Good Examples of Consent in Children’s Cartoons
Exhibit A: Gargoyles
In this scene, Goliath reaches up with a fond expression on his face, clearly intending to stroke Elisa’s hair… but then stops himself at the last minute, frowning, and pulls away. (One thing it’s important to make note of in context is that hair stroking, for gargoyles, is the cultural equivalent of a kiss.)
Why This Is a Good Example of Consent
We’re Allowed to Sympathize with Both Characters
Throughout pretty much the entirety of the finale, we can feel Goliath’s frustration: the sexual tension between these two has been off the charts since midway through Season One and we’re nearing the end of the series without them having talked about or properly addressed this, and Elisa has been waffling on having a proper conversation about their feelings for the better part of a year. The audience really does sympathize with Goliath here, and sympathizing with a male character’s frustration is not an innately bad thing. After all, he’s… well, “only human” is not the correct turn of phrase here, for obvious reasons, but he is a sexual and emotional being with feelings and desires that he can’t just turn on and off at will.
At the same time, though, Elisa’s hesitance is never portrayed as making her cruel or a tease. She has real, valid reasons for her reluctance to make a commitment or to get involved with someone she honestly believes is not a viable option. While it’s easy enough to say “We’ll find a way to make it work,” actually being faced with the reality of either having to hide the relationship or to face extreme societal censure (not to mention a certain degree of physical incompatibility and being unable to have children with your partner) is a whole different ball game. The fact that Elisa took the time to give these issues the serious consideration they deserved rather than diving in headfirst in a moment of passion without being sure whether they’d actually be able to make it work doesn’t make her shallow—as a matter of fact, it’s quite the opposite.
…but Her Autonomy Is Still More Important than His Boner
I already stated above that Goliath can’t control his feelings, and that it isn’t a bad thing for the audience to sympathize with him in this regard. What does matter is that he controls his actions—if she doesn’t want to be touched in that way, there’s no amount of frustration on his part that will give him the right to touch her. What’s more, the fact that he actively stops himself says that he understands as much.
Exhibit B: Avatar: the Last Airbender
In this scene, Sokka and Suki are having a conversation in which they’re sorting out their feelings for each other. In the heat of the moment, Suki leans in to kiss him, but upon seeing him hesitate, says “I am so sorry” and promptly backs away.
Why This Is a Good Example of Consent
One’s Right to Bodily Autonomy Is not Determined by Gender
It’s rarely acknowledged in popular media that any male character might not want attention from an attractive woman (unless, of course, he’s gay). What’s more, Sokka isn’t just a male character, he’s a teenage boy, which at least according to the stereotypes is one of the horniest demographics in existence, and who has on numerous different occasions been shown to have a healthy attraction to the opposite sex. Absolutely none of this negates his right to say no. Being male, or being a hormone-addled teenager, does not, and should not, override anyone’s right to bodily autonomy.
No One Is Entitled to an Explanation
When Sokka hesitates to kiss her, Suki doesn’t get defensive about it. She doesn’t demand an explanation for why he rejected her. She doesn’t take it personally. She apologizes and backs off (and, the next morning, is ready to apologize again for misreading his signals). In short, she doesn’t try to make it about her, because this rejection isn’t about her. It’s about Sokka, and what he does or doesn’t feel comfortable doing in that moment.
Reasons that Apply to Both
Attraction =/= Consent
In both cases, we have clear evidence that the feelings the characters had for each other were in fact mutual (evidence which is confirmed when both couples exchange a consensual kiss later on). Elisa has had a thing for Goliath pretty much since she first learned he was sentient, and Sokka and Suki had some really good banter (complete with liberal amounts of blushing) shortly after they first met. This changes exactly nothing about their right to say no, or about their right to have that “no” respected. “I know you want it” is never an excuse.
It Doesn’t Matter Why
Elisa and Sokka both have very different, and equally valid, reasons for not saying “yes” in that moment. Elisa is not yet ready to deal with the social and personal consequences of getting involved with someone of a different species. Sokka is still mourning the death of his previous girlfriend and doesn’t want to make out with someone else under circumstances that remind him of her. At no point is either pressured or expected to give an explanation: because it would make them uncomfortable, or because it would dig up some really painful memories, or simply because it’s nobody else’s business, it just doesn’t matter. “I just don’t want to” ought to be reason enough, and in this case, it is.
