your writing is so beautiful, rarely have i seen such writing on the internet. you can feel the warmth, the love, or the coldest winds while reading. its like a hug, and its so warm and so full of life and love. thank you, georgia. its homey and its just as addicting.
hey, anon!
I can not begin to explain how incredibly kind your message is and I especially can't fathom my writing having this affect on anyone at all!
thank YOU anon for reading and for leaving me this message to come back to.
you capture emotions so beautifully in which allows me to feel it so deeply, i speak for everyone when i say thank you so much for sharing your talent on here💘💘
thank you so much, anon!
I'm so so so happy and thankful that you read my work AND enjoy it! although I write because I love it, messages like this make certainly make it easier.
your writing is so beautiful it literally crushes me and then rebuilds me. like i seriously can’t believe i’m able to read your work for free, it feels like an actual novel holy shit
anon, this is the sweetest thing ever! I’m so glad that you enjoy my writing, it really is a labour of love!
but ‘crushes AND rebuilds’?! I did not think I held that kind of power but this is such a kind compliment. I hope you’re doing well!
summary: part 3 of ‘thoroughfare’ where Ellie and reader make it back home.
pairing: modern!ellie x reader
word count: ~4.4k
c/w: implied sex, language, alcohol consumption, fluff, angst?, hints of emotional constipation? the importance of friendships? a wild joel appearance?
a/n: welcome to the conclusion of 'thoroughfare', sorry it’s taken awhile! thank you for all the love you’ve shown for this little one-shot turned series. SPOILER ALERT: they actually make it home in this part!! I hope this meets expectations and that you enjoy! as always let me know what you think!
main masterlist
thoroughfare & thoroughfare [2]
The first time you and Ellie kissed was in the closet at some high school party. You don't remember whose house it was or how much alcohol you both drank. But you remember the way her nose bumped yours in the dark and how you giggled while her lips brushed yours. You remember that it was awkward, all fumbling hands and cautious movements, but it was innocent - it was sweet.
The two of you hadn't talked about it the next morning, had brushed it off as a momentary lapse in judgement, that the raging hormones made you do it, because at the time it was simply easier that way. You remember beating yourself up over it and you remember the taste of her lips. Ellie reminders you everyday now.
But since the night in the fast-food parking lot there was a certain ferocity she kissed you with now, like it would be the last time she would ever get to. So you became something solid for her to crash into. Everytime you stopped at a red light she would reach over the console and pull you into her. She would nip at your bottom lip and lick into your mouth. It was desperate - it was hopeful.
And the nights you stopped at motel after motel, she would kiss you in the dark and pry you open. Her hands would press into the curvature of your body as though she was leaving an imprint and she would sigh your name in-between curses. You didn’t know how to convince her you weren’t going to leave, not again and not to anywhere she can’t follow.
The two of you manage to make it through the majority of the CD’s stuffed in the glovebox and you were sure that every small town diner saw your faces at least once. Ellie had seemed restless more often than not but on the final day of driving you think that she is purposely driving slow, that she's going out of her way to miss the turn-off so the car is always in motion. But you couldn't complain, not when the sun had brought out more of her freckles and you thought she was smiling more, the creases by her eyes more prominent. She would tap her hands on the top of the steering wheel to the beat of the song playing and hum under breath.
If she wanted to extend the drive you figured you would lean into it as well. You spot an obnoxious looking store, a typical souvenir shop looking to draw in tourists with gaudy accessories, and call for Ellie’s attention over the music.
“Hey, can we turn back?” You ask, “I think we should get something for Dina."
She looks perplexed by your request by indulges anyway, “um, yeah sure.” She sighs and you don’t know if it’s in relief or annoyance.
A chime rings out as you enter and the old woman behind the counter perks up at your appearance. She gives the two of you a kind smile and waves, before ducking her head back down to the magazine laid out on the countertop.
Ellie holds your hand as you walk down the aisles and you swing your arms back and forth more aggressively than necessary. There wasn’t a specific item you had in mind, you figured once you see something you’ll know.
Her arm gets pulled back when you stop suddenly and she throws you a look over her shoulder, but you’re too stuck on the array of headbands on display in front of you. They were tacky and frankly quite ugly, it was ridiculous and you think that it's perfect.
"What do you think?" You grab one off of the rotating shelf and model it on your own head.
"I think that it's fucking ugly." She replies honestly. "Grab three more."
The moment you see the ‘Welcome to Jackson’ sign, you release a breath you didn’t know you were holding. In towns like these, nothing really changed and you were glad for it. You didn’t want to have to relearn the in’s and out’s of your hometown. Ellie’s eyes flit between you and the road as she drives further into town like she was trying to make sure you still wanted to be here, you grab one of her hands and kiss the back of it - there was no place you’d rather be.
You didn’t need to ask Ellie to stop off at Dina’s place first, she had turned down the familiar road without question - the one with the pot-hole that never gets filled. The trees that line the street are the same and the combination of excitement and nervousness you used to get before going to her house for a sleepover as a child is the same as well.
You had known Dina since before you could walk, you couldn't remember a time in your life when she wasn't there - didn't want to. She had seen you through your most embarrassing of phases and in turn you had seen her through hers.
There was something beautiful in childhood friendships, even more so when they extended into adulthood. That endurance, the constant effort to grow with each other rather than apart, built something unbreakable. So even though you had left abruptly, Dina didn't hold it against you. You think that she always knew you'd come back, she was just waiting for you to realise it as well.
When Ellie pulls into Dina’s driveway she honks the horn aggressively, a blaring signal that you had arrived. You don't think you’ve ever seen Dina move as fast as she is now, crossing the distance between her front door and you, with one foot out the car, in record time. You manage to fully exit the car before she throws herself at you.
She pulls away from you only briefly to cup your face between her hands, smushing your cheeks together while her laughter resounds through the air. “You’re home!”
You feel too choked up to respond so you simply try your best to smile and nod. She wraps you back up into her arms, swaying the two of you side to side gently.
“Fuck.” She exclaims quietly and you think you understand the sentiment exactly.
Dina doesn't tell you she missed you, but you know. You could feel it in the way she cradles you and you think to yourself that there's a space carved out in your chest in the shape of her. There was a specific amount of tenderness you reserved for your best friend because if you could survive the throes of girlhood together, what was a little distance in comparison?
Dina breaks away first but still holds you by your shoulders at arms length. “Fuck.” She exclaims again, bouncing on the balls of her feet, and you chuckle a little at that.
Ellie rounds to your side of the car, drawing Dina’s attention away from you as she drops her hold and pulls Ellie into an embrace. Not nearly as intense as the one you two had shared, but still one of fondness.
“I’m so happy you guys are back. It’s so boring here without the two of you.”
“Took us some time, but we made it.” Your voice wavers a little.
Dina looks at you and you want her to hold you again. The same way she always does - uninhibited.
“I’m hungry.” Ellie huffs out. “Do you have anything to eat? I need some real fucking food.”
“Yeah, got some leftovers in the fridge.”
“Sweet.” Ellie glances at you quickly before looking back at Dina. “We just gotta grab some things from the car, but you can head back in.”
Dina takes the bait and turns to leave you and Ellie alone. Whistling to herself as she goes.
Ellie steps closer to you and places a hand on the small of your back, a silent question of whether or not you’re okay. You lean into her side and she slides her hand to wrap her arm around your waist, pressing a kiss to your temple and letting it linger.
“Thank you.” You tell her. “For bringing me home.”
“Anytime.” She leaves your side momentarily to grab the gift bag out of the car without you having to ask for it. “Come on, let's get inside before I die of hunger.” She nudges you forward.
Dina is leaning against the counter by the microwave with her arms crossed and her foot tapping impatiently, when the two of you enter her house.
“Where’s your bags?” She asks, pushing off of the counter to meet you halfway, “you know what, never mind.” She ushers you to a seat in the kitchen. “Sit, sit.”
"We got something for you." You announce.
"It was mainly her idea." Ellie points at you and you swat her hand down. "Fine, it was our idea." She gives you a pointed look as though to say, happy?
"Oh guys you didn't have to-" Dina stops talking when you place the item on the table. "This is so fucking ugly." She exclaims while putting it on top of her head. "Why did you only get one? We all could've matched."
You sigh and reach into your bag again and pull out three more, handing one off to Ellie who looks exasperated beyond compare.
"I'm not putting this on my fucking head."
Dina slaps her hands on the table. “Yes you are and you’re gonna be happy about it.”
Ellie looks at you for help, but you’re enjoying this too much. “Don’t look at me, look at her.”
“Whose the other one for?” Dina asks, pointing to the one abandoned on the table.
“Jesse.”
“Ew, why?”
You look at her quizzically, “he’s literally your boyfriend.”
“Semantics.”
The three of you end up sitting at Dina’s kitchen table for longer than intended, your shoes kicked off your feet and the cup of tea in your hands had long grown cold. You wouldn’t have it any other way. Not when your cheeks hurt from smiling so much and when your heart is full of everything soft and warm.
Being back again was weird, especially when there were more memories than you can count attached to everything. On the corner of your street sat the bent road sign that Dina crashed into one time and sometimes you walked by the ice cream store that had served you every summer since you were little.
But seeing Joel and Sarah again was probably weirder.
Sarah had always been Ellie’s cool older sister, the one you used to watch leave the house with clothes you could only imagine owning and who had shown you her music without getting annoyed at you. She wasn’t in Jackson during your fallout with Ellie, but there was a high chance she had heard about it. There was something about the Millers that liked to collect strays and Sarah was no exception.
And Joel was, well Joel. He had seen you through your adolescence, had bared witness to the same awkward phases Dina had. Probably remembered them better than Dina did. He knew you well and in return you knew him. You knew how he liked his coffee and he knew how much liquor your stomach could handle after that one time he found you throwing up in his front yard with Ellie lying on the grass a few feet away. That also meant you knew how wildly protective he was towards Ellie, because there was a time when he was protective of you too. And you knew that if you were on the outs with Joel, it would make it that much harder to keep your thing with Ellie solid. She may never admit it but she cared about Joel’s opinions, her loyalty to him outweighing any feelings she may have towards you.
You knock on the Miller’s front door and Joel answers moments later. He looks at you for a moment, narrowing his eyes in such a way that you feel like a child about to be scolded. Perhaps you were about to be.
He clears his throat and calls out your name.
"Hey, Mr Miller." You reply, raising your hand in a half-hearted wave.
"It's good to see you."
You shift your weight awkwardly. "Yeah, you too."
He crosses his arms in front of his chest, looks off to the side and back to you. "You staying in town for awhile?" The furrow in his brow deepening.
You nod. "Yes, Sir."
"No plans to leave anytime soon?"
"No, Sir."
"Good." He claps his hands together. "Well I'm glad you're back, kid." He reaches forward and pats your shoulder. There’s a brief moment when he’s on his second pat that you’re able to tell that you’re both mildly uncomfortable with the situation at hand. He lets you inside and calls out for Ellie.
You let your feet carry you down the familiar hallway as your eyes try and take in the things that have changed. There was now on rug covering the scuff on the floor from where you had slipped once and there were new additions to the photographs on the wall. You take the time to look at them, smiling to yourself when you see a particularly cute family photo and cringing when you spot a younger, more awkward version of yourself in some of them.
You stop when you reach a photograph near the end of the row, it was sitting unassumingly between all the others but you noticed it. It was taken after high school graduation, you could tell from the matching robes you were all wearing and the diploma Dina was thrusting towards the camera. Ellie was sandwiched between you and Dina, looking relatively calm in comparison. And there on the end you were laughing, head thrown back in glee. As you stare at the photo all you could think about was if Ellie had always looked at you like that and if so how on earth did you miss it. The rosy red on her cheeks and the look of love in her eyes.
It was right there in front of you, photographic evidence. And you would recognise it anywhere, it was the same look you used to beat yourself up over when you would scroll through your camera roll at pictures of the two of you.
You wonder if you were to retrace your steps back and take a better look at all the photos, if Ellie had always looked at you this way. You were kids in some of these pictures - but some things never change.
“I put that one up.” The voice startles you out of your reverie and you turn to see Sarah. You were beginning to think that crossing arms whilst leaning against a wall was a Miller thing. “It was my favourite picture from graduation.”
You look back at the photo and you wonder if you look as wistful as you feel. “It’s a nice photo.” You reply lamely.
Sarah chuckles. “Ellie hated me for it.” You hear her footfalls move closer to you until you’re standing next to each other, her arm brushing against yours. “Said and I quote ‘I don’t want to look at her dumb face’.” She continues.
You snort. “What did you say to that?”
She shrugs. “Something along the lines of ‘if you don’t want to look at her dumb face then you might have to take down all your photos and drawings of her up in your room’.” Her curls bounce a little as she shakes her head in amusement. “She didn’t like that so much.”
You look at Sarah and think adulthood suits her well. “Yeah, sounds about right.”
Sarah laughs at that and it’s when you see how deep her crows feet are that you realise you’ll never be those kids again. You think that part of your mind immortalised Sarah as the cool college aged older sister and now she was standing here as a full-fledged adult. She was still cool, you think that she’ll always will be, but it was strange to see how much she had changed physically.
And maybe because you had grown up with Ellie and Dina those changes weren’t as obvious, but seeing Sarah now you didn’t want to miss those changes anymore, you wanted to be here to see all the wrinkles and the scars of the people you love. You wanted everyone to see you change too.
Sarah wraps an arm around your shoulders, jostling you a little. “Welcome home.”
You lean into her side. “Thanks, Sarah.”
“Am I interrupting something?” Ellie’s familiar voice calls out, she’s standing a couple of feet away with a bag in hand.
“Just reminiscing and embarrassing you.” Sarah replies nonchalantly, “you know, the usual.”
Ellie walks towards the two of you in a haste, grabbing your free arm to drag you away from her sister. “Very funny, now let go of my girlfriend we have places to be.”
You stop suddenly and there’s a brief moment where you wonder if you just imagined what she had called you. But she’s giving you that look again, the same one mirrored in your eyes and you know you’re not making it all up in your mind.
Ellie tugs on your arm again. “Hey, you ready to go?”
You grin at her and you’re aware you probably look a little stupid, “yeah let’s go.”
Sitting at Dina’s dining table with Dina and Jesse, you await Ellie’s return from the bathroom. You hear her footsteps and when she turns the corner you could see the moment regret flashes through Ellie’s eyes as she looks around at all of you wearing the headbands.
She raises her arms in exasperation and lets them fall to slap the sides of her thighs. “Jesus Christ, it’s like we’re a fucking cult or something.”
“We’ve basically been a cult since we were twelve.” Dina exclaims. “Get over yourself and sit down.”
You pat the empty seat next to you and deftly hand over Ellie’s headband when she plops herself down. She gives you a look and all you can do is shrug in return.
Dinner was already dished out and Jesse was regaling you with stories you had missed while you were gone, Dina pitching in every now and again. But since Ellie’s return from the bathroom, Jesse had taken it upon himself to lead everyone down memory lane.
“Do you remember when Ellie punched that girl because she called you her new best friend?” Jesse directs at you. “Or the time Ellie fell into the pool because she got distracted by you talking to that new lifeguard,” he makes a show of looking around at everyone, “who was totally into you by the way, she kept making goggly eyes at you.”
Dina was laughing so hard her headband went askew.
“Wait, that’s why you punched her?” You ask Ellie, turning in your seat to face her.
Ellie ignores you, her piercing gaze focused on Jesse. “Do you remember when you cried because I punched you in the balls?”
Jesse screws up his face in thought. “You’ve never punched me in the balls?” He replies.
“Well I’m about to.”
“Okay.” You cut in. “Food’s getting cold.”
You look at Ellie who has her fork in a death grip and is still glaring at Jesse. You nudge her with your elbow and pointedly look at her then at her plate, urging her to start eating. She makes a show out of stabbing her food and slowly bringing it to her mouth as you try and stifle your laugh.
After dinner you and Dina are washing the dishes together. The job would probably get done faster if Dina didn’t keep looking at you, instead of focusing on the task at hand.
You huff and put down the tea towel, “spit it out,” you say noncommittally.
She lifts her hands out of the sink, soapy hands raised in placation. "It's just good to have you back."
"It's good to be back." You reply honestly.
“You’re not allowed to leave again.” She attempts to say jokingly, but in your head the words just sound sad.
“I’m sorry.”
“Nothing to be sorry about.” She bumps her shoulder against yours. “Unless you leave again.”
“Yeah, yeah. I get it, I won’t leave.”
“So,” she draws out the word, turning back to the dishes in the sink, “you and Ellie?”
You shrug, picking up your tea towel again. “What about it?”
“I don’t know, you two have been dancing around each other for years.” She says, depositing a plate into the drying rack, “at the rate you guys were going I thought I’ll never live to see the day.”
“Neither did I, to be honest.”
“Well I’m glad you figured it out because now I won’t stop giving the two of you shit for being fucking idiots.”
“You haven’t started?”
She laughs, “fuck you.”
Autumn was fast approaching and you had seldom prepared, not quite ready for the sun to disappear early.
You had taken to staying at the Miller’s and you’ve found yourself slipping back into the routine the two of you had created back in high school. Only this time there wasn’t any hesitancy to hold each other at night and there wasn’t any avoidance of eye contact when someone’s touch lingers for longer than it should.
The two of you would sneak down into the kitchen of the middle of the night, taking turns shushing each other which inevitably led to muffled laughter. The same fuzzy socks that used to roam the halls shoved on to your feet were only slightly more pilled than they used to be. She stops the two of you in your tracks to kiss you with something soft, something sweet, and you feel like that teenager at that party again.
And in the mornings, Joel would be there nursing a cup of coffee in his hands while Sarah was slaving away at the stovetop. You’d all eat breakfast together and then afterwards you and Ellie would brush your teeth side by side. She’ll elbow you when she bends down to spit, but not before giving you a toothy grin in the mirror, white foam covering her mouth.
You’ll get dressed and make plans for the day and everything is just so simple.
The two of you had taken to sitting outside in the backyard, enjoying some of the last of the summer sun. Her head is in your lap and you’re gently carding your fingers through her hair.
“Do you remember Spring Break?” She asks, a hand raised to shield her eyes from the sun.
You lean forward to provide a shadow for her. “Which one?” You reply, jolting when she digs a knuckle into your stomach, “yes I remember Spring Break.” You concede.
“It wasn’t a mistake.”
“I know.”
“I didn’t forget about it.” She tacts on.
“Clearly.” She digs her knuckle into you again and you chuckle before looking at her more seriously, “I didn’t forget about it either.”
“Good.” You look down at her and she had already settled back into your lap, eyes closed. “You can lean back now, you’re blocking my sunlight.”
You tug gently on her hair and lean back again, letting the grass pillow your fall.
And at night the routine tended to be the same as well. Sometimes she joined you in the shower and sometimes she didn’t. Either way, everything was just so smooth. You had noticed a clear difference from the Ellie that was on the road with you and the Ellie now, she was just less rushed in everything. Her kisses weren’t as bruising and your time between sheets filled with more giggles than those motels would ever get to see. She holds you close, but not tightly and you think that there's something important in that difference.
The two of you repeat this routine throughout the next couple of weeks and Ellie reconfigures her presence in your chest as a gentle hum.
It’s the last day of Summer and as though the sun knew she’d be pushed to the side, she was out in all her full glory.
Joel is flipping burgers on the barbecue, beer in hand and cowboy hat on his head - something Ellie made him wear. Sarah is hovering over his shoulder and you snicker to yourself when you see him wave her off for what must be the tenth time in the past twenty minutes.
You were sitting with Dina and she was telling you a story you were trying your best to listen to, but it’s hard when Ellie is in your line of sight.
“You know you don’t have to stare at her from afar now? Like she’s your girlfriend, you can just go up to her.”
You shrug your shoulders. “I like looking at her.”
You catch Ellie’s gaze instead of looking away like you used to all those years ago and you don’t feel embarrassed when she catches you looking, if anything you double down on your efforts to ensure that a blush rises on her cheeks.
Dina fake gags. “Gross,” she leans in close to you to whisper in your ear. “You know, she like never showers.”
“Dina!” Her name gets drowned out from the sound of your own laughter.
Dina is laughing too. “Just saying.” She cackles out, clutching her stomach as she does so.
“What are you two laughing about over here?” Ellie’s voice calling out to the pair of you as she crosses the distance towards you.
“I was just talking about your hygiene.” Dina replies, raising her eyebrows in defiance.
“Dina, don’t.”
Ellie’s brow furrows. “What about my hygiene?”
“How you don’t shower.” Dina teases.
“Dina!” You slap her arm playfully. “Ellie, she’s joking.”
Ellie’s mouth open and closes as she tries to search for something to say, coming up empty she huffs and turns to walk away, leaving you and Dina exchanging looks at each other.
“Good one, look what you’ve done.” You admonish.
“How was I supposed to know she’ll get all pissy,” Dina throws her arms up, “it was a joke!”
A spray of water hits the side of your face, so startled you fall out of your chair and right onto the ground. You wipe a hand over your face and look up to see Ellie standing there with the hose.
“Whoops.” She says, feigning innocence with a shrug of her shoulders.
You see Dina in your periphery inch her way towards Ellie, but Ellie is quicker and turns the hose to her, spraying her in the chest.
“What the fuck?!” Dina exclaims, pulling her wet shirt away from her body.
You take this as your chance to make a break for it and she chases you around the backyard with the hose and while you never may be those kids again, you feel like you are.
omg I have to write to you about girls against god because holy shit you DID that!!!! I adore a western au but I love it even more when both r and ellie are allowed to be angry and violent. idk if you've played/watched red dead redemption 2 before (it feels like you have) but r and ellie are giving big Arthur and Mary vibes but sapphic and like a thousand times better. the use of David was perfect and I especially love the line "You see Father John in the men who viewed their anger as some sort of birthright, that because they were men they were justified in their anger." tbh it's something that i've been thinking about a lot lately (one of the dozens of reasons i can't date men anymore) and seeing it here was so refreshing especially in context of an amazing story.
I just have a lot of love for what you wrote!!! you made the reader of a reader insert have a lot of depth and character in 4k words which is so impressive first of all. secondly, it's always really nice to read a reader insert that gives the reader character without including preferences or appearances if that makes sense? like making her rough n tumble without saying anything about her hair, body, likes/dislikes and it feeling not weird is amazing, so proud.
tldr: i could write a goddamn dissertation on this story thank you for your service
thank you so much for reading and for sending me this message!
I have to admit that this has taken me an embarrassingly long time to write up a response because I genuinely didn't even know what to say!
I'm so glad you enjoyed 'girls against god', I didn't know how it would be received or if it seemed a bit too preach-y, so I really needed to hear this. and whether or not this was a western!au, I knew I wanted to write a reader that was unapologetic about their violence and their anger, so again thank you for loving that aspect of the reader.
I'm overjoyed that you like that particular line about Father John, I personally think it's one of my favourite things that I've written - I think we all have encountered a Father John at one point in our lives.
and I haven't actually played/watched red dead redemption 2, I have only vaguely heard about it - but it seems as though I must get on to that real quick!
finally, creating a reader insert that is inclusive as possible has always been my goal and will always be my goal. I understand the frustration someone gets when there are certain characteristics that you can't personally relate to and they end up taking you out of the story and I never want to make someone feel excluded in my writing.
love love love cowboy ellie! do you think you’ll write more?
hey, anon! thank you for the message!
I'm happy to hear that you love cowboy!ellie, but I currently don't have any plans to write more of this particular au, as the think-tank is low on fuel if I'm being honest. this is not to say that she definitely won't make a reappearance in the future, it just might take awhile.
'But you continue to fantasize about a life where your boots lived next to Ellie's' that was so beautiful i will cement myself into the wall😭 no but seriously 'girls against god' is so wonderfully written muah<33
thank you, anon!
I hope I'm not so late in replying that you've already cemented yourself, but if so, any wall would be lucky to have you.
thank you again for the kind words and I'm so glad you enjoyed 'girls against god'!
girls against god was so devastating and beautifully written. you write ellie so well it feels so real and SO her. so much charm and tenderness in your work it’s wonderful
thank you so much! you truly don’t understand how much I needed to hear this!
I’m so so so happy you enjoyed ‘girls against god’, especially because I was freaking out on how to follow up ‘western nights’. and no matter the au, I always want to try and stay true to ellie’s character because that’s what we all fell in love with in the first place! so to hear that you feel ellie’s essence in my characterisation of her means the world!!
girls against god - cowgirl!ellie williams x cowgirl!reader
summary: men shouldn’t be scared of god, they should be scared of two girls with something to prove. (western!au)
pairing: cowgirl!ellie williams x cowgirl!reader
word count: ~4.7k
c/w: major descriptions of violence, religious imagery, allusions to abuse, m*n, angst, language, emotional constipation, historical inaccuracies probably, implied sex, fluff?? no one is really a good person in this, kinda dark??
song inspo: ‘girls against god’ - florence and the machine
a/n: y’all wanted more cowgirl!ellie so this is it I guess? I'm tired and I'm still in a bit of a slump, but I’ll try and get part 3 of thoroughfare out sometime during the weekend. thank you for being patient with me. as always I hope you enjoy and let me know what you think <3
masterlist
When you were little, couldn’t of barely been ten, you remember that there was a man that used to visit your town. He called himself Father John and presented himself as a religious man; he liked it when people knelt at his feet, liked it when he moved people to tears. You think of this man, you try not to because that would give him too much power, but you think of him when you see a man with a violent streak which meant you thought of him often. You see Father John in the men who viewed their anger as some sort of birthright, that because they were men they were justified in their anger.
But while men like Father John could claim they knew anger, they did not know hunger. Not the way that you do, not the way the other girls in your town do, and not the way the girls in the other towns Father John visited knew.
They did not know what it meant to bite your tongue and having to learn to like the taste of blood.
They did not know what it meant to dig nails into palms until crescent moons are embedded into skin.
And they did not know that staring at a ceiling late at night, tears leaking from your eyes and holding your breath so you don’t release a guttural scream, was an act of defiance in itself.
They did not know hunger, not the way that you do. They did not know anger, not the way you do.
So when people think that you were born this way, came out of the womb violent and thirsty for blood, you don’t correct them. You think good, anger was never theirs in the first place. And you’ve sat with your anger long enough to know that you were chomping at the bit.
You whistle a familiar tune as you walk into the bar of some rundown town, eyes focussed on a woman seated at a table near the back. She had her head hung low, the brim of her hat obscuring your view, but you would recognise her anywhere.
“Ain’t you a sight for sore eyes.” You tease, letting the chair scratch against the ground as you pull it out to sit across from her.
She tilts her head up only slightly to look at you. “What are you doing here?” She asks gruffly.
“Can’t I be here just to catch up with an old friend?”
“That’s what we are?” She scoffs. “Friends?”
You flash her a smile, one with teeth. “Okay.” You say drawing out the word. “Not-friends, then.”
She huffs and leans back in her chair, finally letting you see a full view of her face. She looks tired, you think. She looks as pretty as the last time you saw her. You wonder if she thinks of you as much as you think of her.
“What do you want?”
“I know something.” You whisper conspiratorially, bracing your elbows on the table to lean forward.
She rolls her eyes but still indulges you and leans forward as well. “What do you know?” She whispers back jokingly.
“You gotta give me something in return.”
“For fuck sake.” She runs her hands down her face. “Tell me what you know first.”
You lose your smile and quickly turn serious, keeping your voice low. “I know where Owen is.” You see the familiar glint in her eyes. “He’s laying low in the next town over.”
“What do you want?”
“That pretty necklace you stole a few months ago.”
“Of course.” She mutters but you hear it clearly. “How do you even know about that?”
“I know people.” You shrug. “So how about it?”
“When do we leave?”
“Now if you want.”
She pushes her chair back and braces her hands on her thighs before standing to her full height. She looks down at you expectantly and you’re reminded why some people are worshipped.
“Let’s go then.”
She rides ahead of you at a steady pace, not quite a gallop, but it’s enough to have the wind whip around you as you follow her. You liked seeing her like this; carefree and uninhibited. Out in the open with no one around she lets herself call out to you.
“So what’s the plan?” She yells over her shoulder.
“He leaves the brothel with a soiled dove, same time every night, and goes back to his house on the edge of town.” You explain, urging your horse forward until you’re riding side by side.
“How many guards?”
You admire at her side profile; the slant of her nose, the jut of her chin. “One.” You reply.
“Only one?”
“Personally,” you start. “I think it’s because he doesn’t want anyone to see that he left the poor girl unsatisfied.” You deadpan. “But that’s just my opinion.”
“Or maybe it’s because he’s a cocky asshole who thinks that he doesn’t need the protection.” She counters, quickly looking at you.
“Yeah that too.”
She lets her laugh ring out as she pushes ahead of you, leaving you to watch her back as she rides away. It used to bother you, watching her leave. But it had steadily grown into curiosity. Because you knew she’ll find her way back, it was only just a matter of when.
The two of you are shrouded in shadows by the time you reach the outskirts of town. You’re standing in a deserted alley, the house Owen residing in just across the dirt road with a lone guard standing by the front door, gun in hand. There was a single light on upstairs and you could see shadows move across the curtain.
Her hand comes into view from your periphery and you wordlessly hand your bandana to her. It was a pretty blue thing; well worn. Ellie had given it you a few months ago. You let your eyes fall shut as she wraps the fabric around the lower half of your face.
“Too tight?” She asks while giving the knot she tied a gentle tug.
“No, it’s good.” Your lips brush against the fabric. “Thank you.”
She taps the side of your waist twice. “No problem.”
You turn to face her and you’re suddenly ravenous. She’s got her own bandana down around her neck and you bare your teeth into something that resembles a smile when you spot the familiar initials on the inside of the fabric.
“You go ‘round back and I’ll get the guard.” You tell her.
She nods in easy agreement.
“Don’t die.” She says in all seriousness.
“I won’t if you won’t.”
The corners of her lips tick up and she presses a rough kiss to your temple before pulling her bandana up over her nose. You watch her back as she leaves.
Staring at the guard across the way, you think to yourself that he’s a giant. He’s big in height and weight, comprised of thick cords of muscles stacked on top of each other and a beet red face. But you remember that even Goliath fell - you wonder if the ground will shake when the guard falls too.
Suddenly a high pitched scream coming from inside the house leaks outside and his focus is drawn to the commotion. You move quickly towards him and whistle loudly to get his attention. He startles at the noise and turns around with his gun aimed at your general direction. You’re closer than what he expected.
Sometimes it was fun to play with your food.
His ugly face twists up as he backhands you across the face with his gun, your head whipping to the side making your bandana fall at the sudden movement. You smile when you feel the blood pooling in your mouth. You welcome it and let it reach in-between the cracks in your teeth, because finally your hunger was momentarily satiated. When you turn your head back to look at him, he looks taken aback by your grin. You spit in his face and laugh when you see him recoil, when you see the red covering his face.
“You fucking whore.” He chokes out in surprise.
You then hit him twice as hard.
You hit him again, and again, and again - if he tried to hit you back you didn’t take notice, you think to yourself that you’ll feel it later if he did. You punch him without reprieve, until you’re crouching over his body that was now a sad lump on the ground. He was alive, could tell from the way he wheezed. It was a pathetic sight. You punch him again.
You don’t know how long you stand over him with your knuckles dripping blood and your chest heaving - Goliath still struggling for breath. But it’s long enough for Ellie to find you. You can feel her presence behind you and you hold out a hand for her gun without looking at her. She hands it over to you easily and lets her fingers brush against yours. You test the familiar weight in your hand briefly; you were playing God and you didn’t care - maybe David would be a more apt description. You fire off only one shot into the man because he didn’t deserve any more than that.
“We gotta go.” Ellie says softly, pulling you out of your head. “The noise would’ve drawn attention.”
When you don’t respond she calls your name and slots her hand in yours. “Hey, come on.” You let her drag you away.
She didn’t let you get back on your own horse, had tied your horse to hers and made you wrap your arms around her waist. But from the way she gripped your hands holding the reigns you wonder if she was doing it for herself as well.
Your body was a tense thing behind her, a solid figure, even once the small town was out of sight. And you could tell Ellie had noticed when she leans back against you and raises one of your hands to her chest, the blood now dried and flaky. You unfurl your fingers slowly and let them splay across her, closing your eyes as you try and focus on the thumping of her heart beneath her clothing. On the possibility that maybe it was your own heart that you were feeling, you press against her harder.
She leads you to a place only the two of you know about. The one you had told her that existed a couple years ago. It was a small house a few hours ride away, sitting isolated from other life, but that didn’t mean the two of you didn’t breath air back into it whenever you stopped by. Sometimes you visited it together, spent the day nursing each others wounds and the night tangled in sheets. Others, more often than not, you visited it alone when you needed a place to hide away for a little while. A place where you could curl into a ball on the couch and care for the little girl inside your chest.
For all the rage the two of you collectively held, there was a silent rule that it was not to be brought into any of the homes you had created for yourselves. There were to be no threats of violence and no slamming of doors. So when the two of you step finally inside and Ellie closes the door behind her, you feel her grab you gently by the waist and kiss you with something soft. You let yourself fall into her as she takes her time plying you open. She kisses you and touches you until your something malleable in her hands.
She leans her forehead against yours and you’re just two people breathing, just two hearts beating. And you think that in another life this would be enough to fulfil you.
When you break away from Ellie, but not before giving her one more chaste kiss, you look around and see a familiar jacket draped across the back of the couch, you see a book sitting on the coffee table.
“You’ve been back here?” You ask, feet carrying you towards the couch as you run a hand over the fabric of her jacket. You wonder if you pressed your face to it, if it would smell like her.
“Not in awhile, but yeah I have.” The sound of her boots draws nearer.
It would be so easy, you think to yourself. Easy to just hide away from everyone, live a life not on the run. You can see it so clearly, could practically taste it, but it wouldn’t be fair to either of you. The love you had to offer was born from bruised knuckles and cracked ribs. From teeth that were made to bite. But you continue to fantasise about a life where your boots lived next to Ellie’s.
“You gonna stay around this time?” She asks.
“Just for the night.” You reach for her and she meets you somewhere in the middle and brushes her thumb against your raw knuckles. “You’ll find me again if you need to.” You tell her.
She tightens her grip on you, not harshly, never harshly, but more firmly. “What if I don’t need to?”
“What do you mean?”
“What if I want to?”
“Like I said.” You tap the side of your nose. “You’ll find me.”
She finds you six months later in a house that wasn’t where you had left her last, knocking on the door in a specific pattern. There’s a brief moment before you open the door that you imagine that this is what it would be like to have Ellie come home to you after work. You shake your head and turn the doorknob.
Your eyes fall upon her black eye first and then the gash on her cheek. She’s cradling her shoulder and you give her a sympathetic look. Still beautiful as ever, you think.
“You should see the other guy.” She attempts to joke.
You cross your arms and lean against the doorframe. “I’m too busy looking at my guy.”
She sucks in a harsh breath and you see her puff out her chest a little bit. “Yeah? I’m your guy?”
You ignore her question and ask her one of your own. “So what brings you here?” You tilt your head to the side a little. “You want to see me or you need me to patch you up?”
She tries to act nonchalant but winces when she shrugs. “A bit of both.”
“Come on in then.”
You push off the doorframe and step aside to let her in. You watch as she toes of her boots and leaves them next to yours by the front door. You shake your head again and close the door behind her.
Six months was a long time, you had been without Ellie for longer periods but something had shifted. You think that it’s becoming exhausting to clench your jaw so often. There were nights during Ellie’s absence that you thought about finding her and asking her to put down roots with you. To tell her you didn’t want to be constantly looking for each other, you wanted to wake and find her already there. But you would rather condemn yourself to a burning hell than make Ellie feel guilty for moving on - than to make Ellie burn with you. Besides that would mean having to figure out how to squash the near constant voice in your head telling you to move, to do something. But having Ellie here meant that you could just rest and you don’t like to think of the implications of that too much.
You follow her to the kitchen as she drops herself into a chair at the table.
“How long have you been here?”
“Few days.” You reply
You soak a cloth in the basin and you let the cold water seep into your skin. You wring it out and let the sound of the water dripping distract you.
“Why so long?”
“Knew you were coming.” You say easily.
“Oh come on, there’s no way you could’ve known.” She exclaims.
You shake your head. “You forget I know you better than most.”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
It’s silent as you clean her face, wipe away the dirt and the blood to reveal her freckled skin. The cut on her cheek wasn’t deep and you sweep your thumb over it gently.
“You hungry?” You ask her and you think you see something shift in her eyes. Maybe it was the trick of the light.
“When am I not?”
“When are you not.” You parrot. “I’ll cook you up something, you should go lay down.”
Before you can move she wraps her arms around your torso and pulls you back into her, she presses the side her face against your stomach and sighs. For a moment you hold her there with a hand on the back of her head, then regretfully take a step back. You figure she must be exhausted from the way she doesn’t put up a fight, just drags herself away to the couch, flopping down with a groan.
It would be so easy.
And it is easy when the two of you play house for nearly a week. You let Ellie rest - you keep her warm, you keep her safe. You don’t let her lift a finger unless its to bring her fork to her mouth from the plate of food you made her or to wrap an arm around your waist when she comes up behind you. And in return she gives you kisses on cheeks and songs hummed under her breath.
“We could stay here.” She says one night in the dark, says it like a prayer.
“Yeah we could.”
“We could be happy here.”
You don’t know who she’s trying to convince but you do know that it isn’t working for either of you. It was dangerous to hope.
“We really could.”
You hear her exhale and she curls around you, tucks her head into your neck. She whispers something you don’t quite hear but you feel it in your chest and figure that you get the idea.
She’s the one that leaves this time and you can’t fault her for it.
When you wake up and reach for her she isn’t there, in her place was something cold. You peek through your eyelashes and see your hand on top of a necklace. You close a fist around it and let the diamonds imprint your skin. Your hunger comes for you again.
A letter is waiting for you when you make it back to one of your houses, it’s sitting on your front porch, held down by a rock. This particular house was one you didn’t use as much so you don’t know how long its been waiting for you. On the envelope are just your initials in her scratchy handwriting, the same ones embroidered into her bandana. When you read the letter you turn back around and get on your horse again, leaning down to stroke her side and whisper apologies. Because when Ellie calls you come, it’s as simple as that. It always has been.
You meet her two days later, find her sitting on a bench looking lost. It’s warm out, Spring had arrived and chased away any traces of Winter. She doesn’t look at you when you sit down next to her, doesn’t move an inch when you press your thigh against hers.
“Do you remember that preacher I told you about?” She asks.
“David?”
Her hands on the top of her thighs clench into fists and you place a hand on top of hers. You watch as her features soften at the contact, eyes dropping to look down at where you’re touching. She flips her hand over to thread your fingers together.
“Yeah, him.”
“What about him?”
“I uh-” She brings both of your intertwined hands up to her face, bowing her head slightly, as she rests her forehead against your knuckles. “I found him.”
“Do you want me to come with?” You ask as only a nicety, you were going to go regardless of her answer.
“Please.” She sounds embarrassed, she sounds apologetic.
“Of course.”
The two of you ride for nearly three days straight, only stopping when the horses need a break and when Ellie nearly falls off Shimmer from her lack of sleep. You force her to lay down, tell her you’ll keep watch even though there was no one to watch out for out here. You keep one hand on your gun and the other stroking her hair. She tosses and turns and you have to pretend like its nothing when she jolts awake. You have to pretend that you’re not tired too.
It must’ve been a Sunday when you finally arrive to the small town Ellie had found out David lived in, church-goers in their Sunday best. The sun is beating down and you tie your horses off in the shade, letting them drink from the trough and chew through a pile of hay. Walking through town, you see people eye the two of you wearily. There’s a group of girls all huddled together, whispering in one another’s ears and you have the urge to tell them to run. To tell them that this small town will serve them no good and that there’s a whole world waiting for them. You duck your head and watch the dust beneath your feet.
Ellie stops you and gestures across the way to a dilapidated church. “This is his church apparently.”
On cue a man exits the doors with a woman on his arm, she looked young. The man himself was withered by time, had the wrinkles to prove it. You narrowed your eyes at him and thought to yourself that his gait looked familiar. But it was when he keeled over to laugh that you remembered where you knew him from.
“Ellie.” You breath out. “That’s Father John.” Your voice sounds small, like it did back when you were little.
“What?” She looks at you worriedly and grabs your arm hard enough to bruise. She drags you away so he’s no longer within sight, so you can no longer hear him the ringing of his laughter in your ears.
“The man I told you about.” You urge, like if you said the words fast enough then they would rush by without you having to hear them. “That’s him.”
She grips your chin and forces you to look at her. “Hey,” she calls your name, “he can’t hurt us.” She pushes the words out. “Not anymore.”
You search her face for any hint that she might be lying to you. When you don’t find anything you repeat her words back to her. “Not anymore.”
She visibly gulps. “Yeah, that’s right.” She drops her grip on your chin and places a hand on the small of your back, directing you back to the town centre. “Let’s go get you something to eat.”
The sun is setting when you make your way back to the church. After getting some food and some rest, you were quick to reach deep within your belly and stoke the flames of the fire living in there. You won’t let yourself become that scared little girl, not again and certainly not because of him.
The two of you enter the church, closing the door behind you and locking it. It’s eerily quiet, the only noise being the sound of your boots as you pass by the rows of wooden pews. At the front of the church is a large wooden cross and before it Father John or perhaps it was David. Maybe it was neither. He’s on his knees, praying like it could save him from what's about to come.
You let yourself follow Ellie, you knew that this wasn’t your particular fight. You came here to support her and that was the end of it.
“I was wondering when the two of you would show.” He says while still facing the cross. “I heard you were looking for me.” He sounds smug.
Ellie keeps walking until she’s standing behind him. “Don’t flatter yourself.” She scoffs out.
“You used to be so sweet.” He says, there’s a lilt to his voice like he’s reminiscing. You shudder to think of what he’s thinking about.
“Then you didn’t know me as well as you think you did.” Ellie replies, her voice coming out a bit shaky.
“What I do know.” He starts, pausing long enough for you to start shifting from foot to foot. “Is that you could’ve been the best of us.”
She shakes her vehemently even though he couldn’t see her. “I never wanted to be the best.”
He looks over his shoulder at her words. “Shame.”
You see her clench the hand holding her knife tighter and you stand off to the side as Ellie smites him. She wages holy war against a man who believed himself to be bigger than God and it’s beautiful. It’s all blood and guts and catharsis. You find yourself stepping closer just so you can see the blood spill, to see the red on the floor that resembles the red between your thighs and the grainy white of his ribs. The knife breaks off in him and she continues to beat him with her fists. She cries as she bludgeons him, a sound that echoes within the church.
Mary is weeping and Ellie is too.
When she stops, when David is dwindled down to flesh and bones, she sits back on her heels and drops her head between her shoulders. She wraps her arms around herself and lets sobs wrack through her body. You lower yourself down next to her, feel your pants grow wet from the puddle of blood beneath you and wrap your arm around her shoulders. When she falls against you, you cradle her. You cradle her as she buries her head against her chest and clings to you, digs her hands into your skin almost painfully and blubbers something through her snot and tears.
“I know.” You whisper back. “I know.”
She looks up at you and you hold her face in your hands. You tuck a loose strand of hair behind her hair and lean forward to kiss her forehead.
“Let’s get my guy home.” You whisper into her hair and all she does is nod against you.
The two of you spend nearly three months together in a little house and if feels right, it feels good. Everything inside is soft and warm and no one comes home limping or with cracked knuckles. The only sweat that perspires is that of when the two of you sit on the back porch for too long in the sun or when you spend nights taking turns worshipping each other until the sunlight peeks through the curtains.
The fight was over, at least it was for you and you try and convince yourself that it was for Ellie too. You believe it when she dances with you in the kitchen and when she tells you she loves you more than she ever did.
When she washes the dishes and you dry them.
When she cares for you in the most tender of ways she can offer and you let yourself let her.
It just all felt too good to be true and it was.
You could see her growing restless as the days passed her by, could see it when she chops the firewood more aggressively. She doesn’t say a word to you about it and it bothers you, because the more antsy she gets the more you start gearing for a fight. And there was to be no fights in your home, none. So you try and gently coax it out of her, offer to ride into a nearby town and let the devil find some work for idle hands, but she resists, she tells you that she’s fine. She strays further from reach and you feel like you’ve failed her somehow.
But one night while she’s sitting on the edge of the bed, facing away from where your standing by the door, with her shoulders slouched. She had just gotten back from a ride, something she had taken to more recently, and you can tell that this is it. You knock gently to get her attention and when she looks at you, you’d think that she’s in pain if you didn’t know better. But you do know better and you smile knowingly at her.
1. without you without them - ellie williams x reader
part of the ‘record-verse’ - a collection of stand alone one-shots based off of boygenius’ album ‘the record’ that exist within the same universe.
summary: ellie meets reader for the first time and can’t help but want to know more.
pairing: ellie williams x reader
word count: ~2.1k
c/w: ellie’s pov, language, descriptions of violence, fluff?? beginnings of a crush??
a/n: I’m in a writing slump so you’ll get what you’re given (*tender forehead kiss*). as always I hope you enjoy and let me know what you think <3
“speak to me until your history’s no mystery to me.”
Looking at the girl Tommy was practically dragging across the room towards them, Ellie couldn’t help but think that she wasn’t as useless as she came across. That the fiddling of hands and demure demeanour was a part of a game, a game only she knew, so as to ensure her victory. There was just something feral about her, perhaps it was the flash of teeth that appeared when Tommy tugged at her sleeve to move her along or the calculating gaze when she assumed no one was looking, whatever it was, it was something that was off-putting to Ellie in a way she wasn’t quite yet ready for.
Ellie had seen her fair share of people putting on an act to get their way, but that's what that was - an act. This was something else entirely.
“Ellie,” Tommy nods to her before nodding to his brother, “Joel, please welcome our newest resident.”
You flash a smile, one not quite reaching your eyes, one with closed lips. “Hello.”
Like the stretch of skin or the bite of a dog, whoever this was gonna leave a mark, this much Ellie knew. She shovelled a heaping forkful of food into her mouth and grumbled back a reply.
Ellie spent the next couple weeks after your arrival watching you from afar. It wasn’t a conscious decision to do so but her eyes would find your form whenever you were nearby. You didn’t do anything particularly exciting, but she was just naturally curious about the new person in town. At least that’s what she tried to tell herself - that it had nothing to do with the smile Dina managed to pull from you that one time during movie night.
She hadn’t realised that Dina was quick to befriend you, Ellie wasn’t surprised it was just the kind of person Dina is, but the two of you looked close.
There was something about the way you shadowed Dina, it wasn’t possessive per se, but more so protective. The more she thought about it, the more she thought that it was kinda intense. Your eyes would follow her if she strayed out of arms reach and she had noticed the way you would subtly step in front of her if the two of you were approached by someone you didn’t know. Where Dina claimed you through charming smiles and awful jokes, you had claimed her right back with careful gestures and near insistent hovering over her shoulder.
She understood the feeling of being protective of your people, felt it keenly when she would overhear people talk about Joel. But that made sense to her because she was with him before. You had arrived here by yourself not that long ago and had apparently already saw Dina as being one of your people.
Ellie didn’t know how to feel about it all.
She was staring at you now trying to figure it out when Dina sidled up next to her and bumped her shoulder.
“Just go talk to her.”
“Who?” She asks lamely, looking down at her scuffed shoes as she does so.
“The new girl.” Dina clarifies as though it was obvious who she was referring to.
“Why would I do that?”
Dina looks at her funny. “Because it’s better than staring at her like a creep.”
“Hey, I’m not a creep.” She tries to defend.
“I didn’t say you are a creep, just that you look like one.” Dina waves her off, like her words are supposed to make her feel better.
“Fuck you.”
Dina cackles. “Look, she’s actually really nice.”
Ellie watches you as you eat, taking note of the way your arm was boxing in your plate of food and how your eyes would dart around the room every so often.
“Somehow I find that hard to believe.” She rebuts. “She looks like she’s gonna stab someone.” Vaguely gesturing in your direction.
Dina sighs and places both hands on her hips, her elbow knocking into Ellie’s side. “Well she might if she keeps catching you staring at her. She thinks you’re weird by the way.”
That captures Ellie’s attention as she whips her head around to look at Dina. “What the fuck do you mean?” She rushes out. “She’s noticed?”
“You’re not exactly subtle, Ellie.”
“Fuck.” She exclaims, running her hands down her face and tilting her head back. “I’m not the weird one, she’s the weird one.”
“Well if you go and talk to her, you can be weird together.” With her words, Dina grabs Ellie’s shoulders and pushes her in your direction.
Ellie looks back helplessly at Dina who was busy shooing her away, before she lets her feet carry her towards where you’re sitting. You don’t take note of her presence and she shuffles from foot to foot before clearing her throat.
“So what’s your deal?” She flinches the moment she asks, her voice coming out harsher and louder than she expected. She watches as your shoulders curl in on themselves at the sound of her voice. When you raise your head slowly to look at her, she feels scrutinised under your gaze.
“I’m sorry?”
“Fuck I didn’t mean it like that.” She tries to placate.
There’s a tense silence and Ellie sees the way your hand curls tighter around your fork.
“Fuck off.” You say tersely.
Ellie rubs the back of her neck. “Right.”
Ellie sheepishly walks back to where Dina was standing off to the side with hand covering her mouth.
“Nice, my ass.” Ellie mutters under her breath.
“Not my fault you don’t know how to interact with people.”
“Neither does she apparently.”
Dina shrugs. “She’s still better at it than you.”
“At least I’m not fucking weird.” She scoffs out, crossing her arms against her her chest.
“Oh yeah? What was it you said to her again?” Dina pretends to think for a moment, finger tapping her chin. “That’s right, “so what’s your deal”” She crudely mimics Ellie’s voice. “Who the fuck says that as a greeting? What happened to hello?”
Ellie furrows her brow. “You heard that?”
“I think the whole town did.”
“Shut the fuck up.”
Dina digs her fingers into Ellie’s side, laughing to herself when she jolts out of reach. “No, you weirdo.”
When she heads to the stables for her patrol rotation the next day, Maria tells her that she’s gained a new patrol partner, she knows exactly who she’s referring to and accepts begrudgingly. She thinks that this could be good, she can try and fix whatever it was that happened yesterday. But she’s left at a loss for words when you come strolling in, sending a nod in her direction before mounting your horse. She adverts her gaze when a sliver of skin is exposed when your top rides up from under your jacket and shakes her head as though it would detangle her thoughts. Ellie thinks to herself that this whole situation is fucking weird.
The two of you ride side by side and she thinks that you look calmer outside the gates of Jackson, less cagey. You don’t say a word so she doesn’t either, she’s content enough to not let the silence bother her.
It’s on your way back that she notices you stop and turn your head to look off into the distance. Ellie cranes her head to look in the direction as well and hears the familiar screeching. She expects you to look scared, even if it is just the tiniest amount, but you look tired when you turn back to her. Wordlessly, you both dismount and tie your horses to a nearby tree. She tugs at your jacket to get your attention and she quietly tells you the plan, she assumes you’re listening by the way you nod along every now and again. You don’t make any comments, don’t try to undermine her in any way and Ellie thinks that either you trust her enough to see the plan through or that you’re inexperienced and this is bound to be a shit show.
So she keeps an eye on you when you both creep slowly towards the small hoard of infected.
There was a moment of hesitation before you stabbed the infected you had in a headlock, then once you did it was as though some wild beast escaped you as you stabbed it again and again. It was brutal the way you worked and there was nothing graceful in the way you moved. It was all jerky limbs and small grunts of effort. It was the baring of teeth and blatant disregard of your own safety.
But you were efficient and Ellie could work with that - it made her job easier.
She finishes off the last infected and looks at you standing over the body of one. She sees the rise and fall of your chest and the way you’ve dropped your head between your shoulders.
“Nice work.” She says as an attempt to break the silence.
“Thanks.” There’s a pause. “You too.”
The walk back to the horses is tense, she was trying to be casual about it, but it was kinda hard when the person next to you seemed as though they were gearing for another fight.
She wonders what you’re thinking about, wonders if you’re thinking about the way she fought like she was thinking about you.
“You good?” She asks, untying Shimmer from the tree.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” You reply. Neither of you mention that your hands are shaking.
She watches as you get back on top of your horse and quickly brush the back of your hand across your cheek, unknowingly smearing blood on your face and when Ellie sees the smattering of red she thinks that you look pretty - that it suits the backdrop of the Autumn leaves behind you. She wonders if she has blood on her face too and if so, what you thought of it. She gets back on top of Shimmer and rides ahead of you.
She doesn’t know what prompts her to do so, but she plops her tray of food down across from you and she watches as you chew your food slowly before lifting your head. You’re closed off again, she could tell from the look in your eyes.
“Hey.” She says simply.
You swallow your food. “Hey.”
She’s beginning to regret her decision to come and sit with you the longer neither of you say anything. You finish your food first and she’s prepared for you to get up and leave, but she’s surprised when you’re the first to talk.
“How long have you been in Jackson?”
She wipes her mouth with the back of her hand. “Only a couple of months longer than you.” She says in-between mouthfuls.
“Does it get easier?”
“What?”
“Any of it.” You force out through gritted teeth.
She’s taken aback and tries not to show it. Your words sounded too close to a confession of sorts. You don’t look as guarded as before and Ellie thinks that you looked scared.
“Sometimes I-” she starts, leaning forward towards you. “Sometimes I still steal food.” She answers truthfully, not knowing why this is what she decides to mention but she figured it was better than nothing. “Just in case.”
She realises she didn’t really answer your question but when you nod in return she knows that you understand, understands that no one really gets used to the normalcy of Jackson. Not when people still have to go on patrol and act like there’s no danger beyond the walls and not when everyone is still weary of losing their people. There’s just no getting used to something like that, but the best that they could do is try.
And when you continue to ask her questions, no matter how awkward your demeanour is, she thinks that you’re trying. She also thinks that you have a nice laugh when she tells a dumb pun.
And it gets easier after that.
She still tries to figure you out but is more relaxed about it, doesn’t stare at you from across the room to try and read your mind, rather sits herself down next to you and starts a conversation. Sometimes you open up in bits and pieces, other times she’s left to fill in the blanks. But you’re still trying and she’s trying too.
I love this song, you’ll mention offhandedly and she finds herself playing it more often, even when you’re not around.
There was a- there was someone back at my QZ that loved these comics, you had brought up when she showed you her collection, briefly finding herself jealous at the mention of this person.
And when she didn’t see you for the first week of Winter, she didn’t press for information. Just leaves it be when you do make an appearance - your eyes bloodshot.
This time of year is rough, was all you said.
Ellie nodded, “yeah it’s real fucking cold.” She didn’t know what else to say, but she had smiled to herself when you huffed out a laugh.
And while neither of you might ever get used to Jackson, the one thing living within the walls allowed for was time. Days were still numbered, but time moved slower. So Ellie thought to herself that figuring you out might take awhile, but it’ll be okay, she had some time to spare.
I won’t be writing another part to ‘western nights’, but I am open to the idea of writing more cowgirl!ellie if that’s something people want. let me know!
