Do no harm, but take no shit.

I love reading, laughing and eating. This blog is mostly about books, Everlark and other things I like.

[iliveilaughiloveiread]

It's me :). I deleted my old blog last year and I just wanted to let you know I didn't unfollow you or anything, lol. How have you been? Super busy with the end of the school year, I bet.

Hi!! How are you?! Yes I’ve been drowning but the end is near and I just happened to log on to Tumblr for the first time in months!

[safeinpeetasarms]

Some idiots: The Hunger Games isn’t about love! It’s about war!

Some other idiots: Love isn’t important in this series! Survival is what’s important!

Even more idiots: It’s just about a girl and her sister! Not romance!

Me: *sigh* Did you ever think that it could be ALL of the things? Love AND war AND sisterhood AND survival? Because Suzanne Collins definitely did.

[nemesis729]

Watching Ted Lasso. Roy Kent is a grump but he’s a grump who is kind to kids. And that gets me in the feels.

Also, I love my emotional support himbo squad.

[awhiskeyriver]

The Odair Family: The Tutor

Something nobody asked for but you are being given anyways, haha.

[theholetour]

The way tumblr is the last one standing

[marlbororeds100s-deactivated202]

he finally did it…..he came back for everything…

[everlarkficquestions]

Masterlist: Holiday - Halloween

Happy Halloween weekend.  This Masterlist features fics that involve Halloween, Horror, Ghosts, Zombies, Witches, Werewolves, Supernatural, Cold Blooded Killers, Cemeteries and other spookiness.  These fics will all be Alternate Universe.  

Please make sure to read the tags and summary before diving into the fic. Some stories may feature subject matter which is not to everyone’s tastes. 

As with all masterlists, if you find a story that fits but is not on this list, let us know by sending us a message or fanmail with the story link.  Please also let us know if you spot any inaccuracies.  Thank you!

Fics with Halloween in them:

A Tale of Two Vaders - famousfremus

A Tricky Treat - famousfremus

By the Light of the Halloween Moon - TwlightCakes

Costumes and Candy - MalTease

Dead of Night   - alliswell

Favorite Holiday - Diana_Flynn

Holidays - MelissaVampGrrl

Hot For Teacher - english5672

Life Support - JLaLa

Little Red Running Shorts - youarebeingridiculous

Masquerade - belladonnablush

Narrowly Avoided Misadventures - sponsormusings

Scared - booksrockmyface ( aka HPfanonezillion)

Size Matters -  hutchabelle (hutchhitched)

Sugar Angel - hutchhitched

The noise of the costumed crowd - keeptheearthbelow

This is Halloween - bubblegum1425

Trail Games - girl_aflame

Trick or Treat -  wildlyglittering

It started with a Halloween kiss -  Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 - katnissdoesnotfollowback 

With Thanks and Blessings - HPfanonezillion

Ghostly:

A Second Wind - MTK4FUN

Falling for the Heartless - _insert creative pen name here_

I will always watch over you - pistonsfan75

Like Romeo And Juliet - mockinjay14  

No Sleep - annieoakley1

Sleep in Heavenly Peace - peetasbunmyoven

Soulmate - mockinjay14 

Strange Things Did Happen Here - tulipwriter

The Gardener - passionately_curious

The Ghost and Mrs. Hawthorne - MTK4FUN

The Ghost in the Woods - Trippy41

The Lighthouse -  historywriter2007 

The Portrait - slagheapwhore

Unconditional - titania522 

4 Dinners and A Funeral - Historywriter2007

Horror:

Death Takes a Holiday Inn - waypastdue

First We Feast - misshoneywell

Human at Heart - LittleEvilIsa 

In the Pines - papoglencoe  (Also fits in the cold blooded killer category)

Little Duck - Grace_d *

Morsel - alliswell

Pound of Flesh - bathsheba78

Silence - sponsormusings

The Day After – hutchabelle (hutchhitched)

The Mockingjay - streetlightlove

The Raft - erin-babbit

The Transcript - the_anon_g

Volunteer - Diaphenia

Web Spinner – everydayescapeartist

Who’s that in the dark? - lupita86 

Vampiries:

Bad Timing - misshoneywell

Closer - oh_so_loverly

Dead of Night - Alliswell

Family -  FanficAllergy, RoseFyre        

Her Mortal Love - blueberrychills94

Human at Heart - littleevilisa

Katniss the Vampire Slayer - fanficallergy, rosefyre

Midnight Secretary - lupita86

Morning Shine - Alliswell * 

Red As You Bleed - jypzrose

Science vs. Romance - lovelee

Secrets in the Shadows - Elizthewhiz

The darkness - TheWurst

The Hunt - zury

Zombified:

And the feeling coming from my bones says find a home - annieoakley1

Came Back Wrong - FanficAllergy

First We Feast - misshoneywell

It Happens in the Night - lollercakes

It’s the Apocalypse, Sweetheart - EllanaSan

Myths of the UnDead - Leviosa7

Night of the Living Bread - Abagail_Snow

Paraphernalia - bs13 

R A D I O - GreenWool

Relief in Waking - misshoneywell

She Still Breathes - Inmyfavor

Stay Alive - katnissandgalevsevil

The Capitol - allhailthehutch              

The End as We Know It - glintwarsgreatest

Wicked (witch fics):

Amas Veritas - optimus_pam

Ampersand Mountains Hanging Tree - FortuneFaded2012

Elemental - TeaWithSugar

Ever-Charmed - riverknowshisname

Extra Space - SeeMaree *

Familiar Craft - Alliswell *

Good Witch - allhailthehutch

Just a Bartender - abbythebear

My Familiar - loupee

Not even Death - stacylk

Two Everdeens - abbythebear

Witch - Diana_Flynn

Witches of East Panem - AyYouFiction 

Lupine (werewolf fics):

Breaded Beast - Jedi Knight Wolfheart

Huntress in Fur - BrandCast23

In Sheep’s Clothing - alliswell

Lupercalia - alliswell * 

Moonrise - misshoneywell

The Pack - Alliswell * 

Wilderness - chele20035

Supernatural:

Angels Unaware - hutchabelle

Dissonance - ohmymeggs

Ever In Your Favor - BodoniBold

Here is the Place Where I Love You - Xerxia

i miss you most at christmas time - everdeen

I’ll Follow the Sun - Abagail_Snow

Lay me Down, Let Me Dream - katnissdoesnotfollowback, titania522

Life Support - JLaLa

Mockingjay Manor - appleblossomgirl, BodoniBold, burkygirl, JennaGill, katnissdoesnotfollowback (lost_on_cloud_9), MegaAuLover, Norberts_Mom, Xerxia * 

One Day, One Hundred Years - bathsheba78

Pushing Dandelions - aimmyarrowshigh

The Boy With the Bread - nonnie_mouse

The Colour of Heartbreak - alatariel_gildaen

The Endless In-Between - amazingpanemmemories

The Ghosts of District 12. - silvertaenia 

The Girl With Bread and Blood - knightlock

The Guardian - D11 * 

The Lighthouse- historywriter2007

The Pact with the Devil - Dreamweaver123

The Returned - briana jackson

The Voice in my Heart - Xerxia

Too Precious for this World - kismet4891, Wildharp

Touched - stacylk

Try to Set the Night on Fire - abagail_snow

Watcher - chele20035

Cold Blooded (killer fics):

Butterflies - misshoneywell

Come to the Tree - peetashouseofcards

To Whom Evil is Done - the shadow proves the sunshine 

Some of PIP’s Modern Locations: Cemetery prompt:

A Boy in the Garden - erin-babbit 

Shadows and Granite - nonemoreblack 

Underground - Audrina C

From PiP’s Horror prompt (not otherwise listed):

Death Takes a Holiday Inn - waypastdue

Pound of Flesh - bathsheba78  

Silence - sponsormusings 

Sometimes, Though… - ellenkafromffn 

The Mockingjay - streetlightlove

The Raft - erin-babbit 

The Transcript - the_anon_g 

Volunteer - Diaphenia 

Other Horror-esque fics:

End of the Line - girl_aflame

Face Your Fears! - killedbythehuntress

First We Feast - misshoneywell

In the Pines - papofglencoe

Morsel - Alliswell

Not In My Name - Anonymous *    

She Still Breathes - inmyfavor

The Lady in the Woods - chele20035

The Sweet Taste of - atetheredmind

Completed:  10/30/2016

Updated: 7/28/2018

*Added 10/31/2019

[jlalafics]

"Again" is now available on Amazon!

Just in case you missed it, my second novel "Again" is now available through Amazon on paperback and Kindle!

Many of you might remember that "Again" was once a fanfic and not to mention, my favorite one to have written.

Below is the synopsis as well as the link if you want to check it out.

Thank you for your support!

-Jane S. Ryann (JLaLa)

-----

1995—In the aftermath of the Oklahoma City bombing and O.J. Simpson trial, new kid Ben Pierce meets the beautiful Rowena Lawton along with her eclectic crew of friends, bold Joni, charismatic Darrel, brooding Jay, and the IT couple Wes and Annie. 2012—Ben returns to the Bay Area for the wedding of Wes and Annie still haunted by the memories of his first love, Rowena, only to come across a long-hidden secret—their daughter Adina. Amidst the reunion, painful memories are revealed, secrets are discovered, and loves once lost are found again testing the strength and friendship of the crew…

Link for "Again" here!

[iliveilaughiloveiread]

Yay just ordered!! Also saw someone on Instagram post about it and was like wait I know that author. Major Fangirl moment. ❤️

[jlalafics]

Part Five of "Photograph"

Inspired by the prompt:

"When you were seven, you held a fake wedding by the swings with a kid you met at the park. You never saw your childhood “spouse” again after that day. Today you received a letter summoning you to a foreign country… where your wedding to the heir to the throne twenty years ago is seen as valid."

Katniss Everdeen receives a letter that changes her life.

Who knew that a letter and a photograph could wreak such havoc?

----

Hope you enjoy this next chapter, it really wrote itself.

As always, feedback is always welcome!

Happy Reading!

Part Five is available here.

[katnissdoesnotfollowback]

Do you think Peeta felt like he was receiving mixed signals from Katniss during CF? Or did he always assumed she had no feelings for him and accepted that?

I’ve always been so curious about his thought process after the first games and their reconciliation for the Victory Tour.

I wonder if he ever felt used by her, even if he loved her. 😭

Hey there, Anon! Thanks for the questions!

Okay I’m gonna apologize up front, Anon. Actually no. I’m not apologizing for this. I’ve been prepping myself to write an entire essay, but before I post it, I feel like I gotta throw up some disclaimers here. And honestly... I shouldn’t have to, but it’s been awhile since I’ve been active on here and I’m still kinda smarting over the things that happened that led to me reducing my involvement in the first place. And tumblr and fandom being what they are... please forgive me for building some fences to hopefully protect myself. You, Anon, have not triggered this initial commentary with your message. It’s leftover baggage, not your fault (I don’t think...*suspicious eyes*), so I hope you will understand and not be upset that I feel the need to do this before answering your questions.

We members of fandoms and denizens of tumblr usually state our meta posts and analysis posts as though they are fact. Not that this is necessarily a bad practice. I just spent three weeks writing two and a half literary analysis papers for my classes. I’ll spend the next two weeks polishing the last of those off and probably starting on an entirely new one because I gotta turn right around and produce three 10-page research papers by the end of November. And guess what... literature professors never EVER want you to "maybe" or "possibly" or "seemingly" your way through an argument. Write with authority, they say. Not because you are arguing that your interpretation is THE RIGHT interpretation so much as you are making a case for your interpretation being THE MOST APT or the most applicable. They require strength of speech because your argument is inherently weakened by using less than definite wording. It is this because of that. Much more convincing than “Well it might be...”

Funny thing about literary scholars, despite their insistence on making your analysis in strong language, a lot of them are willing to listen to different takes and go “Huh. Interesting. I can see the possibilities. Tell me more,” while still holding a vastly different interpretation of their own. In other words, they accept that someone else’s interpretation does not undermine their own. We all do not, and really should not, think exactly the same way. How fucking boring would that be if we did???

In a fandom space, we often write our meta posts in language similar to what a literature student would be expected to write. In definite terms. It is this because of that. You also see it in literary critiques and also movie critiques. And a lot of times, this causes friction because sometimes when people read those meta posts, they take it as a personal attack on their own, different interpretation, as though OP is suggesting that their version is The Right Answer and everyone else is wrong. Which is really not always the case. Even in the sense that we often use those phrases of “I’m right” or “That’s just how it is I don’t make the rules” or “You can’t convince me otherwise,” a lot of time that’s fandom speak for our attachment to certain idea or theory or way of thinking about the text and the characters. In literary terms... those kinds of remarks are hyperbole. Not a direct attack on anyone. Where it becomes problematic is when a fandom member takes that language of fandom literally and/or uses it against another fandom member rather than as a way of expressing our enthusiasm. Or when it turns into an attack on someone’s reading comprehension... the idea that “If you don’t see it my way then you didn’t read the books.” “You’re just projecting onto the characters.” “Any idiot can see...” “If you don’t see it then you don’t belong here.” “Go read other stories/characters.” “Stay out of the tags...” “You’re ruining the characters/my OTP...”

That’s not... that’s not helpful. That kind of attitude stifles free flowing ideas and leaves no room for growth. No room for pretty much anything but one viewpoint. Which will inevitably lead to the shrinking of whatever fandom community is left years after our base content was created. I truly believe that best practice on here is to step back when something upsets you or angers you and ask “How does this really affect me? Am I pissed off because this person is actually hurting me or am I conflating a differing opinion with a personal attack?”

All of this is a convoluted way of saying that even if my words (as I finally get around to answering your question) sound like I'm saying "I'm right, everyone else is wrong," that's actually not the case. Not at all. It's a mother freaking opinion, even if it’s stated like it’s fact. And I’m a big enough girl to be fully aware of it, and know that there will be plenty of people who disagree or see it differently. Great! Wonderful! Nobody has to agree with me. Literally no one. But nor do I appreciate it when others take a swing at me, or at others on here, without granting other people the right to our own opinions or expecting me to edit down my voice just because they don’t agree with me.

DISCLAIMERS DONE! In case you skipped over them. ;)

I think a lot of us are curious about Peeta's thoughts and feeling throughout the series, which is pretty natural. Since all three books of the original trilogy are narrated from Katniss's first person POV, all we ever see is what she chooses to show us. Every character is portrayed through her view, and that affects how we view them. As readers, we have choices to make on how we view the Not Katniss characters. We could assume that Katniss gives us an accurate and full portrayal of all of them... a risky proposition given that she is a flawed character and an unreliable narrator. So really, Katniss isn't always giving us The Right Answer. She’s not omniscient by any stretch of the literary imagination. She is not God, or whichever higher being you might believe in. Which opens the entire series to the possibility of varying interpretations.

Where Katniss gives us only hints and clues, readers have the opportunity to extrapolate, imagine, and explore the possibilities of characterization; and quite frankly since Suzanne Collins left those details out, her intention is not necessarily more important than your interpretation. She set her work out on the sea of readers and capitulates control of how it is received and interpreted. Hello Death of the Author. But you know, that’s like my personal opinion on the matter and it’s influenced by how I view my own writing. Yeah, I meant one thing and if people ask me what I intended, I’ll tell them, but I have no intention of shitting on someone else’s interpretation of my writing. Dude. To me, that’s the beauty of being a writer -- the fact that you can create something, set it adrift, and a complete stranger might see something that you yourself never thought of before. HOW FREAKING COOL IS THAT?!?!

So how does this apply to Peeta? Well... Peeta is his own character. Yes, we get to see him through Katniss’s eyes, but that means, as I said before, that we only see the things that Katniss notices or that pertain directly to her in terms of the action on the page. The text being the text with a limited first person narrative leads me to the conclusion that Peeta led his own life completely separate of Katniss. He did things, said things, made friends, had fights with his brothers, a relationship with his parents, maybe even kissed a girl or two, was motivated to act completely independent of Katniss and in ways that don’t exist directly on the page, because Katniss herself doesn’t always see them or comment on them directly.

“It’s exactly like that!” he yells at me. “I have people I care about, too, Katniss! Family and friends back in District Twelve who will be just as dead as yours if we don’t pull this thing off.” -- Catching Fire, chapter 5

And if we’re willing to grant Peeta his own life, we have to be willing to grant him his own feelings. Personally, I have never subscribed to the interpretation that everything Peeta did in the first book was out of romantic love for Katniss. *shrug emoji* For example, I’m of the opinion that the gift of burned bread was, if an act of love, an example of agape, or the love of everyone, of humanity. At that point, Peeta had never even spoken to Katniss, and I don’t believe a romantic love can be viably formed and maintained without some form of communication, otherwise, you don’t really know the person. But I do believe that 11 year old Peeta was able to feel compassion and enough love for a fellow human who was suffering (and yes also happened to be the object of his crush), to make a form of sacrifice in giving her the bread.

I also (unpopular opinion alert) believe that the same form of agape love  influenced his motivation to form a strategy for his first Games that revolves around saving his district partner at his expense. I’m not saying that the fact that it is Katniss, his crush, going into the arena with him played zero part in his choices in the first book. I’m suggesting that his crush on Katniss was only part of his motivation for working to get her on the Victor podium and himself in a coffin.

“It doesn’t matter, Katniss,” he says. “I’ve never been a contender in these Games anyway.”

.......

“Only I keep wishing I could think of a way to... to show the Capitol that they don’t own me. That I’m more than just a piece in their Games,” says Peeta. -- The Hunger Games, chapter 10

Alright let’s dig. First I want to say that the setting here is important. They are on the roof of the training center, and the roof has become the place in the Capitol where they tell each other the unvarnished truth. This is where Katniss tells Peeta about Lavinia and her part (through inaction although really what could she do) in Lavinia’s capture and Katniss’ subsequent guilt over it. (The Hunger Games, chapter 6) That’s important because what they say to each other on the roof is not meant to manipulate, so those two quotes are part of how he really feels and thinks.

As for what he’s saying, there’s three parts of this conversation. The first is that he expects to die. He doesn’t actually believe he can win. The second (which I left out) is a desire to maintain his purity of self. The third is the idea that he wants to, on an individual level, undermine what the Capitol does through the Games by making his death, Peeta’s death, a meaningful one. This has nothing to do with him being “in love” with Katniss. This is strictly Peeta’s desire to not die for no reason. The deaths in the Games are pointless. Peeta wants to upend the system. The ironic thing is that even though he talks like he hasn’t figured ot out, he’s already  put into motion the thing that he wants to do -- upending the system by dying to keep someone else alive. And if we want further layers of significance: what he’s doing mirrors what Katniss did in volunteering for Prim. SHe tells us that volunteering is rare except in the career districts, where the Games are viewed differently. Volunteering, even for a family member, just doesn’t happen. Hence why her act is rebellious and gains attention. So again, Peeta is searching for a meaningful death, through an act that is agape love, not eros or romantic love, but it also ends up subverting the system in which they live. The potential for romantic love does complicate his choices, and perhaps give different levels of depth to his choice, but I don’t think it’s the only reason for his choice.

What the heck does that have to do with the question you asked me? Glad you asked! I’m getting there. All of that to point out that Peeta’s life, despite the limited view of his character that we get through Katniss, would not be solely influenced by Katniss herself. Despite the fantastic, science fiction elements to the books, in terms of characterization, and interpersonal relationships, they tend to follow a somewhat Realistic rather than Romantic format. By Romantic, I refer to the tradition of Romanticism where a realistic form of cause and effect wasn’t as central to characterization as say passion, divine influence, the power of the imagination, or the sublime. Not to knock Romanticism, I just don’t see it’s traditions at work in The Hunger Games as much as some others.

So to answer your questions... yes, yes at first, and yes. I would guess that Peeta does feel as though he’s getting mixed signals from Katniss during Catching Fire, at least for the first half up until *drum roll please* the final roof scene. The Place of Truth. And here is why:

We know that once he apologizes for acting wounded after their first Games, and Katniss returns the apology (Catching Fire, chapter 4), Katniss and Peeta are working towards being friends. There are of course some minor bumps in the road, but once they acknowledge that they have to work together and tell each other things, they do so in mostly admirable fashion. The thing is, most of Katniss’ actions during the Victory Tour in terms of physical affection towards Peeta are easily dismissed by him as part of the act. Easy peasy, still friends. Except there’s that pesky detail of the nights on the train... Ah platonic bedshare.* I won’t lie, I literally salivate over that trope in pretty much all forms of intimate relationships. Friendships, sisters, platonic romance, uncertain lovers, absolutely filthy sexed up lovers just holding each other? I die for it. Fangirl moment over, back to the essay!

*I’m not talking fanfiction here, which there is a plethora of ‘what if something sexual actually did happen on the train?’ Katniss specifically tells us that it didn’t. Maybe she is an unreliable narrator, but that’s not because she outright lies in her narration, it’s because 1) she is not omniscient so she has a limited perspective 2) her narration is influenced by her opinions and thoughts so it could misrepresent certain things and 3) she sometimes is uncertain or flawed in her own view of self, to include not quite being able to figure out why certain people are acting certain ways in response to her. These are all very realistic flaws to give a human character and add to the unreliability of her narration. Still, she’s pretty damn vulnerable and open in her narration, to include telling us things that she’s ashamed of and the fact that her pee has turned brown when she’s dehydrated in the first arena, so I don’t see her being dishonest about this particular aspect of her and Peeta’s relationship. By all means, fanfic it up, but to me that’ll always be canon divergent fic.*

So it’s platonic, but: teenage boy mass of confusion.

I don’t think Katniss intends to hurt or confuse Peeta by sharing her bed with him. She is used to sharing a bed, remember? She’s shared one with Prim for most of her life, after all, and so she is both familiar with and comfortable with sharing a bed in a non-sexual, non-romantic manner. In fact, she craves that kind of human contact and closeness. She is most lost when she’s sleeping alone.

We are never told if Peeta has to share a bed with his brothers (ugh I have two sons with whom I’ve had to bedshare with in hotels and because Big Scary Storms, and I pity Peeta if he did lololololol), which leaves him potentially vulnerable to thinking those moments on the train meant something else on top of them comforting and protecting one another. In fact, his comment in Mockingjay would imply that he didn’t share a bed with his brothers, because his brain attached some kind of significance to it beyond the platonic with Katniss (or he’s just being as ass in that scene, also possible given hijacking).

Still, Katniss’s intentions might not be enough to completely erase Peeta’s confusion about the moments in bed together. In other words, just because nothing sexual happens doesn’t mean that Peeta is exempt from wondering if there is a deeper romantic or emotional attachment being formed when they sleep together. 

And Katniss is freaking desperate for physical affection. Once she breaks that barrier with someone she trusts, it almost becomes force of habit. She admits to missing holding Peeta’s hand when they do so after the apology at the beginning of Catching Fire. She describes that kiss in the snow in wistful terms of longing, almost crying. She holds onto his hand and brings it to her cheek after the incident with the fence being turned on while she was in the woods and the Peacekeepers waiting in her house. She doesn’t want to let go when he embraces her on the train to their second Games. After shutting Peeta out when the Victors tease her and finally letting him back into her bed, she talks about how badly she’s been longing “for the feel of him beside me in the dark.” All of these events happen without the presence of the camera. These are all moments of Katniss just wanting physical touch, specifically from Peeta, for her sake and no one else’s, because it is what she wants.

But also at this point, she’s given him no concrete reason to believe that they are anything more than friends. The fact that they go from apology to hand holding as tentative friends to bed sharing in a manner of like two days would suggest that their development of physical affection does not follow a more traditional idea of courtship. So yes, I can see how Katniss’ desire for physical affection might sow the seeds of doubt in Peeta’s mind and make him believe there is hope for them as a romantic couple. He’s a little too eager to confirm that Katniss has only kissed Gale once, and Peeta’s first response to Katniss asking him to run away from the district with her is to ask who else is coming, knowing that she wouldn’t just plan this to get the two of them out, but more importantly, when she lists their families and Haymitch... Peeta immediately asks about Gale. And his answer reveals that he has intuited what exactly Gale feels about her, and that Gale wouldn’t tolerate Peeta’s presence on a soujourn in the woods, but why? If Peeta doesn’t present a threat to Gale and Katniss’ romantic potential, then why should Gale dislike the idea of Peeta going along? Why should Peeta assume that Gale would be adamantly opposed to his presence? So yes, I think it’s entirely possible that Peeta thought she was sending mixed signals.

This isn’t meant to bash Katniss, only to highlight the potential for a form of miscommunication or crossed signals for them, and to point out that just because you don’t mean to hurt someone or make them feel a certain way, your direct actions and words to them might have unintended effects. If Katniss isn’t perfect, neither is Peeta. And if he is capable as a character of having a life and motivations independent of Katniss, he is also capable of feeling things about what she does that Katniss does not intend to make him feel. And there is nothing inherently wrong with that.

That being said, I also think he did accept that her feelings for him did not and would not extend past friendship, and tried to make peace with it. The two are not mutually exclusive. Think of it like a rollercoaster.

Peeta tells himself that they are friends, nothing more. He repeats this to himself. She starts demanding he sleep with her. Nothing romantic or sexual happens, but this is an act of extreme intimacy... maybe, possibly? ...We could get married, she says.

BAM! Reality check.

Peeta tells himself its fake, it’s fake, it’s fake, but she’s been been wanting him to sleep with her so he climbs in her bed on the way home, and accepts that this is just what they do, protect each other from the night. But also they are engaged and at that point believe that they will somehow have to make a life together, so he takes the liberty of saying things that maybe he wouldn’t have said before. Life goes on, friendship is fine. ... Peeta would you run away with me? she asks. Yes! Wait... What about Gale? Also who’s getting whipped?

BAM! Reality check.

Alright, she loves Gale. No big deal. Friends. Friends is good. ...I live three houses down why are you calling me? Friends, we’re friends we’re friends it’s good, never mind that I’m probably gonna be married to someone who is in love with someone else, I got this ... wait where is Katniss and why are there Peacekeepers here???? ... Stay with me, she says.

BAM! Feelings. Damnit. Why me?

We could go on... but I’ll spare you my terrible summary. Anyways, the point is, I think he did accept that she didn’t have those kinds of feelings for him, but as she developed those kinds of feelings through Catching Fire, I think he would’ve picked up on some of the moments, dared to hope, and then had to crush those feelings. And the fact that he felt like he was being yanked back and forth might have led to moments of feeling like she was using him. However...

One does not run into a bloodbath/Hunger Games Feast to save the life of a person you don’t give a flying fuck about. One does not suggest mutual suicide if there is zero level of care. One does not ask a person to flee a tyrannical government if one does not give a shit if the person is tortured and killed. So Peeta could have, and likely did, rationalize that maybe Katniss didn’t feel the depth of feelings or attachment to him that he wanted her to feel, when he wanted her to feel them, but I think he knew there was some level of trust, affection, and attachment to him on her part, which could have led to confusion via that pesky thing we call hope and possibility.

All of that, and I still don’t think this complication of their relationship diminishes it, not by any means. I actually think it enhances it, deepens it. Relationships are fucking messy. They’re not pretty or perfect. They’re not linear in development, either. They just... aren’t, I’m sorry. You cannot walk through life without unintentionally hurting someone. Conflict of desires and interests is GOING to happen. And I see that in Katniss and Peeta’s relationship as it develops. It’s not healthy to be solely motivated by one other person, to put everything in your identity into one other person. So yeah, I’m not a “Peeta did everything for Katniss and nothing else” kind of reader. Peeta can love Katniss while still feeling used by her in certain moments. He can love her and still be confused by the signals she is sending him in regards to their relationship. He can love her and still have a life and relationship outside of her. They are not mutually exclusive, and to me, that’s more reflective of reality, which as sad as it might be at times, is actually part of the beauty of their relationship.

[night-sky-hunter]

1 minute after midnight tonight

[endlessnightlock-deactivated202]

#108 from the smut prompt list 😏

108. “come to my room there’s this thing i wanna try”

From the smut prompt list

Peeta jerks when the door opens behind him, the anxiety he's been carrying around roaring to the surface. Yes, he is sitting in his recliner, facing away from the bathroom, but his reaction is visceral.

No matter how much he wants to look at Katniss, he stares resolutely at his laptop screen, jaw clenched in determination. He isn't going to do it, and he's not going to bring up what happened last night, even if he feels her eyes boring a hole in the back of his head.

Katniss has only been his roommate for two weeks. He immediately agreed to let her move in when she showed up. She was the only normal candidate who answered his ad. Things have been great since she moved in. Katniss was quick to take her share of the chores and helped out regularly with things like cleaning and cooking. She’s already paid half of the first month’s rent. She's quiet but funny once she lets her guard down a little.

The only downside to living with Katniss, Peeta finds, is his immediate, intense attraction to her.

As wrong as it is, he thinks about her constantly. It's nearly impossible to stop gawking at her shapely legs in those pajama shorts she wears to bed or the outline of her braless upper body through the tank she wears when she joins him on the couch at night.

Katniss was the sexiest girl he’d ever seen, and living with her drove him crazy. But messing around with your roommate you barely knew? That had to be the worst idea ever. It wasn’t worth the risk unless he wanted to look for a roommate again when she rejected him or things soured.

Peeta is weak, though, and fantasizes about her constantly.

All of which led to Katniss walking in on him, jerking off in the shower last night. Bad enough, she got an eyeful. The worst was Peeta loudly moaning her name as he came, the exact moment she pushed the shower curtain back.

Of course, he wanted to disappear. She mumbled something about thinking he was calling for her help, then beat a hasty retreat from the bathroom.

He must’ve freaked her out. She was trembling all over when she left, skin flushed beneath its olive hue.

To Peeta’s credit, Katniss wasn’t supposed to come home until much later that night, but still, he felt like a creep. Of course, things have been fucking awkward between them since. Peeta spent the last twenty-four hours wracking his brain for a solution. He has no idea how to make it up to her or move past this. Until he figures something out, his plan is avoidance.

Tension fills the room when neither of them moves or speaks. It soaks into every fiber of his being. Peeta wishes she’d say something, make a joke or get mad or something. Either that or leave him alone, wallowing in his embarrassment.

“Peeta?” Katniss finally speaks up. She doesn’t sound angry, and she isn’t laughing. He has no idea what she’s thinking.

“Yeah,” Peeta replies, eyes forward.

“Look at me?” She asks.

He smells the heady scent of her shampoo and soap and damp skin. His heart is in his throat, beating a frantic rhythm when he turns the swivel recliner around to face her. He needs to get a hold of himself.

Katniss looks at him, wrapped in nothing but her bath towel, cleavage peeking out of the top, the bottom of her thigh out the bottom.

Peeta swallows hard. He never knew every drop of blood in his brain could rush to his cock that fast. He’s not sure of anything as Katniss steps closer, then between his legs. She catches his eye, then pulls her towel off in one quick motion.

Peeta is rigid, frozen in shock as she straddles his lap and sits on his thighs, her what he recognizes as perfect breasts in his line of sight. Katniss runs her fingers through his hair as she scoots closer. He doesn't know where to look first.

“I haven’t stopped thinking about you since the day I moved in,” Katniss admits, her voice low as she takes his hands and places them on her outer thighs. She sighs as his fingers sink into her smooth thighs, his reflexes finally snapping out of the shock they’d received.

“Please,” she begged, wriggling on top of him.

“Please, what?” Peeta finds his voice again but nearly chokes on it. He moves his hands further back, closer to her ass. Heat emanates from her center, soaking into his legs, sensation moving upward like a blazing fire until his cock twitches in his pants.

He can’t help himself anymore. Closing his eyes, Peeta swirls his tongue around her pebbled nipple and digs his fingers into her ass.

This is better than any fantasy he’s had of her.

Katniss tugs on the roots of his hair, pressing herself closer, sighing at the contact of his wet mouth on her. She rocks her hips forward with each suckle, breathing unevenly. Eventually, her hands move from his hair to his jaw, tilting his face up so he can kiss her. She runs her tongue across his lip, a quiet gasp escaping as he slides his fingers into the wet heat between her thighs.

His head spins at what he finds; copious arousal coats his fingers, his palm. His cock aches.

Peeta uses his thumb to stroke her clit, then moves two fingers into her opening, rubbing the sensitive area right above it. She cries out as her body responds, riding his hand, urging him deeper.

She moves off his lap, and Peeta shoves his pants off, sighing at the relief of no longer restraining his erection. Her eyes immediately drop to his lap.

“Get on me,” he pleads, wrapping his hands around Katniss’s hips, a wildness he doesn't recognize overtaking him. He knows she's on the pill- he's seen the pack in the medicine cabinet. Unprotected sex is not something he indulges in, but this is like some filthy dream. Who has time to look for a condom when that wet pussy his fingers were buried in moments ago was inches away from him? “I need you on my cock Katniss.”

She climbs on him eagerly, rubbing herself against him, coating him in her wetness, gasping when his cock brushes her clit. He's back to her hot mouth, consumed by her flames. She raises on her knees, and he takes his cock by the base, squeezing himself because he needs the pressure. She moves his hand away and sinks on him. They’re face to face, shoulder to shoulder, as she starts grinding on him.

“Fuck,” he moans as she moves, her walls encasing him, creating hot, delicious friction around his cock. Their chests pressed together, his hands digging into her ass to hold her steady as he thrusts up.

“You’re so big and hard,” Katniss pants in his ear, voice unsteady as she bounces and he meets her. Peeta feels like an animal, pushing up and grinding against her pelvis, plunging every hard inch inside because she's so wet and soft. Her walls clench around his cock, he feels her come. Her climax brings on his own, pleasure ricocheting through him.

Katniss lips her hips enough to let him slide out. Peeta pants, trying to catch his breath as she climbs off his lap. “Where are you going?” he asks.

She grins, taking his hand. “Come to my room there’s this thing I wanna try”

He never moved so fast in his life.

[dankmemeuniversity]

[seasonsofeverlark]

What A Deere

Author: @endlessnightlock

Prompt: Everlark meet at a summer fair/carnival. Romance blossoms. Any rating. [submitted by @jhsgf82​]

Rating: T for a few swears

Author’s Note: Thanks to @jhsgf82​ for giving this a glance over for me. Sorry it’s technically no longer Summer (eep!) but I hope you enjoy this bit of county fair silliness anyway. Word Count: 1712 words ________________

Keep reading

[philsbigduck-deactivated2021120]

“9/11 was a severe tragedy that shook america to the core and was such a devastating event that ruined not only the lives of the 3,000 people who died, but all of their family and friends” and “9/11 isnt an excuse to attack or treat muslims like shit as the majority of those who are muslim believe in non violence and peace and the actions of a few awful people isnt an accurate depiction of a whole community that contains millions of people” are two mindsets that can exist at once.

[samgiddings]

cinematic parallels: tumblr somehow becoming one of the most bearable social media platforms in 2020/2021, and that speed skater who made it to the olympics because everyone else fell over

[samgiddings]

tumblr, doing the bare minimum of keeping posts chronological and not forcing targeted ads down our throats 24/7:

[moonlit-sunflower-books]

bitches be like “i like reading” and then ignore their tbr for months while they re read comfort fanfiction. it’s me i’m bitches.