Hey there.

Welcome to my blog, leave your clothes at the door. ;)

[im-not-a-vampyre]

i gave her the old one two scooby doo.

[im-not-a-vampyre]

so i was looking through pictures i took of my cat and i think it’s safe to say that she’s getting tired of my shit.

[im-not-a-vampyre]

i asked my dad to take a picture of me in my halloween costume and when he gave me my phone back this is what i found.

[im-not-a-vampyre]

[louisdupont]

[africant]

[im-not-a-vampyre]

Me 24/7

[mermaidkyd]

"The Face Upstairs" (by MrCreepyPasta)

Best. Creepypasta. Ever.

[im-not-a-vampyre]

FUCKING DONE.

[a-sleepless-death]

Fake Screenshots Part I

[shortvideosandstuff]

[darnni]

Ways to kill your enemies

[ohannibal]

I know way too much about killing people because of this website

[deckster-deactivated20130723]

I STILL DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW THESE INVISIBLE BALLS ARE SUPPOSED TO KILL YOU???? 250K NOTES DOES ANYBODY ACTUALLY KNOW

[twotabs-moved-deactivated202002]

by swallowing the water without the knowledge of the balls’ presence, you’re basically destined to choke on them

[meloditchi]

bubble tea of death

[shesmorethanyouknow]

Bubble tea of death

[pessimisticbee]

Also the marbles absorb water, so once they get inside you, they’ll start expanding even more and basically take all the fluid out of your body and you’ll very slowly dehydrate to death.

[nottheaverageasian-deactivated2]

i have these and i put them in my cousin’s water and she spit them out and choked me

[pentafrog]

did you just try to murder your cousin?

[nottheaverageasian-deactivated2]

*sweats nervously*

[comicbookartwork]

Charles Vess - Spider-Man

[comicbookartwork]

[im-not-a-vampyre]

So my mom wakes up at 7 in the morning while I'm still trying to sleep and

Mom: I'm gonna go get snacks.

Me: Go back to bed.

Mom: You're so cute.

Me: Go back to bed.

Mom: I love you.

Me: Go back to bed.

Mom: Who's in the shower?

Me: Go back to bed.

Mom: Do you have a list for snacks?

[im-not-a-vampyre]

Me and my girlfriend's caricature. I didn't think it would turn out as good as it did. c:

[buzzfeed]

[egrlfrnd-deactivated20231228-de]

I CANNOT EVEN. I’M LAUGHING, BUT CRYING. 

[goatbree]

WHATEVENISTHIS

[hemptemples]

perfection

[best-of-funny]

X

[im-not-a-vampyre]

WHY IS MILEY CYRUS TWERKING SUCH A BIG THING NOW OMG

[im-not-a-vampyre]

The girl you see in all of these photos is the most perf girl in the world okay? Her name is Aldyn. We have everything in common, it's like we're twins or something. I care a lot about this girl, I really do. She means a LOT to me. She's a great kisser and says I'm the best kisser ever. She has a great body, both dressed and undresed. She's the sweetest girl ever. We both are there for each other like friends, but care for each other like a couple. And we're going to have beautiful babies someday. Yes we're both females, but we're making babies. K?

She's not only my girlfriend, but she's my best friend. And I really fucking like her.<3

[im-not-a-vampyre]

I had no idea what to do as my first post on Tumblr, tbh, so I asked my friend who knows a thing or two about Tumblr. She told me to post something that truly makes me happy. Something that's really important to me, and has affected me greatly, so people could get to know me better. That immediately made me think of this picture. I took this picture with the most amazing guy in the world about a month ago. This picture makes me overfilled with emotion, both happy and sad. It makes me remember what we were. He had by far the most impact anyone has ever had on me. He's intelligent, sweet as can be, funny, kind of a dork, handsome, cuddly, and so much more, I could write a book on how perfect this guy is. He made me the happiest I've ever been, even when times were tough. Every moment I've spent with him is a moment I will cherish forever. We aren't together anymore, which tears me apart but.. You know what they say right? Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened. I'm doing a little bit of both. Whatever he's doing right now, I hope he's happy. Even if he's with another girl right now. He deserves all the happiness in the world. I wish I could be the one to help him achieve it.. And someday, when he finds another girl to make as happy as he did me, I hope she realizes how perfect he is. I hope she loves him forever and never lets him go. I hope she treats him right. I hope realizes how great she has it. Because you will not find another guy as amazing as him.