Even before doing my previous Zelda painting, I already knew that I wanted to do this. It’s themed Ocarina of Time, however there are one or two easter eggs hanging around. ;)
I struggle to paint architecture, and if you haven’t noticed pretty much all my previous paintings have been based in nature. Couldn’t avoid it this time, so I learned a few things!
Based on Edmund Leighton’s painting ‘Godspeed’ (1900).
Does anyone else feel like their entire perspective on relationships was primarily crafted by their first dating experience?
Those who followed me/were close to me my Freshman year of college will know intimately well the disaster that was my first boyfriend. It was a messy, ugly, public breakup that resulted in me launching into the worst depressive spell of my life - and I’ve actually lost a good amount of clear memory from those 6 months because of the emotional toll it took on me. Now that I’m in a healthy, stable, and progressing relationship, I’m finding that just about every bit of fear and paranoia that manifests in me is directly correlated to my first relationship: abandonment issues, jealousy, heightened panic over being left for another girl, instant paranoia when things aren’t communicated quickly or properly, etc.
My first relationship was a big stupid train wreck, and 8 years later, it still has its grip on me. I learned these festering, fearful habits from the first real romantic venture I ever went on, and now they are locked into place in my personal narrative.
I know understanding their cause is a huge step in being able to correct them. But it’s immensely difficult to shake fears when those fears are NOT unfounded. I have very good reason to be fearful of the things I am scared of.
What I really need are a lot more ways to be brave.
I’m not on here much anymore, but I’m in *a mood* to write today. So I’m gonna be rambling on a bit about what I’ve learned from being in a long-distance relationship and the wonderful guy I’m seeing now.
I’ve been in a long-distance relationship with the best guy I’ve ever known for about 8 months now. He is incredible and I could fill books with how much I adore him. Everything with him has been different - it’s never been easier to love someone. And it’s like all couples say - we’re not perfect. But our imperfect moments provide me with tremendous growth and knowledge on how to better myself and ourselves as individuals and a couple. He is, for where I am in life right now and where I want to go, everything.
But fuck. Long distance blooooows. And we’re not even THAT long-distance - about 400 miles, or a 5-and-a-half hour car ride, which we make every 3-4 weeks. I always promised myself I’d never do it - but then again, I also used to promise myself I’d never date a guy who was younger or shorter than me, and here I am with the double-whammy of my early narcissistic years. My love language for touch and quality time takes priority in my romantic tendencies - with platonic friends, I’m not the huggy kind. But with romantic partners, I communicate primarily through small and frequent physical validations. I always knew long distance was difficult, but I never really realized how until I (unintentionally) tried it for myself. Now I know. In fact, I have lists of knowledge.
Daily routines. It’s the Taurus in me, but I am a Hobbit who becomes easily set in her ways. One of the biggest, most unexpected issues with LDRs is the fact that you can’t normalize someone in your life when they’re not physically there - emphasized, again, by having physical love languages. It’s like getting accustomed to a roommate - there are senses beyond our traditional 5 that help us read and interpret people. I don’t have my guy here to learn and understand his habits and personal routines, and trying to make space in your life for someone who cannot physically occupy it is like charting out a map to the surface of the ocean.
Constant Loneliness. I worshiped at the altar of “If I had a committed relationship I wouldn’t be lonely anymore,” until I fell in love with someone an entire state away. Now I STILL have to do everything on my own, only now with the dormant and ever-present knowledge that the guy I love who COULD be doing them with me, is hundreds of miles away. It’s great.
Miscommunications. We got into the Skype-date scene real quick. Watching shows, playing video games, and sharing meals has been established from the start. But even with voice, shit still gets lost in translation. When disagreements or misunderstandings arise, we do our best to immediately hop on Skype and clear it up - but we’re still down essential communication cues, such as body language, eye contact, and the aforementioned physical validations. Vocal tendency and text patterns are only part of an incomplete picture - with just those 2, you can mostly see what the finished result is, but it takes that much extra guesswork and inferencing to know for sure.
(One thing I just love about my guy, on this note, is that he is incredible with communication - there is no such thing as over-communicating between us, meaning we are eager and willing to give as much reassurance or explanation as needed)
Sex. The juciest part. Sorry for those of you reading who knew both of us in high school cuz I’m goin there. I was not a sexually active or interested person before my guy, and have considered myself heavily demisexual for a few years now (that’s a whole other annual ramble). But now that I’ve bonded to this guy - like in Avatar how they slap their braids on each other and then they’re mated forever - the literal distance makes physical cravings intensely frustrating. There’s not much to learn from this - you literally just have to deal, and get real good with your imagination (and hand). But coming from someone with low libido (and unintentional sexual oppression from my conservative upbringing), this was an unusual issue I had to confront.
That also explains the timing for me writing this - I’m one day out from my period and sentimental AF. I wish, more than anything, my guy was here and I could share the daily experiences of my life with him. There’s so many small and large memories I’m looking forward to making, and I’m a needling, impatient person while waiting to make them. But I’m learning. And growing. And I think my favorite thing about this relationship is I feel like I’ve developed more finesse, empathy, and wisdom in the last 8 months than I have in 2 years.
tfw when you just got out of jail and didn’t even stop off at home before going right back to work, and you realize you still gotta get a real smooth haircut and iron your clothes before you start your seduction plan
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