My Shitty Creative Outlet

Just random scribbles from me. None are particularly good but if you actually read them then thanks.

[deadinparadice]

100 Reasons NOT To Kill Yourself

1. We would miss you. 2. It’s not worth the regret. Either by yourself if you failed or just simply left scars, or the regret everyone else feels by not doing enough to help you. 3. It does get better. Believe it or not it will eventually get better. Sometimes you have to go through the storm to get to the rainbow. 4. There’s so much you would miss out on doing. 5. There is always a reason to live. It might not be clear right now, but it is always there. 6. So many people care, and it would hurt them if you hurt yourself. 7. You ARE worth it. Don’t let anyone, especially yourself, tell you otherwise. 8. You are amazing. 9. A time will come, once you’ve battled the toughest times of your life and are in ease once again, where you will be so glad that you decided to keep on living. You will emerge stronger from this all, and won’t regret your choice to carry on with life. Because things always get better. 10. What about all the things you’ve always wanted to do? What about the things you’ve planned, but never got around to doing? You can’t do them when you’re dead. 11. I love you. Even if only one person loves you, that’s still a reason to stay alive. 12. You won’t be able to listen to music if you die. 13. Killing yourself is never worth it. You’ll hurt both yourself and all the people you care about. 14. There are so many people that would miss you, including me. 15. You’re preventing a future generation, YOUR KIDS, from even being born. 16. How do you think your family would feel? Would it improve their lives if you died? 17. You’re gorgeous, amazing, and to someone you are perfect. 18. Think about your favourite music artist, you’ll never hear their voice again… 19. You’ll never have the feeling of walking into a warm building on a cold day 20. Listening to incredibly loud music 21. Being alive is just really good. 22. Not being alive is really bad. 23. Finding your soulmate. 24. Red pandas 25. Going to diners at three in the morning. 26. Really soft pillows. 27. Eating pizza in New York City. 28. Proving people wrong with your success. 29. Watching the jerks that doubted you fail at life. 30. Seeing someone trip over a garbage can. 31. Being able to help other people. 32. Bonfires. 33. Sitting on rooftops. 34. Seeing every single country in the world. 35. Going on roadtrips. 36. You might win the lottery someday. 37. Listening to music on a record player. 38. Going to the top of the Eiffel Tower. 39. Taking really cool pictures. 40. Literally meeting thousands of new people. 41. Hearing crazy stories. 42. Telling crazy stories. 43. Eating ice cream on a hot day. 44. More Harry Potter books could come out, you never know. 45. Travelling to another planet someday. 46. Having an underwater house. 47. Randomly running into your hero on the street. 48. Having your own room at a fancy hotel. 49. Trampolines. 50. Think about your favourite movie, you’ll never watch it again. 51. Think about the feeling of laughing out loud in a public place because your best friend has just sent you an inside joke, 52. Your survival will make the world better, even if it’s for just one person or 20 or 100 or more. 53. People do care. 54. Treehouses 55. Hanging out with your soul mate in a treehouse 55. Snorting when you laugh and not caring who sees 56. I don’t even know you and I love you. 57. I don’t even know you and I care about you. 58. Because nobody is going to be like you ever, so embrace your uniqueness! 59. You won’t be here to experience the first cat world emperor. 60. WHAT ABOUT FOOD?! YOU’LL MISS CHOCOLATE AND ALL THE OTHER NOM THINGS! 61. Starbucks. 62. Hugs. 63. Stargazing. 64. You have a purpose, and it’s up to you to find out what it is. 65. You’ve changed somebody’s life. 66. Now you could change the world. 67. You will meet the person that’s perfect for you. 68. No matter how much or how little, you have your life ahead of you. 69. You have the chance to save somebody’s life. 70. If you end your life, you’re stopping yourself from achieving great things. 71. Making snow angels. 72. Making snowmen. 73. Snowball fights. 74. Life is what you make of it. 75. Everybody has a talent. 76. Laughing until you cry. 77. Having the ability to be sad means you have the ability to be happy. 78. The world would not be the same if you didn’t exist. 79. Its possible to turn frowns, upside down 80. Be yourself, don’t take anyone’s shit, and never let them take you alive. 81. Heroes are ordinary people who make themselves extraordinary. Be your own hero. 82. Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections. 83. One day your smile will be real. 84. Having a really hot, relaxing bath after a stressful day. 85. Lying on grass and laughing at the clouds. 86. Getting completely smashed with your best friends. 87. Eating crazy food. 88. Staying up all night watching your favourite films with a loved one. 89. Sleeping in all day. 90. Creating something you’re proud of. 91. You can look back on yourself 70 years later and being proud you didn’t commit 92. Being able to meet your Internet friends. 93. Tea / Coffee / Hot Chocolate 94. Sherlock season three. 95. Cuddling under the stars. 96. Being stupid in public because you just can. 97. If you are reading this then you are alive! Is there any more reason to smile? 98. being able to hug that one person you havent seen in years 99. People care enough about you and your future to come up with 100 reasons for you not to do this. 100. But, the final and most important one is, just, being able to experience life. Because even if your life doesn’t seem so great right now, literally anything could happen

IF that isn’t enough:

Depression Hotline: [phone] Suicide Hotline: [phone] LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255 Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386 Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743 Eating Disorders Hotline: [phone] Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673 Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272 Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000 Exhale: After Abortion Hotline/Pro-Voice: 1-866-4394253 Child Abuse: 1-800-422-4453 UK Helplines: Samaritans (for any problem): 08457909090 e-mail [email protected] Childline (for anyone under 18 with any problem): 08001111 Mind infoline (mental health information): 0300 123 3393 e-mail: [email protected] Mind legal advice (for people who need mental-health related legal advice): 0300 466 6463 [email protected] b-eat eating disorder support: 0845 634 14 14 (only open Mon-Fri 10.30am-8.30pm and Saturday 1pm-4.30pm) e-mail: [email protected] b-eat youthline (for under 25’s with eating disorders): 08456347650 (open Mon-Fri 4.30pm - 8.30pm, Saturday 1pm-4.30pm) Cruse Bereavement Care: 08444779400 e-mail: [email protected] Frank (information and advice on drugs): 0800776600 Drinkline: 0800 9178282 Rape Crisis England & Wales: 0808 802 9999 1(open 2 - 2.30pm 7 - 9.30pm) e-mail [email protected] Rape Crisis Scotland: 08088 01 03 02 every day, 6pm to midnight India Self Harm Hotline: [phone] India Suicide Helpline: 022-27546669 Kids Help Phone (Canada): 1-800-668-6868, Free and available 24/7 suicide hotlines; Argentina: 54-0223-493-0430 Australia: 13-11-14 Austria: 01-713-3374 Barbados: 429-9999 Belgium: 106 Botswana: 391-1270 Brazil: 21-233-9191 China: 852-2382-0000 (Hong Kong: 2389-2222) Costa Rica: 606-253-5439 Croatia: 01-4833-888 Cyprus: 357-77-77-72-67 Czech Republic: 222-580-697, 476-701-908 Denmark: 70-201-201 Egypt: 762-1602 Estonia: 6-558-088 Finland: 040-5032199 France: 01-45-39-4000 Germany: 0800-181-0721 Greece: 1018 Guatemala: 502-234-1239 Holland: 0900-0767 Honduras: 504-237-3623 Hungary: 06-80-820-111 Iceland: 44-0-8457-90-90-90 Ireland: 1800-247-100 Israel: 09-8892333 Italy: 06-705-4444 Japan: 3-5286-9090 Latvia: 6722-2922, 2772-2292 Malaysia: 03-756-8144 (Singapore: 1-800-221-4444) Mexico: 525-510-2550 Netherlands: 0900-0767 New Zealand: 4-473-9739 New Guinea: 675-326-0011 Nicaragua: 505-268-6171 Norway: 47-815-33-300 Philippines: 02-896-9191 Poland: 52-70-000 Portugal: 239-72-10-10 Russia: 8-20-222-82-10 Serbia: 21-6623-393 Spain: 91-459-00-50 South Africa: 0861-322-322 South Korea: 2-715-8600 Sweden: 031-711-2400 Switzerland: 143 Taiwan: 0800-788-995 Thailand: 02-249-9977 Trinidad and Tobago: 868-645-2800 Ukraine: 0487-327715 Uruguay: 095 73 8483 You will be missing out on every single wonderful thing yet to happen to you.

[brain3at3r]

if u see this please re blog. never scroll past this. you never know who may need to read this.

[transgender4days-deactivated202]

REBLOG REBLOG REBLOG REBLOG REBLOG REBLOG REBLOG REBLOG REBLOG REBLOG

[thestarsdiary]

I will reblog this constantly for everyone to see it!This is importantant!💞

[fangirl-moment-x]

Didn’t see a helpline for India so here are a few:

1Life: 91-78930-78930 (24X7) [email protected]

Aasra: 91-22-27546669 (24X7) [email protected]

Vandrevala Foundation: 1860-266-2345 / 1800-233-3330 (24X7) [email protected]

SUMAITRI: 91-11-23389090 (Mon-Fri 2pm to 10pm and Sat-Sun 10 am to 10pm) [email protected]

Sneha India: 91-44-2464 0050 / 91-44-2464 0060 (24X7) [email protected]

Lifeline Foundation: 91-33-24637401 / 91-33-24637432

[hufflepuffyellie-deactivated201]

I just copied this and sent it to one of my best friends, and now he said he’s crying. I feel sorta bad that he’s crying but he said that he really needed to hear that, and now I’m about to cry

[damnjk]

I don’t care if it ruins your “theme” this is important.

[danandphileveryday]

Omg pls share 🙏🏻❤️

[eryn-n-g]

REBLOG REBLOG REBLOG REBLOG REBLOG REBLOG REBLOG

[kingantlion-deactivated20231130]

Never gonna stop reblogging this

[emperorofallthings]

@presentham

[b00bconnoisseur]

This is important and should be reblogged by everyone i dont care what your “theme” is

[scotchiescotty]

@trees-and-sky

[kurlyfryz]

Reblogged it before of course I’ll do it again

[kurlyfryz]

@xxslasher-skeletonxx @sea-anon @frostbite-summer1280 @not-to-be-a-brit-but-tea @not-to-be-an-american-but-coffee @not-my-brain

[xiraccooon-deactivated20241123]

This is too important to skip reblogging.

[plsrespectme]

man I have depression, let’s be honest, almost everybody does, but I will never understand people that actually plan to kill themselfs. 

[imasadcinnamonroll]

Grenade

How do I make people understand that when I don't speak to them for weeks on end, it is not them but me?

That I don't have enough energy to love and care for myself, let alone someone else.  

That when I do come out to socialize, it is more draining to me then fulfilling, but I know it means something to them so I keep quiet. 

It's a vicious cycle that encapsulates me and forces me to wear down faster than I would like.

I isolate myself in hopes to recover quickly, but it only makes me feel indebted to go and dedicate more time to those who love me. 

I agree to do so many things that I feel overwhelmed and - every now and again - cancel it all. 

This leaves me in a pit of guilt and self-inflicted pain as I contemplate how many times the people around me forgive me for this. 

How many times until they decide I am too toxic and remove me from their list of priorities?

How long until I am demoted to that acquaintance that you know from that event that one time but who never spoke to you again?

Then I have that thought, that perhaps maintaining this distance is better for everyone.

Because when I inevitably die - whether by my hand or not - the less people there are that care for me, the easier it will be. 

The thought terrifies me ... because it's true. 

And as my mind gets darker, I push others away so that when I finally self destruct to a point of no return, they won't get caught in the crossfire. 

So that the shrapnels of my self-hate and unhappiness won't hit them and perhaps even trigger their own self-destruction. 

Eventually, there is one common thing that pulls me from my destructive thoughts and back to the harsh reality that I am trapped. 

My brother and sister, who - no matter how much I've tried - I can't bring myself to be quite enough of a dick to break the blood chains that bind us together. 

My father who never cries in front of me yet cries every time I break and reveal my shattered heart to him. 

My mother who has gone through so much grief and already lost too many people to the same demons that plague my mind that I know I can't add myself to that list.

And those few people who have so stubbornly stuck to me and hauled my ass out of so many ditches that it would just be cruel to them to end it all anyway. 

But still, I can't bring myself to put down the damn grenade in my hands.

The heavy metal has been there for so long that I'm pretty sure it has fused itself to my skin.

So that even when I loosen my grip and am ready to surrender, it is more painful to let it go than to just hold it. 

So I try to hide it by distracting others with smiles and a facade of content. 

But I still maintain my walls topped with barbed wire.

Because it's not a question of if I finally pull the pin, but when. 

[imasadcinnamonroll]

The Bible

A place where it's better to rape women and be incest then to be homosexual.

[imasadcinnamonroll]

flying and falling

flying and falling

a split second separates the two 

from the moment our feet leave the ground  ... to the moment gravity overcomes our desire to soar

the instant our dreams, imagination and childish innocence are met with the abrupt, cruel reality of the world

when the peaceful, perfect place people go to escape is consumed by a cacophony of chaos, questions and the construction of conventions created to cage us in the cycle of ‘live, work, die’

when the weight of expectations creates limitations

that turn a leap-of-faith ... into your biggest mistake

and from the ground, you watch as others near the edge of the ledge you just left

you scream for them to stop, to stay where it’s safe

but they close their eyes and hurl themselves into the sky

only to fall

just as those before them have fallen

[vincent-van-gtg]

[imasadcinnamonroll]

Depression Struggles #1

When you're family finds out your struggling and proceed to give you a half hour lecture on choosing to be positive and changing your mindset.

It's that easy? Really? All these years of feeling like shit and I can just ~choose~ to change my mindset?

Why hadn't I thought of that sooner?

[imasadcinnamonroll]

allure

Beauty is such a fickle thing, isn't it?

You could have people telling you that your smile is like the sun after a week of rain; or that your eyes are so big and beautiful, they put stars to shame; or maybe that your body makes even Aphrodite jealous - yet you can't bring yourself to see it.

It's like everyone is looking at a completely different person than the one staring you back in the mirror.

Sure, sometimes it cracks and for one moment ... you can glimpse the person everyone else sees.

Then, you're stuck looking at the same person you've always seen.

The girl whose hair is way too messy. The girl with too many pimples. The girl that needs to lose weight. The girl who eyes squint too much when she smiles. The girl whose face is completely round and undefined. The girl who doesn't feel pretty without make-up, but who feels fake with make-up on. The girl who - no matter how much she wants to - cannot see the gorgeous woman standing before her.

You look to others, hiding behind the distorted glass of their own, admiring and wishing you could look like that.

Yet, little do you know that they feel the same.

The girl you envy for her flat stomach envies your curves. The girl you envy for her sharp features envies your friendly face. The girl you envy for her impeccable hair envies your wild curls. The girl you envy for her cute dimples wishes they would disappear. The girl you envy for her confidence in her own beauty is cowering behind her facade of mascara and concealer, just like you.

We are all wearing these glasses that hide us from ourselves. No matter what others say about you, we can't see through these warped lenses long even to see that they are not mistaken, we are.

Surely there is something seriously wrong with us if no matter how many people compliment us, we continue to see flawed reflections - only glimpsing the real us through the cracks of reality.

Or are we destined to always put up a false bravado?

[imasadcinnamonroll]

Can’t Help It

She steps into the classroom with her laptop clutched tightly in her arms. Her brown hair is a frizzy mess and her mind is frazzled as she tries to collect her thoughts before looking up to her regular seat in the corner. Her mouth falls into a frown as she sees that her seat is taken by another student as they and her best friend are engaged in a seemingly interesting conversation.

Their conversation pauses momentarily as the best friend looks up to see her frown and nudges the boy beside her. "I told you that was Maya's seat." She shakes her head before gesturing to the seat in front of them.

Grey eyes wandering over, her breath hitches for a moment when she sees the all too familiar mop of unruly dark curls. Hesitantly making her way over to the seat, she sends a glare to her friends as they laugh at her discomfort. As she places her laptop down on the table, the dark-haired boy turns to give her a small smile which she returns shakily.

Quietly, she opens her laptop and logs in, trying to ignore the sparkling, dark brown eyes as they watch her. Her only saving grace is the tangled wall of hair blocking her face from view as she sucks in several shaky breaths. As the screen loads, she looks down to see her pale fingers shaking slightly before she curls her fingers into her palm in an attempt to stop the trembling.

She knows he doesn't like her back, so she doesn't know why she lets her heart flutter whenever he's around. Why do her lips form a small smile every time she says his name? If only she could form coherent sentences when she talked to him ... or if she could even talk to him at all. It's not like she was naturally shy, everyone knows she talks a lot.

Her heart aches as she looks up to see a blonde beauty enter the room. Although he looks away, Maya can't help but think he still likes the blonde. Why wouldn't he? She was beautiful, intelligent, tall, confident and skinny.

Maya looked up at the blonde and wished she could be maybe a little taller. Maya looks at the girl's elegant body and wished she could push herself to lose a bit of weight. Maya watches her as she daintily laughs at something, wishing for the endless trail of admirers the other girl so flippantly dismissed.

No one had ever liked her back before, so why would it be different this time? Why does she let her heart fill with hope when she knows it's only going to be crushed yet again?

She's been told so many times that he's out of her league. She knows it wouldn't work.

Yet, she can't help admiring his jawline as he reads the book in front of him. She can't help admiring the amused sparkle in his eyes when she rambles for minutes on end on the rare occasions she can actually speak to him. She can't help notice how he smiles so wide when he talks about something he loves. She can't help being drawn in by his mysterious demeanour. She can't help biting her lips every time his jaw clenches in frustration.

She can't help liking him, no matter how much she knows it's going to hurt her in the end.