It starts with a kiss.
I don't know why I keep letting people get the best of me but it's turning out to be way more exhausting then I ever believed it to be. I always heard people say that I am way too nice of a guy and that others take advantage of that but it never dawned on me till now how far that can emotionally affect someone. During my first year at college I found out that I let my emotions get the better of be and put me into a depression that I simply cannot climb out of. I have a problem of putting too much faith in people, the wrong people and simply pushing the good people too the side. The story goes that I met this girl in early December on a cold night. I was laying in bed and got a Facebook message from her, for the longest time I wanted to talk to her but had no idea what to say. We started talking and she convinced me to come outside to met her, I like to think of this as one of the best worst nights of my life. It was 2am and I had class in 3 hours but it didn't matter I wanted to talk to this girl. We sat and talked for hours, honestly about nothing just whatever crossed our minds happen to form words and become vocal. Around 4 o'clock I looked to the chilling winter sky to catch a shooting star making it's way on the dark empty background. I made a wish, but I never wished for this.
I fell for this girl fast, faster than anyone before her, was that my mistake? I had to talk to her I had to see her or I just felt empty inside. There was only one problem, she was talking to another kid and was clearly not over her ex-boyfriend. Typically I hate that type of situation where I am the "other-guy" but it didn't matter I liked this girl and if someone asked me why I couldn't give them a answer. I admit I am not a saint but everything I did revolved around this girl for the longest time. Flowers on valentines day, even though I couldn't leave my bed because I was sick with step throat for a week. I even sent flowers when her grandmother passed away. Took her snowboarding, brought her to Philly for my birthday dinner and introduced her to my sisters and mother. No matter what I did it all comes down to what she said this April, I just want to be friends. Those words resonate in my head much like the bullet from the proverbial gun she put to my head, cocked and pulled the trigger. She doesn't know what she wants is what she said, I am not saying that I would make the perfect boyfriend but I would have done anything for her and she knew it. It started with a kiss and ended with "just being friends." Everyone says that the relationship is held in the hands of that who cares less, but in this war of who cares less she came with a gun while I was barely clinching my fists.
