Just a year ago aka my goodbye ⭐️ Everything was completely different exactly a year ago. I had my best friend by my side all the time. I had a boyfriend who loved me to bits, who I was sure would stay with me while the guy I really craved was thousands of kilometers away and saw me as his best friend. My exams were really far away so I paid little attention to my grades and let them slip. I went out every weekend, got drunk a lot, smoked packs of cigarettes and made millions of mistakes I regret now. I tried and did bad things, I wasn’t emotionally stable and wasn’t able to value myself enough without the help of others as things from the past were getting to me. I was on the edge far too many times and used my skin as canvas hurting other people too. I didn’t know who I was, my direction in life and didn’t really care to be honest and my boyfriend was the only thing lighting up my whole world, he saved me that year. I never expected things to get too complicated and life to hit hard where it hurt and save me at the same time, but here I am now My best friend is no longer with me, she is thousands of kilometers away and out parents don’t talk anymore. The “best ever” boyfriend in the world left me for reasons not even clear to me let alone to anyone else while his best girl friend is now my worst enemy spreading awful rumors. The guy I love who never saw me more than a friend told me he’s in love with me and the days I come to visit him become heaven as he holds me in his arms. When everyone turned away, when life was supposed to become more depressing than ever, I was left with myself only and that’s when I realized, it’s time to start caring. I lifted myself up, I did things I never expected from myself, I built my emotional stability and independence. I started getting A’s on my worst subjects building my way to success. I reduced the alcohol consumption to a minimum, smoked less and less every week. Sport became a regular thing again and old scars were very slowly fading away, leaving me proud and waning to keep trying. I stopped making stupid decisions thinking everything through, yes things still hurt me a lot but I just blocked them away as much as I could. Truth be told, my main influence was myself. You don’t need people around you to keep you going, you need to do it yourself, and if I can, you can too. After all you’re only left with yourself, and as soon as you realize that, you’ll see your life in the most beautiful of colors. With those words I let this blog be. 20/03/2017
