in his arms, âis your mom ready yet?â
ellie scrunched her nose, ânot really, she has some weird thing in her hairâ
âtheyâre called rollers, baby bugâ you said softly as you finished taking off the rollers so your hair could fall around your face in a perfectly styled blow-out. âsomeday youâll learn how to use themâ you walked over to them and pressed a kiss to her cheek before doing the same to jack, âhey, you. youâre earlyâ
âiâm not,â he chuckled, giving you a side hug, âiâm right on time.â he checked his watch, âactually, weâre going to be lateâ he put ellie down so she could walk to her room, âyou look really goodâ
you felt your face grow hot, âthanks.â you took a step forward, getting even closer to him than before so you could fix his jacket. after you did, you softly ran your hands down to his chest and you noticed how his neck slowly got redder by the second, âyou also clean up really nice.â you smiled at him, patting softly at his chest before stepping back. you cleared your throat before adding, âiâll go grab my purse so we can leaveâ
you walked into your room and dana took the chance to walk towards him, âso, when are you finally gonna ask her out?â she raised her eyebrows, âi got big money on that happening anytime this monthâ
he let out a dry chuckle, âtrust me, she doesnât see me that wayâ
dana shook her head with a smile on her face, âyou are so blind, jack abbot. get your head out of your assâ
you walked out of your room, fully ready, and said, âready to go?â
jack nodded, without being able to get a word out. dana, standing besides him, leaned to the side, whispering in his ear, âyou are so fuckedâ
dana evans was many things, a kind woman, an excellent mother, a great cook, and one of the best, if not the best, nurse jack abbot had ever met
also, unfortunately for him, she managed to always be right
jack was in fact very freaking fucked. he suspected it the first time he saw you back when he was sent on that forced vacation and you moving to pittsburgh had only made it completely clear. he felt a pull towards you, like an invisible string tied around your hearts tugging you closer and closer until it inevitably brought you two together
he remembered the first time he saw you clear as day. he saw you in a hotel bar, you were wearing a dark purple tank top and a long white skirt, a fruity drink in your hand. you were laughing hard at some entertainment performance they had on the tiny stage
that feeling had been sitting on his chest ever since he saw you getting inside the er for your first shift at ptmc. you walked in looking exhausted and wearing a pair of sweats alongside a long-sleeved dark purple shirt, the same color of the tank top you had worn all those years before and also the same color of the dress you were wearing tonight
yeah, he was definitely fucked
he was standing by the bar nursing a glass of whiskey while watching you talk with one of the donors when adamson walked to stand next to him, âseeing something nice?â
jack hummed, âwho wouldâve thought youâd successfully make me come to one of these things?â
adamson huffed, âas if you were a man that could be convinced of doing something.â he popped one almond in his mouth, âwe both know why youâre hereâ he tipped his head towards where you were standing, laughing at something one of the other doctors had said. jack could only throw his drink back, drinking the rest of itÂ
âi have no idea what you are talking aboutâ he shrugged, looking at you making your way towards them, a smile creeping up on his faceÂ
âgood evening, gentlemen.â you smiled at them, seeing adamson let out a chuckle, âwhatâs so funny?â
ânothing,â he shrugged, âthis just brings back some fond memories.â he paused, âif youâd excuse me, i see some good friends of mine over thereâ
âgo ahead, weâll see you in a bitâ you gave him a wink and a soft pat on the shoulder. you turned to jack, âoh my god, the resemblance is uncannyâ you shuddered, âso, what has been going on? fill me in on everything!â he smiled at you but didnât say anything, âwhat?âÂ
he shook his head, ânothing,â the starting melody of a slow song started playing and he offered you his hand, âcare to dance with me, maâam?â
âwhy not, sir?â you smiled and grabbed his hand, walking to the middle of the room to dance around the other doctors in the roomÂ
you grabbed his hands and moved them down to your waist, winking at him before wrapping your arms around his neck so the both of you could continue swaying to the rhythm of the song and, despite your better efforts, you couldnât stop the memories of your and markâs weddingÂ
you suddenly pulled back, seeing the confused look on jackâs face. âyou okay?â
you shook your head, feeling your eyes sting. ânoâyes, iâm fine.â you paused, âi just need a bit of air. iâll be right backâ
you walked out of the room, leaving jack alone in the middle of the dance floorÂ
he was confused but chose not to go after you, if you had left him there you must have a good enough reason why
the night chill bit you as soon as you made your way out of the hotel and to the parking lot. you sighed, âwhat the hell am i doing?â
âi have an answer for that questionâ you jumped a bit when you heard someone talking behind you, ânobody knows what theyâre doing half the timeâ
âyou scared meâ you rubbed your chest, âyou canât sneak up on people like thatâ
âneither is leaving oneâs date in the middle of the dance floorâ
you shook your head, âheâs not my date, though.â you scrunched your nose, getting a cigarette box and a lighter out of your dress pocket, tilting the box towards him you asked, âwant one?â
âsince when do you smoke?â he asked back
âi donât smoke,â you pulled one out, placing it between your lips and lighting it. ânot really. itâs just someâuh, casual smokingâ you winked at him, blowing out the smokeÂ
âcasual smoking doesnât really exist, sloanâ you shook your head with a smile, âbut whatever, youâre a highly intelligent doctor so you know the risksâ
you shrugged, âyeah.â you took another drag of the cigarette in your hand, âam i a bad person?â
âwhy do you ask that?â
âi donât knowâ you had a sad smile on your face, âi feel like i am.â you turned your head to look at him, stomping on the cigarette to put it out, âi wanna ask you something, but itâs, uh, a very personal questionâ
âgo aheadâ
âwere you ever married?â you saw a sad smile creeping up on his faceÂ
âyes, i was.â you turned to you, âshe was the love of my life, we were married for over fifty-five years.â you nodded, looking down at your shoes. âit almost killed me when she died.â you looked up with a saddened expression, âcancerâ
âiâm so sorryâ you put your hand on his shoulder, giving it a soft squeezeÂ
âitâs okay,â he had a sad smile on his face, softly squeezing your hand on his shoulder. âshe didnât suffer, and she died surrounded by people who loved herâ he sighed, âi never found love again butâi know itâs possible. i know itâs possible for you and i know itâs possible for jack.â your eyes were filled with tears, âdid you know he lost his wife years ago?â
âhe mentioned it once,â he looked at you, âwe got drunk after ellie fell asleep. he was considerably drunker than me,â you huffed out a laugh, âand he just, started talking about herâ you shook your head with a smile, âhonestly, it felt like hearing me talk about mark, itâs painfully obvious he loves herâ
âand itâs painfully obvious he also loves youâ you bit your lip and shut your eyes closed to avoid crying as adamson walked back inside, leaving you alone leaning against the side of a car
âwhat am i doing?â you rubbed your forehead, letting out a deep breathÂ
âi was beginning to think youâd left me in there with all those boring peopleâ you heard jackâs voice behind youÂ
âfor fucks sakeâ you jumped again, hand on your chest. âyou people have to stop sneaking up on me, itâs gonna make me have a fucking heart attack and dieâ
âwhat, and cigarettes wonât?â he asked you with a teasing smile and you shot a warning glance at him. âokay,â he put his hands up, âwonât mention it againâ
you shook your head, biting back a smile. âsorry about that,â you pursed your lips, âthe whole leaving you alone thing. you werenât alone, thoughâ you wiggled your eyebrows, âwhat about dr davis?â
you both chuckled, ânah, sheâs an old friendâ you raised an eyebrow with a teasing smile, âwe went to med school togetherâ
âoh, i know who to go to for embarrassing college storiesâ your smile grew, âyou having fun?â
âiâd have more fun if you hadnât left me alone.â he answered with a teasing tone, âwanna tell me why?â
you scrunched your nose, âsorry againâ you mumbled, âit justâit brought back some memories, thatâs allâ
he grabbed your hand and squeezed it, âitâs okay. wanna go back inside for a drink?â
you smiled softly, âhow about we get out of here? iâm starvingâ
he nodded, âi know the perfect placeâ he pulled you to his side by your hand, âcome on, letâs goâ
âi have to admit, this burger is deliciousâ you cleaned the corners of your mouth with one of the napkins in front of you
âi love being rightâ he mumbled with a half-full mouth
âyouâre disgusting.â you chuckled, âstop talking with a full mouthâ you both laughed, finishing the rest of your food, âiâll be right back, i have to go peeâ
you walked into the dinerâs bathroom, and after you finished, you washed your hands and checked your phone
lady d - 3 new messages
grey sloan badass docs [group chat] -Â 15 new messages
you sighed, looking at the amount of notifications on your phone and locked it before walking back out
âhey, youâre backâ jack smiled at you, thought youâd left me alone, againâ
âsorry, i justânevermindâ you sat back down, smiling at the chocolate milkshake on the table âyou order this for me?â he nodded, âthank youâ
âdrink up and iâll take you homeâÂ
âiâm not about to have a brain freeze just because you wanna get rid of me for the night,â you teased before sipping the milkshake
the waitress brought him a chocolate cake and the check, you reached over to take it and he softly patted it away, âiâll take care of itâ
âokay, iâll pay you back later, thenâÂ
you saw the fake hurt look on his face and the hand on his chest, âyou wound me, beeâ
you chuckled, âwell, if youâre not gonna let me pay you back, iâm gonna steal some of that chocolate cakeâ
âall yoursâ he pushed the plate towards you, âbe careful, i donât want you to have a sugar overdoseâ
you smiled at him and wondered if that ugly feeling of guilt would ever leave your chest
âyou have got to be kidding me!â you excitedly said into the phone as you read the email with the invitation for alex and joâs weddingÂ
âyeah, weâre notâ alex answered and jo excitedly laughed, showing you the ring
âoh my god, alex! itâs beautifulâ you smiled, âiâm so happy for you guys!â
âplease tell me ellie and youâll be hereâ jo pleaded and you faked a thinking expression before smiling and nodding, âoh my god, yes! thank you so muchâ she squealed, âyou have to send me ellieâs sizes, zola, sofia and she will make the prettiest flower girls!â she clapped very excited, âlook, i gotta go, butâcall me soonâ she blew you a kiss before walking away
âlook, you can bring a plus oneâ alex said softly, âmaybe that doctor that works with you over thereâ
âalex!â you exclaimed, looking side by side. âlower your voice!â
âyou lower your phone volume!â he rolled his eyes, âlook, do whatever you want justâyou have to be hereâ
âi willâ you smiled, âi wouldnât miss it for the worldâ
âbring your friendâ he smiled, âgod knows youâll need the company, youâve missed a lot of thingsâ
âlike what?â you asked
âamelia and hunt have children nowâ
âthey what!?â
âyeah, hunt is fostering a kid and amelia is sponsoring his mother.â he shrugged, âitâs a lot, but itâs probably the first time iâve seen hunt so level headedâ
âdamnâ
âi also was very high when they first got the kidâ he chuckled, âthatâs an awesome story. look i gotta go, but call me to rsvp or whateverâ
âwait, alexâhe hung up on meâ you sighed, âwhateverâÂ
you walked out of the break room, seeing the slow flow of patients. âfinally, the cutest doctor finishes her phone callâ she teased you without looking up from her tablet
âyou know it, lena. gotta take advantage of company time to chit chat with familyâ you winked at her, taking the pen from her scrub pocket, âwhatâve you got?â
âconcussed kid in central five, pregnant woman with abdominal pain in central six, central seven and eight are free, both trauma rooms are empty, and triage is s-wordâ she listed off her head
âbasically, a beautiful start of a shiftâ you smiled, scrunching your nose, âiâll go upstairs, but call me if anything comes through those doorsâ
âwanna know my favorite case from last night?â you asked and dana nodded, âwoman vs batâ
âwhat do you mean bat?â she looked up from her computer with a confused expression
âbaseball batâ you nodded and you two broke into laughter a few seconds later, âit was crazy. the poor woman went to a batting cage as a date and ended up with an exploded bat on her abdomenâÂ
âwhat?â
âexactly.â you drank from your water bottle, âi mean, the guy kinda explained that the batter was jammed but it doesnât make sense to me how the whole thing went downâ you shrugged âthe surgery was amazing, thoughâ
âbottom line, it was a crazy nightâ she sighed, âi wonder what the day has for usâ
you fixed your bag on your shoulder, âdonât know, lady d. i just wish you all the luck in the world.â you saw jack walking out of the lockerâs hallway, âi gotta go. iâll see you at shift changeâ you blew her a kiss, âlove you, dâ she nodded, winking at you
âhey, rabbitâ you walked up to him
âi see youâre stepping up on the nickname gameâ he smiled at you, throwing his arm around your shoulders
you chuckled, âsorry, ellie called you jack rabbit a couple days ago. it just slipped outâ
âi like it,â he smiled, âso, what are you up to? i thought youâd be home by nowâ
you stopped walking, standing in front of him, âi got a wedding invite from one of my friends back in seattle,â you sighed and put your hands in your pockets, âand they mightâve mentioned taking you with me.â he looked surprised, âi know. the only one youâve actually met is jackson, this is not his wedding,â you clarified, âheâs actually divorced and his ex-wife is also one of my best friends and i am ramblingâ you let go of your bag strap and hid your face behind your hands
âbee,â he put his hands around your arms, âcome on.â you peeked out of two of your fingers, âwhenâs this wedding?â
you lowered your hands, âin two weeks. you know, you donât have to ifâif you donât wantââ
âhey, no, bee.â his hands traveled up to hold your face, âiâd love to. when do we leave?â
âthis is a bad idea. this is a terrible idea, danaâ you threw your head back and huffed, âwhy did i invite him? i shouldâve just told alex and jo he said noâ you drank the rest of your wine
âthis might be the best idea youâve ever had, sloan.â she sipped her wine with a smile on her face, âbesides, he agreed on the spot so, why do you think itâs a bad idea?â
âbecause, d. it just is,â you ran your hand down your face, âwhy did i think going to a wedding on the other side of the country with jack freaking abbot would be a good idea?â you groaned, âgod, i panicked when we were dancing at the hospital gala because it brought back the memory of my wedding. what is an actual wedding going to bring back?â
âi think youâre overthinking it, honeyâ dana sat you down next to her, âi donât think jack abbot wouldâve said yes if he didnât actually want to go with you. besides, didnât you say it was your friendâs idea?â
âgod, no!â you groaned again, getting up so you could start pacing around the room again. âthis is dating territory. heâs meeting my friends! i canât do this dana, i canât. iâll tell him the wedding got cancelled or somethingâ
âyouâre panicking for no reasonâ
âand youâre enjoying this way too muchâ you sat down again, âwhat am i going to do?â
âyou are going to go to that wedding with el and jack, youâre going to have a great time with your friends back home, and youâre going to come backâ
âyou make it sound so simpleâ
âbecause it is, beeâ she teased, sipping more of her wine and pouring more on your glass, âjust go have fun, whatâs the harm?â
âi canât believe youâre here!â amelia hugged you so tight you felt like you couldnât breathe, âwhoâs the hottie over there?â
âamelia!â you chuckled, âitâs so good to see youâ
âyeah, it is.â she brushed you off, ânow, answer the questionâ
you shook your head and smiled, âheâs a work friendâ
âhow much of a friend are we talking about?â she asked with a teasing tone
âamelia!â you softly slapped her shoulder, âcome on, iâll introduce you. but, youâve gotta tell me about your strange love life and living arrangements afterâ
âdealâ she smiled and grabbed your hand, pulling you with her to the small bar, where jack was standing
ârabbit,â he turned around, âbeeâ
âso cute, animal nicknames.â amelia teased, âamelia shepherd, nice to meet youâ she held out her hand
âjack abbotâ he shook her hand, ânice to meet you, too.â
you heard someone call your name from the other side of the venue. you turned around and saw two girls running up to where you were standing, âoh, my girlsâ you leaned down to their height, âyouâre so grown, how have i missed youâ
âweâve missed you two, auntie beeâ zola said and you hugged them tighter than before
âwhereâs my baby sister?â sofia asked
âsheâs over there,â you pointed at the dessert table, âstealing some brownies for me and her. go over there and help herâ
âokay!â they said in unison and jogged over there
âyouâre here!â you heard aprilâs voice near you
âof course iâm hereâ you hugged her, âyou look so pretty, apes. whereâs my baby?â
âharrietâs with ruby and matthewâs parentsâ she smiled, holding your hands in hers, âi havenât seen el, where is she?â
âsheâs running around with the rest of the kids. oh,â you turned and pulled jack to your side, âthis jack abbot. jack this is april kepner, harrietâs momâ
âoh, itâs so nice to meet you. you have a beautiful babyâ he shook her hand with a smile
âhe met her when jackson took her to pittsburgh for ellieâs birthdayâ you gave her a soft smile
april nodded, looking over your shoulders to where the wedding planner was yelling at someone, âsorry guys, enjoyâiâll be right backâ
âso, you freak out yet?â you bumped his hip with yours
âwhat are you talking about?â he chuckled, âweâve been here less than an hour and a lot has happened, this is the most fun weâve ever hadâ
âis this the weirdest wedding youâve ever been to or is there another one that takes the crown?â you sat down next to jack. truth is, you were happy, and even though nothing had gone according to aprilâs plan, you could see that jo and alex couldnât be happier
âi will have to think about itâ he looked at you as if he was actually thinking if he had ever been to a weirder wedding or not, âiâm having fun, actually.â he smiled, âyou guys have a lot of weird things happen to you, but you still take it like champs and try to see the good sideâ
you laughed, âdid you know that we used to call the hospital seattle grace-mercy death for a while after the shooting and also after the plane crash?â you turned to look out to the sky, âbecause, you know, everyone eventually diedâ
âiâm glad you didnât, i wouldnât have met you.â you softly hit his shoulder, âwhat? itâs the truthâ
âiâm glad i met you too, rabbitâ you pressed a kiss on his cheek, âcome on,â you saw maggie waving at you to go over there, âmagâs calling usâ
âokay, so,â she sighed, âmer got ordained on the internet. yeah, itâs weird how many things you can do on your phone, whatever, point is, sheâs gonna get those two married and then we can go to jacksonâs place and celebrateâ
âsounds good to me. what about the kids?â you asked her
âmer said the sitter will be waiting at home and iâm sure you can drop ellie off with them and go back to jacksonâsâ you nodded
âyou know what? hell, yeah. i need a good drinking night with the coolest doctors i know,â you turned to jack, âno offenseâ
ânone takenâ he squeezed your hand, âwe should go over there, sheâs telling everyone to get closerâ
the three of you walked over to stand next to amelia and hunt, you quickly squeezed her hand and fully turned towards mer, alex, and jo to finally see them get married
âfor the longest time, ferryboats made me sad.â meredith started, a big smile on her face, âbut from now on iâll look at them the way my husband did. i will see the beauty, i will see the wind, the air, the sea, the motion.â you felt jackâs arm around your shoulder so you leaned back, your back to his chest, âi will see the possibility because of the two of you. i have never seen two people bring out better in each other. and if the two of you can take this day and turn it into lemonade,â everyone chuckled, âthen you can do anything.â she took a deep breath, âso, alex karev, do you want to marry jo wilson?â
âi do.â alex nodded, the biggest smile you had ever seen on his face, and put the ring on her finger
âjo wilson, do you want to marry alex karev?â
âi super doâ she smiled, putting the ring on his finger
âby the power vested in me by the internet, i now pronounce you married. you may kiss the bride.â
everyone clapped and cheered seeing alex and jo share their first kiss as a couple and you felt tears running down your face
âyeah, this is definitely the weirdest wedding iâve ever been toâ you laughed at jackâs words
âi am so hungoverâ you mumbled under your breath, forehead pressed down against the table, âiâm never drinking againâ
âhere you go, beeâ you felt jackâs hand rubbing up and down your back, when you looked up you saw him offering you a cup of coffee
âthank youâ you sipped the coffee and hummed at the taste, âi am never drinking againâ
âyou said that twiceâ
âshhh,â you put your index finger against his lips, âdonât talk too loudâ
âbee, come on, open your eyesâ he ran a hand through your hair and you shook your head. âwell, at least take these pills and drink your coffee, we gotta go pick up ellie from your friendâsâ
âlower your voiceâ you popped in the pills and passed them with the coffee, âmer can take care of ellieâoh no, mer has to work todayâ you groaned, âcan you pick her up? iâll go to the hospital so i can get a banana bagâ
âokay, beeâ he nodded, pressing a kiss on the top of your head, âgo change, iâll take you.â you nodded softly before getting up
the drive over to the hospital felt endless and when you walked in you were greeted with a half-full er and a lot of new faces
âhello, miss. my name is dr helmââ
âhelmouth, i remember you from alexâs weddingâyesterdayâ you mumbled, âi need a banana bag, iâuhg, iâm very hungoverâ you hid your eyes with your hand, âand i have to leave soonâ
âdonât worry, your boyfriend already picked your daughter upâ merâs voice made you snap open your eyes, âi like him, he brought me coffee and brought the kids some muffinsâ she smiled, âhelm, please bring me an iv kit and a banana bagâ the blonde nodded and opened and closed her mouth like she wanted to say something but ultimately decided not to and walked away
you chuckled softly, âheâs not my boyfriend, but heâs pretty goodâ
âbee, if you donât make him your boyfriend, iâll set him up with someone else. maybe even meâ she raised her eyebrows and had a teasing smile on her face, âthanks, helmâ she said, taking the kit from her hands, âfor whateverâs worth, he seems like a great guy, and you deserve thatâ she patted your thigh, âpage me when the iv bag is emptyâ you nodded and she walked off with helm for another case
you sighed and closed your eyes, letting out a huff. you decided to check your phone and saw a picture of jack having breakfast with ellie, a big smile on both their faces. you couldnât help the smile that was growing on your face at the thought that you could get used to that
âhey, dâ you smiled, opening your door, âthank you for coming, how are you doing?â
she hugged you, âalways, sweetie. itâs sad lena couldnât make itâ
âyeah, she said something about having to go to dinner with her mother-in-lawâ you chuckled, âshe said that with an eye rollâ
dana chuckled and sat down at your kitchen table, âyeah, tell me about it.â you offered her a beer and she nodded, âthanks.â she took the first sip of the beer in her hand, âdid you meet the new fellows?â
you nodded, âyeah,â you sipped your beer, âdr emery walsh isâinteresting.â you chuckled, âshe reminds me of an old friend, she seems coolâ
you placed a peanut bowl on the table, âi met her a week ago, you know,â dana grabbed a peanut, âwhen you were in your little romantic escapade with a certain night attendingâ
you shook your head, drinking more beer, ânot you too, dâ you saw her expression and sighed, âmy friends were bothering me endlessly about him, and how he is with me and my daughterâ
âspeaking of her, where is ellie?â
âsheâs at a friendâs houseâ you smiled, âone of the girls at school is having a movie night at her house and they seem to be good friends, probably is the first friend ellie has made,â she looked a little hurt, âi mean friends her own age. itâs one thing having friends that are your age and another one to have ones that are your momâs ageâ
dana chuckled, âi remember when my kids started school and made their first friends,â she sipped her beer, âit feels like it was yesterdayâ she sighed and sat up straight, ânow, tell me everything. how was the wedding?â
âit was weird.â you saw the question in her face, ânot a bad weird, a normal for me weirdâ you sighed, âthe wedding planner had an allergic reaction to something she ate, the gps link was wrong and sent everyone else to the wrong place, the bride and groom went missing for a long while, and the ceremony ended up being aboard a ferry boatâ you sipped the last of your beer, âthat is the kinda weird iâm used to. at least the after party was at my friend jacksonâs place and he footed the bill, so i got insanely drunk and ended up in the er for a banana bag the next dayâ
âyou really know how to have fun, donât you?â she chuckled, drinking the last of her beer
âi sure hope so,â you opened two new beers, placing one in front of her. âi was a hardcore party girl all throughout my residency up until the moment i got pregnantâ
âi wouldnât have guessed that considering your extensive resumeâ
you chuckled, âi have multiple facets, dana dearestâ
âi can see thatâ she shook her head, âso, how was everything with jack?â
âhe was great, heâs always great. i hate himââ you rambled and sat with a leg up, your knee against your chest
ââno, you donât.â dana interrupted you, âyou have feelings for himâ
your face fell and you were taken aback, âwhat?â
âyou have feelings for him.â she lowered her beer and took your hands on hers, âand iâm willing to bet you fully realized it when you were at the weddingâ your eyes filled with tears at her words, âno, honey. iâdonât cryâ
âiâm sorry, d. youâre rightâ you bit your lips to try to avoid crying, âitâs just that,â you took a deep breath, âi think iâm in love with jack,â she smiled knowingly, âand i feel soâguilty. for years all iâve wanted is for mark to come back. to wake up one day and realize that it was all just a fucking nightmare, that it wasnât real, that he wasnât a coward,â you let out a dry chuckle, âbecause that is what he was, a fucking coward. he left me alone,â you licked your lips before continuing, âhe died and left me all alone. and now i feel so guilty about falling in love with jack, because it feels like i am leaving mark behindâ
âbut youâre not, honey.â she softly wiped the tears from your cheeks, âno matter what, he will always be your husbandâ
âi just feel so guilty.â you started crying again, âi ca-i canât do this dana, i canât give jack what he wantsâ
âyou can.â she held your face on her hands, softly rubbing your cheek with her thumb, âbecause it is also what you wantâ
it was one of those rare slow and kind of quiet nights that the pitt handed you on a silver platter. you had talked to lindsey, the surgical floor night shift charge nurse, telling her you needed to step out for a second and to call you immediately if anything was wrong with any of your patients. she just smiled at you, softly squeezing your hand to let you know everything would be okay
the night chill bit through your scrubs and undershirt. it was almost the beginning of septemberâand fall time for that matterâand the late summertime weather at night was chilly enough to seep under your clothes and make you shiver
you appreciated being alone up on the roof, it helped you to have a clear enough head so you could be able to think about how your life had drastically changed in the past six years; your marriage, lexieâs and markâs deaths, your daughterâs birth, owning part of a hospital, doing two fellowships at the same time, moving to the other side of the country, and falling in love again
thinking about everything made you feel like you were going to puke. you sighed, running your hands through your face and hair, and put your hands on the trail, eyes squeezed shut. âi thought the roof was strictly for late night burritosâ you didnât say anything and kept looking out to the city, âor maybe burgers, even some milkshakesââ
ââcan you please not,â you let out a deep breath, ânot now, pleaseâ
âbee, whatâs wrong?â
âwhat are you doing here?â
âi asked lindsey and she told me you were hereâ he walked up to stand next to you, âare you okay?â
âyes. no. i donât knowâ you sighed and paused, âi lost a patient tonight,â you shrugged, âso iâve had better nights before. and a lot has happened to me in these past years,â you chuckled, âi donât know, itâs a lotâ you huffed out a breath, âwhat about you? what brings you to this fine place tonight?â you turned around, pressing your back against the railing
âdownstairs is kinda slow, it seems people are pretty healthy and at home for onceâ he shrugged, âso i went up to ask if you wanted to grab something to eat but you werenât there. and then lindsey told me you came up hereâ he stopped and shrugged, hands inside his pockets
âthank youâ
âno problem, beeâ he winked at you and you smiled, you opened and closed your mouth as if you wanted to say something but chose not to when your phone started to sound like crazy
you pulled it out of your scrub pocket, seeing lindseyâs name adorning your screen, âyeah?â you sighed, âokay, iâll be right back downâ
âeverything okay?â
âyeah, itâsâuhm, one of my patients is awake and asking for the doctorâ you had a small smile on your face, âsee you later?â he nodded and you started walking to the roofâs door. you paused and truly considered what you were about to do. after you let out a huff, you turned right back around and walked back to where jack was standing
âwhatâs wrong, bee?â you saw his confused expression and took the chance, taking his scrub top in your hands to pull him in for a kiss
he was frozen in place, not believing what was happening, but snapped out of it to pull you in closer by your hips, reciprocating the kiss. your lips danced together for what felt like eternity and when you finally pulled back, you pressed your forehead against his and mumbled against his lips with a smile on your face. âiâll see you later, rabbitâ
you start to wonder if youâre ready for a second chance at love
wc: 6.3k
cw: hospital gala situation, jolex wedding!! therefore greyâs people cameo and dialogue usage from that episode, realizations, two idiots in love istg they just donât say it, and, as always, doctor talk that may not be accurate
âi feel ridiculous,â you stared at yourself in the mirror. the store was almost empty, which wasnât surprising since it was eleven in the morning
âyou look good,â dana chimed in from the sofa she was sitting on next to lena, her usually tied hair falling loose down to her shoulders
âi look ridiculous, danaâ you turned to her
âyou donât.â she rolled her eyes, âbut maybe yellow shouldnât be your main optionâ
you smoothed down your dress, âright?â you turned to the side, checking the dressâ cut on you. âdonât really think this cut is either.â
âiâll go find you some other dresses. iâll be right backâ she winked at you, walking away to the other side of the store to find you some other options
you rolled your eyes affectionately, âcome on, lena. just because jack and i are going together doesnât mean itâs a dateâ you put your hands on your hips, a small smile on your face, âthis is a work event, and weâre just friendsâÂ
âyeah, right.â she sighed, âitâs funny to me how much the board is taking advantage of the fact youâre a part hospital owner, it kinda attracts donorsâ
you laughed, shaking your head. âi also happen to be an excellent doctor, thank you very muchâ
âyou also are a very beautiful, single woman who has a perfectly eligible, single man as her date, even if itâs for a work eventâ she winked at you just as dana walked to you with four different dresses for you to try
âoh, i like that green oneâ lena pointed at the second dress but your eyes drifted immediately to the dark purple one dana was holding
âi knew that dress would be the oneâ dana whistled at you when you walked out of your room, rollers still on your head
âi have you to thank for itâ you modeled the dress for her and ellie, who was sitting on the couch with the biggest smile on her face
âyou look really pretty, mommy.â your heart warmed at her words, âlike the prettiest princess in the whole worldâ
âthank you, babyâ you blew her a kiss, âbe good for auntie dana, okay?â she nodded, âiâll go in a bit, so make sure to brush your teeth before going to bed, okay?â she nodded again
the doorbell rang and ellie got up, âiâll get itâ she walked over to open the door where jack was standing, checking his watch, âhey, jack! i like your suitâ
âoh, hey, baby bugâ he leaned down to take her up in his arms, âis your mom ready yet?â
ellie scrunched her nose, ânot really, she has some weird thing in her hairâ
âtheyâre called rollers, baby bugâ you said softly as you finished taking off the rollers so your hair could fall around your face in a perfectly styled blow-out. âsomeday youâll learn how to use themâ you walked over to them and pressed a kiss to her cheek before doing the same to jack, âhey, you. youâre earlyâ
âiâm not,â he chuckled, giving you a side hug, âiâm right on time.â he checked his watch, âactually, weâre going to be lateâ he put ellie down so she could walk to her room, âyou look really goodâ
you felt your face grow hot, âthanks.â you took a step forward, getting even closer to him than before so you could fix his jacket. after you did, you softly ran your hands down to his chest and you noticed how his neck slowly got redder by the second, âyou also clean up really nice.â you smiled at him, patting softly at his chest before stepping back. you cleared your throat before adding, âiâll go grab my purse so we can leaveâ
you walked into your room and dana took the chance to walk towards him, âso, when are you finally gonna ask her out?â she raised her eyebrows, âi got big money on that happening anytime this monthâ
he let out a dry chuckle, âtrust me, she doesnât see me that wayâ
dana shook her head with a smile on her face, âyou are so blind, jack abbot. get your head out of your assâ
you walked out of your room, fully ready, and said, âready to go?â
jack nodded, without being able to get a word out. dana, standing besides him, leaned to the side, whispering in his ear, âyou are so fuckedâ
dana evans was many things, a kind woman, an excellent mother, a great cook, and one of the best, if not the best, nurse jack abbot had ever met
also, unfortunately for him, she managed to always be right
jack was in fact very freaking fucked. he suspected it the first time he saw you back when he was sent on that forced vacation and you moving to pittsburgh had only made it completely clear. he felt a pull towards you, like an invisible string tied around your hearts tugging you closer and closer until it inevitably brought you two together
he remembered the first time he saw you clear as day. he saw you in a hotel bar, you were wearing a dark purple tank top and a long white skirt, a fruity drink in your hand. you were laughing hard at some entertainment performance they had on the tiny stage
that feeling had been sitting on his chest ever since he saw you getting inside the er for your first shift at ptmc. you walked in looking exhausted and wearing a pair of sweats alongside a long-sleeved dark purple shirt, the same color of the tank top you had worn all those years before and also the same color of the dress you were wearing tonight
yeah, he was definitely fucked
he was standing by the bar nursing a glass of whiskey while watching you talk with one of the donors when adamson walked to stand next to him, âseeing something nice?â
jack hummed, âwho wouldâve thought youâd successfully make me come to one of these things?â
adamson huffed, âas if you were a man that could be convinced of doing something.â he popped one almond in his mouth, âwe both know why youâre hereâ he tipped his head towards where you were standing, laughing at something one of the other doctors had said. jack could only throw his drink back, drinking the rest of itÂ
âi have no idea what you are talking aboutâ he shrugged, looking at you making your way towards them, a smile creeping up on his faceÂ
âgood evening, gentlemen.â you smiled at them, seeing adamson let out a chuckle, âwhatâs so funny?â
ânothing,â he shrugged, âthis just brings back some fond memories.â he paused, âif youâd excuse me, i see some good friends of mine over thereâ
âgo ahead, weâll see you in a bitâ you gave him a wink and a soft pat on the shoulder. you turned to jack, âoh my god, the resemblance is uncannyâ you shuddered, âso, what has been going on? fill me in on everything!â he smiled at you but didnât say anything, âwhat?âÂ
he shook his head, ânothing,â the starting melody of a slow song started playing and he offered you his hand, âcare to dance with me, maâam?â
âwhy not, sir?â you smiled and grabbed his hand, walking to the middle of the room to dance around the other doctors in the roomÂ
you grabbed his hands and moved them down to your waist, winking at him before wrapping your arms around his neck so the both of you could continue swaying to the rhythm of the song and, despite your better efforts, you couldnât stop the memories of your and markâs weddingÂ
you suddenly pulled back, seeing the confused look on jackâs face. âyou okay?â
you shook your head, feeling your eyes sting. ânoâyes, iâm fine.â you paused, âi just need a bit of air. iâll be right backâ
you walked out of the room, leaving jack alone in the middle of the dance floorÂ
he was confused but chose not to go after you, if you had left him there you must have a good enough reason why
the night chill bit you as soon as you made your way out of the hotel and to the parking lot. you sighed, âwhat the hell am i doing?â
âi have an answer for that questionâ you jumped a bit when you heard someone talking behind you, ânobody knows what theyâre doing half the timeâ
âyou scared meâ you rubbed your chest, âyou canât sneak up on people like thatâ
âneither is leaving oneâs date in the middle of the dance floorâ
you shook your head, âheâs not my date, though.â you scrunched your nose, getting a cigarette box and a lighter out of your dress pocket, tilting the box towards him you asked, âwant one?â
âsince when do you smoke?â he asked back
âi donât smoke,â you pulled one out, placing it between your lips and lighting it. ânot really. itâs just someâuh, casual smokingâ you winked at him, blowing out the smokeÂ
âcasual smoking doesnât really exist, sloanâ you shook your head with a smile, âbut whatever, youâre a highly intelligent doctor so you know the risksâ
you shrugged, âyeah.â you took another drag of the cigarette in your hand, âam i a bad person?â
âwhy do you ask that?â
âi donât knowâ you had a sad smile on your face, âi feel like i am.â you turned your head to look at him, stomping on the cigarette to put it out, âi wanna ask you something, but itâs, uh, a very personal questionâ
âgo aheadâ
âwere you ever married?â you saw a sad smile creeping up on his faceÂ
âyes, i was.â you turned to you, âshe was the love of my life, we were married for over fifty-five years.â you nodded, looking down at your shoes. âit almost killed me when she died.â you looked up with a saddened expression, âcancerâ
âiâm so sorryâ you put your hand on his shoulder, giving it a soft squeezeÂ
âitâs okay,â he had a sad smile on his face, softly squeezing your hand on his shoulder. âshe didnât suffer, and she died surrounded by people who loved herâ he sighed, âi never found love again butâi know itâs possible. i know itâs possible for you and i know itâs possible for jack.â your eyes were filled with tears, âdid you know he lost his wife years ago?â
âhe mentioned it once,â he looked at you, âwe got drunk after ellie fell asleep. he was considerably drunker than me,â you huffed out a laugh, âand he just, started talking about herâ you shook your head with a smile, âhonestly, it felt like hearing me talk about mark, itâs painfully obvious he loves herâ
âand itâs painfully obvious he also loves youâ you bit your lip and shut your eyes closed to avoid crying as adamson walked back inside, leaving you alone leaning against the side of a car
âwhat am i doing?â you rubbed your forehead, letting out a deep breathÂ
âi was beginning to think youâd left me in there with all those boring peopleâ you heard jackâs voice behind youÂ
âfor fucks sakeâ you jumped again, hand on your chest. âyou people have to stop sneaking up on me, itâs gonna make me have a fucking heart attack and dieâ
âwhat, and cigarettes wonât?â he asked you with a teasing smile and you shot a warning glance at him. âokay,â he put his hands up, âwonât mention it againâ
you shook your head, biting back a smile. âsorry about that,â you pursed your lips, âthe whole leaving you alone thing. you werenât alone, thoughâ you wiggled your eyebrows, âwhat about dr davis?â
you both chuckled, ânah, sheâs an old friendâ you raised an eyebrow with a teasing smile, âwe went to med school togetherâ
âoh, i know who to go to for embarrassing college storiesâ your smile grew, âyou having fun?â
âiâd have more fun if you hadnât left me alone.â he answered with a teasing tone, âwanna tell me why?â
you scrunched your nose, âsorry againâ you mumbled, âit justâit brought back some memories, thatâs allâ
he grabbed your hand and squeezed it, âitâs okay. wanna go back inside for a drink?â
you smiled softly, âhow about we get out of here? iâm starvingâ
he nodded, âi know the perfect placeâ he pulled you to his side by your hand, âcome on, letâs goâ
âi have to admit, this burger is deliciousâ you cleaned the corners of your mouth with one of the napkins in front of you
âi love being rightâ he mumbled with a half-full mouth
âyouâre disgusting.â you chuckled, âstop talking with a full mouthâ you both laughed, finishing the rest of your food, âiâll be right back, i have to go peeâ
you walked into the dinerâs bathroom, and after you finished, you washed your hands and checked your phone
lady d - 3 new messages
grey sloan badass docs [group chat] -Â 15 new messages
you sighed, looking at the amount of notifications on your phone and locked it before walking back out
âhey, youâre backâ jack smiled at you, thought youâd left me alone, againâ
âsorry, i justânevermindâ you sat back down, smiling at the chocolate milkshake on the table âyou order this for me?â he nodded, âthank youâ
âdrink up and iâll take you homeâÂ
âiâm not about to have a brain freeze just because you wanna get rid of me for the night,â you teased before sipping the milkshake
the waitress brought him a chocolate cake and the check, you reached over to take it and he softly patted it away, âiâll take care of itâ
âokay, iâll pay you back later, thenâÂ
you saw the fake hurt look on his face and the hand on his chest, âyou wound me, beeâ
you chuckled, âwell, if youâre not gonna let me pay you back, iâm gonna steal some of that chocolate cakeâ
âall yoursâ he pushed the plate towards you, âbe careful, i donât want you to have a sugar overdoseâ
you smiled at him and wondered if that ugly feeling of guilt would ever leave your chest
âyou have got to be kidding me!â you excitedly said into the phone as you read the email with the invitation for alex and joâs weddingÂ
âyeah, weâre notâ alex answered and jo excitedly laughed, showing you the ring
âoh my god, alex! itâs beautifulâ you smiled, âiâm so happy for you guys!â
âplease tell me ellie and youâll be hereâ jo pleaded and you faked a thinking expression before smiling and nodding, âoh my god, yes! thank you so muchâ she squealed, âyou have to send me ellieâs sizes, zola, sofia and she will make the prettiest flower girls!â she clapped very excited, âlook, i gotta go, butâcall me soonâ she blew you a kiss before walking away
âlook, you can bring a plus oneâ alex said softly, âmaybe that doctor that works with you over thereâ
âalex!â you exclaimed, looking side by side. âlower your voice!â
âyou lower your phone volume!â he rolled his eyes, âlook, do whatever you want justâyou have to be hereâ
âi willâ you smiled, âi wouldnât miss it for the worldâ
âbring your friendâ he smiled, âgod knows youâll need the company, youâve missed a lot of thingsâ
âlike what?â you asked
âamelia and hunt have children nowâ
âthey what!?â
âyeah, hunt is fostering a kid and amelia is sponsoring his mother.â he shrugged, âitâs a lot, but itâs probably the first time iâve seen hunt so level headedâ
âdamnâ
âi also was very high when they first got the kidâ he chuckled, âthatâs an awesome story. look i gotta go, but call me to rsvp or whateverâ
âwait, alexâhe hung up on meâ you sighed, âwhateverâÂ
you walked out of the break room, seeing the slow flow of patients. âfinally, the cutest doctor finishes her phone callâ she teased you without looking up from her tablet
âyou know it, lena. gotta take advantage of company time to chit chat with familyâ you winked at her, taking the pen from her scrub pocket, âwhatâve you got?â
âconcussed kid in central five, pregnant woman with abdominal pain in central six, central seven and eight are free, both trauma rooms are empty, and triage is s-wordâ she listed off her head
âbasically, a beautiful start of a shiftâ you smiled, scrunching your nose, âiâll go upstairs, but call me if anything comes through those doorsâ
âwanna know my favorite case from last night?â you asked and dana nodded, âwoman vs batâ
âwhat do you mean bat?â she looked up from her computer with a confused expression
âbaseball batâ you nodded and you two broke into laughter a few seconds later, âit was crazy. the poor woman went to a batting cage as a date and ended up with an exploded bat on her abdomenâÂ
âwhat?â
âexactly.â you drank from your water bottle, âi mean, the guy kinda explained that the batter was jammed but it doesnât make sense to me how the whole thing went downâ you shrugged âthe surgery was amazing, thoughâ
âbottom line, it was a crazy nightâ she sighed, âi wonder what the day has for usâ
you fixed your bag on your shoulder, âdonât know, lady d. i just wish you all the luck in the world.â you saw jack walking out of the lockerâs hallway, âi gotta go. iâll see you at shift changeâ you blew her a kiss, âlove you, dâ she nodded, winking at you
âhey, rabbitâ you walked up to him
âi see youâre stepping up on the nickname gameâ he smiled at you, throwing his arm around your shoulders
you chuckled, âsorry, ellie called you jack rabbit a couple days ago. it just slipped outâ
âi like it,â he smiled, âso, what are you up to? i thought youâd be home by nowâ
you stopped walking, standing in front of him, âi got a wedding invite from one of my friends back in seattle,â you sighed and put your hands in your pockets, âand they mightâve mentioned taking you with me.â he looked surprised, âi know. the only one youâve actually met is jackson, this is not his wedding,â you clarified, âheâs actually divorced and his ex-wife is also one of my best friends and i am ramblingâ you let go of your bag strap and hid your face behind your hands
âbee,â he put his hands around your arms, âcome on.â you peeked out of two of your fingers, âwhenâs this wedding?â
you lowered your hands, âin two weeks. you know, you donât have to ifâif you donât wantââ
âhey, no, bee.â his hands traveled up to hold your face, âiâd love to. when do we leave?â
âthis is a bad idea. this is a terrible idea, danaâ you threw your head back and huffed, âwhy did i invite him? i shouldâve just told alex and jo he said noâ you drank the rest of your wine
âthis might be the best idea youâve ever had, sloan.â she sipped her wine with a smile on her face, âbesides, he agreed on the spot so, why do you think itâs a bad idea?â
âbecause, d. it just is,â you ran your hand down your face, âwhy did i think going to a wedding on the other side of the country with jack freaking abbot would be a good idea?â you groaned, âgod, i panicked when we were dancing at the hospital gala because it brought back the memory of my wedding. what is an actual wedding going to bring back?â
âi think youâre overthinking it, honeyâ dana sat you down next to her, âi donât think jack abbot wouldâve said yes if he didnât actually want to go with you. besides, didnât you say it was your friendâs idea?â
âgod, no!â you groaned again, getting up so you could start pacing around the room again. âthis is dating territory. heâs meeting my friends! i canât do this dana, i canât. iâll tell him the wedding got cancelled or somethingâ
âyouâre panicking for no reasonâ
âand youâre enjoying this way too muchâ you sat down again, âwhat am i going to do?â
âyou are going to go to that wedding with el and jack, youâre going to have a great time with your friends back home, and youâre going to come backâ
âyou make it sound so simpleâ
âbecause it is, beeâ she teased, sipping more of her wine and pouring more on your glass, âjust go have fun, whatâs the harm?â
âi canât believe youâre here!â amelia hugged you so tight you felt like you couldnât breathe, âwhoâs the hottie over there?â
âamelia!â you chuckled, âitâs so good to see youâ
âyeah, it is.â she brushed you off, ânow, answer the questionâ
you shook your head and smiled, âheâs a work friendâ
âhow much of a friend are we talking about?â she asked with a teasing tone
âamelia!â you softly slapped her shoulder, âcome on, iâll introduce you. but, youâve gotta tell me about your strange love life and living arrangements afterâ
âdealâ she smiled and grabbed your hand, pulling you with her to the small bar, where jack was standing
ârabbit,â he turned around, âbeeâ
âso cute, animal nicknames.â amelia teased, âamelia shepherd, nice to meet youâ she held out her hand
âjack abbotâ he shook her hand, ânice to meet you, too.â
you heard someone call your name from the other side of the venue. you turned around and saw two girls running up to where you were standing, âoh, my girlsâ you leaned down to their height, âyouâre so grown, how have i missed youâ
âweâve missed you two, auntie beeâ zola said and you hugged them tighter than before
âwhereâs my baby sister?â sofia asked
âsheâs over there,â you pointed at the dessert table, âstealing some brownies for me and her. go over there and help herâ
âokay!â they said in unison and jogged over there
âyouâre here!â you heard aprilâs voice near you
âof course iâm hereâ you hugged her, âyou look so pretty, apes. whereâs my baby?â
âharrietâs with ruby and matthewâs parentsâ she smiled, holding your hands in hers, âi havenât seen el, where is she?â
âsheâs running around with the rest of the kids. oh,â you turned and pulled jack to your side, âthis jack abbot. jack this is april kepner, harrietâs momâ
âoh, itâs so nice to meet you. you have a beautiful babyâ he shook her hand with a smile
âhe met her when jackson took her to pittsburgh for ellieâs birthdayâ you gave her a soft smile
april nodded, looking over your shoulders to where the wedding planner was yelling at someone, âsorry guys, enjoyâiâll be right backâ
âso, you freak out yet?â you bumped his hip with yours
âwhat are you talking about?â he chuckled, âweâve been here less than an hour and a lot has happened, this is the most fun weâve ever hadâ
âis this the weirdest wedding youâve ever been to or is there another one that takes the crown?â you sat down next to jack. truth is, you were happy, and even though nothing had gone according to aprilâs plan, you could see that jo and alex couldnât be happier
âi will have to think about itâ he looked at you as if he was actually thinking if he had ever been to a weirder wedding or not, âiâm having fun, actually.â he smiled, âyou guys have a lot of weird things happen to you, but you still take it like champs and try to see the good sideâ
you laughed, âdid you know that we used to call the hospital seattle grace-mercy death for a while after the shooting and also after the plane crash?â you turned to look out to the sky, âbecause, you know, everyone eventually diedâ
âiâm glad you didnât, i wouldnât have met you.â you softly hit his shoulder, âwhat? itâs the truthâ
âiâm glad i met you too, rabbitâ you pressed a kiss on his cheek, âcome on,â you saw maggie waving at you to go over there, âmagâs calling usâ
âokay, so,â she sighed, âmer got ordained on the internet. yeah, itâs weird how many things you can do on your phone, whatever, point is, sheâs gonna get those two married and then we can go to jacksonâs place and celebrateâ
âsounds good to me. what about the kids?â you asked her
âmer said the sitter will be waiting at home and iâm sure you can drop ellie off with them and go back to jacksonâsâ you nodded
âyou know what? hell, yeah. i need a good drinking night with the coolest doctors i know,â you turned to jack, âno offenseâ
ânone takenâ he squeezed your hand, âwe should go over there, sheâs telling everyone to get closerâ
the three of you walked over to stand next to amelia and hunt, you quickly squeezed her hand and fully turned towards mer, alex, and jo to finally see them get married
âfor the longest time, ferryboats made me sad.â meredith started, a big smile on her face, âbut from now on iâll look at them the way my husband did. i will see the beauty, i will see the wind, the air, the sea, the motion.â you felt jackâs arm around your shoulder so you leaned back, your back to his chest, âi will see the possibility because of the two of you. i have never seen two people bring out better in each other. and if the two of you can take this day and turn it into lemonade,â everyone chuckled, âthen you can do anything.â she took a deep breath, âso, alex karev, do you want to marry jo wilson?â
âi do.â alex nodded, the biggest smile you had ever seen on his face, and put the ring on her finger
âjo wilson, do you want to marry alex karev?â
âi super doâ she smiled, putting the ring on his finger
âby the power vested in me by the internet, i now pronounce you married. you may kiss the bride.â
everyone clapped and cheered seeing alex and jo share their first kiss as a couple and you felt tears running down your face
âyeah, this is definitely the weirdest wedding iâve ever been toâ you laughed at jackâs words
âi am so hungoverâ you mumbled under your breath, forehead pressed down against the table, âiâm never drinking againâ
âhere you go, beeâ you felt jackâs hand rubbing up and down your back, when you looked up you saw him offering you a cup of coffee
âthank youâ you sipped the coffee and hummed at the taste, âi am never drinking againâ
âyou said that twiceâ
âshhh,â you put your index finger against his lips, âdonât talk too loudâ
âbee, come on, open your eyesâ he ran a hand through your hair and you shook your head. âwell, at least take these pills and drink your coffee, we gotta go pick up ellie from your friendâsâ
âlower your voiceâ you popped in the pills and passed them with the coffee, âmer can take care of ellieâoh no, mer has to work todayâ you groaned, âcan you pick her up? iâll go to the hospital so i can get a banana bagâ
âokay, beeâ he nodded, pressing a kiss on the top of your head, âgo change, iâll take you.â you nodded softly before getting up
the drive over to the hospital felt endless and when you walked in you were greeted with a half-full er and a lot of new faces
âhello, miss. my name is dr helmââ
âhelmouth, i remember you from alexâs weddingâyesterdayâ you mumbled, âi need a banana bag, iâuhg, iâm very hungoverâ you hid your eyes with your hand, âand i have to leave soonâ
âdonât worry, your boyfriend already picked your daughter upâ merâs voice made you snap open your eyes, âi like him, he brought me coffee and brought the kids some muffinsâ she smiled, âhelm, please bring me an iv kit and a banana bagâ the blonde nodded and opened and closed her mouth like she wanted to say something but ultimately decided not to and walked away
you chuckled softly, âheâs not my boyfriend, but heâs pretty goodâ
âbee, if you donât make him your boyfriend, iâll set him up with someone else. maybe even meâ she raised her eyebrows and had a teasing smile on her face, âthanks, helmâ she said, taking the kit from her hands, âfor whateverâs worth, he seems like a great guy, and you deserve thatâ she patted your thigh, âpage me when the iv bag is emptyâ you nodded and she walked off with helm for another case
you sighed and closed your eyes, letting out a huff. you decided to check your phone and saw a picture of jack having breakfast with ellie, a big smile on both their faces. you couldnât help the smile that was growing on your face at the thought that you could get used to that
âhey, dâ you smiled, opening your door, âthank you for coming, how are you doing?â
she hugged you, âalways, sweetie. itâs sad lena couldnât make itâ
âyeah, she said something about having to go to dinner with her mother-in-lawâ you chuckled, âshe said that with an eye rollâ
dana chuckled and sat down at your kitchen table, âyeah, tell me about it.â you offered her a beer and she nodded, âthanks.â she took the first sip of the beer in her hand, âdid you meet the new fellows?â
you nodded, âyeah,â you sipped your beer, âdr emery walsh isâinteresting.â you chuckled, âshe reminds me of an old friend, she seems coolâ
you placed a peanut bowl on the table, âi met her a week ago, you know,â dana grabbed a peanut, âwhen you were in your little romantic escapade with a certain night attendingâ
you shook your head, drinking more beer, ânot you too, dâ you saw her expression and sighed, âmy friends were bothering me endlessly about him, and how he is with me and my daughterâ
âspeaking of her, where is ellie?â
âsheâs at a friendâs houseâ you smiled, âone of the girls at school is having a movie night at her house and they seem to be good friends, probably is the first friend ellie has made,â she looked a little hurt, âi mean friends her own age. itâs one thing having friends that are your age and another one to have ones that are your momâs ageâ
dana chuckled, âi remember when my kids started school and made their first friends,â she sipped her beer, âit feels like it was yesterdayâ she sighed and sat up straight, ânow, tell me everything. how was the wedding?â
âit was weird.â you saw the question in her face, ânot a bad weird, a normal for me weirdâ you sighed, âthe wedding planner had an allergic reaction to something she ate, the gps link was wrong and sent everyone else to the wrong place, the bride and groom went missing for a long while, and the ceremony ended up being aboard a ferry boatâ you sipped the last of your beer, âthat is the kinda weird iâm used to. at least the after party was at my friend jacksonâs place and he footed the bill, so i got insanely drunk and ended up in the er for a banana bag the next dayâ
âyou really know how to have fun, donât you?â she chuckled, drinking the last of her beer
âi sure hope so,â you opened two new beers, placing one in front of her. âi was a hardcore party girl all throughout my residency up until the moment i got pregnantâ
âi wouldnât have guessed that considering your extensive resumeâ
you chuckled, âi have multiple facets, dana dearestâ
âi can see thatâ she shook her head, âso, how was everything with jack?â
âhe was great, heâs always great. i hate himââ you rambled and sat with a leg up, your knee against your chest
ââno, you donât.â dana interrupted you, âyou have feelings for himâ
your face fell and you were taken aback, âwhat?â
âyou have feelings for him.â she lowered her beer and took your hands on hers, âand iâm willing to bet you fully realized it when you were at the weddingâ your eyes filled with tears at her words, âno, honey. iâdonât cryâ
âiâm sorry, d. youâre rightâ you bit your lips to try to avoid crying, âitâs just that,â you took a deep breath, âi think iâm in love with jack,â she smiled knowingly, âand i feel soâguilty. for years all iâve wanted is for mark to come back. to wake up one day and realize that it was all just a fucking nightmare, that it wasnât real, that he wasnât a coward,â you let out a dry chuckle, âbecause that is what he was, a fucking coward. he left me alone,â you licked your lips before continuing, âhe died and left me all alone. and now i feel so guilty about falling in love with jack, because it feels like i am leaving mark behindâ
âbut youâre not, honey.â she softly wiped the tears from your cheeks, âno matter what, he will always be your husbandâ
âi just feel so guilty.â you started crying again, âi ca-i canât do this dana, i canât give jack what he wantsâ
âyou can.â she held your face on her hands, softly rubbing your cheek with her thumb, âbecause it is also what you wantâ
it was one of those rare slow and kind of quiet nights that the pitt handed you on a silver platter. you had talked to lindsey, the surgical floor night shift charge nurse, telling her you needed to step out for a second and to call you immediately if anything was wrong with any of your patients. she just smiled at you, softly squeezing your hand to let you know everything would be okay
the night chill bit through your scrubs and undershirt. it was almost the beginning of septemberâand fall time for that matterâand the late summertime weather at night was chilly enough to seep under your clothes and make you shiver
you appreciated being alone up on the roof, it helped you to have a clear enough head so you could be able to think about how your life had drastically changed in the past six years; your marriage, lexieâs and markâs deaths, your daughterâs birth, owning part of a hospital, doing two fellowships at the same time, moving to the other side of the country, and falling in love again
thinking about everything made you feel like you were going to puke. you sighed, running your hands through your face and hair, and put your hands on the trail, eyes squeezed shut. âi thought the roof was strictly for late night burritosâ you didnât say anything and kept looking out to the city, âor maybe burgers, even some milkshakesââ
ââcan you please not,â you let out a deep breath, ânot now, pleaseâ
âbee, whatâs wrong?â
âwhat are you doing here?â
âi asked lindsey and she told me you were hereâ he walked up to stand next to you, âare you okay?â
âyes. no. i donât knowâ you sighed and paused, âi lost a patient tonight,â you shrugged, âso iâve had better nights before. and a lot has happened to me in these past years,â you chuckled, âi donât know, itâs a lotâ you huffed out a breath, âwhat about you? what brings you to this fine place tonight?â you turned around, pressing your back against the railing
âdownstairs is kinda slow, it seems people are pretty healthy and at home for onceâ he shrugged, âso i went up to ask if you wanted to grab something to eat but you werenât there. and then lindsey told me you came up hereâ he stopped and shrugged, hands inside his pockets
âthank youâ
âno problem, beeâ he winked at you and you smiled, you opened and closed your mouth as if you wanted to say something but chose not to when your phone started to sound like crazy
you pulled it out of your scrub pocket, seeing lindseyâs name adorning your screen, âyeah?â you sighed, âokay, iâll be right back downâ
âeverything okay?â
âyeah, itâsâuhm, one of my patients is awake and asking for the doctorâ you had a small smile on your face, âsee you later?â he nodded and you started walking to the roofâs door. you paused and truly considered what you were about to do. after you let out a huff, you turned right back around and walked back to where jack was standing
âwhatâs wrong, bee?â you saw his confused expression and took the chance, taking his scrub top in your hands to pull him in for a kiss
he was frozen in place, not believing what was happening, but snapped out of it to pull you in closer by your hips, reciprocating the kiss. your lips danced together for what felt like eternity and when you finally pulled back, you pressed your forehead against his and mumbled against his lips with a smile on your face. âiâll see you later, rabbitâ
you start to wonder if youâre ready for a second chance at love
wc: 6.3k
cw: hospital gala situation, jolex wedding!! therefore greyâs people cameo and dialogue usage from that episode, realizations, two idiots in love istg they just donât say it, and, as always, doctor talk that may not be accurate
âi feel ridiculous,â you stared at yourself in the mirror. the store was almost empty, which wasnât surprising since it was eleven in the morning
âyou look good,â dana chimed in from the sofa she was sitting on next to lena, her usually tied hair falling loose down to her shoulders
âi look ridiculous, danaâ you turned to her
âyou donât.â she rolled her eyes, âbut maybe yellow shouldnât be your main optionâ
you smoothed down your dress, âright?â you turned to the side, checking the dressâ cut on you. âdonât really think this cut is either.â
âiâll go find you some other dresses. iâll be right backâ she winked at you, walking away to the other side of the store to find you some other options
you rolled your eyes affectionately, âcome on, lena. just because jack and i are going together doesnât mean itâs a dateâ you put your hands on your hips, a small smile on your face, âthis is a work event, and weâre just friendsâÂ
âyeah, right.â she sighed, âitâs funny to me how much the board is taking advantage of the fact youâre a part hospital owner, it kinda attracts donorsâ
you laughed, shaking your head. âi also happen to be an excellent doctor, thank you very muchâ
âyou also are a very beautiful, single woman who has a perfectly eligible, single man as her date, even if itâs for a work eventâ she winked at you just as dana walked to you with four different dresses for you to try
âoh, i like that green oneâ lena pointed at the second dress but your eyes drifted immediately to the dark purple one dana was holding
âi knew that dress would be the oneâ dana whistled at you when you walked out of your room, rollers still on your head
âi have you to thank for itâ you modeled the dress for her and ellie, who was sitting on the couch with the biggest smile on her face
âyou look really pretty, mommy.â your heart warmed at her words, âlike the prettiest princess in the whole worldâ
âthank you, babyâ you blew her a kiss, âbe good for auntie dana, okay?â she nodded, âiâll go in a bit, so make sure to brush your teeth before going to bed, okay?â she nodded again
the doorbell rang and ellie got up, âiâll get itâ she walked over to open the door where jack was standing, checking his watch, âhey, jack! i like your suitâ
âoh, hey, baby bugâ he leaned down to take her up in his arms, âis your mom ready yet?â
ellie scrunched her nose, ânot really, she has some weird thing in her hairâ
âtheyâre called rollers, baby bugâ you said softly as you finished taking off the rollers so your hair could fall around your face in a perfectly styled blow-out. âsomeday youâll learn how to use themâ you walked over to them and pressed a kiss to her cheek before doing the same to jack, âhey, you. youâre earlyâ
âiâm not,â he chuckled, giving you a side hug, âiâm right on time.â he checked his watch, âactually, weâre going to be lateâ he put ellie down so she could walk to her room, âyou look really goodâ
you felt your face grow hot, âthanks.â you took a step forward, getting even closer to him than before so you could fix his jacket. after you did, you softly ran your hands down to his chest and you noticed how his neck slowly got redder by the second, âyou also clean up really nice.â you smiled at him, patting softly at his chest before stepping back. you cleared your throat before adding, âiâll go grab my purse so we can leaveâ
you walked into your room and dana took the chance to walk towards him, âso, when are you finally gonna ask her out?â she raised her eyebrows, âi got big money on that happening anytime this monthâ
he let out a dry chuckle, âtrust me, she doesnât see me that wayâ
dana shook her head with a smile on her face, âyou are so blind, jack abbot. get your head out of your assâ
you walked out of your room, fully ready, and said, âready to go?â
jack nodded, without being able to get a word out. dana, standing besides him, leaned to the side, whispering in his ear, âyou are so fuckedâ
dana evans was many things, a kind woman, an excellent mother, a great cook, and one of the best, if not the best, nurse jack abbot had ever met
also, unfortunately for him, she managed to always be right
jack was in fact very freaking fucked. he suspected it the first time he saw you back when he was sent on that forced vacation and you moving to pittsburgh had only made it completely clear. he felt a pull towards you, like an invisible string tied around your hearts tugging you closer and closer until it inevitably brought you two together
he remembered the first time he saw you clear as day. he saw you in a hotel bar, you were wearing a dark purple tank top and a long white skirt, a fruity drink in your hand. you were laughing hard at some entertainment performance they had on the tiny stage
that feeling had been sitting on his chest ever since he saw you getting inside the er for your first shift at ptmc. you walked in looking exhausted and wearing a pair of sweats alongside a long-sleeved dark purple shirt, the same color of the tank top you had worn all those years before and also the same color of the dress you were wearing tonight
yeah, he was definitely fucked
he was standing by the bar nursing a glass of whiskey while watching you talk with one of the donors when adamson walked to stand next to him, âseeing something nice?â
jack hummed, âwho wouldâve thought youâd successfully make me come to one of these things?â
adamson huffed, âas if you were a man that could be convinced of doing something.â he popped one almond in his mouth, âwe both know why youâre hereâ he tipped his head towards where you were standing, laughing at something one of the other doctors had said. jack could only throw his drink back, drinking the rest of itÂ
âi have no idea what you are talking aboutâ he shrugged, looking at you making your way towards them, a smile creeping up on his faceÂ
âgood evening, gentlemen.â you smiled at them, seeing adamson let out a chuckle, âwhatâs so funny?â
ânothing,â he shrugged, âthis just brings back some fond memories.â he paused, âif youâd excuse me, i see some good friends of mine over thereâ
âgo ahead, weâll see you in a bitâ you gave him a wink and a soft pat on the shoulder. you turned to jack, âoh my god, the resemblance is uncannyâ you shuddered, âso, what has been going on? fill me in on everything!â he smiled at you but didnât say anything, âwhat?âÂ
he shook his head, ânothing,â the starting melody of a slow song started playing and he offered you his hand, âcare to dance with me, maâam?â
âwhy not, sir?â you smiled and grabbed his hand, walking to the middle of the room to dance around the other doctors in the roomÂ
you grabbed his hands and moved them down to your waist, winking at him before wrapping your arms around his neck so the both of you could continue swaying to the rhythm of the song and, despite your better efforts, you couldnât stop the memories of your and markâs weddingÂ
you suddenly pulled back, seeing the confused look on jackâs face. âyou okay?â
you shook your head, feeling your eyes sting. ânoâyes, iâm fine.â you paused, âi just need a bit of air. iâll be right backâ
you walked out of the room, leaving jack alone in the middle of the dance floorÂ
he was confused but chose not to go after you, if you had left him there you must have a good enough reason why
the night chill bit you as soon as you made your way out of the hotel and to the parking lot. you sighed, âwhat the hell am i doing?â
âi have an answer for that questionâ you jumped a bit when you heard someone talking behind you, ânobody knows what theyâre doing half the timeâ
âyou scared meâ you rubbed your chest, âyou canât sneak up on people like thatâ
âneither is leaving oneâs date in the middle of the dance floorâ
you shook your head, âheâs not my date, though.â you scrunched your nose, getting a cigarette box and a lighter out of your dress pocket, tilting the box towards him you asked, âwant one?â
âsince when do you smoke?â he asked back
âi donât smoke,â you pulled one out, placing it between your lips and lighting it. ânot really. itâs just someâuh, casual smokingâ you winked at him, blowing out the smokeÂ
âcasual smoking doesnât really exist, sloanâ you shook your head with a smile, âbut whatever, youâre a highly intelligent doctor so you know the risksâ
you shrugged, âyeah.â you took another drag of the cigarette in your hand, âam i a bad person?â
âwhy do you ask that?â
âi donât knowâ you had a sad smile on your face, âi feel like i am.â you turned your head to look at him, stomping on the cigarette to put it out, âi wanna ask you something, but itâs, uh, a very personal questionâ
âgo aheadâ
âwere you ever married?â you saw a sad smile creeping up on his faceÂ
âyes, i was.â you turned to you, âshe was the love of my life, we were married for over fifty-five years.â you nodded, looking down at your shoes. âit almost killed me when she died.â you looked up with a saddened expression, âcancerâ
âiâm so sorryâ you put your hand on his shoulder, giving it a soft squeezeÂ
âitâs okay,â he had a sad smile on his face, softly squeezing your hand on his shoulder. âshe didnât suffer, and she died surrounded by people who loved herâ he sighed, âi never found love again butâi know itâs possible. i know itâs possible for you and i know itâs possible for jack.â your eyes were filled with tears, âdid you know he lost his wife years ago?â
âhe mentioned it once,â he looked at you, âwe got drunk after ellie fell asleep. he was considerably drunker than me,â you huffed out a laugh, âand he just, started talking about herâ you shook your head with a smile, âhonestly, it felt like hearing me talk about mark, itâs painfully obvious he loves herâ
âand itâs painfully obvious he also loves youâ you bit your lip and shut your eyes closed to avoid crying as adamson walked back inside, leaving you alone leaning against the side of a car
âwhat am i doing?â you rubbed your forehead, letting out a deep breathÂ
âi was beginning to think youâd left me in there with all those boring peopleâ you heard jackâs voice behind youÂ
âfor fucks sakeâ you jumped again, hand on your chest. âyou people have to stop sneaking up on me, itâs gonna make me have a fucking heart attack and dieâ
âwhat, and cigarettes wonât?â he asked you with a teasing smile and you shot a warning glance at him. âokay,â he put his hands up, âwonât mention it againâ
you shook your head, biting back a smile. âsorry about that,â you pursed your lips, âthe whole leaving you alone thing. you werenât alone, thoughâ you wiggled your eyebrows, âwhat about dr davis?â
you both chuckled, ânah, sheâs an old friendâ you raised an eyebrow with a teasing smile, âwe went to med school togetherâ
âoh, i know who to go to for embarrassing college storiesâ your smile grew, âyou having fun?â
âiâd have more fun if you hadnât left me alone.â he answered with a teasing tone, âwanna tell me why?â
you scrunched your nose, âsorry againâ you mumbled, âit justâit brought back some memories, thatâs allâ
he grabbed your hand and squeezed it, âitâs okay. wanna go back inside for a drink?â
you smiled softly, âhow about we get out of here? iâm starvingâ
he nodded, âi know the perfect placeâ he pulled you to his side by your hand, âcome on, letâs goâ
âi have to admit, this burger is deliciousâ you cleaned the corners of your mouth with one of the napkins in front of you
âi love being rightâ he mumbled with a half-full mouth
âyouâre disgusting.â you chuckled, âstop talking with a full mouthâ you both laughed, finishing the rest of your food, âiâll be right back, i have to go peeâ
you walked into the dinerâs bathroom, and after you finished, you washed your hands and checked your phone
lady d - 3 new messages
grey sloan badass docs [group chat] -Â 15 new messages
you sighed, looking at the amount of notifications on your phone and locked it before walking back out
âhey, youâre backâ jack smiled at you, thought youâd left me alone, againâ
âsorry, i justânevermindâ you sat back down, smiling at the chocolate milkshake on the table âyou order this for me?â he nodded, âthank youâ
âdrink up and iâll take you homeâÂ
âiâm not about to have a brain freeze just because you wanna get rid of me for the night,â you teased before sipping the milkshake
the waitress brought him a chocolate cake and the check, you reached over to take it and he softly patted it away, âiâll take care of itâ
âokay, iâll pay you back later, thenâÂ
you saw the fake hurt look on his face and the hand on his chest, âyou wound me, beeâ
you chuckled, âwell, if youâre not gonna let me pay you back, iâm gonna steal some of that chocolate cakeâ
âall yoursâ he pushed the plate towards you, âbe careful, i donât want you to have a sugar overdoseâ
you smiled at him and wondered if that ugly feeling of guilt would ever leave your chest
âyou have got to be kidding me!â you excitedly said into the phone as you read the email with the invitation for alex and joâs weddingÂ
âyeah, weâre notâ alex answered and jo excitedly laughed, showing you the ring
âoh my god, alex! itâs beautifulâ you smiled, âiâm so happy for you guys!â
âplease tell me ellie and youâll be hereâ jo pleaded and you faked a thinking expression before smiling and nodding, âoh my god, yes! thank you so muchâ she squealed, âyou have to send me ellieâs sizes, zola, sofia and she will make the prettiest flower girls!â she clapped very excited, âlook, i gotta go, butâcall me soonâ she blew you a kiss before walking away
âlook, you can bring a plus oneâ alex said softly, âmaybe that doctor that works with you over thereâ
âalex!â you exclaimed, looking side by side. âlower your voice!â
âyou lower your phone volume!â he rolled his eyes, âlook, do whatever you want justâyou have to be hereâ
âi willâ you smiled, âi wouldnât miss it for the worldâ
âbring your friendâ he smiled, âgod knows youâll need the company, youâve missed a lot of thingsâ
âlike what?â you asked
âamelia and hunt have children nowâ
âthey what!?â
âyeah, hunt is fostering a kid and amelia is sponsoring his mother.â he shrugged, âitâs a lot, but itâs probably the first time iâve seen hunt so level headedâ
âdamnâ
âi also was very high when they first got the kidâ he chuckled, âthatâs an awesome story. look i gotta go, but call me to rsvp or whateverâ
âwait, alexâhe hung up on meâ you sighed, âwhateverâÂ
you walked out of the break room, seeing the slow flow of patients. âfinally, the cutest doctor finishes her phone callâ she teased you without looking up from her tablet
âyou know it, lena. gotta take advantage of company time to chit chat with familyâ you winked at her, taking the pen from her scrub pocket, âwhatâve you got?â
âconcussed kid in central five, pregnant woman with abdominal pain in central six, central seven and eight are free, both trauma rooms are empty, and triage is s-wordâ she listed off her head
âbasically, a beautiful start of a shiftâ you smiled, scrunching your nose, âiâll go upstairs, but call me if anything comes through those doorsâ
âwanna know my favorite case from last night?â you asked and dana nodded, âwoman vs batâ
âwhat do you mean bat?â she looked up from her computer with a confused expression
âbaseball batâ you nodded and you two broke into laughter a few seconds later, âit was crazy. the poor woman went to a batting cage as a date and ended up with an exploded bat on her abdomenâÂ
âwhat?â
âexactly.â you drank from your water bottle, âi mean, the guy kinda explained that the batter was jammed but it doesnât make sense to me how the whole thing went downâ you shrugged âthe surgery was amazing, thoughâ
âbottom line, it was a crazy nightâ she sighed, âi wonder what the day has for usâ
you fixed your bag on your shoulder, âdonât know, lady d. i just wish you all the luck in the world.â you saw jack walking out of the lockerâs hallway, âi gotta go. iâll see you at shift changeâ you blew her a kiss, âlove you, dâ she nodded, winking at you
âhey, rabbitâ you walked up to him
âi see youâre stepping up on the nickname gameâ he smiled at you, throwing his arm around your shoulders
you chuckled, âsorry, ellie called you jack rabbit a couple days ago. it just slipped outâ
âi like it,â he smiled, âso, what are you up to? i thought youâd be home by nowâ
you stopped walking, standing in front of him, âi got a wedding invite from one of my friends back in seattle,â you sighed and put your hands in your pockets, âand they mightâve mentioned taking you with me.â he looked surprised, âi know. the only one youâve actually met is jackson, this is not his wedding,â you clarified, âheâs actually divorced and his ex-wife is also one of my best friends and i am ramblingâ you let go of your bag strap and hid your face behind your hands
âbee,â he put his hands around your arms, âcome on.â you peeked out of two of your fingers, âwhenâs this wedding?â
you lowered your hands, âin two weeks. you know, you donât have to ifâif you donât wantââ
âhey, no, bee.â his hands traveled up to hold your face, âiâd love to. when do we leave?â
âthis is a bad idea. this is a terrible idea, danaâ you threw your head back and huffed, âwhy did i invite him? i shouldâve just told alex and jo he said noâ you drank the rest of your wine
âthis might be the best idea youâve ever had, sloan.â she sipped her wine with a smile on her face, âbesides, he agreed on the spot so, why do you think itâs a bad idea?â
âbecause, d. it just is,â you ran your hand down your face, âwhy did i think going to a wedding on the other side of the country with jack freaking abbot would be a good idea?â you groaned, âgod, i panicked when we were dancing at the hospital gala because it brought back the memory of my wedding. what is an actual wedding going to bring back?â
âi think youâre overthinking it, honeyâ dana sat you down next to her, âi donât think jack abbot wouldâve said yes if he didnât actually want to go with you. besides, didnât you say it was your friendâs idea?â
âgod, no!â you groaned again, getting up so you could start pacing around the room again. âthis is dating territory. heâs meeting my friends! i canât do this dana, i canât. iâll tell him the wedding got cancelled or somethingâ
âyouâre panicking for no reasonâ
âand youâre enjoying this way too muchâ you sat down again, âwhat am i going to do?â
âyou are going to go to that wedding with el and jack, youâre going to have a great time with your friends back home, and youâre going to come backâ
âyou make it sound so simpleâ
âbecause it is, beeâ she teased, sipping more of her wine and pouring more on your glass, âjust go have fun, whatâs the harm?â
âi canât believe youâre here!â amelia hugged you so tight you felt like you couldnât breathe, âwhoâs the hottie over there?â
âamelia!â you chuckled, âitâs so good to see youâ
âyeah, it is.â she brushed you off, ânow, answer the questionâ
you shook your head and smiled, âheâs a work friendâ
âhow much of a friend are we talking about?â she asked with a teasing tone
âamelia!â you softly slapped her shoulder, âcome on, iâll introduce you. but, youâve gotta tell me about your strange love life and living arrangements afterâ
âdealâ she smiled and grabbed your hand, pulling you with her to the small bar, where jack was standing
ârabbit,â he turned around, âbeeâ
âso cute, animal nicknames.â amelia teased, âamelia shepherd, nice to meet youâ she held out her hand
âjack abbotâ he shook her hand, ânice to meet you, too.â
you heard someone call your name from the other side of the venue. you turned around and saw two girls running up to where you were standing, âoh, my girlsâ you leaned down to their height, âyouâre so grown, how have i missed youâ
âweâve missed you two, auntie beeâ zola said and you hugged them tighter than before
âwhereâs my baby sister?â sofia asked
âsheâs over there,â you pointed at the dessert table, âstealing some brownies for me and her. go over there and help herâ
âokay!â they said in unison and jogged over there
âyouâre here!â you heard aprilâs voice near you
âof course iâm hereâ you hugged her, âyou look so pretty, apes. whereâs my baby?â
âharrietâs with ruby and matthewâs parentsâ she smiled, holding your hands in hers, âi havenât seen el, where is she?â
âsheâs running around with the rest of the kids. oh,â you turned and pulled jack to your side, âthis jack abbot. jack this is april kepner, harrietâs momâ
âoh, itâs so nice to meet you. you have a beautiful babyâ he shook her hand with a smile
âhe met her when jackson took her to pittsburgh for ellieâs birthdayâ you gave her a soft smile
april nodded, looking over your shoulders to where the wedding planner was yelling at someone, âsorry guys, enjoyâiâll be right backâ
âso, you freak out yet?â you bumped his hip with yours
âwhat are you talking about?â he chuckled, âweâve been here less than an hour and a lot has happened, this is the most fun weâve ever hadâ
âis this the weirdest wedding youâve ever been to or is there another one that takes the crown?â you sat down next to jack. truth is, you were happy, and even though nothing had gone according to aprilâs plan, you could see that jo and alex couldnât be happier
âi will have to think about itâ he looked at you as if he was actually thinking if he had ever been to a weirder wedding or not, âiâm having fun, actually.â he smiled, âyou guys have a lot of weird things happen to you, but you still take it like champs and try to see the good sideâ
you laughed, âdid you know that we used to call the hospital seattle grace-mercy death for a while after the shooting and also after the plane crash?â you turned to look out to the sky, âbecause, you know, everyone eventually diedâ
âiâm glad you didnât, i wouldnât have met you.â you softly hit his shoulder, âwhat? itâs the truthâ
âiâm glad i met you too, rabbitâ you pressed a kiss on his cheek, âcome on,â you saw maggie waving at you to go over there, âmagâs calling usâ
âokay, so,â she sighed, âmer got ordained on the internet. yeah, itâs weird how many things you can do on your phone, whatever, point is, sheâs gonna get those two married and then we can go to jacksonâs place and celebrateâ
âsounds good to me. what about the kids?â you asked her
âmer said the sitter will be waiting at home and iâm sure you can drop ellie off with them and go back to jacksonâsâ you nodded
âyou know what? hell, yeah. i need a good drinking night with the coolest doctors i know,â you turned to jack, âno offenseâ
ânone takenâ he squeezed your hand, âwe should go over there, sheâs telling everyone to get closerâ
the three of you walked over to stand next to amelia and hunt, you quickly squeezed her hand and fully turned towards mer, alex, and jo to finally see them get married
âfor the longest time, ferryboats made me sad.â meredith started, a big smile on her face, âbut from now on iâll look at them the way my husband did. i will see the beauty, i will see the wind, the air, the sea, the motion.â you felt jackâs arm around your shoulder so you leaned back, your back to his chest, âi will see the possibility because of the two of you. i have never seen two people bring out better in each other. and if the two of you can take this day and turn it into lemonade,â everyone chuckled, âthen you can do anything.â she took a deep breath, âso, alex karev, do you want to marry jo wilson?â
âi do.â alex nodded, the biggest smile you had ever seen on his face, and put the ring on her finger
âjo wilson, do you want to marry alex karev?â
âi super doâ she smiled, putting the ring on his finger
âby the power vested in me by the internet, i now pronounce you married. you may kiss the bride.â
everyone clapped and cheered seeing alex and jo share their first kiss as a couple and you felt tears running down your face
âyeah, this is definitely the weirdest wedding iâve ever been toâ you laughed at jackâs words
âi am so hungoverâ you mumbled under your breath, forehead pressed down against the table, âiâm never drinking againâ
âhere you go, beeâ you felt jackâs hand rubbing up and down your back, when you looked up you saw him offering you a cup of coffee
âthank youâ you sipped the coffee and hummed at the taste, âi am never drinking againâ
âyou said that twiceâ
âshhh,â you put your index finger against his lips, âdonât talk too loudâ
âbee, come on, open your eyesâ he ran a hand through your hair and you shook your head. âwell, at least take these pills and drink your coffee, we gotta go pick up ellie from your friendâsâ
âlower your voiceâ you popped in the pills and passed them with the coffee, âmer can take care of ellieâoh no, mer has to work todayâ you groaned, âcan you pick her up? iâll go to the hospital so i can get a banana bagâ
âokay, beeâ he nodded, pressing a kiss on the top of your head, âgo change, iâll take you.â you nodded softly before getting up
the drive over to the hospital felt endless and when you walked in you were greeted with a half-full er and a lot of new faces
âhello, miss. my name is dr helmââ
âhelmouth, i remember you from alexâs weddingâyesterdayâ you mumbled, âi need a banana bag, iâuhg, iâm very hungoverâ you hid your eyes with your hand, âand i have to leave soonâ
âdonât worry, your boyfriend already picked your daughter upâ merâs voice made you snap open your eyes, âi like him, he brought me coffee and brought the kids some muffinsâ she smiled, âhelm, please bring me an iv kit and a banana bagâ the blonde nodded and opened and closed her mouth like she wanted to say something but ultimately decided not to and walked away
you chuckled softly, âheâs not my boyfriend, but heâs pretty goodâ
âbee, if you donât make him your boyfriend, iâll set him up with someone else. maybe even meâ she raised her eyebrows and had a teasing smile on her face, âthanks, helmâ she said, taking the kit from her hands, âfor whateverâs worth, he seems like a great guy, and you deserve thatâ she patted your thigh, âpage me when the iv bag is emptyâ you nodded and she walked off with helm for another case
you sighed and closed your eyes, letting out a huff. you decided to check your phone and saw a picture of jack having breakfast with ellie, a big smile on both their faces. you couldnât help the smile that was growing on your face at the thought that you could get used to that
âhey, dâ you smiled, opening your door, âthank you for coming, how are you doing?â
she hugged you, âalways, sweetie. itâs sad lena couldnât make itâ
âyeah, she said something about having to go to dinner with her mother-in-lawâ you chuckled, âshe said that with an eye rollâ
dana chuckled and sat down at your kitchen table, âyeah, tell me about it.â you offered her a beer and she nodded, âthanks.â she took the first sip of the beer in her hand, âdid you meet the new fellows?â
you nodded, âyeah,â you sipped your beer, âdr emery walsh isâinteresting.â you chuckled, âshe reminds me of an old friend, she seems coolâ
you placed a peanut bowl on the table, âi met her a week ago, you know,â dana grabbed a peanut, âwhen you were in your little romantic escapade with a certain night attendingâ
you shook your head, drinking more beer, ânot you too, dâ you saw her expression and sighed, âmy friends were bothering me endlessly about him, and how he is with me and my daughterâ
âspeaking of her, where is ellie?â
âsheâs at a friendâs houseâ you smiled, âone of the girls at school is having a movie night at her house and they seem to be good friends, probably is the first friend ellie has made,â she looked a little hurt, âi mean friends her own age. itâs one thing having friends that are your age and another one to have ones that are your momâs ageâ
dana chuckled, âi remember when my kids started school and made their first friends,â she sipped her beer, âit feels like it was yesterdayâ she sighed and sat up straight, ânow, tell me everything. how was the wedding?â
âit was weird.â you saw the question in her face, ânot a bad weird, a normal for me weirdâ you sighed, âthe wedding planner had an allergic reaction to something she ate, the gps link was wrong and sent everyone else to the wrong place, the bride and groom went missing for a long while, and the ceremony ended up being aboard a ferry boatâ you sipped the last of your beer, âthat is the kinda weird iâm used to. at least the after party was at my friend jacksonâs place and he footed the bill, so i got insanely drunk and ended up in the er for a banana bag the next dayâ
âyou really know how to have fun, donât you?â she chuckled, drinking the last of her beer
âi sure hope so,â you opened two new beers, placing one in front of her. âi was a hardcore party girl all throughout my residency up until the moment i got pregnantâ
âi wouldnât have guessed that considering your extensive resumeâ
you chuckled, âi have multiple facets, dana dearestâ
âi can see thatâ she shook her head, âso, how was everything with jack?â
âhe was great, heâs always great. i hate himââ you rambled and sat with a leg up, your knee against your chest
ââno, you donât.â dana interrupted you, âyou have feelings for himâ
your face fell and you were taken aback, âwhat?â
âyou have feelings for him.â she lowered her beer and took your hands on hers, âand iâm willing to bet you fully realized it when you were at the weddingâ your eyes filled with tears at her words, âno, honey. iâdonât cryâ
âiâm sorry, d. youâre rightâ you bit your lips to try to avoid crying, âitâs just that,â you took a deep breath, âi think iâm in love with jack,â she smiled knowingly, âand i feel soâguilty. for years all iâve wanted is for mark to come back. to wake up one day and realize that it was all just a fucking nightmare, that it wasnât real, that he wasnât a coward,â you let out a dry chuckle, âbecause that is what he was, a fucking coward. he left me alone,â you licked your lips before continuing, âhe died and left me all alone. and now i feel so guilty about falling in love with jack, because it feels like i am leaving mark behindâ
âbut youâre not, honey.â she softly wiped the tears from your cheeks, âno matter what, he will always be your husbandâ
âi just feel so guilty.â you started crying again, âi ca-i canât do this dana, i canât give jack what he wantsâ
âyou can.â she held your face on her hands, softly rubbing your cheek with her thumb, âbecause it is also what you wantâ
it was one of those rare slow and kind of quiet nights that the pitt handed you on a silver platter. you had talked to lindsey, the surgical floor night shift charge nurse, telling her you needed to step out for a second and to call you immediately if anything was wrong with any of your patients. she just smiled at you, softly squeezing your hand to let you know everything would be okay
the night chill bit through your scrubs and undershirt. it was almost the beginning of septemberâand fall time for that matterâand the late summertime weather at night was chilly enough to seep under your clothes and make you shiver
you appreciated being alone up on the roof, it helped you to have a clear enough head so you could be able to think about how your life had drastically changed in the past six years; your marriage, lexieâs and markâs deaths, your daughterâs birth, owning part of a hospital, doing two fellowships at the same time, moving to the other side of the country, and falling in love again
thinking about everything made you feel like you were going to puke. you sighed, running your hands through your face and hair, and put your hands on the trail, eyes squeezed shut. âi thought the roof was strictly for late night burritosâ you didnât say anything and kept looking out to the city, âor maybe burgers, even some milkshakesââ
ââcan you please not,â you let out a deep breath, ânot now, pleaseâ
âbee, whatâs wrong?â
âwhat are you doing here?â
âi asked lindsey and she told me you were hereâ he walked up to stand next to you, âare you okay?â
âyes. no. i donât knowâ you sighed and paused, âi lost a patient tonight,â you shrugged, âso iâve had better nights before. and a lot has happened to me in these past years,â you chuckled, âi donât know, itâs a lotâ you huffed out a breath, âwhat about you? what brings you to this fine place tonight?â you turned around, pressing your back against the railing
âdownstairs is kinda slow, it seems people are pretty healthy and at home for onceâ he shrugged, âso i went up to ask if you wanted to grab something to eat but you werenât there. and then lindsey told me you came up hereâ he stopped and shrugged, hands inside his pockets
âthank youâ
âno problem, beeâ he winked at you and you smiled, you opened and closed your mouth as if you wanted to say something but chose not to when your phone started to sound like crazy
you pulled it out of your scrub pocket, seeing lindseyâs name adorning your screen, âyeah?â you sighed, âokay, iâll be right back downâ
âeverything okay?â
âyeah, itâsâuhm, one of my patients is awake and asking for the doctorâ you had a small smile on your face, âsee you later?â he nodded and you started walking to the roofâs door. you paused and truly considered what you were about to do. after you let out a huff, you turned right back around and walked back to where jack was standing
âwhatâs wrong, bee?â you saw his confused expression and took the chance, taking his scrub top in your hands to pull him in for a kiss
he was frozen in place, not believing what was happening, but snapped out of it to pull you in closer by your hips, reciprocating the kiss. your lips danced together for what felt like eternity and when you finally pulled back, you pressed your forehead against his and mumbled against his lips with a smile on your face. âiâll see you later, rabbitâ
cw: sad vibes all around and italics for lyrics and some memories. thatâs it i think. this was written in like an hour with âcigarette smokeâ by olivia rodrigo playing on repeat and also i was remembering some things of my last relationship while writing this so some things did happen irl. not proofread whatsoever but if i happen to see some mistake later on trust itâll be fixed!
hope you enjoy. comments, likes, and reblogs are always appreciated
âcigarette smoke [âŠ] clings to my clothes, seeps into my bonesâ
the mid-september weather welcomed you as you stepped out of your house for the first time in what felt like forever. your eyes felt as puffy as they seemed to be and your shirt was clinging uncomfortably on your shoulders
you felt weird, like you were floating mid air as you started your run, not fully feeling the ground beneath your feet as you picked up the pace
to the rhythm of the songs you were blasting in your headphones
it was an impromptu decision, going out for a run after a long week of staying home under the covers basically inhaling whatever little food you had at home
truth was, you werenât okay. even if you tried to fool your godfatherâand a little of yourselfâyou both knew the breakup had done a big deal of damage to whatever pace youâd picked up and enjoyed in the past two years
it was fairly earlyâ4 am to be exactâand even though the day was barely starting, it felt like you had been awake for a week straight. you barely slept and barely ate, surviving off pure sadness and that air of tiredness that floated above you
you tried to clear your mindâthat was the whole purpose of that sudden decision of going out for a run at 4 amâbut the memories just came to your mind, clouding whatever little bit of stability you had left
âwhatever happens, weâll stick togetherâ trinity mumbled under her breath, linking her pinky with yours, âsecond year ends soon, after that we can go up to new york for a couple days and enjoy a full weekend just the two of usâ
you shook your head at the memory, trying to will away the tears that were forming in your eyes and the inevitable new tear that appeared in your heart
you picked up the pace, running over and over again through your street, passing the damned lavender house you used to say would be yours in a couple years time
âi know mrs jones wants to retire in a couple of years and move down to florida to be near her daughter and grandchildrenâ you mindlessly mentioned one day while you walked hand in hand with trinity down the street a random april day
âmaybe itâll be ours to start our own familyâ she smiled at you, softly squeezing your hand as if it was just a simple comment. but even though your heart felt like it was about to burst out of your chest you decided to pretend it didnât have that impact on you and kept walking, a small smile adorning your face
the tears were flowing freely down your face by that point, and unknowingly, you had stopped in front of the house to just stare at it
it was way past 6 by the time you noticed you had been standing there staring straight to the house and you finally got the courage to leave when mrs jones stepped outside, greeting you and offering a cup of coffee for you to start your day
âitâs a real quiet house [âŠ] five beers in the fridge and the second carâs goneâ
you realized you hated being home when you walked inside and finally realized how quiet it was and how empty it felt
you stood in the kitchen door for a couple of minutes, staring straight into the now empty fridge door that used to be full of pictures of your relationship until you finally shook your head and walked to grab some cold water
the first things you saw were the unopened beers she had left in the back of your fridge and scoffed out a dry laugh at the absurdity of the situation
the cold water went down your throat with a delicious burn you didnât know you missed and you didnât think twice before you walked straight to the shower to wash away the sadness and sweat that adorned your skin
everything you were doing felt like automatic actions. shower, brush your teeth and hair, get dressed, eat, wash the dishes, rinse and repeat
your phone rang a couple times before you decided to check it, seeing texts from jack, your godfather, asking how things were going, but you just turned it off and tossed it on the nightstand. laying back on your bed and staring at the ceiling you started reminiscing about everything that had gone down in those last months, a routine you seemed to be mastering as the days went by
you didnât notice when you fell asleep, but by the time you woke up it was very bright outside. you checked the time and groaned, it was past 2 pm and you had promised jack youâd help him box some old stuff to store it in his garage
you stood up and changed out of your home clothes to make your way outside to where your car was parked
you stopped dead in your tracks as you realized you were opening the passenger door instead of the driverâs one and blinked fast before going around the car to open the correct door and make your way to jackâs house
âi regret you and how long i stayed [âŠ] i thought that we played the perfect couple âtil you didnât want the partâ
everything felt like a chore. waking up, doing your morning routine, cooking, eating, even drinking water felt almost impossible to do
your body felt heavy, the devastating mixture of tiredness and sadness slowly catching up to you and dragging you down to a place your saddest thoughts were waiting to welcome you with open arms
every step you took felt heavy. that heaviness that felt final and was charged with every single emotion you had held in for a long time
you checked the time for what felt like the millionth time. you had agreed to meet up with trinity after her shift, taking advantage of the couple free days you had ahead thanks to jack and the schedule he had amazingly crafted for a quick trip to the beach
your phone buzzed, a text from trinity coming through
âsorry, canât go rn. garcia finally had some free time to teach me the sutures we were talking about. ily, see you tomorrow <3â
you huffed in annoyance, blocking your phone, and turned to look at your suitcase. âwhatever,â you thought, âi better start unpackingâ
you noticed a picture you had up on a shelf. whitakerâs face was scrunched up in a happy expression, trinity was holding up her middle finger, and you were mockingly biting dennisâ cheek. a soft smile crept up on your face as you remembered that day. it had been a rare day when the three of you were off at the same time so, naturally, an impromptu trip to the arcade downtown was born and you remembered that day as if it had been yesterday. your smile soured the moment you remembered that it had been the day where you and trinity had tried on a bunch of different beach outfits, pretending to model them so whitaker could give you both his opinions about each of them a couple weeks before you had to cancel the trip you were so excited for
âsome nights can be so fucking lonely but itâs better than begging you to stand up for meâ
you used to hate sleeping alongside someone else. you loved your bed and that it was entirely yours up until the moment trinity santos waltzed into your life and used you so much as her personal cuddle pillow that you ended up loving it enough that you couldnât really fall asleep without her holding you
it felt like a slap to your face the first night you had to spend fully on your own right after the breakup
and it felt like life or the universe or whatever loved to slap you whenever you as much as placed a finger on your bed
that loneliness you used to welcome with good energy now threatened to swallow you whole. your bed felt a thousand times bigger and colder than before. and you hated that. you hated that the love you once appreciated had damaged that receptivity for being alone, twisting it to the most horrible feeling of loneliness you never thought youâd ever feel
it was a particularly hard day. your photos app had shown you some suggested pictures of what had been some of the best moments in your relationship
you loved staying home during winter time because you had the chance to stay warm while admiring the beautiful snow falling down on the ground
but it was one of those rare occasions you agreed to go out for a drive in the late afternoon. after a couple of hours you arrived to the beach, and as soon as you left the car it started to snow
it felt like an out of body experience, seeing snow fall down on the beach. it was a beautiful sight
trinity wasted no time in grabbing some snow and throwing it at you, starting a small snow throwing game in the middle of the beach
before you knew it she pulled you to her, your chest pressed against hers before she brushed the hair put of your face and pulled you into a kiss
and even though it was freezing, you swore you could melt right then and there
you felt the tears come up to your eyes and even though you tried to make them go away, you failed tremendously. you walked out to the kitchen and yanked open the fridge door, opening one of the beers and taking a big swing, relishing the burn of the alcohol down your throat
you grabbed the rest of the cans and sat down on the floor, opening one after the other. you didnât realize when you walked into your bathroom, two cans of beer still in your hands, and turned on the shower
it was all an automatic action, you took off your clothes and got under the shower before opening the two beers left and drinking them under the stream of water. by the time you finished them the situation seemed to dawn on you and you let out a dry chuckle
âi regret you and what i let slide, i resent you for taking her sideâ
you remember as clear as day the moment it all started to go downhill
it was a fairly normal day. the pitt was bustling with a lot of patients and back-to-back traumas in little time. robby walked out of trauma one after asking you to please tell trinity to finish her charting while she taught her portion of the r1s and medical students
you walked out of the trauma room five minutes after, walking around the er to look for trinity and tell her what robby had asked you to
you finally caught a glimpse of her back making her way into the south corridor that led straight to one of the many staircases in the building. you quietly walked after her and were about to call her name when you noticed garcia pulling her into a tight hug before she softly squeezed trinâs waist
you walked backwards, heart on your throat, and went back inside the er. dana saw your expression when you reached the nursesâs station but you avoided her and walked straight out to the ambulance bay
it hadnât been the first time you noticed something between the both of them but that didnât make it hurt any less. the first time had been some pictures of the both of them from the time they were together, trinity had said she hadnât had the chance to delete them, but in more than one occasion you saw her gazing at the pictures before locking her phone or closing the app. there was another occasion where she called trin to let her know something about her surgical fellowship, you didnât understand why she was still entertaining the conversations, but when you brought it up she just shrugged and casually said they were friends, and that âfriends talk about work stuffâ
the tipping point was the constant occurrences of those âfriendlyâ situations and when you finally exploded she looked at you like you were being unreasonable. that was the first real and deep crack in your relationship
you sighed, rubbing your eyes, and turned to your side to force yourself to fall asleep
âitâs bone dry, bitter and hollow. youâll be miles away tomorrow. whyâd i try at all?â
the decision was taken and no matter how much jack or dana or robby or anyone really begged you, you were finally leaving pittsburgh behind
your third year of residency was wrapping up and with it came new opportunities career-wise
you had applied for a transfer to different residency programs and were more than happy to hear back from mass gen to start as early as you could. they had loved your curriculum and everything you had accomplished in your three years as a resident at ptmc and you were more than happy to leave behind a place that had torn you to pieces for a new place where you could have the chance to piece yourself back together
you knew your last month was going to be an emotional and complicated one, saying goodbye often was, and while you were ready a part of you was desperately trying to cling on to what you did know, the people that you loved and that loved you. but a change was necessary
the last shift felt like a big bad joke. everything that could go wrong, went wrong, and everything that you wanted to go right, didnât go that way
after you did your night rounds and successfully handed over every single one of your patients, princess and perlah clung to your sides, hugging you and messing with your hair
selfishly, a part of you was happy. your friends had kindly planned a small goodbye party for you in the break room. the table was filled with all your favorite snacks and you laughed when you noticed the string made of poorly edited cutouts of your face with party hats
you thanked everyone, giving out and receiving hugs from everyone present. well, almost everyone
trinity was looking at you with an expression you didnât know how to interpret, leaning against the door and holding a red cup to her lips
mel and langdon pulled you out of the little staring contest between the two of you to give you a small gift bag. you hugged them and opened the gift, seeing a small picture album filled with pictures of everyone present from the three years you had spent together
you felt your eyes fill with tears. not only because of the gift but because of everything that had happened in less than six months; the end of your relationship, the sadness that lingered, and the decision of leaving behind the place youâd learned to call home and the people youâd learned to call family
your heart felt impossibly heavy during the flight to massachusetts but the moment you walked into what you would slowly turn into your new home, your heart felt a little less heavy
unpacking everything didnât feel like a chore. it felt fun, light, and necessary. it was the first time in almost two months you felt something else other than the never ending sadness
nervousness for what lay ahead of you
and still sadness for what you had left behind
âtell me something honest so the memories turn dark. the memories go dark. go darkâ
cw: sad vibes all around and italics for lyrics and some memories. thatâs it i think. this was written in like an hour with âcigarette smokeâ by olivia rodrigo playing on repeat and also i was remembering some things of my last relationship while writing this so some things did happen irl. not proofread whatsoever but if i happen to see some mistake later on trust itâll be fixed!
hope you enjoy. comments, likes, and reblogs are always appreciated
âcigarette smoke [âŠ] clings to my clothes, seeps into my bonesâ
the mid-september weather welcomed you as you stepped out of your house for the first time in what felt like forever. your eyes felt as puffy as they seemed to be and your shirt was clinging uncomfortably on your shoulders
you felt weird, like you were floating mid air as you started your run, not fully feeling the ground beneath your feet as you picked up the pace
to the rhythm of the songs you were blasting in your headphones
it was an impromptu decision, going out for a run after a long week of staying home under the covers basically inhaling whatever little food you had at home
truth was, you werenât okay. even if you tried to fool your godfatherâand a little of yourselfâyou both knew the breakup had done a big deal of damage to whatever pace youâd picked up and enjoyed in the past two years
it was fairly earlyâ4 am to be exactâand even though the day was barely starting, it felt like you had been awake for a week straight. you barely slept and barely ate, surviving off pure sadness and that air of tiredness that floated above you
you tried to clear your mindâthat was the whole purpose of that sudden decision of going out for a run at 4 amâbut the memories just came to your mind, clouding whatever little bit of stability you had left
âwhatever happens, weâll stick togetherâ trinity mumbled under her breath, linking her pinky with yours, âsecond year ends soon, after that we can go up to new york for a couple days and enjoy a full weekend just the two of usâ
you shook your head at the memory, trying to will away the tears that were forming in your eyes and the inevitable new tear that appeared in your heart
you picked up the pace, running over and over again through your street, passing the damned lavender house you used to say would be yours in a couple years time
âi know mrs jones wants to retire in a couple of years and move down to florida to be near her daughter and grandchildrenâ you mindlessly mentioned one day while you walked hand in hand with trinity down the street a random april day
âmaybe itâll be ours to start our own familyâ she smiled at you, softly squeezing your hand as if it was just a simple comment. but even though your heart felt like it was about to burst out of your chest you decided to pretend it didnât have that impact on you and kept walking, a small smile adorning your face
the tears were flowing freely down your face by that point, and unknowingly, you had stopped in front of the house to just stare at it
it was way past 6 by the time you noticed you had been standing there staring straight to the house and you finally got the courage to leave when mrs jones stepped outside, greeting you and offering a cup of coffee for you to start your day
âitâs a real quiet house [âŠ] five beers in the fridge and the second carâs goneâ
you realized you hated being home when you walked inside and finally realized how quiet it was and how empty it felt
you stood in the kitchen door for a couple of minutes, staring straight into the now empty fridge door that used to be full of pictures of your relationship until you finally shook your head and walked to grab some cold water
the first things you saw were the unopened beers she had left in the back of your fridge and scoffed out a dry laugh at the absurdity of the situation
the cold water went down your throat with a delicious burn you didnât know you missed and you didnât think twice before you walked straight to the shower to wash away the sadness and sweat that adorned your skin
everything you were doing felt like automatic actions. shower, brush your teeth and hair, get dressed, eat, wash the dishes, rinse and repeat
your phone rang a couple times before you decided to check it, seeing texts from jack, your godfather, asking how things were going, but you just turned it off and tossed it on the nightstand. laying back on your bed and staring at the ceiling you started reminiscing about everything that had gone down in those last months, a routine you seemed to be mastering as the days went by
you didnât notice when you fell asleep, but by the time you woke up it was very bright outside. you checked the time and groaned, it was past 2 pm and you had promised jack youâd help him box some old stuff to store it in his garage
you stood up and changed out of your home clothes to make your way outside to where your car was parked
you stopped dead in your tracks as you realized you were opening the passenger door instead of the driverâs one and blinked fast before going around the car to open the correct door and make your way to jackâs house
âi regret you and how long i stayed [âŠ] i thought that we played the perfect couple âtil you didnât want the partâ
everything felt like a chore. waking up, doing your morning routine, cooking, eating, even drinking water felt almost impossible to do
your body felt heavy, the devastating mixture of tiredness and sadness slowly catching up to you and dragging you down to a place your saddest thoughts were waiting to welcome you with open arms
every step you took felt heavy. that heaviness that felt final and was charged with every single emotion you had held in for a long time
you checked the time for what felt like the millionth time. you had agreed to meet up with trinity after her shift, taking advantage of the couple free days you had ahead thanks to jack and the schedule he had amazingly crafted for a quick trip to the beach
your phone buzzed, a text from trinity coming through
âsorry, canât go rn. garcia finally had some free time to teach me the sutures we were talking about. ily, see you tomorrow <3â
you huffed in annoyance, blocking your phone, and turned to look at your suitcase. âwhatever,â you thought, âi better start unpackingâ
you noticed a picture you had up on a shelf. whitakerâs face was scrunched up in a happy expression, trinity was holding up her middle finger, and you were mockingly biting dennisâ cheek. a soft smile crept up on your face as you remembered that day. it had been a rare day when the three of you were off at the same time so, naturally, an impromptu trip to the arcade downtown was born and you remembered that day as if it had been yesterday. your smile soured the moment you remembered that it had been the day where you and trinity had tried on a bunch of different beach outfits, pretending to model them so whitaker could give you both his opinions about each of them a couple weeks before you had to cancel the trip you were so excited for
âsome nights can be so fucking lonely but itâs better than begging you to stand up for meâ
you used to hate sleeping alongside someone else. you loved your bed and that it was entirely yours up until the moment trinity santos waltzed into your life and used you so much as her personal cuddle pillow that you ended up loving it enough that you couldnât really fall asleep without her holding you
it felt like a slap to your face the first night you had to spend fully on your own right after the breakup
and it felt like life or the universe or whatever loved to slap you whenever you as much as placed a finger on your bed
that loneliness you used to welcome with good energy now threatened to swallow you whole. your bed felt a thousand times bigger and colder than before. and you hated that. you hated that the love you once appreciated had damaged that receptivity for being alone, twisting it to the most horrible feeling of loneliness you never thought youâd ever feel
it was a particularly hard day. your photos app had shown you some suggested pictures of what had been some of the best moments in your relationship
you loved staying home during winter time because you had the chance to stay warm while admiring the beautiful snow falling down on the ground
but it was one of those rare occasions you agreed to go out for a drive in the late afternoon. after a couple of hours you arrived to the beach, and as soon as you left the car it started to snow
it felt like an out of body experience, seeing snow fall down on the beach. it was a beautiful sight
trinity wasted no time in grabbing some snow and throwing it at you, starting a small snow throwing game in the middle of the beach
before you knew it she pulled you to her, your chest pressed against hers before she brushed the hair put of your face and pulled you into a kiss
and even though it was freezing, you swore you could melt right then and there
you felt the tears come up to your eyes and even though you tried to make them go away, you failed tremendously. you walked out to the kitchen and yanked open the fridge door, opening one of the beers and taking a big swing, relishing the burn of the alcohol down your throat
you grabbed the rest of the cans and sat down on the floor, opening one after the other. you didnât realize when you walked into your bathroom, two cans of beer still in your hands, and turned on the shower
it was all an automatic action, you took off your clothes and got under the shower before opening the two beers left and drinking them under the stream of water. by the time you finished them the situation seemed to dawn on you and you let out a dry chuckle
âi regret you and what i let slide, i resent you for taking her sideâ
you remember as clear as day the moment it all started to go downhill
it was a fairly normal day. the pitt was bustling with a lot of patients and back-to-back traumas in little time. robby walked out of trauma one after asking you to please tell trinity to finish her charting while she taught her portion of the r1s and medical students
you walked out of the trauma room five minutes after, walking around the er to look for trinity and tell her what robby had asked you to
you finally caught a glimpse of her back making her way into the south corridor that led straight to one of the many staircases in the building. you quietly walked after her and were about to call her name when you noticed garcia pulling her into a tight hug before she softly squeezed trinâs waist
you walked backwards, heart on your throat, and went back inside the er. dana saw your expression when you reached the nursesâs station but you avoided her and walked straight out to the ambulance bay
it hadnât been the first time you noticed something between the both of them but that didnât make it hurt any less. the first time had been some pictures of the both of them from the time they were together, trinity had said she hadnât had the chance to delete them, but in more than one occasion you saw her gazing at the pictures before locking her phone or closing the app. there was another occasion where she called trin to let her know something about her surgical fellowship, you didnât understand why she was still entertaining the conversations, but when you brought it up she just shrugged and casually said they were friends, and that âfriends talk about work stuffâ
the tipping point was the constant occurrences of those âfriendlyâ situations and when you finally exploded she looked at you like you were being unreasonable. that was the first real and deep crack in your relationship
you sighed, rubbing your eyes, and turned to your side to force yourself to fall asleep
âitâs bone dry, bitter and hollow. youâll be miles away tomorrow. whyâd i try at all?â
the decision was taken and no matter how much jack or dana or robby or anyone really begged you, you were finally leaving pittsburgh behind
your third year of residency was wrapping up and with it came new opportunities career-wise
you had applied for a transfer to different residency programs and were more than happy to hear back from mass gen to start as early as you could. they had loved your curriculum and everything you had accomplished in your three years as a resident at ptmc and you were more than happy to leave behind a place that had torn you to pieces for a new place where you could have the chance to piece yourself back together
you knew your last month was going to be an emotional and complicated one, saying goodbye often was, and while you were ready a part of you was desperately trying to cling on to what you did know, the people that you loved and that loved you. but a change was necessary
the last shift felt like a big bad joke. everything that could go wrong, went wrong, and everything that you wanted to go right, didnât go that way
after you did your night rounds and successfully handed over every single one of your patients, princess and perlah clung to your sides, hugging you and messing with your hair
selfishly, a part of you was happy. your friends had kindly planned a small goodbye party for you in the break room. the table was filled with all your favorite snacks and you laughed when you noticed the string made of poorly edited cutouts of your face with party hats
you thanked everyone, giving out and receiving hugs from everyone present. well, almost everyone
trinity was looking at you with an expression you didnât know how to interpret, leaning against the door and holding a red cup to her lips
mel and langdon pulled you out of the little staring contest between the two of you to give you a small gift bag. you hugged them and opened the gift, seeing a small picture album filled with pictures of everyone present from the three years you had spent together
you felt your eyes fill with tears. not only because of the gift but because of everything that had happened in less than six months; the end of your relationship, the sadness that lingered, and the decision of leaving behind the place youâd learned to call home and the people youâd learned to call family
your heart felt impossibly heavy during the flight to massachusetts but the moment you walked into what you would slowly turn into your new home, your heart felt a little less heavy
unpacking everything didnât feel like a chore. it felt fun, light, and necessary. it was the first time in almost two months you felt something else other than the never ending sadness
nervousness for what lay ahead of you
and still sadness for what you had left behind
âtell me something honest so the memories turn dark. the memories go dark. go darkâ
cw: sad vibes all around and italics for lyrics and some memories. thatâs it i think. this was written in like an hour with âcigarette smokeâ by olivia rodrigo playing on repeat and also i was remembering some things of my last relationship while writing this so some things did happen irl. not proofread whatsoever but if i happen to see some mistake later on trust itâll be fixed!
hope you enjoy. comments, likes, and reblogs are always appreciated
âcigarette smoke [âŠ] clings to my clothes, seeps into my bonesâ
the mid-september weather welcomed you as you stepped out of your house for the first time in what felt like forever. your eyes felt as puffy as they seemed to be and your shirt was clinging uncomfortably on your shoulders
you felt weird, like you were floating mid air as you started your run, not fully feeling the ground beneath your feet as you picked up the pace
to the rhythm of the songs you were blasting in your headphones
it was an impromptu decision, going out for a run after a long week of staying home under the covers basically inhaling whatever little food you had at home
truth was, you werenât okay. even if you tried to fool your godfatherâand a little of yourselfâyou both knew the breakup had done a big deal of damage to whatever pace youâd picked up and enjoyed in the past two years
it was fairly earlyâ4 am to be exactâand even though the day was barely starting, it felt like you had been awake for a week straight. you barely slept and barely ate, surviving off pure sadness and that air of tiredness that floated above you
you tried to clear your mindâthat was the whole purpose of that sudden decision of going out for a run at 4 amâbut the memories just came to your mind, clouding whatever little bit of stability you had left
âwhatever happens, weâll stick togetherâ trinity mumbled under her breath, linking her pinky with yours, âsecond year ends soon, after that we can go up to new york for a couple days and enjoy a full weekend just the two of usâ
you shook your head at the memory, trying to will away the tears that were forming in your eyes and the inevitable new tear that appeared in your heart
you picked up the pace, running over and over again through your street, passing the damned lavender house you used to say would be yours in a couple years time
âi know mrs jones wants to retire in a couple of years and move down to florida to be near her daughter and grandchildrenâ you mindlessly mentioned one day while you walked hand in hand with trinity down the street a random april day
âmaybe itâll be ours to start our own familyâ she smiled at you, softly squeezing your hand as if it was just a simple comment. but even though your heart felt like it was about to burst out of your chest you decided to pretend it didnât have that impact on you and kept walking, a small smile adorning your face
the tears were flowing freely down your face by that point, and unknowingly, you had stopped in front of the house to just stare at it
it was way past 6 by the time you noticed you had been standing there staring straight to the house and you finally got the courage to leave when mrs jones stepped outside, greeting you and offering a cup of coffee for you to start your day
âitâs a real quiet house [âŠ] five beers in the fridge and the second carâs goneâ
you realized you hated being home when you walked inside and finally realized how quiet it was and how empty it felt
you stood in the kitchen door for a couple of minutes, staring straight into the now empty fridge door that used to be full of pictures of your relationship until you finally shook your head and walked to grab some cold water
the first things you saw were the unopened beers she had left in the back of your fridge and scoffed out a dry laugh at the absurdity of the situation
the cold water went down your throat with a delicious burn you didnât know you missed and you didnât think twice before you walked straight to the shower to wash away the sadness and sweat that adorned your skin
everything you were doing felt like automatic actions. shower, brush your teeth and hair, get dressed, eat, wash the dishes, rinse and repeat
your phone rang a couple times before you decided to check it, seeing texts from jack, your godfather, asking how things were going, but you just turned it off and tossed it on the nightstand. laying back on your bed and staring at the ceiling you started reminiscing about everything that had gone down in those last months, a routine you seemed to be mastering as the days went by
you didnât notice when you fell asleep, but by the time you woke up it was very bright outside. you checked the time and groaned, it was past 2 pm and you had promised jack youâd help him box some old stuff to store it in his garage
you stood up and changed out of your home clothes to make your way outside to where your car was parked
you stopped dead in your tracks as you realized you were opening the passenger door instead of the driverâs one and blinked fast before going around the car to open the correct door and make your way to jackâs house
âi regret you and how long i stayed [âŠ] i thought that we played the perfect couple âtil you didnât want the partâ
everything felt like a chore. waking up, doing your morning routine, cooking, eating, even drinking water felt almost impossible to do
your body felt heavy, the devastating mixture of tiredness and sadness slowly catching up to you and dragging you down to a place your saddest thoughts were waiting to welcome you with open arms
every step you took felt heavy. that heaviness that felt final and was charged with every single emotion you had held in for a long time
you checked the time for what felt like the millionth time. you had agreed to meet up with trinity after her shift, taking advantage of the couple free days you had ahead thanks to jack and the schedule he had amazingly crafted for a quick trip to the beach
your phone buzzed, a text from trinity coming through
âsorry, canât go rn. garcia finally had some free time to teach me the sutures we were talking about. ily, see you tomorrow <3â
you huffed in annoyance, blocking your phone, and turned to look at your suitcase. âwhatever,â you thought, âi better start unpackingâ
you noticed a picture you had up on a shelf. whitakerâs face was scrunched up in a happy expression, trinity was holding up her middle finger, and you were mockingly biting dennisâ cheek. a soft smile crept up on your face as you remembered that day. it had been a rare day when the three of you were off at the same time so, naturally, an impromptu trip to the arcade downtown was born and you remembered that day as if it had been yesterday. your smile soured the moment you remembered that it had been the day where you and trinity had tried on a bunch of different beach outfits, pretending to model them so whitaker could give you both his opinions about each of them a couple weeks before you had to cancel the trip you were so excited for
âsome nights can be so fucking lonely but itâs better than begging you to stand up for meâ
you used to hate sleeping alongside someone else. you loved your bed and that it was entirely yours up until the moment trinity santos waltzed into your life and used you so much as her personal cuddle pillow that you ended up loving it enough that you couldnât really fall asleep without her holding you
it felt like a slap to your face the first night you had to spend fully on your own right after the breakup
and it felt like life or the universe or whatever loved to slap you whenever you as much as placed a finger on your bed
that loneliness you used to welcome with good energy now threatened to swallow you whole. your bed felt a thousand times bigger and colder than before. and you hated that. you hated that the love you once appreciated had damaged that receptivity for being alone, twisting it to the most horrible feeling of loneliness you never thought youâd ever feel
it was a particularly hard day. your photos app had shown you some suggested pictures of what had been some of the best moments in your relationship
you loved staying home during winter time because you had the chance to stay warm while admiring the beautiful snow falling down on the ground
but it was one of those rare occasions you agreed to go out for a drive in the late afternoon. after a couple of hours you arrived to the beach, and as soon as you left the car it started to snow
it felt like an out of body experience, seeing snow fall down on the beach. it was a beautiful sight
trinity wasted no time in grabbing some snow and throwing it at you, starting a small snow throwing game in the middle of the beach
before you knew it she pulled you to her, your chest pressed against hers before she brushed the hair put of your face and pulled you into a kiss
and even though it was freezing, you swore you could melt right then and there
you felt the tears come up to your eyes and even though you tried to make them go away, you failed tremendously. you walked out to the kitchen and yanked open the fridge door, opening one of the beers and taking a big swing, relishing the burn of the alcohol down your throat
you grabbed the rest of the cans and sat down on the floor, opening one after the other. you didnât realize when you walked into your bathroom, two cans of beer still in your hands, and turned on the shower
it was all an automatic action, you took off your clothes and got under the shower before opening the two beers left and drinking them under the stream of water. by the time you finished them the situation seemed to dawn on you and you let out a dry chuckle
âi regret you and what i let slide, i resent you for taking her sideâ
you remember as clear as day the moment it all started to go downhill
it was a fairly normal day. the pitt was bustling with a lot of patients and back-to-back traumas in little time. robby walked out of trauma one after asking you to please tell trinity to finish her charting while she taught her portion of the r1s and medical students
you walked out of the trauma room five minutes after, walking around the er to look for trinity and tell her what robby had asked you to
you finally caught a glimpse of her back making her way into the south corridor that led straight to one of the many staircases in the building. you quietly walked after her and were about to call her name when you noticed garcia pulling her into a tight hug before she softly squeezed trinâs waist
you walked backwards, heart on your throat, and went back inside the er. dana saw your expression when you reached the nursesâs station but you avoided her and walked straight out to the ambulance bay
it hadnât been the first time you noticed something between the both of them but that didnât make it hurt any less. the first time had been some pictures of the both of them from the time they were together, trinity had said she hadnât had the chance to delete them, but in more than one occasion you saw her gazing at the pictures before locking her phone or closing the app. there was another occasion where she called trin to let her know something about her surgical fellowship, you didnât understand why she was still entertaining the conversations, but when you brought it up she just shrugged and casually said they were friends, and that âfriends talk about work stuffâ
the tipping point was the constant occurrences of those âfriendlyâ situations and when you finally exploded she looked at you like you were being unreasonable. that was the first real and deep crack in your relationship
you sighed, rubbing your eyes, and turned to your side to force yourself to fall asleep
âitâs bone dry, bitter and hollow. youâll be miles away tomorrow. whyâd i try at all?â
the decision was taken and no matter how much jack or dana or robby or anyone really begged you, you were finally leaving pittsburgh behind
your third year of residency was wrapping up and with it came new opportunities career-wise
you had applied for a transfer to different residency programs and were more than happy to hear back from mass gen to start as early as you could. they had loved your curriculum and everything you had accomplished in your three years as a resident at ptmc and you were more than happy to leave behind a place that had torn you to pieces for a new place where you could have the chance to piece yourself back together
you knew your last month was going to be an emotional and complicated one, saying goodbye often was, and while you were ready a part of you was desperately trying to cling on to what you did know, the people that you loved and that loved you. but a change was necessary
the last shift felt like a big bad joke. everything that could go wrong, went wrong, and everything that you wanted to go right, didnât go that way
after you did your night rounds and successfully handed over every single one of your patients, princess and perlah clung to your sides, hugging you and messing with your hair
selfishly, a part of you was happy. your friends had kindly planned a small goodbye party for you in the break room. the table was filled with all your favorite snacks and you laughed when you noticed the string made of poorly edited cutouts of your face with party hats
you thanked everyone, giving out and receiving hugs from everyone present. well, almost everyone
trinity was looking at you with an expression you didnât know how to interpret, leaning against the door and holding a red cup to her lips
mel and langdon pulled you out of the little staring contest between the two of you to give you a small gift bag. you hugged them and opened the gift, seeing a small picture album filled with pictures of everyone present from the three years you had spent together
you felt your eyes fill with tears. not only because of the gift but because of everything that had happened in less than six months; the end of your relationship, the sadness that lingered, and the decision of leaving behind the place youâd learned to call home and the people youâd learned to call family
your heart felt impossibly heavy during the flight to massachusetts but the moment you walked into what you would slowly turn into your new home, your heart felt a little less heavy
unpacking everything didnât feel like a chore. it felt fun, light, and necessary. it was the first time in almost two months you felt something else other than the never ending sadness
nervousness for what lay ahead of you
and still sadness for what you had left behind
âtell me something honest so the memories turn dark. the memories go dark. go darkâ
cw: sad vibes all around and italics for lyrics and some memories. thatâs it i think. this was written in like an hour with âcigarette smokeâ by olivia rodrigo playing on repeat and also i was remembering some things of my last relationship while writing this so some things did happen irl. not proofread whatsoever but if i happen to see some mistake later on trust itâll be fixed!
hope you enjoy. comments, likes, and reblogs are always appreciated
âcigarette smoke [âŠ] clings to my clothes, seeps into my bonesâ
the mid-september weather welcomed you as you stepped out of your house for the first time in what felt like forever. your eyes felt as puffy as they seemed to be and your shirt was clinging uncomfortably on your shoulders
you felt weird, like you were floating mid air as you started your run, not fully feeling the ground beneath your feet as you picked up the pace
to the rhythm of the songs you were blasting in your headphones
it was an impromptu decision, going out for a run after a long week of staying home under the covers basically inhaling whatever little food you had at home
truth was, you werenât okay. even if you tried to fool your godfatherâand a little of yourselfâyou both knew the breakup had done a big deal of damage to whatever pace youâd picked up and enjoyed in the past two years
it was fairly earlyâ4 am to be exactâand even though the day was barely starting, it felt like you had been awake for a week straight. you barely slept and barely ate, surviving off pure sadness and that air of tiredness that floated above you
you tried to clear your mindâthat was the whole purpose of that sudden decision of going out for a run at 4 amâbut the memories just came to your mind, clouding whatever little bit of stability you had left
âwhatever happens, weâll stick togetherâ trinity mumbled under her breath, linking her pinky with yours, âsecond year ends soon, after that we can go up to new york for a couple days and enjoy a full weekend just the two of usâ
you shook your head at the memory, trying to will away the tears that were forming in your eyes and the inevitable new tear that appeared in your heart
you picked up the pace, running over and over again through your street, passing the damned lavender house you used to say would be yours in a couple years time
âi know mrs jones wants to retire in a couple of years and move down to florida to be near her daughter and grandchildrenâ you mindlessly mentioned one day while you walked hand in hand with trinity down the street a random april day
âmaybe itâll be ours to start our own familyâ she smiled at you, softly squeezing your hand as if it was just a simple comment. but even though your heart felt like it was about to burst out of your chest you decided to pretend it didnât have that impact on you and kept walking, a small smile adorning your face
the tears were flowing freely down your face by that point, and unknowingly, you had stopped in front of the house to just stare at it
it was way past 6 by the time you noticed you had been standing there staring straight to the house and you finally got the courage to leave when mrs jones stepped outside, greeting you and offering a cup of coffee for you to start your day
âitâs a real quiet house [âŠ] five beers in the fridge and the second carâs goneâ
you realized you hated being home when you walked inside and finally realized how quiet it was and how empty it felt
you stood in the kitchen door for a couple of minutes, staring straight into the now empty fridge door that used to be full of pictures of your relationship until you finally shook your head and walked to grab some cold water
the first things you saw were the unopened beers she had left in the back of your fridge and scoffed out a dry laugh at the absurdity of the situation
the cold water went down your throat with a delicious burn you didnât know you missed and you didnât think twice before you walked straight to the shower to wash away the sadness and sweat that adorned your skin
everything you were doing felt like automatic actions. shower, brush your teeth and hair, get dressed, eat, wash the dishes, rinse and repeat
your phone rang a couple times before you decided to check it, seeing texts from jack, your godfather, asking how things were going, but you just turned it off and tossed it on the nightstand. laying back on your bed and staring at the ceiling you started reminiscing about everything that had gone down in those last months, a routine you seemed to be mastering as the days went by
you didnât notice when you fell asleep, but by the time you woke up it was very bright outside. you checked the time and groaned, it was past 2 pm and you had promised jack youâd help him box some old stuff to store it in his garage
you stood up and changed out of your home clothes to make your way outside to where your car was parked
you stopped dead in your tracks as you realized you were opening the passenger door instead of the driverâs one and blinked fast before going around the car to open the correct door and make your way to jackâs house
âi regret you and how long i stayed [âŠ] i thought that we played the perfect couple âtil you didnât want the partâ
everything felt like a chore. waking up, doing your morning routine, cooking, eating, even drinking water felt almost impossible to do
your body felt heavy, the devastating mixture of tiredness and sadness slowly catching up to you and dragging you down to a place your saddest thoughts were waiting to welcome you with open arms
every step you took felt heavy. that heaviness that felt final and was charged with every single emotion you had held in for a long time
you checked the time for what felt like the millionth time. you had agreed to meet up with trinity after her shift, taking advantage of the couple free days you had ahead thanks to jack and the schedule he had amazingly crafted for a quick trip to the beach
your phone buzzed, a text from trinity coming through
âsorry, canât go rn. garcia finally had some free time to teach me the sutures we were talking about. ily, see you tomorrow <3â
you huffed in annoyance, blocking your phone, and turned to look at your suitcase. âwhatever,â you thought, âi better start unpackingâ
you noticed a picture you had up on a shelf. whitakerâs face was scrunched up in a happy expression, trinity was holding up her middle finger, and you were mockingly biting dennisâ cheek. a soft smile crept up on your face as you remembered that day. it had been a rare day when the three of you were off at the same time so, naturally, an impromptu trip to the arcade downtown was born and you remembered that day as if it had been yesterday. your smile soured the moment you remembered that it had been the day where you and trinity had tried on a bunch of different beach outfits, pretending to model them so whitaker could give you both his opinions about each of them a couple weeks before you had to cancel the trip you were so excited for
âsome nights can be so fucking lonely but itâs better than begging you to stand up for meâ
you used to hate sleeping alongside someone else. you loved your bed and that it was entirely yours up until the moment trinity santos waltzed into your life and used you so much as her personal cuddle pillow that you ended up loving it enough that you couldnât really fall asleep without her holding you
it felt like a slap to your face the first night you had to spend fully on your own right after the breakup
and it felt like life or the universe or whatever loved to slap you whenever you as much as placed a finger on your bed
that loneliness you used to welcome with good energy now threatened to swallow you whole. your bed felt a thousand times bigger and colder than before. and you hated that. you hated that the love you once appreciated had damaged that receptivity for being alone, twisting it to the most horrible feeling of loneliness you never thought youâd ever feel
it was a particularly hard day. your photos app had shown you some suggested pictures of what had been some of the best moments in your relationship
you loved staying home during winter time because you had the chance to stay warm while admiring the beautiful snow falling down on the ground
but it was one of those rare occasions you agreed to go out for a drive in the late afternoon. after a couple of hours you arrived to the beach, and as soon as you left the car it started to snow
it felt like an out of body experience, seeing snow fall down on the beach. it was a beautiful sight
trinity wasted no time in grabbing some snow and throwing it at you, starting a small snow throwing game in the middle of the beach
before you knew it she pulled you to her, your chest pressed against hers before she brushed the hair put of your face and pulled you into a kiss
and even though it was freezing, you swore you could melt right then and there
you felt the tears come up to your eyes and even though you tried to make them go away, you failed tremendously. you walked out to the kitchen and yanked open the fridge door, opening one of the beers and taking a big swing, relishing the burn of the alcohol down your throat
you grabbed the rest of the cans and sat down on the floor, opening one after the other. you didnât realize when you walked into your bathroom, two cans of beer still in your hands, and turned on the shower
it was all an automatic action, you took off your clothes and got under the shower before opening the two beers left and drinking them under the stream of water. by the time you finished them the situation seemed to dawn on you and you let out a dry chuckle
âi regret you and what i let slide, i resent you for taking her sideâ
you remember as clear as day the moment it all started to go downhill
it was a fairly normal day. the pitt was bustling with a lot of patients and back-to-back traumas in little time. robby walked out of trauma one after asking you to please tell trinity to finish her charting while she taught her portion of the r1s and medical students
you walked out of the trauma room five minutes after, walking around the er to look for trinity and tell her what robby had asked you to
you finally caught a glimpse of her back making her way into the south corridor that led straight to one of the many staircases in the building. you quietly walked after her and were about to call her name when you noticed garcia pulling her into a tight hug before she softly squeezed trinâs waist
you walked backwards, heart on your throat, and went back inside the er. dana saw your expression when you reached the nursesâs station but you avoided her and walked straight out to the ambulance bay
it hadnât been the first time you noticed something between the both of them but that didnât make it hurt any less. the first time had been some pictures of the both of them from the time they were together, trinity had said she hadnât had the chance to delete them, but in more than one occasion you saw her gazing at the pictures before locking her phone or closing the app. there was another occasion where she called trin to let her know something about her surgical fellowship, you didnât understand why she was still entertaining the conversations, but when you brought it up she just shrugged and casually said they were friends, and that âfriends talk about work stuffâ
the tipping point was the constant occurrences of those âfriendlyâ situations and when you finally exploded she looked at you like you were being unreasonable. that was the first real and deep crack in your relationship
you sighed, rubbing your eyes, and turned to your side to force yourself to fall asleep
âitâs bone dry, bitter and hollow. youâll be miles away tomorrow. whyâd i try at all?â
the decision was taken and no matter how much jack or dana or robby or anyone really begged you, you were finally leaving pittsburgh behind
your third year of residency was wrapping up and with it came new opportunities career-wise
you had applied for a transfer to different residency programs and were more than happy to hear back from mass gen to start as early as you could. they had loved your curriculum and everything you had accomplished in your three years as a resident at ptmc and you were more than happy to leave behind a place that had torn you to pieces for a new place where you could have the chance to piece yourself back together
you knew your last month was going to be an emotional and complicated one, saying goodbye often was, and while you were ready a part of you was desperately trying to cling on to what you did know, the people that you loved and that loved you. but a change was necessary
the last shift felt like a big bad joke. everything that could go wrong, went wrong, and everything that you wanted to go right, didnât go that way
after you did your night rounds and successfully handed over every single one of your patients, princess and perlah clung to your sides, hugging you and messing with your hair
selfishly, a part of you was happy. your friends had kindly planned a small goodbye party for you in the break room. the table was filled with all your favorite snacks and you laughed when you noticed the string made of poorly edited cutouts of your face with party hats
you thanked everyone, giving out and receiving hugs from everyone present. well, almost everyone
trinity was looking at you with an expression you didnât know how to interpret, leaning against the door and holding a red cup to her lips
mel and langdon pulled you out of the little staring contest between the two of you to give you a small gift bag. you hugged them and opened the gift, seeing a small picture album filled with pictures of everyone present from the three years you had spent together
you felt your eyes fill with tears. not only because of the gift but because of everything that had happened in less than six months; the end of your relationship, the sadness that lingered, and the decision of leaving behind the place youâd learned to call home and the people youâd learned to call family
your heart felt impossibly heavy during the flight to massachusetts but the moment you walked into what you would slowly turn into your new home, your heart felt a little less heavy
unpacking everything didnât feel like a chore. it felt fun, light, and necessary. it was the first time in almost two months you felt something else other than the never ending sadness
nervousness for what lay ahead of you
and still sadness for what you had left behind
âtell me something honest so the memories turn dark. the memories go dark. go darkâ
cw: sad vibes all around and italics for lyrics and some memories. thatâs it i think. this was written in like an hour with âcigarette smokeâ by olivia rodrigo playing on repeat and also i was remembering some things of my last relationship while writing this so some things did happen irl. not proofread whatsoever but if i happen to see some mistake later on trust itâll be fixed!
hope you enjoy. comments, likes, and reblogs are always appreciated
âcigarette smoke [âŠ] clings to my clothes, seeps into my bonesâ
the mid-september weather welcomed you as you stepped out of your house for the first time in what felt like forever. your eyes felt as puffy as they seemed to be and your shirt was clinging uncomfortably on your shoulders
you felt weird, like you were floating mid air as you started your run, not fully feeling the ground beneath your feet as you picked up the pace to the rhythm of the songs you were blasting in your headphones
it was an impromptu decision, going out for a run after a long week of staying home under the covers basically inhaling whatever little food you had at home
truth was, you werenât okay. even if you tried to fool your godfatherâand a little of yourselfâyou both knew the breakup had done a big deal of damage to whatever pace youâd picked up and enjoyed in the past two years
it was fairly earlyâ4 am to be exactâand even though the day was barely starting, it felt like you had been awake for a week straight. you barely slept and barely ate, surviving off pure sadness and that air of tiredness that floated above you
you tried to clear your mindâthat was the whole purpose of that sudden decision of going out for a run at 4 amâbut the memories just came to your mind, clouding whatever little bit of stability you had left
âwhatever happens, weâll stick togetherâ trinity mumbled under her breath, linking her pinky with yours, âsecond year ends soon, after that we can go up to new york for a couple days and enjoy a full weekend just the two of usâ
you shook your head at the memory, trying to will away the tears that were forming in your eyes and the inevitable new tear that appeared in your heart
you picked up the pace, running over and over again through your street, passing the damned lavender house you used to say would be yours in a couple years time
âi know mrs jones wants to retire in a couple of years and move down to florida to be near her daughter and grandchildrenâ you mindlessly mentioned one day while you walked hand in hand with trinity down the street a random april day
âmaybe itâll be ours to start our own familyâ she smiled at you, softly squeezing your hand as if it was just a simple comment. but even though your heart felt like it was about to burst out of your chest you decided to pretend it didnât have that impact on you and kept walking, a small smile adorning your face
the tears were flowing freely down your face by that point, and unknowingly, you had stopped in front of the house to just stare at it
it was way past 6 by the time you noticed you had been standing there staring straight to the house and you finally got the courage to leave when mrs jones stepped outside, greeting you and offering a cup of coffee for you to start your day
âitâs a real quiet house [âŠ] five beers in the fridge and the second carâs goneâ
you realized you hated being home when you walked inside and finally realized how quiet it was and how empty it felt
you stood in the kitchen door for a couple of minutes, staring straight into the now empty fridge door that used to be full of pictures of your relationship until you finally shook your head and walked to grab some cold water
the first things you saw were the unopened beers she had left in the back of your fridge and scoffed out a dry laugh at the absurdity of the situation
the cold water went down your throat with a delicious burn you didnât know you missed and you didnât think twice before you walked straight to the shower to wash away the sadness and sweat that adorned your skin
everything you were doing felt like automatic actions. shower, brush your teeth and hair, get dressed, eat, wash the dishes, rinse and repeat
your phone rang a couple times before you decided to check it, seeing texts from jack, your godfather, asking how things were going, but you just turned it off and tossed it on the nightstand. laying back on your bed and staring at the ceiling you started reminiscing about everything that had gone down in those last months, a routine you seemed to be mastering as the days went by
you didnât notice when you fell asleep, but by the time you woke up it was very bright outside. you checked the time and groaned, it was past 2 pm and you had promised jack youâd help him box some old stuff to store it in his garage
you stood up and changed out of your home clothes to make your way outside to where your car was parked
you stopped dead in your tracks as you realized you were opening the passenger door instead of the driverâs one and blinked fast before going around the car to open the correct door and make your way to jackâs house
âi regret you and how long i stayed [âŠ] i thought that we played the perfect couple âtil you didnât want the partâ
everything felt like a chore. waking up, doing your morning routine, cooking, eating, even drinking water felt almost impossible to do
your body felt heavy, the devastating mixture of tiredness and sadness slowly catching up to you and dragging you down to a place your saddest thoughts were waiting to welcome you with open arms
every step you took felt heavy. that heaviness that felt final and was charged with every single emotion you had held in for a long time
you checked the time for what felt like the millionth time. you had agreed to meet up with trinity after her shift, taking advantage of the couple free days you had ahead thanks to jack and the schedule he had amazingly crafted for a quick trip to the beach
your phone buzzed, a text from trinity coming through
âsorry, canât go rn. garcia finally had some free time to teach me the sutures we were talking about. ily, see you tomorrow <3â
you huffed in annoyance, blocking your phone, and turned to look at your suitcase. âwhatever,â you thought, âi better start unpackingâ
you noticed a picture you had up on a shelf. whitakerâs face was scrunched up in a happy expression, trinity was holding up her middle finger, and you were mockingly biting dennisâ cheek. a soft smile crept up on your face as you remembered that day. it had been a rare day when the three of you were off at the same time so, naturally, an impromptu trip to the arcade downtown was born and you remembered that day as if it had been yesterday. your smile soured the moment you remembered that it had been the day where you and trinity had tried on a bunch of different beach outfits, pretending to model them so whitaker could give you both his opinions about each of them a couple weeks before you had to cancel the trip you were so excited for
âsome nights can be so fucking lonely but itâs better than begging you to stand up for meâ
you used to hate sleeping alongside someone else. you loved your bed and that it was entirely yours up until the moment trinity santos waltzed into your life and used you so much as her personal cuddle pillow that you ended up loving it enough that you couldnât really fall asleep without her holding you
it felt like a slap to your face the first night you had to spend fully on your own right after the breakup
and it felt like life or the universe or whatever loved to slap you whenever you as much as placed a finger on your bed
that loneliness you used to welcome with good energy now threatened to swallow you whole. your bed felt a thousand times bigger and colder than before. and you hated that. you hated that the love you once appreciated had damaged that receptivity for being alone, twisting it to the most horrible feeling of loneliness you never thought youâd ever feel
it was a particularly hard day. your photos app had shown you some suggested pictures of what had been some of the best moments in your relationship
you loved staying home during winter time because you had the chance to stay warm while admiring the beautiful snow falling down on the ground
but it was one of those rare occasions you agreed to go out for a drive in the late afternoon. after a couple of hours you arrived to the beach, and as soon as you left the car it started to snow
it felt like an out of body experience, seeing snow fall down on the beach. it was a beautiful sight
trinity wasted no time in grabbing some snow and throwing it at you, starting a small snow throwing game in the middle of the beach
before you knew it she pulled you to her, your chest pressed against hers before she brushed the hair put of your face and pulled you into a kiss
and even though it was freezing, you swore you could melt right then and there
you felt the tears come up to your eyes and even though you tried to make them go away, you failed tremendously. you walked out to the kitchen and yanked open the fridge door, opening one of the beers and taking a big swing, relishing the burn of the alcohol down your throat
you grabbed the rest of the cans and sat down on the floor, opening one after the other. you didnât realize when you walked into your bathroom, two cans of beer still in your hands, and turned on the shower
it was all an automatic action, you took off your clothes and got under the shower before opening the two beers left and drinking them under the stream of water. by the time you finished them the situation seemed to dawn on you and you let out a dry chuckle
âi regret you and what i let slide, i resent you for taking her sideâ
you remember as clear as day the moment it all started to go downhill
it was a fairly normal day. the pitt was bustling with a lot of patients and back-to-back traumas in little time. robby walked out of trauma one after asking you to please tell trinity to finish her charting while she taught her portion of the r1s and medical students
you walked out of the trauma room five minutes after, walking around the er to look for trinity and tell her what robby had asked you to
you finally caught a glimpse of her back making her way into the south corridor that led straight to one of the many staircases in the building. you quietly walked after her and were about to call her name when you noticed garcia pulling her into a tight hug before she softly squeezed trinâs waist
you walked backwards, heart on your throat, and went back inside the er. dana saw your expression when you reached the nursesâs station but you avoided her and walked straight out to the ambulance bay
it hadnât been the first time you noticed something between the both of them but that didnât make it hurt any less. the first time had been some pictures of the both of them from the time they were together, trinity had said she hadnât had the chance to delete them, but in more than one occasion you saw her gazing at the pictures before locking her phone or closing the app. there was another occasion where she called trin to let her know something about her surgical fellowship, you didnât understand why she was still entertaining the conversations, but when you brought it up she just shrugged and casually said they were friends, and that âfriends talk about work stuffâ
the tipping point was the constant occurrences of those âfriendlyâ situations and when you finally exploded she looked at you like you were being unreasonable. that was the first real and deep crack in your relationship
you sighed, rubbing your eyes, and turned to your side to force yourself to fall asleep
âitâs bone dry, bitter and hollow. youâll be miles away tomorrow. whyâd i try at all?â
the decision was taken and no matter how much jack or dana or robby or anyone really begged you, you were finally leaving pittsburgh behind
your third year of residency was wrapping up and with it came new opportunities career-wise
you had applied for a transfer to different residency programs and were more than happy to hear back from mass gen to start as early as you could. they had loved your curriculum and everything you had accomplished in your three years as a resident at ptmc and you were more than happy to leave behind a place that had torn you to pieces for a new place where you could have the chance to piece yourself back together
you knew your last month was going to be an emotional and complicated one, saying goodbye often was, and while you were ready a part of you was desperately trying to cling on to what you did know, the people that you loved and that loved you. but a change was necessary
the last shift felt like a big bad joke. everything that could go wrong, went wrong, and everything that you wanted to go right, didnât go that way
after you did your night rounds and successfully handed over every single one of your patients, princess and perlah clung to your sides, hugging you and messing with your hair
selfishly, a part of you was happy. your friends had kindly planned a small goodbye party for you in the break room. the table was filled with all your favorite snacks and you laughed when you noticed the string made of poorly edited cutouts of your face with party hats
you thanked everyone, giving out and receiving hugs from everyone present. well, almost everyone
trinity was looking at you with an expression you didnât know how to interpret, leaning against the door and holding a red cup to her lips
mel and langdon pulled you out of the little staring contest between the two of you to give you a small gift bag. you hugged them and opened the gift, seeing a small picture album filled with pictures of everyone present from the three years you had spent together
you felt your eyes fill with tears. not only because of the gift but because of everything that had happened in less than six months; the end of your relationship, the sadness that lingered, and the decision of leaving behind the place youâd learned to call home and the people youâd learned to call family
your heart felt impossibly heavy during the flight to massachusetts but the moment you walked into what you would slowly turn into your new home, your heart felt a little less heavy
unpacking everything didnât feel like a chore. it felt fun, light, and necessary. it was the first time in almost two months you felt something else other than the never ending sadness
nervousness for what lay ahead of you
and still sadness for what you had left behind
âtell me something honest so the memories turn dark. the memories go dark. go darkâ
there was a time in your life where you thought you would have one of those happy endings with mark; a happy and long-lasting marriage, a house in the suburbs with a white picket fence and a big backyard for your kids to run around and play, maybe even a couple of pets. you thought youâd get to have that happy ending
until that damn plane crash happened and your husband died a month before your daughter came into this world
there was a time in his life where jack abbot thought he would have one of those happy endings with his wife; a happy and long-lasting marriage, a house in the suburbs with a white picket fence and a big backyard for your kids to run around and play, maybe even a couple of dogs. he thought heâd get to have that happy ending
until his wife died and left him alone back in that dark hole he had fought tooth and nail to get out of in the first place
thanks to that dark twist of fate, your paths intersected. and even if neither of you thought you would have the opportunity to find love ever again, life always found a funny way to surprise you
tags/descriptions: former grey sloan doctor, mentions of death, mentions of the plane crash, reader has a daughter, mentions of jackâs leg, doctor talk that may not be accurate, vague to none physical descriptions, reader has various bug related nicknames, jackson and reader are besties, mentions of sex, possible smut, marriage, second chance at love kinda story
hey guys! i know iâve been mia but these have been terrible days for my mental health due to a lot of things happening in my country but iâve had this idea in my head for like a month because i was rewatching greyâs and it materialized into this
there was a time in your life where you thought you would have one of those happy endings with mark; a happy and long-lasting marriage, a house in the suburbs with a white picket fence and a big backyard for your kids to run around and play, maybe even a couple of pets. you thought youâd get to have that happy ending
until that damn plane crash happened and your husband died a month before your daughter came into this world
there was a time in his life where jack abbot thought he would have one of those happy endings with his wife; a happy and long-lasting marriage, a house in the suburbs with a white picket fence and a big backyard for your kids to run around and play, maybe even a couple of dogs. he thought heâd get to have that happy ending
until his wife died and left him alone back in that dark hole he had fought tooth and nail to get out of in the first place
thanks to that dark twist of fate, your paths intersected. and even if neither of you thought you would have the opportunity to find love ever again, life always found a funny way to surprise you
tags/descriptions: former grey sloan doctor, mentions of death, mentions of the plane crash, reader has a daughter, mentions of jackâs leg, doctor talk that may not be accurate, vague to none physical descriptions, reader has various bug related nicknames, jackson and reader are besties, mentions of sex, possible smut, marriage, second chance at love kinda story
hey guys! i know iâve been mia but these have been terrible days for my mental health due to a lot of things happening in my country but iâve had this idea in my head for like a month because i was rewatching greyâs and it materialized into this
your friendship with jack develops slowly but sure
wc: 3.9k
cw: mentions of suicide, some grey's early seasons plot usage, mentions of death, medicine talk, not proofread, almost kiss, some romantic feelings here and there, jackson cameo!!
well, that was a lie, you obviously did. the day mark sloan asked you to marry him your life changed for the better
you loved him and you knew he loved you, he was the love of your life. but then he was ripped away from you and your family
you were a hundred percent sure youâd never feel romantic feelings for someone else ever again and then jack abbot walked into your life with an attitude and a wonky first impression. you didnât blame him tho, he was genuinely curious about your career change choice, even if he didnât display it the best he could
later on he tried to fix it. heâd leave you coffees at the start of your shift by danaâs desk at the nursesâ station or heâd buy you donuts under the blatant lie heâd bought them for everyone to eat on their free timeâwhich was basically never since the er never truly restedâwhich led to a great friendship blooming between the two of you
dana and robby were always messing with you, making comments about how abbotâs semblance had changed since you first met him and though adamson tried to get them to slow down with the teasing, he also got his fix of seeing you blush whenever jack did anything remotely flirty
so, it wasnât completely out of character for jack to ask you to eat some of the food he had delivered to the hospital on the roof when the er slowed down after a lot of ugly and grueling back-to-back cases. which was perfect, you had a chance to sit down and rest with pittsburghâs weather slowly getting warmer
âso, after i removed the fork from her thigh he asked if he could take it home with him as a keepsake from their first date.â jack said mid bite, making you chuckle. âwhich, yeah sure, knock yourself out, still it was weird as hellâ
you wiped your mouth with the napkin you had in hand before saying, âthatâs not even close to the weirdest or likeâmost tragic thing iâve seen at grey sloanâ he nodded as to encourage you to keep going, taking a bite out of his burrito, âonce,â you paused for a second to really think how to say it, âthere was an accident, something about ferries crashing and so, weâthe internsâwere sent out to help triage the victims. i went with some of my friends and mer, the blond oneââ
âthe other ownerâsorry, part owner orâwait both of them are. whatever. uh, the perky or the slightly grumpy one?â
âthe slightly grumpy one.â you shook your head, âokay, uh. we went out and mer slipped and fell into the water. she kinda died and then came backâ
he looked at you with a perplexed expression, âwait but thatâs not weird, thatâs downright depressingâ
you let out an honest laugh, almost spitting out the bite of burrito in your mouth. you coughed and jack instantly started rubbing and softly patting your back to help you. you coughed one last time, covering your mouth before signaling to him that you were fine
âokay, you got a good point butâ you lifted one finger âin my defense, i did say that wasnât the weirdest thing. i still have way too many stories, even suicidal onesâ you saw the expression on his face and quickly added while shaking your head, âoh my god, no, not mineâ
jack and you burst into a fit of chuckles and for the first time in a while, your heart was beating so hard and fast just from being near him. you turned to him and really looked at him; the way his eyes crinkled with laughter, the stubble framing his jaw, his salt and pepper hair. he reminded you so much of mark it made your chest hurt
and, unknowing to you, jack felt the same way with you when he saw you or spent a while with you; the way your eyes got a glint whenever dana or lena or adamson or anyone said something funny, or the way your hair framed your face, your soft eyes whenever a med student nervously asked you a question. you reminded him of his wife and it also made his chest hurt
hurt with the what ifâwhat if she hadnât died? what if mark hadnât been on that plane?âbut also hurt with the guilt he had whenever he felt happy around you and suddenly remembered that the reason why life had brought you to the otherâs life was the death of the person you each loved the most
his laughter slowly died down when he turned and saw you looking at him with such intensity he thought youâd be able to see what was running around in his mind but also with something else so he made a wild guess and tucked that stubborn strand of hair that had broken out of the messy ponytail you had done before entering a trauma a few hours earlier before he slowly leaned forward and you did too
just before you could press your lips together, your pagers started beeping loudly. you closed your eyes and licked your lips before sighing and leaning back, successfully breaking out the moment between the two of you
you stood up, quickly picking up the napkins and a bag with the trash from your food and walked towards the roof door. you paused before opening it and slightly turned around to see if he was walking behind you, when you saw him still sitting down where you had been minutes prior, you cleared your throat and said, âcome on, jack. thereâs a trauma waiting for us.â you opened the door and walked inside, rubbing your chest and letting out the breath you had been holding since you stood up from your place
it was your day off. therefore, no one was expecting to see you. you were supposed to be with your baby girl at home, watching a movie or baking or sleeping, especially sleeping. so it took lena by surprise when she saw you practically running inside the emergency room, pajamas on, a messy hairdo, and your baby in your arms
you walked in speaking too much too fast lena couldnât make out your words due to your rambling, âok, love, slow down so you can tell me what happened.â lena said softly, placing an arm around you and your baby to walk with you towards central 6
you made your best to slow down your breathing before saying, âi was in the kitchen doing the dishes and i-i-i heard a loud noiseââ you stammered, âwhen i went to look, she had fallen down from her bed and i-i shouldnât have left her alone, i-â
âiâm okay, mommyâ ellie said with a slurred voice, almost asleep
âslow down, sweets. iâm sure everythingâs fineâ she took ellie from your arms, settling her down on the bed, âiâll call a residentââ
âno. not a resident.â you interrupted her, shaking your head and wiping your runny nose with the back of your hand âcall jack, pleaseâ lena nodded, grabbing a paper towel out of the box and offering it to you. you took it, using it to wipe the remaining tears off of your cheeks âthanksâ
âno problem, dear. iâll be right backâ you nodded as she left the room, sitting down next to your daughter, who was laying sideways on the hospital bed entertained with a pen she had taken from lenaâs scrub pocket
âwhat happened?â you turned your head around when you heard jackâs voice from behind you
âshe fell and i donât know how hard she hit her head or if she even hit it at allââ
jack walked over to you and your baby, taking her in his arms, âhow are you, sweet princess?â
âiâm alright, jackâ she answered, âi told my mommy i didnât hit my headâ
âmhm, and how did you fall?â
âi was dreaming i could fly and then i was on the floorâ she shrugged and scrunched up her nose, making jack let out a soft giggle
âis that right? and what were you on, a bird or a plane?â
âdonât be silly, jack. i was flying on a unicornâ she said as if it was obvious and he laughed harder this time
âyeah, sorry, my badâ she was shaking her head with a smile on her face, toying with the stethoscope around jackâs neck
âi want you to do a ctâ you said from where you were sitting, âi need you to do a ctâ
âsweetheart, sheâs fineââ
âplease, just-â you interrupted him, âjust humour me. i need to know everythingâs okayâ
jack just nodded, placing ellie back on the bed. âwanna go for a ride, princess?â
ellie nodded, laying back down and telling jack everything about her dream. the ride up to radiology went by on a blur and before you knew it you were on the other side of the room, waiting for the images to come up
âsorryâ you mumbled making jack turn to look at you, âi justâi was so scared, sheâs never fallen off the bed.â you bit your lower lip and shook your head. jack softly placed a hand on your shoulder
âsweetheart, itâs okay. sheâs okay, those things happenâ he softly rubbed your back before pulling you into him to hug you when he saw your eyes filling up with tears again, âsheâs fine, lookâ he pulled away when the images came up. you let out a sigh of relief when you saw everything was fine, âthese are the cleanest images we could ever haveâ
you nodded but still, you started to sob again. jack pulled you into a tight hug, holding your head and rubbing your back. you spent a couple of minutes being held by him and you were eternally grateful the radiologist had stepped out when you had asked him as soon as you had gotten there
you sighed once again and let out a quick laugh, âsorry, iââ you laughed again, âiâm a freaking doctor and i panickedâ you wiped your eyes, and he squeezed you harder
âyou are a mom. itâs normalâ
you shook your head, âif i hadnât been so shaken up i wouldâve seen sheâs fine, maybe a bump in the foreheadâ
âitâs okay, you just had to be sureâ
the ride back down was just like the one up and by the time you were settled in the pedes room for âobservationââas jack had orderedâyour daughter was sleeping again. you were leaning back in the chair, catching a few minutes of sleep before she was discharged
âhey, youâ you woke up from your nap when you heard lenaâs soft voice as she walked into the room, âbrought you some teaâ
you took the cup from her hand, âthank you, lena.â you gave her a smile before sipping on the tea
âhowâs the little princess?â she asked, leaning into the wall on her side
you gave her a tired look, âsheâs doing fine. sheâs been sleeping since jack left after we came back down from radiology. speaking of such, what time is it?â
âitâs a little over six. youâve been out for like four hoursâ you widened your very tired eyes at that, which made lena let out a chuckle, âdonât worry, she hasnât woken up, abbotâs been checking in every once in a whileâ
you nodded, rubbing the sleep from your eyes and yawned, âiâll get going in a while. i want to let her sleep for a little more before going homeâ
lena smiled at you, squeezing your shoulder, âday shiftâll be here in a bit. rest for a bit more and iâll ask dana to wake you so you can go homeâ you nodded, thanking her as she walked back out to the busy er so you took the chance to get your phone out and answer jacksonâs texts
jack-son
‷ wya - 6:27 am
‷ iâve called you like a million times, i have to tell you something - 6:28 am
‷ also, wanna talk to my goddaughter when you get home - 6:28 am
you
‷ hey, stranger - 6:48 am
‷ sorry, weâre in the er - 6:49 am
‷ el fell and hit her head so i panic rushed to the hospital - 6:49 am
‷ also, it was supposed to be my day off so i was supposed to be sleeping - 6:49 am
jack-son
‷ WHAT!? - 6:49 am
‷ what happened to her!? - 6:49 am
you
‷ sheâs fine - 6:50 am
‷ she was asleep and fell from her bed - 6:50 am
‷ she doesnât have a concussion, before you ask - 6:50 am
‷ no biggie - 6:50 am
‷ i just panicked - 6:50 am
jack-son
‷ facetime me rn - 6:51 am
‷ iâm so serious - 6:51 am
you rolled your eyes and stretched on your seat before pressing the facetime button and jackson picked up the call in the first ring, âwhy didnât you tell me?â
âwell, good morning to you too,â you rolled your eyes, âarenât you a ray of sunshine?â
âcut the sarcasm, bee. how is she?â
âsheâs fineâ you sighed, âi panicked and ubered here as you can notice due to my very cute outfitâ you tilted the phone down to show your pajamas
jackson laughed, âreally cute indeed, miss. did you get a head ct?â
âyes, i didâ you let out a breath, âcame back all clean.â you paused before adding, âapparently, jackâs been checking in on her throughout the nightâ you sighed, âsheâs okayâ
he hummed, âcall me whenever sheâs awake. i have to go pick up harriet from aprilâs, itâs my day offâ you heard a voice call him from behind and saw him motioning to the phone, âalso, i have to tell you about this insanely thing that happened to me yesterday, i wasââ
âsorry, averyâ you could make out joâs voice before you saw her face taking half the screen, âoh my god, hey sloan! howâs the little one?â
âhey, wilsonâ you gave her a small smile, âwe had a little scare, but sheâs doing fine.â
âoh no, give her a ton of kisses from me please. i miss her a lotâ you smiled at the memory of jo taking care of your daughter more than once whenever you decided to pop by alexâs place. you liked her a lot and couldnât be happier for both of them when alex told you they were finally together
âwill do, wilsonâ you nodded and slightly turned your head when you heard the door being opened. jack was standing there, rubbing the hand sanitizer he had poured on his hands before entering the room, âguys, dr abbotâs here. gotta goâ
âcall me when el wakes up, okay?â you nodded at jacksonâs request, âbye, bee, talk to you laterâ he waved goodbye and you faintly heard jo saying no, wait. i want to see him before he hung up the call
you cleared your throat and said, âsorry. they wanted to know about ellieâ
âitâs okay, beeâ you rolled your eyes at his tone, âdana came in like half an hour ago and heard what happened to your girl. she wanted to come in here and take her for a spin through the er. adamson convinced her not to but she said sheâd come in here to check on herâ
âthank you, jackâ you gave him a soft smile before sighing, âiâll wake her up so we can get goingâ
âhow are you going home?â
âi-iâll uber there, i mean i ubered here.â you shrugged, âi panicked and didnât think i could driveâ
you felt like you were about to burst into tears. it was a fairly good day, the weather was great, you were on the second of four days off, and it was saturday. more importantly, it was your daughterâs fifth birthday
therefore, you were in your backyard trying to finish the decoration for the party you had planned a couple weeks before, your hair tied up in a very messy bun and the shirt you were previously donning was discarded to the other side of the outdoor table, leaving you in only a sports bra and a pair of pajama shorts
you finished inflating the balloons for the balloon arch ellie had requested you when your phone rang with a couple new texts
jack-son
‷ open up the door - 11:17 am
‷ itâs hot out here - 11:17 am
you rolled your eyes and walked out the gardenâs side door, seeing jackson standing outside the front door with a puffer jacket and his bags holding harriet in his arms. âoh my god!â you squealed, jogging to take her from his arms, âi didnât know youâd bring her! oh god, baby, look at you, you are so big nowâ you kissed her cheeks, making her burst with giggles
âhello, to you tooâ jackson pressed a kiss to the top of your head, âwhereâs my baby?â
you didnât look at him as you answered, âjack has her. he asked to take her out for ice cream and the park so i could have the morning to finish the party decorations.â you could feel his eyes on you, a knowing look on them, âdonât look at me like that, okay? heâs just being a good friend and ellie likes himâ
he laughed, saying under his breath âi know sheâs not the only sloan who doesâ
âi heard you!â you exclaimed, walking back into your backyard
having jackson there meant a couple things. first, he was the one who finished the decorations for the birthday party, therefore you didnât do anything else but play with harriet. second, he was cooking lunch for the three of you so you didnât need to worry about what to eat. third, he was cleaning everything by himself, so you just laid on the couch watching tv with harriet while you tried to get her to sleep
the clock above your kitchen entrance read 2:40 pm, and you were starting to get antsy because jack hadnât returned with your daughter yet
just before you were going to ask jackson to bring you your phone, the front door opened, âmommy!â ellie came in excitedly giggling, her eyes widening when she saw jacksonâs back in the kitchen, âuncle jackson!â
âhello, baby sloanâ she ran into his arms and he took the chance to pick her up, âiâve missed you so so muchâ she giggled as he pressed little kisses on her cheeks
you were still sitting on the couch, harriet now fully awake in your arms. âhowâd she do?â
âshe was great, as alwaysâ he walked towards you, sitting down, âsorry it ran longer than expected, she wanted to try every single ride on the park, and then we picked up some lunchâ
you smiled at him and harriet cooed, âyes, harriet. jack took ellie on a birthday trip around the parkâ you said with a low, baby tone. âthank youâ you looked up, giving jack a small smile
he was about to say something when jackson came out of the kitchen with ellie on his arms, âhey, manâ jack stood up, shaking jacksonâs hand, âjackson averyâ
âjack abbotâ you stood up and walked over to leave harriet on the floor so she and ellie could play
ânice to finally put a face to the nameâ jackson said with a teasing tone and jack turned to you, face flustered
you rolled your eyes, shaking your head, âdonât be an assâ
âwhat? itâs the truth, or did you suddenly forget how you said he was a jackass like a hundred times when you first moved here?â
jack raised his eyebrows, and you shrugged, âwhat? you wereâ
he scratched the back of his neck, face redder than before, âyeah, i wasâ
âitâs okay, jackâ you winked at him, patting softly his shoulder, âitâs all forgivenâ
jackson bit back the smile that threatened to form on his face. you liked jack and jack liked you, it was so obvious. he just hoped the two of you would finally realize it
a few hours later, the sun had gone down, it was late and everyone had already gotten home. jack had offered to do the dishes after you all finished the last of the burgers, and after some thorough convincing, you had let him only if you dried them. it had been a fun time, considering both of you had remnants of soap bubbles on your faces while you drank a couple beers sitting on the living room couch
âso, whatâs the story behind the nickname?â jack asked taking a sip of his beer
âbee?â you asked and he nodded. âmark used to call me bumblebeeâ you smiled at the memory, âi donât really remember how or even why it started, he justâ you took a small pause, âdid.â you sipped your beer, âafter mark successfully roped jackson into his service and we got close after he confessed that he was kinda scared of me,â you chuckled again, âhe started calling me every single bug related nickname under the sunâ you shook your head with a smile, âto mess with me, mainly. but after markâs death and ellieâs birth, i knew he kept doing it to kinda keep alive something that meant a lot to meâ
jack threw an arm over your shoulder and you leaned your head on his, âthatâs very nice of himâ
you smiled again, âdonât let him fool you, heâs a little shitâ you scrunched your nose when you remembered, âone time, we were in the er. this big trauma comes in, and when i say big i mean it.â you licked your lips before continuing, âthe ceiling of a restaurant came down and one of the customers ended up under some of the debris. turns out she had to have her spleen removed, and her nose was crushedâ you shuddered a bit, âit was a hard watch.â jack nodded, âmark had the night off, so when they called for plastics to fix her nose, jackson was the one who walked inââ
ââlet me guess, he didnât let you do your jobâ jack interrupted you to add before sipping his beer
you let out a small chuckle, âyeah,â you nodded, âlong story short, we spent like ten minutes fighting over who did their job first and then one of the attendings simply suggested doing it simultaneously.â you smiled, âwe agreed, obviously. but we spent the whole time in the or bickering, they were so done with usâ
jack turned to look at you, seeing the spark in your eyes as you recounted some other memories of your time back in seattle made a big grin build up on his face, âwhat?â you asked him with a smile on his face
he brushed a strand of hair out of your face, shaking his head. ânothing, you justââ his hand softly caressed your cheek, and you leaned into his touch, âiâm really glad i met youâ
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