.｡*ﾟ✧ hold onto existence ❬ &. seolhyun + kihyun ❭
soulmate;;
“probably.” he counters, a rise and fall of his shoulders as his head rests upon hers delicately; “though circumstances could be different; i mean, i could be in YOUR bed, instead, or we could be in a hotel room. it’s possible you don’t exist; it’s possible i don’t exist, at least, not anymore.” pauses. adds, a teasing afterthought: “we could be married in one.” there’s mirth in the way kihyun speaks, easily attributed to the woman he’s fallen so comfortable towards, honest and open towards her unlike how he feels with anyone else; gaze, however, maintains the same despondence that has so routinely managed to grip his heart without fail –– he smiles, and weirdly enough it ALMOST meets his eyes.
there is VACANCY in his arms not long after, and it slices him exactly as a blade does; this, he knows for certain. the producer attempts not to show it in his face, masks it with the cigarette smoke that whiffs its way around his features; watches the way she sits upright, eyebrows still arched. he leans back into his bed with ease, glances at seolhyun as she gathers her words; the producer is met with an impassiveness that tends to ward off others, but he welcomes it anyway –– taking his chance to lean in close once more, pulling her into his arms against once her words are uttered, soft and defeated with an emptiness he knows well. cigarette drenches him in its scent; he’s reminded of his mother and her snowflakes, the way she used to come ALIVE and BURNING after constant inhaling –– SCATHING, kihyun corrects himself, spotting his own stomach’s scars in the peripheral, as gaze shifts once more to the woman in his arms.
“hm.” he says instead, thoughtful, quiet; there are patterns drawn in the small of her back, fingers playing against bare skin like piano keys. SOULMATE is a funny term, he thinks: romeo and juliet, the suicidal star-crossed, are the first example that crosses his mind, and kihyun can’t help but think how both ironic and coincidental it is, now, staring into seolhyun, tucked within his lean frame. “your list.” kihyun echoes, “me, too. it’s made me realize my tragic lack of friends; good thing math has no choice but to stick by me.” dry, morbid humor; it’s unflattering, towards anyone else, but he’s sure seolhyun of all people understands. tentative lips brush over the other’s forehead, chaste and near INVISIBLE, save the smoke scent that stays behind. “’mm – don’t do it.” it comes out as a whisper; in kihyun’s eyes, it’s more of a PLEA. “what if– hm, in this universe, what if you woke up and i didn’t?”
✧･ﾟ: * — married. the word rings in her ears like music not meant for her to hear. married? to be betrothed to kihyun is a luxurious thought that seolhyun essays difficultly to evade. after all, the probability of people like them achieving something so joyous is close to none---- and both seolhyun and kihyun have more or less acknowledged this as fact. ❛ that’s a thought. ❜ she whispers with a roll of her shoulders. once upon a time, han seolhyun had possessed such blithe fantasies, of love and marriage and a happily ever after. the universe (THIS universe, at the least) has proven to her over the years that such a happiness is virtually impossible. the mortal world is horrible and to shield from disappointment and pain is to simply ACCEPT this truth.
she had moved away. yet not long after, she’s again in his arms and it’s a welcome warmth she irrationally wishes she could never be without. to attach oneself to another being---- and to one so ironically SIMILAR---- is more or less a morose attachment to PAIN itself. the two of them hold no certainty for a FUTURE, especially when han seolhyun herself is already thinking of ending hers once their night spent together comes to a close. ❛ it’s a selfish thought to wish to die, ❜ she muses out loud, her eyes distant and hollow. ❛ those left behind will have to deal with the aftermath of my death. and while i generally pay no heed to how others will deal with my foregone existence, i can’t help but think of my siblings and how much it would affect them; seyoon will go insane, surely. ❜
don’t do it. seolhyun swallows thickly, her eyes fluttering shut at the feeling of his lips brushing against her forehead. for a moment, the danger that is HOPE fills her mind. is there a higher probability than she had initially thought? but she’s quick to brush it off, quick to tear it away from her mind and annihilate it until it’s practically gone. ❛ hm. ❜ she falls silent as the question is returned to her. ❛ it’s another pain i must deal with, i suppose. ❜ she looks off into the distance, lips parted as she continues to ponder on the query he had posed. ❛ or perhaps i could become juliet capulet and pierce my heart with a dagger. ❜
