I know we’re all having a super crazy time with this whole Spotify/KakaoM split. I just wanted to throw out into the universe that if anyone needs help setting up an account for a Korean streaming site, I speak decent Korean and have signed up for Bugs!
Bugs! is a lesser known music streaming site in Korea but they don’t require a Korean phone number to sign up (MelOn and Genie do). But they have a huge catalog and includes Korean radio programs, Kpop, other Korean genres, and international music as well. You’re also able to get a subscription to them via the Google Play store. It’s $8.49 USD a month. (They don’t take foreign credit cards for the “normal” subscriptions but the loop hole is through Google Play).
There’s a lot of tutorials for it online if you search for it, but if anyone needs extra help, I’ll do my best for y’all. ALSO, from what i’ve read about the site, streams from the site contribute to the Gaon charts and if you pay for a subscription, small amount royalties will go to the artists that you listen to most. (Don’t quote me on that, that’s just what I’ve read...)
Feel free to reach out if you want help signing up or help navigating the site or just want to vent about all the craziness. I hope this is only temporary but it’s hard to tell with these companies.
Here I was all up in my emo feels about Got7 all going their separate ways. Don’t get me wrong, I’m very excited to see what each of them do individually without the JYP umbrella, but every time I thought about them not being together made my heart a little sad. I had to take a break from their content because every time I thought about it, it would send me into a spiral.
But now, I feel like I just got clowned...utterly bamboozled. Is this a hidden camera? Someone explain these 7 clowns I’ve become involved with. Help.
Description: Jackson buys you something cute to remember him by when he’s travelling, but it upsets his life more than he thinks it will.
A/N: Super squishy marshmallow fluff for Got7′s Jackson. Been all up in the feels since the beginning of the year about EVERYTHING. So here’s my way of coping.
Jackson was not prepared for the upset in his life when he brought your seemingly simple present home. He chuckled to himself as he tried to hide the bag behind his body as he entered your shared apartment. “Babe?” he called.
You rounded the corner to the entryway and smiled at him. He shrugged off his jacket and toed of his shoes. “Hi, love,” you said approaching him choosing to ignore the shopping bag he was poorly hiding behind him. You wrapped your arms around his waist and pressed the side of your head to his chest. He didn’t hug back as he struggled to keep the bag contained. You smiled slyly at him as you reached up to kiss him lightly. “Should I even ask?” you whispered against his lips.
Jackson chuckled before pressing his lips to yours again. “You’ll find out soon enough,” he replied pulling himself out of your embrace to brush past you into the kitchen. He set the bag down on the kitchen counter as he opened the fridge. You rolled your eyes at his back as you returned to your position on the couch. You focused your attention on the emails you had been returning and adding to your calendar of meetings and appointments. You were vaguely aware of Jackson shutting the fridge and making his way over to the couch next to you with the large shopping bag. The two of you sat in silence next to each other for a short time, Jackson practically vibrating next to you in anticipation.
“So,” Jackson began and coughed awkwardly.
You minimized your emails and closed your laptop to give him your full attention. “Hm?” you hummed at him.
“You know how I’m leaving tomorrow for a few weeks?” he asked even though he knew you were well aware.
“Mm,” you hummed again in agreement. “Team Wang engagements in Hong Kong and Shanghai,” you confirmed. “I know, babe. It’s been on my calendar since you booked the plane ticket.”
He nodded. “Well, I know you don’t like it when I buy you things,” he paused at your raised eyebrow, “but I thought you could use this to keep you company while I was away.” He scooted the shopping back towards you and you finally got a good look at it. It was LARGE and bulged slightly as its contents didn’t fit well within it’s shape. You furrowed your brows at him and a small frown pulled at the corners of your mouth. One of the ground rules you had laid when you and Jackson started dating had been no unnecessary gifts. Receiving gifts was always hard for you. “It’s practical, I promise,” Jackson assured you as he pushed the back closer to you.
You sighed but placed a hand on the bag. Jackson started vibrating again in excitement. You held your breath as you looked in the bag. A large, squishy-mochi-like penguin plushie smiled back at you from the depths of the bag. You pulled it out and squished it experimentally between your hands. It was fat and soft and the size of a standard nine-year-old.
“I thought it could keep you company while I’m gone,” Jackson explained hurriedly as he watched you look at the penguin with a blank expression. “I hugged every plush they had, this one seemed the best size and softness.”
You couldn’t help but laugh at the mental image of Jackson hugging every stuffed animal in the store he ended up going to. You hugged the penguin to you. It fit perfectly under your chin and its softness in your arms immediately felt calming. You snuggled into it and sighed. “You like it?” Jackson asked hesitantly.
You closed your eyes and nodded as you pressed the penguin closer to you. “He won’t replace you, but he’ll do,” you whispered.
-
It was the crack of dawn the next morning. You were yawning and watching as Jackson made tea in a travel mug and pulled on his shoes with his suitcase parked by the front door. You pressed him against the wall as he kissed you breathless. Silent I’ll miss you’s were passed between the two of you as you had to pull yourself away from him. He pressed you to his chest as you listened to his heart beat wildly in his chest. You smiled glad you still had some sort of effect on him. Jackson looked down at you smiling wistfully as he traced your pulsating jugular. Too soon he was gone.
The weeks that Jackson was gone felt long, but you were glad you had work to distract you and the large stuffed penguin to fill the empty space in your bed. Very quickly, the penguin became your go to comfort item instead of Jackson’s shirts or his small spray of cologne he left for you. You kept finding yourself reaching for the soft plush when you longed for Jackson. The softness under your fingers and squish between your arms comforted you more. You often sent Jackson pictures with it tucked under your arm or held it in your lap as you FaceTimed him.
“So, I take it you like your present?” Jackson teased you via FaceTime. He was laying on his stomach on some hotel room bed his hair messy and his eyes tired but not without a hint of mischievous twinkle in them.
You hugged the penguin closer to your chest and smiled wider. “You could say that,” you replied cheekily. “He’s been keeping me company.”
“Good, I’m glad,” Jackson said tiredly running a hand over his face. “I should have bought myself one too,” he chuckled.
“I’ll get you one for your birthday,” you assured him.
He was shaking his head before you even finished your sentence. “I want you instead,” he said quickly. “I don’t need a penguin when I have you.”
You felt yourself blush immediately and looked down in embarrassment.
“How do you still get embarrassed when I say stuff like that?” Jackson laughed at you.
You shrugged blushing harder, your ears feeling hot. “I don’t know,” you murmured. “It’s always different when you say it.”
Jackson laughed. His eyes crinkling at the edges just how you loved. “Yeah,” he admitted. “Everything is different when it’s us, huh?”
“Just you,” you chided him.
“No,” he shot back. “You have the same effect on me, dummy.”
“You’re better at hiding it then,” you laughed.
“I don’t want to hide it from you,” he murmured. “I’m just better at playing it off,” he chuckled lowly. There was a long pause and both of you just basked in each other’s company. “I can’t wait to see you tomorrow,” he sighed.
“Mm,” you hummed in agreement. “I miss you,” you sighed.
He smiled weakly at you but you could see the excitement shining through his fatigue. You said your goodbyes and he blew you a kiss before the both of you reluctantly hung up to sleep.
-
You woke the next day with your faithful penguin under your arm. You squeezed him excitedly as you remembered that Jackson was coming home today. You got up quickly and went about your day in the house cleaning as you went. You settled on the couch as you finished watching the laundry tumble round and round in the washer. Jackson wasn’t due in until this evening and then with the drive from the airport you estimated he wouldn’t be at the apartment until 8 or 9PM. You sighed glancing at the clock, it was only noon. You clicked on the TV and opened your laptop. You might as well work while you had some quiet time. You opened your emails and immediately regretted it. You sighed and cracked your knuckled getting ready to see what dumpster fire you’d have to put out now.
You glanced outside. Somehow the afternoon had bled into early evening and into night. You looked at the clock on your laptop, it was already 7PM. You sighed and stretched before getting up and grabbing your stuffed penguin from your bedroom. You gazed longingly at the front door willing it to open soon. You jumped as your phone buzzed on the couch next to you. It was a call from Jackson. You picked up quickly. “Hello?”
“Hi, baby,” you heard his voice call over the phone. He sounded tired.
“Hi,” you breathed. “Are you on the ground?” you asked hopefully.
“Yeah, just landed,” Jackson confirmed. “They’re just starting to unload the plane.”
You nodded even though you knew Jackson couldn’t see you. “So, you’ll be home soon,” you murmured glancing at the clock again. “I should get dinner going.” Even though you kept your voice calm, you could feel the excitement bubbling up in your chest.
“Do you want me to pick something up on the way?” Jackson asked. “I can stop by that restaurant you like…”
He trailed off and you could hear shuffling on the other end of the line as you assumed Jackson was standing and gathering his belongings before getting off the plane. “No, Jacks,” you murmured cutting off his thought process. “Just come home to me.”
You heard Jackson chuckled lowly. “I’m on my way, baby,” he said firmly. “I’ll see you in a little bit, okay?”
“Mm,” you hummed. “Can’t wait.” He hung up first and you couldn’t help but hug your penguin as your body tried to contain all the feelings you had for that man. It felt like your heart might literally burst with how much you felt for Jackson. As you pressed down your beating heart, you estimated Jackson would be home in about thirty minutes. You quickly called in take-out at yours and his favorite local restaurant and went to go get changed to pick it up.
There was a small skip in your step as you walked back from the restaurant with the bag of take-out cradled in your arms. You pressed the key pad to be let into you apartment building and rounded the corner to the elevators. Time seemed to slow as you saw a man standing in front of the elevators with his back to you a large suitcase at his side. You knew that silhouette anywhere and you almost dropped the take-out. “Jacks?” you called out.
Time seemed to go even slower as he turned to look at you. He plucked out his airpods and a smile began to stretch its way across his face. “Well, hi, baby,” he replied as you came closer. “Is that what I think it is?” he asked eyeing the bag in your arms.
You nodded and grinned up at him.
“God, you’re the best,” he sighed pulling you closer by your elbow. He leaned down to press a firm kiss to your forehead. You felt him inhale deeply against your skin and you held back your laugh. “You smell so good,” he murmured lips moving against your skin softly, “like home.”
You let your laugh out then. “You dork,” you teased him, but you also leaned in and pressed your face to his shoulder so you could catch a small whiff of him. He smelled like home to you.
The elevator finally dinged and the two of you entered, Jackson rolling his suitcase behind him. On the way up, he took the take-out out of your arms and placed it gingerly on top of his suitcase so he could pull you into his firm embrace. One thing you learned quickly in yours and Jackson’s relationship was his strong love language of physical touch. You had never known you craved so much physical touch from another person until Jackson. Many of your previous relationships had been what you thought were a normal amount of physical interaction; holding hands, soft kisses, hugs, cuddling, etc, but everyone of them paled in comparison to Jackson and his need to be touching you in some way. You could always decipher his mood based on the type of contact he made with you. It made you feel like you understood him better as well as feel loved and appreciated.
You felt Jackson sigh against you melting into you a little. “I missed you and this so much,” he admitted. “I needed your touch so badly while I was away. You always make me feel better even if I’m already happy.”
You blushed wildly at his words and you tried to push down the flames of embarrassment.
“Stop blushing, babe,” Jackson said and you could hear the smile in his voice. It didn’t escape you that he didn’t even have to see your face to know that you were red with embarrassment.
Before you could reply, the elevator doors opened and you pulled away from him picking up the take-out bag and trying to hide your blush from him sheepishly. You could feel Jackson’s eyes burning into your back as you made your way to your apartment’s front door and punch in the passcode to the door. It beeped open and you held the door open for Jackson to wheel his suitcase in. After he passed you, you followed in and set down the bag to take out to off your shoes.
Once the door clicked shut behind you and you had straightened up, you were pushed back against the door and smothered. Your tip toes barely touched the floor as Jackson’s body crowded you against the door his lips pressed firmly against yours. One of his arms was locked around your waist and the other snaked up your back to hold the back of your head so there was no escaping him. You rested your hands on his shoulders and smiled into his urgent kisses. “I missed you too,” you gasped between the flurry of lips.
Jackson pulled back a fraction and nuzzled his face deep into your neck groaning. “I’m never going anywhere ever again,” he whispered. The feel of his lips ghosting over the sensitive skin on your neck made you shiver.
“Oh?” you asked in mock surprise. Jacksons hand on your waist snuck a few fingers under your shirt to feel your bare skin. “So, no more Team Wang stuff?” you asked jokingly. “No more overseas Got7 tours? No more traveling? No more seeing your family?” You knew the last one was the nail in the coffin.
Jackson huffed and pressed a chaste kiss to the underside of your jaw. “You made your point,” he grumbled into your neck.
You laughed and pushed him off of you swiping up the take-out and waving it at him enticingly as you made your way to the kitchen. The two of you caught up over dinner and he told you about all the Team Wang planning he had been doing and the new members of his team and the possibilities in the future. You felt your heart swell in your chest as you watched him talk about one of his passions so openly. You hoped every dream he ever had came true and you hoped you would be there to see it happen.
“Anyways,” Jackson cut himself off, “what have you been doing, babe?” He effectively shut himself up by shoveling a large bite of food into his mouth.
You smiled weakly as you felt your life was nothing special compared to his despite all of Jackson’s reassurance. “Not much,” you replied breaking your gaze off of him. “You know, the usual emails and I went into the company a few times for meetings and to supervise directly. It’s hard when they keep replacing team members without telling me.”
Jackson nodded knowingly even though you knew he hand-selected every team member in his company. “You should just work for me,” Jackson said grinning at you.
“We’ve talked about this, Jacks,” you said meeting his gaze.
His smile faltered and he nodded. “I know,” he conceded easily. “You need your autonomy.”
“I have no doubt you’d treat me better than my own company,” you reassured him, “but working for you poses a lot of problems in and of itself. It’s not because I don’t love the idea.”
“Someday it’ll make sense for both of us,” he said smiling at you.
You cleaned up the kitchen while Jackson went to unpack and shower. When he emerged from the bathroom with damp hair, you were snuggled on the couch with a random TV show playing and the stuffed penguin tucked in your arms. Jackson smiled at the fact that now you reached for it unconsciously. He plopped down on the couch next to you and pulled you closer. Jackson tried to reach his arms around he both of you, but they weren’t long enough to lock around you like he usually did. You laughed as he shifted a little and wiggled his arms and hands around until he wedged them between your body and the squish of the penguin. “This is new,” he muttered to himself but you couldn’t help but laugh harder at him.
Over the next few days, Jackson noticed that the penguin got in his way and disrupted his daily life more than expected. The both of you were working from home for the time being and the normal amount of affection he received from you was reduced by almost 80%, or at least he thought so in his own mind. When he woke up in the mornings, he wouldn’t find you tucked against his side like usual. Instead, you were spooning the penguin facing away from him as you continued to sleep peacefully. When you were working on the couch, he would reach out for your hand where it usually rested close to him if he needed you. Instead, both you arms would be wrapped securely around the penguin as you hugged it tightly while you worked. Instead of couple snuggles on the couch, it was suddenly a throuple with a very fat, squishy addition. You also opted to wrap yourself around the penguin instead of throwing your legs over his legs or resting your head on his chest. Jackson tried to convinced himself it was nothing to be concerned about, that it was just you loving the gift he got you and acting out of habit due to him being gone for so long. He tried to not let it bother him, but he couldn’t help but feel a little sadder and a little more distanced from you like you were ignoring him. His pride refused to let him think he was jealous of a stuffed penguin and he refused to talk to you about it for fear of seeming petty. So, he let the penguin get in his way for a lot longer than he would hae liked.
One day, Jackson came back from the mart while you stayed home to finish the laundry. He came into the living room to find the penguin wearing one of his shirts baggily. His eye bugged out of his head and the penguin’s smiling face seemed to mock him evilly. That was the last straw. The penguin was already stealing his girl and now his wardrobe? It was unacceptable. Jackson banged the bag of groceries down on the kitchen island and went to find you. You met him in the hallway startled by the loud noise. Jackson grabbed your hand and dragged you to the living room pointing accusingly at the penguin in his shirt. “What is that?” he asked in frustration.
Your eyes followed his finger to the couch and the penguin. You giggled. “I missed you when you went to the mart, so I put that on him like a mini-Jackson. Isn’t he cute?” you explained cheerfully. You met his eyes and your cheer faded quickly as you saw the upset in his eyes. “Wait, Jacks, what’s wrong?” you asked suddenly serious. “I was just messing around. Did I upset you?”
Jackson sighed and took your hand. He tried his best to push down his annoyance and when that happened, the empty emotional space allowed him to feel the rising embarrassment. The tips of his ears began to burn as he thought about what he was about to confess. “I just feel like ever since I got back from Shanghai, you like that penguin more than me,” he muttered. His eyes were glued to the floor.
You had to bite back you laughter even though you knew this was a serious situation. Your hand snaked up to the back of his neck and pulled him closer. “Oh, Jacks,” you murmured. Jackson was resistant at first to you tugging him closer, but the minute your lips molded to his neck, all defiant thoughts in him vanished. He felt his knees go weak and he let you maneuver him so he leaned against the wall. His hands limply rested on your shoulders as you continued to pepper kisses up and down his neck, up onto his jawline and behind his ears. He shivered in your grasp and that only prompted you to nip at his jugular. After what felt like hours of soft kisses, light nips, and grazes of teeth and tongue, you pulled away to look up at him. His eyes were glassy and a burning blush raged across his cheeks and the tips of his ears. His parted lips were pink from gnawing on them and his breath came out a little ragged. His large hands settled on your hips and your arms wound around his neck. You leaned into his embrace so you could speak in his ear. “So, you’re telling me,” you murmured, “that you’re jealous of the stuffed penguin you bought me?”
Jackson shivered again and groaned as his forehead fell onto your shoulder. “When you say it like that, it sounds pathetic,” he whined boyishly.
You laughed and lifted his face to look at you so you could kiss him. “Yeah, just a little bit,” you whispered to him. “But, I’m sorry if I made you feel neglected. I know how much you recharge with just a simple hug or kiss. You were gone so long that it just became a quick habit. Forgive me?” You pressed your nose into his neck and sighed. Your heart squeezed a little at the thought of you unknowingly causing him unnecessary hurt.
Jackson sighed as he looked into your eyes before pulling you flush against him. “I know and I forgive you, baby. I’m glad you love him, but you can’t love him more than me.” He couldn’t deny that feeling you in his arms and having your undivided attention was all he wanted and all he would ever want when it came to you. His arms pressed you harder against him as he willed your body to melt into his.
You laughed into Jackson’s neck. “That’s impossible,” you assured him. “I love you best of all.”
Been thinking about the news a lot and like many Ahgases, I’m torn between too many feelings to even express in words. Selfishly, the most prominent emotion is something akin to sadness. Don’t get me wrong, I am extremely happy for all seven of the boys and excited to see where they go from here. But during lock down and the craziness that was 2020, they were one constant in my life. They were there to lift me up when I felt like there was nowhere to turn. I had a moment yesterday when I was scrolling through my Instagram explore page and 80% of the posts were Got7. It legitimately concerned me as I asked myself, “what do I do now?”
I’m still waiting to hear from the boys directly as to what their plans are, but I have no doubt in my mind that we will continue to see amazing things from all of them and hopefully as seven again in the future. There was so much potential left untapped and I hope we get to see it all now.
As someone who works in production in the US, I can understand when there are shortcomings and when things don’t go according to plan due to time, money, or a million other factors that you can’t control, so I have a hard time blaming JYP or Division 2 entirely. I sometimes catch myself thinking about what really goes on behind closed doors in the Kpop industry. A notoriously fast-paced industry, it makes groups just to chew them up and spit them out once they’re no longer relevant. Knowing heartache is a constant part of being a fan of the industry. I look back at my history of being a fan of many different groups throughout the years and I notice there has always been a time when I cried over people I’ve never met. It’s strange, but the smiles it brings me outnumber the tears by far.
Weren’t we lucky to have witnessed them shine so bright? When they were there, wasn’t it beautiful? I’m thankful for all the laughs and tears we were able to share together and I hope there are many more to come. Even though the world is in such an uncertain state, this is another uncertainty, but I know when they do come back, it will be amazing.
지난 7년동안 같이 웃게 해줘서 너무 고맙고 사랑해
앞으로도 응워하고 기대된다
갓세븐이 있을때 진짜 아름다웠어
수고했어
I forgot how painful some losses in Kpop were for me. I seemed to have buried some of that emotion. I seemed to have convinced myself that feeling such grief for someone you never met, never knew you existed, never knew was something childish and I squashed it down.
As I’m retracing my steps through the kpop part of my life. I landed on SHINee and found myself spiraling into a black hole of hurt. Jonghyun’s death still weighs deeply on me and I never really knew why. SHINee was one of the first groups I ever loved and watched grow through their career. They were a cornerstone of my kpop fandom. His suicide shocked me a lot. Now looking back on interviews with SHINee, it’s hard for me to focus on anything but how there must have been such pain and suffering hidden behind his smiles and laughter. What happened behind his eyes inside his mind will always remain a mystery.
I find myself wanting to reach into the screen and hold him tightly, promising him everything will be okay. To lose such a talented, passionate, deeply emotional human person at the age of 27 is a crime, a failure. I can’t imagine how his band mates and friends and family handled his loss if I (someone who never met, spoke to, or even was in his presence) still cry at the thought of his loss.
Of course, this lead me to the losses of Sulli and Goo Hara shortly after. Even though I did not follow either women as closely, the Kpop community is a small one and such loss in such a short period of time was just covered up like no one wanted to remember.
I don’t know how to end this. It’s such a mind fuck that we continue to exist and live while there are others that are taken too soon and in what seems like such unjust ways. My heart goes out to you and I hope wherever you are, you’ve found peace and can rest at ease
I’ve been rediscovering my love for kpop while I have a million minutes of free time on my hands. I was a kpop fan in the early 2000s until the mid 2010s. Life got busy and it kind of fell off my radar. I’m Korean adoptee and studied Korean language and culture in university. I studied abroad there twice in Korea and kpop has always been a polarizing thing for me. On one hand I loved the music and the fanfare and just the whole production of kpop.
But on the other hand, nothing makes me sadder than when kpop goes wrong. For example, when BI left IKon last summer and the whole mystery surrounding it. He was one of the hardest working people in any group (in my opinion). I followed them from Mix & Match and it hurt me so much to see how much they suffered for a dream. And then finally when that dream was realized and gaining a lot of traction, it was ripped away. Furthermore, there were fans who criticized him and his fellow bandmates for having human emotions. YG even removed his producing credits for songs that he made while participating in IKon. (They’ve never done that for any artist that has left or had a scandal). Fans tried to appeal to YG for 6 months via hashtags and social media, but it seems like the effort has tapered off.
IKon released a new mini album recently and I really like it. BI is credited on it but seemingly grudgingly. I can’t help but feel it’s only to appease those fans who are still holding out hope. It’s a quiet but firm “he’s never coming back so let it go.”
My moments of laughter at crazy kpop weirdness are almost always balanced by sobering moments of kpop toxicity. So many groups I used to listen to no long exist. Once well-known singers, rappers, dancers, and all around good people just fade into the background and are forgotten. What kind of life is that? With the constant fear of becoming irrelevant, not cool enough, not good enough? Of course, part of me knows it’s an industry of survival of the fittest, but it still doesn’t make the kpop “deaths” any easier for me to handle.
I don’t really expect anyone to read this. I haven’t been active on this tumblr in forever but it is proof of my past relationship with kpop. If you did read this and got this far, thank you. I’m always open to a dialogue. Let me know what you think. If you agree or diagree (even better). Drop me a line. I have all the time.
Prompt: You’re not from the UK and you’re on your first trip to London, Tom takes you out to school you in British culture.
Word Count: 679
Warnings: None, just fluffyflufffluff
A/N: So, I just had my very first sausage roll and bakewell tart the other day. Hence this:
You looked at the pastry in your hand skeptically as Tom paid the nice lady at the counter. “She doesn’t look very impressed, does she?” the lady laughed as she handed Tom his change.
She and Tom laughed together. “She will be,” Tom assured the woman. “Thank you!” He grabbed your hand as he led you outside. You gripped the pastry in your hand tighter as he led you to a park bench close by. You shivered a little as the cool autumn air wafted across your face and the back of your neck. Tom plopped down on the park bench and you sat next to him. His arm was slung over the bench behind you and he looked over at you expectantly as you looked down at the pastry. “Well, go on. Eat it before it gets cold,” he encouraged.
“I’m assuming it’s just a sausage in pastry dough, right? We don’t have these where I’m from” you said bringing the warm pastry up to your lips taking a bite confidently.
“Just a sausage in pastry?” Tom exclaimed in disbelief. “It’s not just a sausage pastry, darling. It’s a sausage roll,” he emphasized. “More importantly, my favorite sausage roll in the whole city of London. Consider this your UK culture class.”
You smirked a little as you chewed your first bite ever of your very first sausage roll in London. You sighed as a feeling of novelty and romance filled your stomach. There was something special about coming to London with Tom and living what was his life before the fame, the fortune, and before you. You looked around and wondered if he had done this as a kid, come to the local corner shop, picked up a sausage roll and scarfed it down on the park bench before running home. You wondered if this had been the shop where he had gotten his first-ever sausage roll. Did he come here with his family? How many memories did he have here by himself? How many would you be able to make with him in this spot? Would you become part of that fabric?
“Well?” Tom asked expectantly as he watched you eat the pastry. Without realizing you had been eating the sausage roll as you thought and you had to admit, it was pretty damn good.
You smiled sheepishly up at him. “I like it,” you admitted.
Tom laughed. “I knew you would,” he chuckled as he kissed the side of your head. You offered the pastry to him and he took it taking a large bite out of it and sighing in content. His arm wrapped around your shoulder loosely and his fingers played with your hair. “God, I love this,” he said around his mouthful. “I’ve got my city, my girl, and my sausage roll. Life is good.”
Your heart skipped a beat as you listened to what he was saying. Him calling you ‘his girl’ would never be something you got used to. You looked over at him as he ate. His curly hair ruffling in the autumn breeze and his eyes distant but thoughtful. Your heart beat faster and faster as you continued to stare into the face before you. Tom finished the sausage roll and crushed the bag it was in between his hands. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught you staring. Your eyes filled with adoration.
He smiled and poked your forehead. “Caught you staring,” he joking laughed.
You shook your reverie just as Tom leaned in to press his mouth to yours. Your breath caught in your throat as you kissed Tom back. Tom pulled back too quickly and was pulling you off the bench in the process. “Okay, next on the list!” he said enthusiastically. “British tea and biscuits!” He pulled you along his hand warm in yours and you couldn’t help but smile to yourself. It was true. You had a new city and Tom and he seemed determined to feed and show you everything. That was all you needed. Life was good.
You smiled as you hugged the back wall of the club. It was the farthest from the stage but you still caught glimpses of Dean between the movie bodies. He was doing a small show at a club in Itaewon and since you lived close he had asked you to come. Plus after a long time, he was finally performing with Crush and Zico again. Seeing as they were all big name celebrities, the club was packed and you kept shuffling between people so they wouldn’t knock your drink out of your hand. You watched and nodded to the beat as you watched Dean and his friends do what they loved. The crowd loved it too and you wished it wouldn’t end. Eventually, the club was closing and it was the last song. The wrapped up and you filed out with everyone else.
You loitered outside of the club waiting for Dean to come out the main door since there was no side or back door. Unfortunately, there were many other fans waiting too. You pulled your hood up over your dad hat and pulled the brim down lower. You and Dean had been dating for about a year now, and he was not private about it. You had only been dating about four months before Dispatch had gotten a hold of it and your personal life had been put on display. You didn’t mind. You were able to shut out a lot of the hate, but you still couldn’t get used to random strangers recognizing you and coming up to talk to you about your boyfriend. You tried to be as polite as possible, but you liked to avoid it at all costs if you were able.
You wished you had brought a mask to cover your face. Suddenly, a girl to your right glanced at you and her eyes filled with recognition and you braced yourself.
“Omo! Aren’t you Dean oppa’s girlfriend?” she asked loudly.
You cringed at her volume, but before you could answer, the bouncer at the door called your name. “Y/N-ssi! Come this way please.” He held the door open a crack for you and you bowed to the girl before you rushed towards the girl. You could hear other exclamations behind you, of both jealousy and disgust, but you brushed it off.
After the door was closed securely behind you, you sighed in relief. You pushed your hat back a little before moving down the hall and towards the backstage door. You knocked lightly on the door before cracking it open. On the other side, you saw Dean, Crush, and Zico all look up at you from where they were all sitting in chairs in a loose circle. You bowed slightly before moving into the room and closing the door behind you. Dean reached his hand out to you and you moved to take it. He smiled at you as you moved to stand beside him.
“It was a great show,” you congratulated all of them.
“You were there?” Crush asked incredulously. “I didn’t see you at all.”
Zico nodded in agreement.
“Y/N likes to lurk in the back,” Dean said teasingly.
You shot him a look. “More like, I like to not get beer spilled on me and get all gross from other people’s sweat,” you countered. “But it was super fun nonetheless.”
They all laughed and you settled into comfortable conversation. “Are you not going out yet?” you asked.
“No, we’re waiting for the crowd to disperse,” Zico said. “Although it might not.”
You chuckled. “A lot of those people are hardcore,” you admitted.
“Did you get recognized?” Dean asked. You caught the flash of worry in his eye and you felt him grip your hand slightly tighter.
“Uh… yeah by one girl, but the bouncer let me in so it didn’t amount to anything,” you said reassuringly.
“Well, it’s no wonder you get recognized, you two are practically wearing couple outfits,” Crush said indignantly.
You looked down at your clothes and Dean’s. He was right. Both of you were wearing dark hoodies with the hoods pulled up over your dad hats. Dean had gone for wide-legged pants, while you had stuck to your trusty distressed skinny jeans. Dean also had a mask wrapped around his chin and thin wire-rimmed glasses perched on his nose. You laughed. “Don’t copy me,” you scolded him playfully.
“What are you talking about?” he shot back. “What time did you get dressed this morning! I probably got dressed first! So, you copied me.”
You laughed.
-
Finally, the four of you decided it was safe enough to leave the club. It was close to four in the morning. The bouncer assured you the crowd had thinned greatly, but you weren’t surprised when there was still a small group of people outside. Zico, Crush, and Dean were polite and greeted the people. Luckily it wasn’t a pushy crowd even though they all refused pictures. One girl said hello to you and you smiled and exchanged small talk with her. Dean pulled you along. Zico and Crush got into cars and bid you two good night. You imagined Dean wanted to walk around. This was his favorite time. When the world was sleeping and he could roam wherever he wanted.
The stragglers of the crowd tried to follow the two of you as you tried to cross the street, but Dean had other ideas. He turned to the crowd and smiled warmly. “Thank you all for your support tonight, it was so much fun to see you. However, it is late and I would like some time alone with my girlfriend. We don’t get much of it, so I hope you understand. Please get home safely.” Although his words were friendly, there was a firmness in his tone that commanded authority and took everyone by surprise.
The stragglers nodded and dispersed surprisingly and soon you were left alone on the street with Dean. He looked down and smiled at you as he took your hand firmly and lead you down one of the many winding alleys in Itaewon. The streets were quiet and the sky was clear so it felt like it was only the two of you. You walked hand-in-hand in silence, but there was no need to talk.
Soon you could see the night beginning to fade away into dawn. The sky was no longer black but a hint of grey tinged the horizon. You ended up at your apartment and Dean leaned against your building, pulling you against his chest. You wrapped your arms around his middle tightly and his smell washed over you as you inhaled deeply. “Are you staying?” you asked quietly.
“Where else would I go at this hour,” Dean asked cheekily as he nuzzled deeper into your neck, or rather into your hoody around your neck.
You chuckled and pulled back to look at him. You frowned as you realized you couldn’t see much of him. He had pulled up his mask and his hat was pulled so far down his forehead that you could barely see his eyes that were still obscured by his glasses. You sighed as you peeled back the layers. You pulled down his mask and took off his glasses, tucking them in your hoody pocket.
“You’re messing up the whole look,” Dean chided you playfully as he caught your wrist that was ruining his outfit.
You rolled your eyes and took off your had but pulled your hood back over your hat hair. “Well, if I didn’t, then I couldn’t do this,” you murmured. You stretched up on your tiptoes as you pushed his hat back and simultaneously pressed your lips to his. You could feel him smile into your kiss as he pulled you closer. You could almost feel his heart beating against yours. It felt like home and you never wanted to leave.
It was a cool grey day. It was on the verge of spring but there were still a few weeks of cooler weather in Seoul until it was supposed to thaw. You were working from home this week as there were deadlines quickly creeping up on you and you didn’t want the distractions of the office. Plus, you always thought you worked better from home where you could be in your comfy clothes and make gallons of tea. More importantly and another bonus to you decision, your boyfriend, Dean, had also decided to work from home that week. Periodically, you would glance over at the open door to his office and smile at the computer screen glow. Just knowing he was there was comforting. Your desk was set up in the corner of the living room so you could look out the window at the clouds that scurried across the sky in various shades of grey. It was close to dinner time so you stretched and removed your large over-the-ear headphones that had been blasting music for the past hours. The world was suddenly filled with the sound of rain hitting the window panes and the soft rustle of leaves on the trees outside. You rolled your neck tiredly and approached Dean’s office.
All the lights were off except his desk lamp and the large monitors on his desk. You leaned in the doorway for a moment just admiring his form as he worked. He moved the mouse rapidly around the screen making edits and tweaking small things. Headphones were securely over his ears, but even so you could hear small, soft seconds of melody flowing through them. You smiled softly at him as he continued to concentrate, you could almost imagine the machinery in his brain turning at full capacity.
You slowly approached and gently wrapped your arms around his shoulders. You felt him jump as you touched him, but he quickly relaxed as he realized it was you.
“Hi,” you murmured.
He reached up to take off his headphones and placed his hand on you forearms where they overlapped in front of his neck. “Hi,” he whispered back. “How is work going?” he questioned.
“Still working,” you admitted. “You?”
“It’s getting there,” he said and you could hear the smile in his voice. “You can listen to it when it’s finished,” he promised.
“I can’t wait,” you said. “Are you hungry? It’s about dinner time.”
There was a pause as Dean considered your offer. “I could eat,” he said with a chuckle.
You smiled and pecked him on the cheek. “Okay. I’ll go make something.” You began to unwind you arms and before you could pull away fully, Dean caught your hand as he turned around in his office chair. He pulled you close so you were standing between his legs and he had his head resting on your chest as he wrapped his arms around your waist. You smiled even wider as one of your hands went to rest on his shoulder and the other ran idly through his hair. He sighed and nuzzled closer to you. He looked up at you with a small glint in his eye as he smiled widely at you. Your heart did a small backflip and sped up ever so slightly. He never ceased to make your heart beat faster or your breath to catch in your throat.
You took his face between your hands and bent down to press your lips to his. You felt him sigh against your lips and his eyes were hooded as you pulled away. “I’m going to go make dinner, so save your work, okay?” you murmured close to his lips.
He only nodded and watched you as you left his office.
-
After dinner you were idly washing dishes as Dean wiped the table. The radio was on in the background playing the recent hits softly. Although you weren’t super interested in the fast-moving industry other than what your boyfriend and his friends were doing, you had your groups that you kept up with. Ikon had just come out with their repackaged album and you had few complaints about their new title song, I’m Ok. You bobbed to the beat as you finished the dishes. You froze as Donghyuk’s voice came over the speaker and sang his line after BI’s rap part.
I trembled because of the love that passed me by
If you ever see my tears, please just pretend you don’t see them
You didn’t know why but the lyric combined with the innated sadness in Donghyuk’s voice made tears spring to your eyes almost immediately. Without even realizing it, they had begun to spill down your face. You quickly dried your hands to wipe them away, but they hadn’t gone unnoticed by Dean.
He was immediately at your side gently turning your face towards him. His eyes filled with concern and you felt bad making his worry. You quickly scrubbed your fist across your face, wiping away the tears. You felt silly.
“What’s wrong?” Dean breathed at you as he took your elbows in his hands and slowly bought you closer to him. You were close enough that you could feel the heat radiating off of him.
You smiled up at him as you twisted so you could lay your head on his chest. His arms immediately circled you and you felt his warmth envelop you. “Do you ever hear one of those voices singing certain lyrics that just make you cry?” you murmured. His scent filled your nose and you could hear the steady thud of his heart in his chest against your ear.
He nodded and tightened his grip on you comfortingly. As you listened to his heart, you realized that you cried at a lot of songs, most of them had been his, but he had never been there to witness it. Of course, Dean had let you listen to the unfinished products of this songs. But he had always been away on promotional tours when you could actually listen to the finished, polished product. By the time, he had come back, you would have listened to the song so many times, it still gave you the feeling, but not the tears. You smiled at the thought. It was very different having him there to hold you through the process, and even though you felt silly for crying at a song, Dean didn’t even blink.
You looked up at him and admired his jawline, his smooth expanse of cheek, his soft eyelids. He glanced down at you and you smiled. Before you could stop yourself, the words were already out of your mouth. “I’m in love with you.”
It was the first time you had ever told Dean that. Both of you were the type of people to not say those words lightly, even in a passing sense. You were always careful to tell him how much you cared, but the word love had never come out. Both of you had had previous relationships that went too fast and hearts were broken in the end, so love was not something that either of you took lightly. Though you were both aware of how the other felt, the gravity of the words hung in the air.
Dean looked down at you with slightly widened eyes as his eyes took in your face. There was only a millisecond of hesitation before he pulled away to look at you. His arms were on your shoulders and yours on his waist as he looked down at you and you looked up at him. Time seemed to stand still as you smiled at him and his face broke out into a small smile in return. You could hear the rain outside and you thought you could still hear Dean’s heartbeat, but that might have been your own pulse raging in your own ears. “I’m in love with you, too,” Dean breathed almost inaudibly.
Dean engulfed you in his arms and the two of you were as close as humanly possible. His scent filled your nose and you closed your eyes as calm washed over you. Dean pressed you closer and he knew he never wanted to let you go. He wanted to stay just like this, forever. You smiled to yourself, all of this for some tears spilt over a lyric of a song.
