the song of ice and fire

[iiceandfire]

✦ ▓ AND WHO GOES THERE? oh, it’s just [ JON SNOW ]. some say their resemblance to [ REMY HII ] is almost uncanny, but the [ TWENTY-NINE ] year old has been in the city for [ NINETEEN YEARS ]. now [ THEY ] find themselves in the middle of war like no other, even if it is not their war to fight. perhaps that has made them [ SOLEMN ] && [ PRESUMPTUOUS ] of late, when they used to be so [ SELFLESS ] && [ OBSERVANT ]. during the daylight hours, [ JON ] can be found working as a [ NURSE PRACTITIONER ], but when night falls over king’s landing, they are best remembered listening to [ THE KIDS AREN’T ALRIGHT BY FALL OUT BOY ]. may the gods be with them in these dark streets.

mac is bac 2 attac with this snac, sad ( not quite a boi ) boi jon snow. 

THE SONG OF ICE AND FIRE.

( anxiety cw )

born in secret, out of sin and out of sight, jon took their first breath somewhere upstate, unaware that their mere existence would cause a rift in a far off city they had never been to. as a child, jon had lived a quiet life in the town he was born in, just him and the middle aged woman who took the kindness of raising him. they were happy, carefree and ignorant of the storm that was on the horizon. 

for ten years, every once in a while jon would receive a visitor. sometimes a man, sometimes a woman, sometimes both of them together. they would only come for a few days at a time, but tried to make the most of their time together. they showered him with gifts from the city and treated him to anything he wanted. called them their darling boy and welcomed all of the stories he wanted to tell them of his humble life. jon was still young then but he still remembers the first time they were all together, jon being balanced on horseback with his mother and his father leading them by the reins. they were happy. they were a family. 

then one day, jon returned from school to find his mother and his belongings packed. she told him not to worry and that she was going to take him to where he truly belonged. he had high hopes of where that place might be, as well as what might be different now that it seemed like he could finally be with his mother and father. what he ended up thrown into, however, was far from what he had expected. 

jon had come to king’s landing on the brink of a civil war. loyalties were tested, allegiances were severed and dynamics were changed. he learned of his mother, lyanna stark, of his father, rhaegar targaryen, and of their years long affair with one another. all of a sudden jon’s entire world had changed and everything he knew was an outright lie. he became sick at the realization, having suffered three days of fever and an anxiety disorder that would last for the rest of his life. he now held the weight of his parent’s shame on his shoulders, aware of who and what he was. 

but despite how others may have seen jon, he was still lyanna’s child and she made sure there was a home for him among the wolves. jon spent his teenage years with his stark cousins, trying to fit himself into the mold, always careful of how they might perceive him. he tried to reach out to his siblings, on the advice of his therapist, but nothing much came out of it. in the end he just resigned to never fitting in a particular box. never quite wanting to either. he didn’t want to be a targaryen. he didn’t want to be a stark. he just wanted to be jon. 

which is why when lyanna expected them to join the ranks with their cousins they refused, opting to stay in school to get his masters and becoming an emergency room nurse at north wall memorial. they remain neutral on all mafia business, but with a soft spot for the family that raised them, whose to say that they don’t have a personal allegiance to the starks. 

WANTED CONNECTIONS. 

THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND; pls ... someone ... anyone ... be his friend. just be nice to him. he’s gone thru a lot and he thinks everyone hates him. he might even think u hate him but that’s fine. people being nice ?? to jon ?? we’d like to see it honestly. he’s very ... skeptical about people trying to get close with him, but like a beaten stray dog, he’ll warm up to you once he realizes u don’t want to hurt him. 

ENEMIES OF THY FATHER; or even enemies of thy mother, who knows. but know that jon has never done anything wrong in his life ever except be born and maybe u just don’t vibe with it. he knows that as a concept he’s v controversial, and that’s valid, he’ll respect it. be mean to him, hate him, call him trash, make him cry, he can *sniffs* he can take it. 

PLAYER ON THE BOARD; call them switzerland bc they ! are ! trying their best to be impartial when it comes to mafia business, but that doesn’t mean jon can’t be manipulated into joining the game. i think this can work for any family as long as it makes sense. 

MIDNIGHT LOVERS; one night stands, frequent hookups, sleeping with them just for the story, whatever the reason they want to get in bed with jon for. they have this ... warped perception of what love and a healthy relationship is so having sex isn’t really a big deal to him, not that he’s sowing his wild oats every night. it’s more of a way to relieve stress in his very busy life. 

[iiceandfire]

arrynsrobert​

He didn’t want to be there. In fact, the very last place he wanted to be was mingling with King’s Landing’s elite. How pathetic this whole thing was, so soon after the murder of his mother and they were all pretending like nothing had changed. Just another ordinary evening in King’s Landing, another boy orphaned without a second glance. As he sipped from his complimentary glass of champagne (slowly, he wasn’t willing to give money to anyone or anything that he couldn’t completely trust) - he let his eyes wander the room. Enemies, all of them. Unless someone could prove themselves a friend.

jon finds that it’s often, now, that they find themselves in spaces far above their station. sure, they may have the lineage of kings, but jon felt all too common ( at least that’s what they try to tell themselves ). they’re here, at this gilded charity event, due to their strange new affiliation with the tyrells -- well, not so much an affiliation as jon helped margaery and mace both. but what are they to do, as they can’t afford to drink and they surely can’t afford to play, besides people watch. it’s nearly a miracle that jon catches sight of robin, a more than familiar face among the crowd.  ‘ what are you doing here, kiddo ? ’

[iiceandfire]

ofcatelyns​

Over the years she’d made it perfectly clear that her door was always open for family and they were all welcome to come and go as they pleased. It was becoming increasingly relevant as more and more of her children moved out and she wanted to ensure that they knew they could come home at any point. So when she came in with an armful of papers she had intended to go over, she was hardly surprised to see Jon sat there. Paperwork was soon forgotten, prepared to give them her full attention for however long they needed. They weren’t her child but she couldn’t deny that her motherly instincts still extended towards them. Jon was family and family would always be her top priority and main concern.

Slipping into the seat next to them a question left her lips with reasonable softness though her tone gently demanded answers. “When was the last time you ate? I have takeout on the way that we can share.” It was an old habit of hers, to always order more than needed. She’d long since learnt that her family had a habit of coming out of the woodwork whenever food was involved. 

@iiceandfire​

there was never a day that jon wasn’t grateful for ned and cat. they went out of their way to care for them, never made them feel like a burden, never made them feel like they were other. and while lyanna and rhaegar will always  ( sometimes painfully, if they were to be honest )  be their parents, uncle ned and aunt catelyn raised them like they were their own. jon had sought shelter, comfort and advice from them both in their teen years so showing up after a particularly Bad™️ week wasn’t too out off the ordinary. 

they wait silently in her office for her to return, fiddling with a pen they plucked from her desk. ever since the wedding, jon had been restless. work had been a nice distraction, but the times in between caring for patients and doing paperwork were spent thinking about the fear and the horror they felt when the lights went out. hopefully catelyn can shed some of her infinite wisdom.  ‘ aunt cat, it’s fine, ’  jon insists, getting up from their seat to help her with some of the papers.  ‘ i ate a little before i came over. ’  they had a granola bar and a coffee on the way over to be precise, but she didn’t need to know that. 

[iiceandfire]

moon-and-sky-above​

Oh. Now it makes sense. Of course, Rhaegar’s children (with the exception of Rhaenys and Aegon) wouldn’t know of Aliya’s existence. Since the female Dayne made it a habit to distance herself from the man. “Yeah, unlike my uncle, I don’t see much of him.” Thankfully.

jon only nods and lets out an awkward bark of a laugh.  ‘ yeah me neither. ’  it’s not entirely a joke; if their relationship with lyanna was complicated, then their relationship with rhaegar was a perplexing tapestry of mixed feelings jon finds hard to sit down and address. 

[iiceandfire]

@wintersrcse​

jon has always thought themselves to be right --- just. fair. honorable. they always tried to do the right thing. always tried to keep their conscience clean. their heart pure. a lifetime of unreasonable guilt and shame always motivated them to be good, despite the darkness that lurks in every corner of king’s landing. jon has begged the starks to keep them from being implicated, a promise they’ve made good on. and they’ve lived a relatively normal life, free from the sinful blood and the deceit as much as they could be. they see themselves as a neutral player in this game; a piece from an entirely different game placed on a chess board. but life, like a child with a resourceful imagination, finds a way to play with them. 

but jon being jon makes the choice of dealing with this manila envelope easy. they offer the choice of lyanna, their relationship perpetually rocky, but in this moment was on the mend after the stunt of a wedding, and jon believes if they tell her, it’ll be out of their hands. it’s their best option. jon doesn’t know the intricacies of the families, doesn’t know the consequences, doesn’t know what the envelope implies. jon just knows --- thinks that this is information the starks deserve to know in order to save them. 

they texted her first that they were going to be dropping by, one hand raised to knock on the door and the other clutching at the envelope. jon raps their knuckles on the wood and fidgets with the edges of the paper, a little nervous despite their conviction. 

[iiceandfire]

.

[iiceandfire]

counselorelia​

open starter: the diner

between visiting her daughter, running her business, and laying awake at night with an envelope beside her bed, elia had not been getting enough sleep. she pulled more and more late nights, often wandering the streets or ending up at the diner, trying to avoid being alone and helpless in her own house. it was one such night that she found herself sitting alone at the always-open diner, a milkshake in front of her (she had all but stopped drinking alcohol after her letter came; she needed to keep a clear head). her laptop was open beside her, and she was so intent on her calculations that she didn’t notice someone had taken a nearby seat. elia shut her laptop, a polite mask of a smile on her face. “my apologies. i didn’t see you there. what brings you here, tonight?”

.

it was almost tradition at this point that after a particularly difficult shift at the hospital, jon would stop by the diner for a shake and fries to take home. they were fortunate enough to have gotten off during the evening this time and almost wanted nothing more than to fall face flat into their bed. almost. traditions must be honored or at least habitual as jon pushes the glass door open, but taking a whiff of the food being cooked in the kitchen, they remembered they hadn’t eaten anything in nearly 12 hours. instead of taking something to go, jon sat himself at the diner bar and ordered a whole meal. returning the menu to the waiter, they knocked it against a laptop’s screen instead, profusely apologizing once they realized.  ‘ oh, no i’m sorry. i just got off a shift so i’m a little tired right now. sorry. ’ 

[iiceandfire]

sundragvn​

“  no  allergies  ,  just  don’t  tell  me   when  or  if  you’re  going  to  poke  me  with  a  needle  .  ”  rhaenys  had  been  a  wild  and  reckless  child  ,  scrapped knees  and  all  ,  never  held  back  by  any  fear  ,  but  when  it  had  come  to  needles  ,  she  had  always  needed  a  parents  arm  to  clutch  onto  .  that  was  not  an  option  right  now  ,  she  had  caught  a  glimpse  of  her  mother  ,  but  had  turned  in  the  other  direction  .  mama  was  safe  ,  she  needed  to  patch  herself  up  before  she  went  to  her  .  elia  martell  was  a  wonder  of  a  woman  and  she  would  be  damned  if  her  mother  had  to  worry  over  her  right  now  .  “  you  didn’t  answer  my  question  .  did  you  know  they  were  coming  ?  ”  she  clenched  her  jaw  ,  preparing  herself  for  the  inevitable  pain  of  the  needle  ,  but  part  of  that  tension  was  for  the  answer  they  might  give  .  she  wanted  to  know  how  much  she  didn’t  matter  to  her  father  ,  she  needed  to  know  how  far  placed  from  rhaegar  targaryens  heart  she  had  become  .   “  anyways  ,  if  you  think  i’m  going  to  go  bat  shit  crazy  and  attack  you  ,  i’ll  have  you  know  that  it’s  just  a  little  painful  trying  to  do  anything  right  now  .  ”

. 

‘ right, ’  they say, already planning on the course of treatment. jon opens up the tube and squeezes the appropriate amount onto her skin before spreading it evenly around the unaffected skin on her leg. their hands worked automatically, taking a cotton pad and a saline bottle to start irrigating the wound. it’s a good thing there isn’t much debris to pick out, they think to themselves. usually they would have said it out loud to make small talk with the patient, but in this instance jon thinks it’s best to keep it to themselves. their hands pause when she asks again. there’s no ignoring this question. jon keeps their gaze on her leg, not wanting to meet her eyes. just like everyone else who asked them, there’s a sense of shame that washes over them, although it’s worse because this is their sister.  ‘ no, i didn’t. ’  jon takes another breath before starting again, peeling open the suture kit and taking hold of the forceps. without hesitation, jon begins to stitch her up.  ‘ i’ve been kicked in the face for trying to help a patient before so you’re fine. ’  jon keeps a close eye on her leg though, in case it starts to spasm in their hold. 

[iiceandfire]

ofmargaery​

Their hesitancy didn’t surprise her, not given the circumstances. It was impossible to know who to trust yet she hopes that her soft words are reassuring enough. “Just me.” But just as soon as she has the words out there’s a sound of movement and a soft collision that she can only assume means that they’ve joined her in the cupboard. “I’m fine, you didn’t hurt me.” Slight pause hovers between them as she debates confessing about her arm, she supposed that she trusted them enough but also was loathed to think of herself as a liability rather than an asset. Still, it would hardly do the both of them any good to keep things from one another in that moment. 

So she settles for an allusion to her injury, rather than an outright declaration when it serves to both wound her pride less and perhaps potentially cause less worry. “I think I got blood on my bag though.” Light attempt at laughter slips from her lips, determined to downplay the situation she’d found herself in and she’s quick to shift the focus back to them, concern clear in her tone. “Are you okay?” Head shook delicately out of habit before it dawns on her that gestures aren’t a viable way of communication. With a sigh she answers. “No, not really. I just know the lights went out and the screams started. I can only guess people got hurt.”

. 

they’re careful to move away from her, putting space in between them even in the small space. a breath of relief is expelled from their lungs, turning their attention back to the door. they listen attentively, distinctively hearing a person, if not more, convene outside. it’s best to stay in the cupboard for the time being, they think to themselves.  ‘ i think i hear a group of people outside talking, ’  jon tells her in a whisper. 

it’s still dark in the space but they look down anyway at where she may have been holding onto her custom made bag, the same one they had commented on earlier in the evening. the realization hits as to what she means,  ‘ blood ? what happened ? why are you bleeding ? ’  they raise a hand but freeze, letting it hover in the air unseen. 

jon purses their lips in thought.  ‘ that’s an understatement, ’  they mumble.  ‘ i thought -- i thought all the families were supposed to be peaceful tonight. i thought there was a truce at these these things. ’  it’s not exactly a question but they still look to her for an answer or an explanation.  ‘ why are people getting hurt ? ’ 

[iiceandfire]

moon-and-sky-above​

Now this doesn’t make any sense. As Arthur’s closest relative, Aliya has met half of her uncles’s inner circle, if not more. So, to not know the man in front of her or his connection to Arthur, brings forth many questions. And leaves the Dayne with an uneasy feeling. “Who is your father? If you don’t mind me asking, that is.”

.

they bring up a hand to rub at the back of their neck. it’s not too big of a deal they don’t think. a prickly feeling runs all over jon’s body as she asks who their father is. they’d get asked that sometimes, especially when they were growing up and going to school.  ‘ it’s, uh, rhaegar targaryen, ’  they say in a rushed tone.

[iiceandfire]

rcsegrden​

mace slowly nodded, doing as the young kid asked. repeating those words over and over again, they’re fine. perhaps if he says that enough, he might believe it. regardless, mace worries that the only way for him to stop worrying won’t be until he sees his children with his own eyes. there was a slight hesitation, wondering if someone needed it more than he did, and yet, he took the bottle. “ thank you jon but please, you can call me mace. ” 

mace’s gaze moves around the room, as if he looked around enough he would spot at least one of them. it appeared none of his kids were around — was that a good thing? were they already checked? he can only hope. he took another deep breath in and slowly nodded, “ alright. five minutes. ” after that, he’s searching for them on his own.

. 

jon watched as the man drank, afraid he might choke or something with the pace he’s been going at.  ‘ alright mist --- mace, ’  they correct themselves.  ‘ but i need you to relax. take a deep breath, i know a lot is going on, but you can’t help your kids if you don’t help yourself first, alright ? ’ 

they can try to understand what mace is going through, how anxious he may be to make sure his children are safe. especially since ----- since seeing alerie like that with their own eyes.  ‘ five minutes, ’  jon agrees but presses,  ‘ if you can get your heart rate down. ’  they’re still a medical professional afterall. 

[iiceandfire]

ofwaynwood​

anya knows better than to trust a medical professional’s assessment of their own injuries in times like this, knows how many times she’s lied about her own state because the job was more important, and she turned a critical eye to them. if they’re downplaying anything, it isn’t obvious, so she accepts it and moves on. “good. i’m glad. we need your expertise right now.” her smile is warm even if the words are almost callous. 

“never better.” it was meant sarcastically but there’s a light in her eyes and she finds that she means it. there will be a million and more things to worry about in the aftermath, once this storm passes and she has a moment to think about her own losses. but for now there’s just this: hands stitching wounds, hands guiding bones into place, hands doing what she has spent decades training them to do. “do you think the worst of it’s passed?” she asked. do you think we’ll lose anyone else?

.

jon nods, immediately taking action at her orders. it’s a familiar headspace they’ve tuned into now. the right distraction to distract them from whatever mafia politics that caused this to happen. what’s important now is that there’s an emergency to be dealt with.  ‘ yes ma’am. ’

there’s a part of jon that doubts the validity of her well-being but who are they to say that she’s lying. they’re both fine to go on. they’re fine. jon only presses their lips together in a thin line, answering honestly.  ‘ to be candid, doctor, ’  they start,  ‘ i don’t know. ’  it’s difficult to say when people are still bleeding somewhere and not everyone is accounted for. any medical professional will tell you to never make promises you can’t keep. 

[iiceandfire]

wclfgurl​

if it were anyone else, arya would have swatted their hand away, swore up and down that she’ll kick their ass. but this was jon and when they ruffle her hair, that was absolutely nothing. eyes follow their own gaze towards her mother and immediately she rolled them. “ she won’t even notice. pretty sure she has her hand full with aunt lyra, ” not to mention jon’s parents, but arya figured it would be best not to mention them right now.

her eyes look back at him as she shrugged. “ ugh. you aren’t. ” she should just ask theon, but she strongly doubts that mr. detective would help her, even if he does work with the family now. “ whatever, i’ll figure something out later. let’s just get the drinks now. ”  

. 

jon licks their lips, a little nervous.  ‘ you say that like she doesn’t have eyes on the back of her head, ’  they point out, eyebrow twitching. jon rather liked catelyn but understood where ayra was coming from --- they’d heard it many times before. jon didn’t press further, only comments on what she says.  ‘ i wouldn’t say hand full i would more say distracted by. ’ 

they only raise a shoulder and drop it, wanting to move on from the topic. arya will always be their baby, better not sully that image.  ‘ cool. see you on the other side, squirt. ’ jon gives her hair another ruffle before schmoozing over to the bar. they wait until the bartenders are occupied with an order before reaching over the counter and grabbing two bottles of whiskey. then, seeing their chance with a group of older gentlemen crowding the bar, jon makes their escape, heading to one of the back rooms to wait for arya. 

[iiceandfire]

.

[iiceandfire]

arobbstark​:

Where: Robb’s Apartment, near Winterfell When: Afternoon after the wedding For: Jon ( @iiceandfire )

Most of the last day was a blur. The lights had gone out, he’d felt a flash of pain, and his next clear memory was in the hospital in the early hours of the morning. The nurses said he’d been conscious since the ambulance took him, but in and out of sleep with seemingly no memory in between. He had flashes, as if dreams, but nothing he could hold on to. With ice and pain medication and rest, it improved to the point that they allowed him to head after lunch with the advice of getting a follow-up on the concussion in a week. 

The first thing he’d done upon getting to his apartment was get his phone charging. He considered who to contact first while he fed Greywind and took a shower. Rather than trying to piece together more information as he’d intended, he texted Jon. “Pizza at my place tonight? Just us and the dogs.” They both needed it. He didn’t necessarily know how Jon was reacting to all the violence, but it couldn’t be good. He didn’t bother to wait for an answer, going ahead and scheduling the order and making the living room comfortable while he waited.

.

it’d already been a busy week at work, not bothering to take the suggested time off their boss offered. they felt fine --- they had an appointment with their therapist tomorrow and if anything, jon had their family to help them process what they had witnessed that night without having to speak in circles around what happened. 

‘ c’mon, ’  jon coos at ghost, the white dog padding along the steps to robb’s, his leash held loosely in jon’s grip. they’re glad, they can hang out with robb. it’s been a while since they spent some good brotherly time together  ( and that night did not count one ounce ). plus, they can see how robb has been faring since his concussion, even if they were appalled that the doctor just sent him home. they raise their fist and knock at the familiar door, holding up the pizza box in their other hand away from where ghost has nosed up jon’s leg with interest. 

[iiceandfire]

moon-and-sky-above​

“Uh, I know why I call him uncle but why do you?” Aliya asked with a raised eyebrow, feeling a sense of ownership over her blood relative, however silly it may seemed. Aliya had always been that way, though, selfish in sharing Arthur with others. Her terrible twos were filled with the toddler screaming MINE whenever someone got too close for her liking. “Really? Now that’s interesting. Cause I’m the closest thing he has to an actual kid.” Pouts the Dayne, wondering if she really has been replaced. There go her insecurities again.

.

her defensive tone makes it seem like there’s something they’re missing.  ‘ uh, ’  jon wonders if it’s even worth noting. but then again, this is arthur’s niece.  ‘ he’s a close friend of my dad’s, ’  they explain,  ‘ when i was growing up, arthur would visit me when my parents couldn’t and would tell me about them. ’

[iiceandfire]

wintersrcse​

‘Mom!’ Her stomach dropping was an unpleasant feeling, but it did so out of relief, so she’d bear it.  Lyanna’s feet carried her the remaining distance between the two in a heartbeat, pulled as if by some cosmic, maternal magnet.  As she reached Jon, without even thinking, the mother had her arms wrapped around her child.  She needed to make sure they were actually there, that they were okay, that she was not in some delusional post-traumatic state.   

It was only as she tried to formulate words did she realize she was practically blubbering, their name on her lips, whispered over and over between the mantra of ‘thank gods’.  She knew that she and Jon’s relationship was far from perfect, and much more fragile than an average one between mother and child, she couldn’t even remember the last time they had shared any sort of prolonged contact like this.  But despite that, she couldn’t tear herself away.  And when she eventually did, her hands remained on them.

“Are you okay?  You look okay–” Her eyes roamed their body looking for any sort of sign of injury, her hands did much the same, patting down appendages, looking to make sure eyes, ears, all ten fingers and toes were there, much like she had done when they were born.  “–But are you okay?”  Despite the reassurance that they were fine enough to be standing, there was still a frantic edge to Lyanna’s voice, the idea of losing her child enough to shake her to her core.  “Where were you?  What happened?”  She had gotten the idea of the grand sense of what had happened, but she was more specifically asking what had happened to them.

.

it had been a while since jon last let lyanna embrace them, often freezing up and going stiff at the arms around their shoulders. now in her arms it’s ... still awkward as their mind and body were at war, instinct telling them this was their mother but conscious screaming for them to steel themselves. jon keeps their hands at their side but continues to let lyanna squeeze and feel that they’re there. after some time, jon brings up a hand to stroke their mother’s back. 

‘ i’m okay, mom, ’  they say, pulling the slightest away. they’re a little sore but they don’t tell her that. no need to worry her further.  ‘ i’m fine, ’  they press.  ‘ how about you ? you look a little shaken up. we should get you to sit down so i can check you out. ’  jon begins walking backward to take her to the medical tent. 

‘ i was in the kitchen when the lights went out, ’  they tell her,  ‘ i ended up finding margaery tyrell -- who was hurt -- and we fought one guy on the way out. other than that i’ve just been wondering what’s been going on. how did all of this happen ? ’  jon would usually refrain from asking about these kinds of things if they could help it, but they had bore witness to something and it didn’t sit right for them not to know.